Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, although I wish I did. I also don't own the song I use in this fic.

Summary: This is a fanfic about Sora and Riku and is based upon the song, "Finding Myself" by Smile Empty Soul. I got it on the soundtrack for the movie, "The Punisher." I love that cd. Each chapter will have a random part of the lyrics from the song. Anyway, I don't want to give much anyway. It is in Riku and Sora's POV and they are telling about the events and feelings that they experience. It takes place at the end of the game and they are still the same age (as far as I know). Enjoy!

P.S. This version will not have lemons (cause of their stupid rule) but I will have it on other sites for you to read.

Finding Myself

Chapter 1: All These Tears That I Cried (epilogue)

Riku's POV

Solitude.....alone....un....unwanted. Those are just some of the ways that I've been feeling lately. Ever since the door was shut, I have been isolated from everything I use to know. I never know what is what anymore. I barely even know myself anymore. It is so dark and empty in this place. It may be a door to the light, but it holds nothing but darkness. Well, for me that is. Sure, I'm not totally alone in here. The king is stuck in here too, but I'm sure he'll find a way out for himself sooner or later. I'm also sure, he'll leave me here. Why would he ever take me back, after what I had done? I don't deserve to go back to the real world. I don't even deserve to be in the presence of light. I hold nothing but darkness in my heart, and that is why the heartless listened to me. I could control them, because of the emptyness and loneliness I had inside of me. I used it to my advantage, but what did it bring me? Nothing but pain and suffering. I was hurt physically and emotionally. It hurt me the most to realize what I had done to the people who meant the most to me in the whole world. Especially the one who was the closest to me, Sora. He was my best friend, and he meant more to me than he'll ever know.

After knowing him so long, I watched him change so much. When we first met, he was just a little kid, and so was I. I was a year older than him, but that didn't mean I was any smarter or stronger than he was. I may have been more physically stronger than he was at the time, but he was stronger mentally. He had such a big heart, and was the one person I could always depend on. The thing that attracted me the most, was his big, beautiful, sapphire-blue, eyes. They hypnotized me from the moment my sea-green eyes met his.

I first met him when we were only little kids. We always played together and we became very close. Then one day, another kid appeared. We still have no idea were she came from, but I guess it was a good thing she did. Her name was Kairi. I only say it's ok, because there was some good and bad that came out of it. Good being, that she was the one who inspired me to seek out other worlds. She sparked an interest in me that started to burn like a flame. My curiousity began to run wild and I just had to know what other worlds were out there. The bad part of it all, was that her presence caused Sora to change. He changed in a way that I didn't agree with. Sure, it is his own life, but I began to feel left out. He started spending alot of his time with her, and not me. I became jealous.

I began to distance myself from them. It only angered me to see them so happy around each other. You can call me selfish, but I hated seeing her with him. I wish, now, that I could have changed all that. I wish I didn't act like such a fool. Now, I'm even more alone than I was then. At least I still had him around to talk to sometimes. Now I don't have him at all.

I hate being locked in here. I feel so empty inside. I have realized that I only felt complete when I was near Sora. I try my hardest, to focus on something else besides him. I look around, but it's only in vain. It is so dark in here, I can barely even make out my own hand. I sometimes feel things around me. I have come to the conclusion that it is the remaining heartless that are taunting me. Some were locked up in here, and they know my pain. They live and feed off it. I regret ever opening my heart to darkness. Once I did, it gave all excess to the heartless.

Sometimes, I can make out their forms and they tease me by forming into the dark Sora I had created once before. They would prance around and laugh at me. I would try to destory them, but more would just reform. I gave up on that fight a long time ago now. One thing is, that I'll never give up on finding Sora. I'm sure he never gave up on me.....oh, who am I kidding. He probably forgot all about me and is back on the island with Kairi. I don't deserve to be back with them. I got what I deserved and I don't see that changing any time soon.

As I sat on a dark-coloured boulder, I pondered what will happen to me. I wasn't paying much attention to the king, although I should have been. If I did, I would have noticed that he was trying to get out. Well, I shouldn't say, "trying." I knew he found a way out. I just wasn't all that excited because I felt that I was never going to leave this place, not after what I did. I decided to watch him, since I had nothing else to do. I watched as he lifted his keyblade. It didn't look that exciting, until it began to glow. It caught my attention and I had a feeling I knew what was going to happen next.

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So? How was it so far? I'm not totally sure what's going to happen in this story yet, but I really wanted to make one based on that song. I will write more as more comes to mind. In the meantime, please R&R and tell me what you thought so far. Also, the more reviews I get, the more I write =P If you have any suggestions, I'll be glad to hear them.