Popstar Mayhem

Disclaimer: Give me a shovel and I'll dig; give me hammer and I'll nail-but darn it, people, don't give me both of them and make me say a disclaimer at the same time. You won't like what happens, cuz I don't own any of them.

Lina meandered her way into the gas station. She checked with her boss about the next week's paycheck and signed in behind the counter. Working at a gas station was exactly ideal, but her boss was kind-or gullible-enough to allow her free snacks. Things evened out. Besides, though Zephilia definitely had its perks, alcohol and food-that was all that mattered, right?-it wasn't very exciting.

Snappy Service was a small station, limited to convenience store items and a bathroom. When her nimble fingers had finished opening this week's paycheck, she attempted to hold back a groan. The pay wasn't all that wonderful either. She'd work somewhere else, a place with air-conditioning, preferably, but Luna…

Speaking of Luna, that woman's latest rant included Gourry, the town idiot.

Flipping her red hair over her shoulder, Lina remembered the last words her sister had thrown at her the night before. "If he can manage something as big time as stardom, don't you think that you could do something? You haven't even tried to settle down, or get a career!"

Snorting, Lina tapped a fingernail atop the counter. She murmured, "Well, of course not. I'm not gonna do anything like that until I've had my fun of roving the world, and Luna isn't gonna stop me!"

Of course, when everyone in their little old town had been invited to a party that Gourry was holding in Sairoon, then her sister had come pretty darn close to making Lina into a star. Close, but not quite. Or, maybe-as Zephilians would say-drunk, but not slammed.

Her feet took her over to a snack stand, and she half-heartedly straightened the bagged chips. Unfortunately, it wasn't enough of a distraction, and her mind continued to roam. If she had wanted to, Lina knew that she could be up on a stage; singing with the best of them. But it wasn't her passion. It wasn't her life.

It wasn't what she wanted!

Lina adored martial arts. Practiced every day, traveled to far off dojos, trained in extreme conditions. She had even created her own, sought after style. She allowed no amateur and no master to know her secrets, because then she would lose the vital element of surprise.

The red-headed Zephilian wanted to be freed, without all of the restrictions that being a singer would pile on her. She wanted glory and power; not just glory!

But her sister did not accept silly notions such as this, so she had, for the most part, attempted to hide her hobby from Luna.

Now she came back to the main problem. She had to go to the party with Gourry and meet all of the top singers and bands.

It was what she knew she had always wanted. A chance to meet a bunch of spoiled people, used to having their own way. It was bad enough that that one guy would never give it up when she told him she didn't want anything to do with him. Now she got to dubious pleasure of having hundreds of people, just like him, hanging around.

And she couldn't do a thing, because they were just so "important" that Luna wouldn't allow her to harm them. she probably held more strength than all of them combined...except for HIM... And she didn't want to die, so she'd just have to bear through it.

"I hope HE'S not at the party. Life would be so much easier if I could just avoid him. I mean...okay...so he's not all that bad...and I kinda like him... All right, all right, so I REALLY like him...but STILL...he's just so...so...confident that I'll fall in love with him, and I can't STAND it. Maybe, maybe by now he'll have forgotten that he, or he might have discovered that he doesn't at all, like(d) me. But, that's a good thing, right? So, why does it make my heart hurt. And why am I babbling at no one? Oh, forget it! I'll deal with it as it comes! I wonder who will attend this, ahem, major party."

Lina picked up the list from the counter and began to read it, "In no particular order:

1) Amelia- Justice Rocks

2) Xellos- Himitsu

3) Gourry, Sylphiel, Filia, and Milgasia- Tea Time.

4) Phibby, Zellas, Shabby, Gaav, and Valgaav- Dark Lords

5) LoN- Nightmare

6) Zangulus, and Vrumagun- Those Who Never Die

Lina sighed, but caught a short note at the bottom. If any participants need help loading or unloading, manual labor will be provided. Ask for Naga the white Roadie, and service will be rendered. Please bring earplugs if you plan to supervise her.

"Well, I guess that there aren't as many people going as I thought there were, but still…can I do this? What if…HE's there? Maybe I can get Luna to let me out of this..."

Somehow, defying reason and physics, the sound of breaking glass managed to break through her reverie.

"Don't even THINK about it Lina! You're going to that party, and that's that!" Luna's screech echoed from several miles away. Therefore, it's not surprising when a certain young man, also a good distance away, smirked and went about his duties in a greatly improved mood.

