disclaimner- my ticktacks! mine! you can't have them!

Zoisite

My first inclination was to run over the piles of books and throw my arms around his neck.

It wasn't the smartest way to greet him. He was probably on edge, which ment he was dangerous. Even if the influence was gone (it's not, I know it's not) he was still dangerous. He almost reminded me of...

The thing was, I remember greeting him like that before. But now wasn't before. There's no way for me to know how he'd react.

I don't even know what he thinks of me now.

I had to force myself to breath when I stepped out of the doorway and into the room. The feeling of shattering the peace, if that's what it truly was, hurt. I had no right to interrupt him, but I couldn't stand being alone any more.

I decided to apologize later.

"Kunzite-sama?"

His head jerked up. His mouth open for a second as he looked at me, but only just, he recovered quickly and sheilded his emotions with much practiced ease. Damnit, I thought he knew he didn't have to do that with me.

There was a moment of nothing. Neither of us knew what to say next.

"You're awake.."

I nodded.

".. how long?"

"Maybe an hour.." I shrugged. He looked away, resting his chin on his fist for a second, and then stood up. I walked a few more feet into the room. Kunzite just stood for a bit, then made a semi-circle around his chair and walked to the window seat.

He rested his knee on the padded edge of the seat and looked out.

"I told Nephrite that one of us should be there when you woke up.." he looked over, cold exterior gone, a half-hearted smile passed over his face. "To give you an update, tell you what we've figured out.." I walked closer, my arms crossed behind my back, and tilted my head to the side.

"That would be why I woke up alone and utterly confused?"

He glanced back at me, then looked toward the window again. There was a nod, and what I hope was the begining of laughter. He needed to laugh more often.

"You're dropping the ball Kunzite."

"Hai, hai.. sorry about that.."

I was standing right beside him now. His gaze still fixated by something outside. Crawling up onto the seat, I looked out, trying to find what was so interesting.

What I saw wasn't so much as interesting as it was funny. Dutfully totting fallen limbs around the yard was Jadeite. Smudged with dirt, and beaming. He dropped his armload into a large pile and went off to presumably find another. I rested my hand against the glass and watched him untill he was out of the range of the window.

The wind hit the window and the house, causing it to creak. For a second it almost felt like the house was swaying. I closed my eyes.

The scent of apple blossoms filled my mind. The rustle of leaves, the scraping noises of some one walking. There was a soft giggle beside me, and then some one below called out-

I openned my eyes and wiped at them furiously.

damnit

Focus back out the window.

Jadeite was back with a slightly smaller load, and another coat of dirt. Still plodding around doing.. doing something. Organizing the yard maybe? Kunzite turned to me.

"What do you suppose he's doing?"

"You're guess is as good as mine." I followed him to the other side of the window as he repeated his earlier action and crossed the yard again. "But he looks like he's enjoying himself again."

We watched a bit longer before any conversation resumed.

The topic wasn't pleasent. I really had no desire to know what happened. It happened, that's it.. but they did want to know. They did and had pieced together what they could with out me. So I had to know.

So I could help them.

Either way, anything was better then the silence that left me alone in my thoughts. They hurt. Even the good ones. Anything to keep them away.

"You said you ment to explain some thing.." I think he looked over at me, but my gaze was still riveted out side. He took a minute to collect his thoughts.

"It's safe to assume you know what I ment when I said there was an explaination.." I nodded, eyes still focused outside. "Good, that will save some time.." he stopped. There was a tapping and I allowed myself to glance over just long enough to see him stop tapping the window frame.

He was restless too.

"It's not much." he stopped again, looked down at the cusions, then back out the window. I let my eyes wander to his profile. His brow creased in frustration.

"None of us- Jadeite, Nephrite, or I- have been able to sense Metella's presence. We don't know if we've been freed, or if it's just being blocked." I nodded, my eyes falling back to Jadeite. His movements becoming a kind of comfort. "There's not much we can do as of yet, besides wait..

Nephrite aparently still has connections, so we'll have food, a source of income.. he'll have somthing to do. As you can see, Jadeite's found himself a job. So we'll just have to occupy ourselves for the time being." I traced my finger on the window pane, eyes still on Jadeite.

