Hey everyone I'm back a few days sooner than I expected so I'll have more time to write, for interested people, unless I change my mind or I miscalculated there's only 4 chapter left including this one.
Chapter 16: Kaiba's deepest secret.
The next day was just like everyone before for Kaiba, boring, first of Joey didn't stop bothering him about the letter, he saw that Mokuba seemed upset this morning and he was sure it was Kaiba's fault, then there was history with Filion, everything for a bad day.
It was now lunch time, since it was quite a hot day for early November Kaiba decided to eat outside, he didn't felt like being trap inside with to much other people to count them, and he would get away from Joey.
Kaiba stepped outside of the school, the schoolyard was empty, not a lot of people ate there and this was fine with him. He spotted a three at the end or the playground and went there, on normal basic he would not eat and work during all the lunch time, but now that he didn't have that much work anymore he could do anything he wanted, of course no one, except maybe Yugi and his friends, saw that he wasn't always working anymore.
Mokuba was walking around; he stopped eating at school long ago since no one wanted to speak to him because he was a Kaiba. Anyway he didn't felt like staying anywhere, he had too much on his mind so he just kept walking to try and clear his thought. This letter wouldn't get out of his mind, Yugi said that Kaiba told him his father was keeping it. There was way that Gozaburo could have anything from their Mother, anyway even if he had it he would have burnt it.
Of course there was their real father but that was just as impossible, when they left the house they couldn't bring anything but cloth with them, and Seto would probably had given it to him a lot sooner, the only logical explanation he could find was that Kaiba had written it, and that was angering him.
Mokuba suddenly stopped; he was in front of the schoolyard of his brother's high school, it was totally desert except from one person sitting against a tree, someone that Mokuba could recognise anywhere, but why he was outside was a complete mystery to him, Kaiba never went outside to eat lunch.
But right now that wasn't important to him, he climbed the fence, entered the schoolyard and walked straight toward Kaiba, he had two or three words to tell him. Kaiba was so lost in his thought that he didn't heard Mokuba coming until he spoke, which surprised Kaiba since he wasn't expecting someone to talk to him.
"Why did you do that?" Mokuba asked.
Kaiba just looked at his little brother with wide eyes, and confusion. "What exactly are you talking about?" He asked.
"I'm talking about this letter, why did you write it like it was from mom, I'm already suffering enough at it is I don't need you to try and play with my feeling." Mokuba shouted, he was doing his best to hold back his tears but that wasn't enough.
"What are you talking about I didn't write this letter." Kaiba said, he was trying not to start yelling and stay as calm as he could, and surprisingly, even for him, he was doing quite a good job.
"You want me to believe Gozaburo kept that letter for me, he burnt everything we had when he adopted us why would he have kept that letter?" Mokuba asked.
Kaiba then understood what was going on, when he said 'his father' Yugi probably thought he meant Gozaburo, just as Mokuba, after all Mokuba was right, the only thing he had before he was adopted that Gozaburo never found was the picture in their locket.
"Calm down Mokuba, I never said Gozaburo had it and he didn't." Kaiba said.
"But you said-"
"That our father had it, and last time I check Gozaburo was far from ever being our father." Kaiba said, still calm.
"But that's just as much impossible, we didn't kept anything." Mokuba yelled.
"You're right Mokuba, but while you were in the hospital I learnt that our father left us the house we lived in, in case something happened to him. But since I was too young to have it I never knew until then, when I learnt about it I went there, that's were I found this letter, I took it but I forgot about it, I found it back just two days ago. I didn't know who wrote it and what was on it Mokuba." Kaiba said.
"It can't…it can't be true." Mokuba said, taking a step back. For him what was on the letter couldn't be true, in his mind there was only one truth; it was his fault and his alone. Tears were starting to form in his eyes. "It's my fault." He half yelled, he tried to run away but Kaiba was faster than him.
Kaiba grabbed Mokuba's wrist before he get away, it wasn't like before, this time he knew perfectly well what he was doing, he wasn't hurting him, his hold was soft and caring but at the same time firm enough so that Mokuba couldn't get away and do something stupid. Mokuba didn't try to escape, he stood there, crying.
Kaiba carefully pulled Mokuba back, the young boy didn't make any protest but at the same time didn't seem to realise it, he just kept crying softly. Kaiba took Mokuba in his arm and sat him on his laps, Mokuba held on his brother like his life depended on it and cried on his shoulder. Kaiba let him cry, holding him back and stroking his hair for comfort, he knew just how much he needed it.