Lina sighed. Scratch that idea. 'Well, if I just avoid him and speak with everyone else, then maybe Luna-neesan won't get too mad at me. Besides, he probably won't even know I'm there.' Lina thought all of this with a rueful mind. Things never went as planned. 'The great, powerful, and not to mention beautiful, Lina Inverse is going to take the party by storm. Oh, wait. I can't do that.

"Gah! It's HIS entire fault! Lina Inverse never runs away; I vowed it would be so, and here I am, practically running away because I'm afraid of attention. L-sama, I'm so confused." Lina gave up on that train of thought and turned to take care of a customer.

A rather rude customer that was without any sense of morality. She could tell that he was reaching, and was about to…had just gotten ready… and when he was about to pinch her, Gourry walked in the door.

"Here now, what's this? What's he doing little sister?" Lina gave an inward sigh over what he had called her ever since they met.

"He's being annoying and I'm about to hurt him if he doesn't stop." Lina answered Gourry. If he didn't pick up the warning… 'Oh I'd just LOVE to have an excuse to hurt him, come on give me one.'

"RIIIIIIIGHT, little lady. As if YOU could hurt me." He gave her a lewd look and she nearly punched his lights out right then and there.

"You know, she's right mister, you really should listen to her. She could kill you in a heartbeat if she wanted to." Gourry told the man, while he scratched the back of his neck.

"Well," he began, "if she hasn't done it yet, then she won't do it ever." He grinned a stupid grin that made Lina want to smack him and prove that he had a penchant for extremely stupid reasoning. 'Come on idiot,' Lina thought with a smile on the inside. 'gimme an excuse to hurt you so bad, you'll never forget.'

He gave her one-pinched her right on the butt, and it was the final blow.

Input all of the normal screeching and hitting of a young maiden who finds herself thusly violated (which is done in a way that only Lina would manage to pull off.), and we soon find that the man is unconscious, has several LARGE bumps on his head, and has a set of those lovely little birds going 'tweet, tweet' flying around and around and aro-yeah, you got the point.

Anyway, Lina continued to hit him while Gourry pondered about a Coyote that often underwent similar treatment, courtesy of ACME. So when Lina suddenly stopped her beatings, picked the man up and carried him outside with the ease only she could accomplish, he was more than a little lost. Running outside he caught up to Lina and asked her what she was doing.

"You numbskull, I'm taking him out to his car!" Gourry was about to believe that all she had were kind intentions, but the sudden, malicious gleam in her eye made him rethink that last bit.

"THEN, what are you gonna do to him?"

"Why, I'm gonna take him AND his car, drive him to that cliff over there," she pointed and we turn to see what is indeed a very tall cliff. Then she continued: "and then I'm gonna drive his car, with him in it, over the cliff, jumping out at the last second... ok?"

"OK!" Gourry was so confused that he didn't really figure it out until it was too late and watched, helplessly, as Lina did just as she had told him. When she was done, she calmly walked back over to him, and they talked 'small talk' until Lina's boss came in. Smiling. He was always smiling.

'Why doesn't he ever FROWN like a normal person?' Lina shouted in her thoughts. 'Ah, well, he'll frown today.' She laughed maniacally on her head and pulled out a small slip of paper before he could start talking.

"Ok, boss, I quit. Today is my last day, as you noticed from my form earlier and I quit." Lina smiled a victorious smile, not knowing why she was so happy. But still he only smiled.

"Well, I suppose that it's a good thing you're quitting. If you weren't, you would be getting fired, and that's quite a bit worse on the résumé. Good luck at your new job, Miss Inverse." He spoke cheerfully, as if this happened every day. Which it practically did, mainly because of their most recent customer. truly, he would have to have a conversation with him soon. If he kept scaring off the employees, it was going to be difficult hiring soon.

"Really? You're not mad?" Only slight relief was showing through her voice. 'That's good,' Lina complimented herself, 'It means I'm not getting too shabby at controlling my voice. Ever since I ran away from Ze- ever since I moved to Zephilia I haven't been getting as much practice. I have a bad feeling that that is going to change very soon.'

"No, I'm not mad," Said the genial employer, "SO GET OUT OF MY STATION!!!!!!" This shout could be heard from a few stores down, but it was close enough to make that same figure from earlier smile. Hmm…he must have moved…ah, well, the capricious nature of, well, HIM.

Did you enjoy? I fixed it up a lot, but it's still pretty rough.