He kept talking. It was a deep, soothing noise. But I was out. I didn't understand a single word, and he knew it. And he knew I needed it. When I think of some one rambling on about nothing I think of Jadeite, or myself, but not Kunzite.

He was being so out of character, talking to me like this.

I caught parts of words.. rain.. brush.. something about Jadeite.. not enough to make any sense, but it didn't matter. I closed my eyes again and listened to his voice.

"I wont do it."

He stopped.

"Not yet."

I openned my eyes again and blinked. It took a minute for me to realize I was the one who spoke. He didn't look at me, didn't accept my answer.

I tapped the glass now, it was my turn to fidget, searching for some thing else to fill the silence. Because if we were going to talk about anything now I would have to start it. I'd lost my comfort with my outburst.

"Where's Nephrite?"

"Supposedly buying food." He turned and sat down next to me, stretching his legs out. I gave him a minute before replying.

"Him?"

A snort. "Yes, him. He's not completely incompetent."

"You haven't seen him in a kitchen."

"Well maybe you should have woken up sooner. Then we wouldn't be in this mess." Our eyes met, there was another wisp of a smile and he looked over his shoulder and back out the window. I shook my head, scowling lightly.

"We're going to be eating frozen pizza and beer for the next week, I know it."

I turned back, but the familier motion had stopped. Jadeite had turned and was looking up in our direction. He squinted and shielded his eyes. I'd been sure he'd seen us until something else caused him to look away. His words weren't loud enough to be heard through the closed window, but he mouthed some thing and walked out of sight, waving.

"Nephrite must be home.."

His tone was low, with a certain aprehension in it. There must have been some thing he'd been meaning to do before the return. I knew what it was by the expression on his face when he looked over at me. I met his stare, countering it.

He stood up from the ledge and walked back over to the chair he'd been sitting on earlier. Running a hand through his hair, he picked up a book lying on the floor, looked at the cover for a momment, then set it down on the arm of the chair.

There was so much silence in our lives now.

So much.

I'd known them so long, and there were still those momments when you feel like a complete stranger to every one else in the room. I think I hate those momments more then I hate being alone.

He let himself slowly sink down into the chair. I stepped closer to him. Away from the window.

He reached out and I, now close enough, took his hand, knelt on the floor beside him. I leaned down and rested on his lap without thinking, crossing my arms and leaning my head on them. Kunzite ran his hand over my hair, a subconscious habit maybe, but it was nice.

"Gomen.." The stroking stopped. I gathered enough courage to glance up. Kunzite had just barely tilted his head to the side, some of his hair falling out of place and running down along his cheekbone. His bangs, longer then I seem to remember, blocked half of his left eye from view.

"For what?"

"It's not important.." I muttered resting my head down again, offering a faint smile. I reach up to flick the forelock out of his line of vision. "I'm just sorry.."

Kunzite caught my hand in his and rested it against his cheek. And graced me with a faint, but genuine, smile.

Nothing else was said. It didn't need to be. He let go of my hand and I tucked it back under my other arm, still leaning on them and still looking up at him. The silence didn't bother me this time. It should have, it should have because what I was re-living was the dark part of my life. I didn't want that. I didn't.

But it..

It was so comforting.

We sat there like that for a few minutes before there was a call from some where else in the house.

He was technically the first to move. A few muscles in his legs tensed, he was thinking about answering the call. I pushed away, resting my right arm on the chair to help, and hauled myself up to a standing postition. When I looked over he was already standing.

The call sounded again. Only this time it wasn't really a call, it was a conversation. One that sounded pleasent, which was a tone I didn't remember hearing between us in years.

"We should go."

"Hai.."

I started forward, preparing myself for the change in light once I stepped outside of the liberary. Even with the curtains pulled back it was still dark.

".. Zoisite.." I stopped just short of the doorway. "what you said earlier, about being sorry.."

"Ne?" I turned back, half expecting to be repremanded. My eyes widened as I felt his arm snake around my waist, pulling me up to him. His lips pressed against me forehead briefly and then I felt the heat of his breath by my ear.

"Don't be." A warm tingling sensation ran through my body. But just as soon as it was there it was gone and he was walking out of the room.