All I Want Is You

Disclaimer: All of us know that I don't own CSI by now, don't we?

Chapter Five: Confronting Laura

The rest of the evening with Laura had been very awkward. There had been several tense moments when Sara felt like either yelling at her mother or bursting into tears. For the most part, they managed to have a civil meal and part ways with plans for meeting again the next evening alone. Grissom and Sara returned to their hotel where they shared a connected suite.

"That wasn't entirely horrible," Sara admitted as she removed her shoes and took her hair out of its pony-tail.

"It wasn't," Grissom agreed.

"I know things were tense and that was a weird situation to put you in," Sara apologized.

"You don't have to apologize. I'm the one who volunteered to be here for you, remember?" Grissom said.

"I know, you are the best," Sara smiled at him.

Grissom laughed, "I know I am."

"Don't get too full of yourself, there," she rolled her eyes.

"Think you can handle tomorrow by yourself?" he was suddenly serious again.

"I think it'll be okay. I know it's going to be rough, but we need to talk out our problems," she sighed, "if there's any chance of our having a decent relationship again, we both have to confront our issues with one another."

"Good, and remember, if you need to get away at any point, I'm only a phone call away," Grissom reminded her.

"I'm glad we finally decided to get together," Sara said, "I don't know where I might be right now if it wasn't for having such a wonderful man with me for support."

"I take good care of the people I care about," Grissom took her hands in his, "and I love you Sara."

"I love you too, Gil, more than I have ever loved anyone before in my life," Sara admitted, "I think that's why there was so much hesitation on my part about a relationship. I was afraid of being in love."

"Am I all that scary?" Grissom teased.

"No, but you can be intimidating," Sara pointed out, "remember how you used to make Greg so nervous? Your whole silent, keep to yourself manner can really put people off."

"And that's precisely why I'm working on that," Grissom kissed Sara's hands gently, "I'm going to leave you alone now, though. I'm sure you have a lot to think about and you need to try and get some sleep tonight."

"Okay, goodnight then," Sara was actually grateful for the time alone. It was almost frightening how Grissom could read her thoughts so well.

Grissom gave her a soft goodnight kiss, "Goodnight honey."

Sara smiled at his back as he retreated to the door that separated their rooms. She could only ever recall his having used a pet name for her once, and that was when she was injured in the explosion. At the time, it hadn't even occurred to her because she was in a state of shock. It was only later, thinking back on that day that she realized Grissom had called her 'honey'. She liked the sound of it.

--------------------Back at Laura's place---------------------

"So I want to start off by saying, I'm sorry I got rude with you on the phone when I first called you. It was just that it felt so good to hear your voice, and then you said you had to go after only a few sentences, I snapped for a minute there," Laura apologized.

"Why has it been so long, mom?" Sara asked.

Laura sat back heavily, closing her eyes for a moment, "I guess I should tell you the truth from the beginning. When your father died, I'll admit, I fell apart. I know I let things get really bad and I was secretly glad when you had me arrested. Of course at the time, all you saw and heard was my anger. But I was never mad at you, sweetie, you have to understand. Once I got into the drugs I wanted desperately to find a way out, but I couldn't do it on my own. When you called the police after that man raped you, I was very angry at you. It took me a little while to realize just how awful I had been acting and that I should never have taken my emotions out on you. Once I had some time in jail, though, I realized that it was probably for the better. It was never your fault that I got myself into trouble. I drug you down with me."

"I thought you didn't realize how miserable you were making me," Sara said softly.

"Oh I knew, I was just too addicted to the drugs to really care. I'm so sorry for that. I know at first when I was jail I responded to your letters and the foster homes sounded terrible. I figured eventually you'd get into a home where you could thrive, you were always so much smarter than me Sara," Laura beamed at her daughter, "you know when you were nine years old, you were creating business models for our B and B."

Sara gave her mother a half-smile, "I remember, you told me to chill out and not worry about things like that. You said I was too young to be worried about business."

"Getting back to your question, I stopped answering your letters because I heard you were doing so well in high school. I figured you were better off without me in your life to screw things up for you. I still got the letters you sent through high school. I was never prouder than the day I heard you were going to Harvard. At that point, I hadn't written to you in so long, it was just easier not to. Of course, looking back I regret letting you go completely. When I got out of jail, I found out that you were in San Francisco. I almost came to see you, but then I thought that you probably had a successful life and were doing just fine without me. I was afraid that if I showed up in your life again, I'd just end up hurting you. So for all these years, I let you live your life by yourself. God, I've missed you so much," Laura looked into her daughter's eyes.

"You're my mother. I thought you hated me for all this time," Sara sniffled, "I thought you stopped writing because I was a failure and you wanted nothing to do with me."

"It was nothing like that sweetheart, you were too good for me," Laura embraced her, "you know your friend, Dr. Grissom, he told me about you. He adores you, says you are one of the best investigators he's ever worked with."

Sara pulled back, "He really said that?"

"Yes he did. You know I've never stopped being so proud of you. To this day, I am amazed that after the childhood you had, you still grew up to be this wonderful, intelligent, beautiful, successful woman," Laura shook her head.

Sara blushed, "I don't know what to even say to that."

"Be proud of yourself Sara, you are an amazing person. I feel lucky to have a daughter like you. Now, I know that you can't just forgive and forget completely, but can I be in your life again?" Laura asked.

Sara looked away, taking in all that had just passed between them. The things her mother had just told her changed a lot of what Sara thought about her. It was too fast to just say that she forgave her mother.

"I think I need to be alone to think for a while," Sara said, "you just drastically changed what I've been thinking for twenty years and I have some things to sort out."

Laura's face crumbled a little, "I understand. There's a park about three blocks from here…if you need somewhere to go and be alone."

"Thanks," Sara stood to leave, "I'll call you tomorrow maybe."

"Bye Sara," Laura watched her daughter leave.

Sara was too tired to go walk around the park her mother told her about. Instead, she hailed a cab because Grissom had driven her to her mother's apartment and she didn't feel like calling him for a ride. Her mind was racing and she knew it would do her some good to a good night's sleep before she confronted all she had just heard from her mom.

Almost as soon as Sara was inside her room, she heard a knock on the door that joined her room to Grissom's.

"Come in," she called wearily.

"Hey, I heard you come in," Grissom said.

"Yeah, just got back," Sara kicked off her shoes and flopped onto the nearest chair.

"How did things go?" Grissom inquired.

"I have a lot to think about," Sara sighed tiredly.

"Good or bad?" Grissom asked innocently.

"You know what? I don't feel like talking right now. Could you just leave me alone?" Sara snapped.

Grissom furrowed his brow, "I didn't mean to pry Sara."

"Well, you have a way of being nosy, don't you?" Sara narrowed her eyes at him, "do I have to physically push you through that door?"

Grissom looked hurt as he turned and went back to his own room. Sara waited for the door to close then spun and crawled onto her bed. She pulled the blankets over her head and cried like she hadn't done in years.

A/N: This chapter started off shorter, but it was an awkward break, so I just went ahead and put it all as one chapter. There are still more chapters to come.