A/N hey guys! Yay more reviews : ) hehe I luv them thanku soooo much! Ok I had an idea to put Ryan's perspective in this chapter cos someone said it wud b good to have more Ryan/Marissa action lol and yea it's good cos I get to show Ryan's side of the "Seth dream". Anyway hope u enjoy and yesss next chap will defiantly b anna/seth! Hehe can't wait to get on wit it tho so I can have more Seth/Summer. Yay!
Chapter 21
"What you listening to?"
"Rooney." Ryan answered in a whisper.
He felt Marissa squeeze his hand in the darkness.
He moved closer to her, and taking off his headphones, heard her whisper back,
"I remember that night…"
Ryan wished he never opened his mouth. Why couldn't he just of lied and said he was listening to some unknown 'Ryanish' (as Seth liked to call it) band? In truth, Ryan had just grabbed a random bunch of CD's from Seth's bedroom floor, so he at least had something to listen to while he was waiting. He could of brought his own CD's, but for some reason, Ryan felt compelled to take Seth's. Ryan slid his headphones back on.
Then, an all too familiar song came on. 'I'm Shakin''.
Memories of the night they all went to see Rooney play live, came flooding back, painfully fast.
He smiled slightly as a more humorous memory in which Luke was singing along "Sh Sh Shakin!", broke through the more unpleasant memories, which mostly involved Oliver.
But, for some reason the lyrics stood out for Ryan.
I've forgotten what it feels likeTo feel normal to be normal
And I've forgotten what food tastes like
The way it tastes right the taste buds taste right
Well I wake up now in so much spit and sweat
It is not normal what is normal?
I got to bed when I wake up after cleaning up
All the spit and sweat
Now I'm sh sh shakin'
Sh shakin' now sh sh shakin sh shakin now
I tossed and turned all night cause I was looking for
For an ending
This was so because I watched all day
The "Neverending Story" with Atreyu
The next day came but not a beam of light
Because the blinds were shut
SH SH SH shut so tight
I fell out of bed laced in spit and sweat
It made me very cold it made me very cold
I'm supposed to feel better this nightmare supposed to end
I am holding on
I'm shakin' now.
"Ryan?" Marissa questioned, offended.
"Wha-? Oh sorry."
He hadn't realized she had been talking. He was too engrossed with the lyrics. They were so dead on it scared Ryan. It was as if Seth wrote the lyrics himself. Of course, Ryan couldn't know what Seth was feeling, how could he? But, somehow he felt that he knew exactly how Seth was feeling.
Marissa slid the headphones down off Ryan's head and pulled him in closer to her.
He could just faintly see Marissa's face glowing yellow, a reflection of the light from the hallway, escaping underneath the closed door.
Everything else was pitch black.
It was around midnight and Ryan had earlier closed the shutters of the waiting room so that Seth could sleep. No one else was in there besides Ryan, Seth and Marissa anyway, as visiting hours had ended hours ago.
But, luckily, Luke had kindly insisted to the nurses that they stay. Well maybe not so kindly. In the end, the nurses felt so sorry for the poor boy, (coming to the conclusion that Luke's temper tantrum was a result of nearly losing his girlfriend in the car accident) and let the others stay in the waiting room.
"Ryan?" Marissa whispered again.
"Yeah, sorry."
"Are you OK?"
"Me?" Ryan sounded perplexed.
"Yeah, you. You don't need to stress. You don't need to save him."
Ryan raised an eyebrow. "I'm not trying to save Seth. I just…I want to help him."
"Ryan, I don't think it's you that needs to help him."
"Then who?" Ryan asked, as if she were crazy. "Who else will help him?"
"Summer."
Ryan shot a sideways glance at Marissa. "Summer." He said slowly, as if it had finally hit him.
"Besides, it looks like you're the one who needs help." Marissa added playfully.
"And who's going to help me?"
"Who do you think?" She grinned.
Ryan smiled a little but then stopped, sighing. "You know, I've never needed a smoke more in my life."
"Newport does that to you." Marissa said brightly, as if it was a joke. She reached into her bag and handed something to Ryan, closing it in his palm.
"Marissa…"he said slowly, "You told me you gave up." His eyes were stern now as he felt the warm comfort of the cigarette between his fingers. God, it felt good.
"Yeah I did. Until you left." She said quietly.
Ryan swallowed a lump in his throat. He knew now wasn't the time to argue with Marissa about smoking. What kind of a hypocrite was he anyway? He could smoke but not Marissa? He made a promise to himself right then and there. He'd stop smoking so Marissa would. After he'd finished the one Marissa gave him first of course.
He tucked the cigarette behind his ear and Marissa giggled watching him.
"You look like James Dean. Especially with that whole brooding thing you do so well."
Ryan smirked, but the half smile fell from his face as he thought of Seth. What would Seth say if he found out he was smoking again? He felt Marissa watching him curiously and tried to smile but it came out half assed.
"Are you sure your OK?"
Ryan groaned. "Marissa, I'm fine. It's Seth I'm worried about."
"Exactly. It's always Seth. What about you?"
"What about me? It shouldn't matter how I feel."
"It matters to me."
Marissa leant in and kissed Ryan softly on the lips, surprisingly knowing exactly where they were in the darkness.
Ryan could just make out Marissa reaching up behind her neck to take off the halter strap of her sundress.
She moved in again and kissed him, rougher this time, and Ryan felt the longing in her embrace.
She gently bit his lip, all the while using her hands to pull of Ryan's shirt.
"Wait…stop. Seth's here." Ryan muttered, against his will.
Marissa continued to kiss his neck, sliding off her dress slightly to reveal her bra.
"So what? He's asleep."
"Marissa." Ryan said sternly, gently pulling away.
At that moment, Luke strolled through the door, the light from the hallway blinding Marissa and Ryan.
They lifted their hands to shield their eyes as Luke stopped cold in front of them, watching the incriminating scene in front of him. They had never looked more sprung in their lives.
"Shit…I…Sorry." He said turning away while Marissa pulled her dress back on, Ryan grabbing his shirt.
Marissa got up and smoothed her dress, smirking as she told Luke he could turn back around. She seemed very amused by the situation, not caring that Luke had caught them making out. Nothing seemed to bother her anymore.
"I…Uh…just wanted to see if you wanted a lift home Riss." Luke asked softly, seeing that Seth was asleep on the lounge beside Ryan.
"Oh, no that's cool. I brought my car. Uh, yeah, I better be off. Caleb is running checks on me. He'll probably call the police if I'm not home by 1."
"I'll walk you down then." Luke said and Marissa smiled in reply.
She whipped around to face Ryan.
"Call me!" she purposely over exaggerated like a hopeless school cheerleader slut.
Ryan smirked and decided to play along.
He leaned back in his chair and grabbed the cigarette, pretending to take a long drag.
"Don't wait up, baby." He said in his best James Dean impression.
Marissa laughed and Seth stirred beside Ryan.
"Oh shit!" she muttered, slapping a hand over her mouth.
"Sorry." She whispered.
She blew Ryan a silent kiss and he pretended to catch it shoving it in his pocket, in a uncharacteristic move.
He watched, smiling like an idiot as Marissa breezed out the door, a confused Luke in her wake.
He hadn't realized how much he missed the way Marissa made him feel. He always felt different with her. He didn't need to be the silent brooding type when she was around. She never really bought that.
Ryan sighed. Back to reality.
He watched as Seth slept peacefully beside him.
As he watched him, he began to feel nauseatingly guilty. Even when he was asleep, Seth still had the same impact on him.
He picked up the cigarette and crushed it in his fingers. Getting up, he found the nearest rubbish bin and bent down to dispose of it, feeling as if a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. Who was he kidding? Smoking always made him feel uptight and worse off.
As Ryan got back up, he heard someone yelling.
"Get off me – Get off!"
Ryan spun around on the spot.
No one else was in the room but Seth.
Then, he saw Seth lashing out at someone invisible.
Ryan stopped dead. He had never seen someone sleep talk before and he wasn't sure if you were meant to wake them or not. Was it dangerous? He heard somewhere that it was.
Then he heard Seth call out his name.
Seth was yelling out for Ryan, for Summer and for Anna.
Ryan slowly moved closer and saw that Seth was crying.
"She can't be dead – she's not dead."
"Get off!"
Ryan didn't know what to do. He was so close now that he could feel Seth shaking. His whole body was covered in sweat. Maybe he should call the nurse? He thought about it for a split second but stopped when he felt Seth grab at his shirt.
Before Ryan knew what was happening, Seth was crying in his arms saying over and over "I'm sorry."
"Seth? Seth wake up."
Seth's whole body would not stop shaking. Ryan wrapped his arms around him trying to calm him down but he kept on crying.
"I'm so sorry." Seth was grabbing onto Ryan's jacket now.
"Hey. Hey. It's OK. You're OK. It's just a dream."
"Seth…it's ok…you're dreaming.
Seth's eyes snapped open.
He looked utterly confused.
His eyes darted around the room, finally resting on Ryan.
"Wha- Where am I?"
"Your in the hospital. It's OK." Ryan said calmly.
Then, Luke walked in, back from taking Marissa down to the car park. He stopped dead at the scene in front of him.
"Oh god, I'm sorry." He said embarrassed.
Seth, realizing he was crying in Ryan's arms, pulled away.
"Uh, I have a habit of doing that." Luke laughed slightly, mentally kicking himself for always running in at the wrong times.
"Umm…You can see Anna now…she's awake."
Seth turned away from them and wiped his face with his sleeve.
"Uh, yeah sure. I'm coming." He said, trying to smile apologetically at Ryan before he left the room.
Ryan watched, his heart racing, as Seth walked away from him.
Where did he put that cigarette?