Mokuba cried for a long time, he kept saying it was his fault, when he stopped class had started, not that Kaiba cared, his brother was much more important. Mokuba had completely stopped moving, so much that Kaiba though he was asleep so he checked to be sure, he saw his brother's eyes wide open staring in the distance.
Right now Mokuba wanted to find a dark corner and sit there for the rest of his life but at the same time he didn't wanted to let go of his brother even if in his mind the corner was much more attractive; it wouldn't go away, not like his brother who will soon forget that he even existed. Yet he couldn't get away.
"Are you ok?" Kaiba asked, still stroking his hair. Mokuba didn't answer or move. "Can I see it?" Kaiba asked, reaching for the letter that was still in Mokuba's hand. Since Mokuba didn't try to hold the letter or didn't make any protest Kaiba took that as a yes and carefully read the letter.
"I remember that day; I've waited for it during almost 9 month. I wanted so much to have a little brother, of course none of us could predict what was going to happen, I never really knew what happened, and I'm not sure I really want to know.
I've never been as much happy as when I entered the hospital that day, because I knew this was the day I would finally have a brother. Then this doctor came in, he said something to our father, I don't know what, but dad asked me to go wait outside of the room, which I did."
Mokuba still hadn't move but he was listening to Kaiba intensely, he wanted to know and he needed to.
"Of course I didn't really like it so I listened their conversation through the door. I didn't really understand what they said, I was just five after all, but I did understand the part where the doctor said that our parents had to choose between you and our mother.
I stopped to listen after that and I started to cry, our father came out a while after that, it didn't took him long to realise I was spying on them. He took me in his arms and brought me back in the room, mom was writing something, I asked her what it was, she answered me that it was for my little brother. That's when I understood what choice they had made, I remember that I told her I didn't want a little brother anymore, she just smiled and told me that it was her choice and that I'll understand one day."
"Did you really hated me?" Mokuba's voice was so low that Kaiba wasn't even sure he had talked.
"Hate you?" Kaiba asked, surprised that Mokuba would ask a question like that.
"In the letter, mom said you would probably hate me for a while, did you?" The little boy asked again.
Kaiba thought about it for a while. "No, I didn't hated you, let just say that I had a strong dislike, I didn't wanted to love you."
"And what changed that?" Mokuba asked as if he wasn't even sure that had changed.
"Soon after your birth we had to move to another city, our dad had to left for two day but the babysitter had invited her boyfriend, you were crying but she didn't wanted to bother to take care of you, you were crying a lot when you were little, dad said it was because you wanted your mother.
After a while I was tired of hearing you so I went to your room, since you were born I never even took a real look at you but when I saw you crying in your bed like that I saw how much you missed her, I guess it made me realise that I wasn't the only one who had lost his mother."
"You have to understand that she choose to give you a chance Mokuba, it's no one's fault, something no one wanted happened and she made her choice." Kaiba said
"But you don't understand how it feels to know that if I wasn't there she would still be alive" Mokuba said still not looking at his brother.
"Trust me Mokuba, I know just as much as you how it feels to know that if you had never existed someone you love would still be there." Kaiba said.
"What do you mean?" Mokuba asked looking at Kaiba for the first time.
"Do you remember that night when our father died, you found me crying in my room, did you ever wondered why?" Kaiba asked.
"I did, why? What happened?" Mokuba asked.
Kaiba started to tell Mokuba what happened that day:
Seto was sitting on the couch, he was reading a book that no one his age would understand but he wasn't like the other, he was a genius and lecture for 8 years old was too much easy and boring for him. Seto looked up from his book when he heard the door open, his father was back from work, he marked his pages and ran to the door.
"Hi dad." He greeted jumping in his father arm, he might be a genius but he was still 8 years old and jumping on his father was something he loved to do.
"Hey there kid, had a nice day?" His father asked heading for the living room with his son in his arms and dropping him over the couch. Seto nodded and smiled, that's when his father noticed the book on the table, he wasn't the one who put it there. "Are you reading this?" He asked taking the book.
"Yeah, why?" Seto asked.
"No reason, I was just wondering." He said sitting down on the couch. He kept looking at the book, he had first read it when he was 15 and had trouble understanding everything, of course he knew his son was a genius, he himself was one, but Seto already proved to him that he was even surpassing his father.
"Is something wrong?" His son's voice awaked him from his thought.
Jonan looked at his son and sighed, the sooner the better. "We're going away."
"What do you mean away?" Seto asked.
"I just got an offer for a job and I accepted it so we're moving away." His father said.
"And were exactly is away?" Seto asked.
"America." His father answered getting up to eat something in the kitchen.
"America? But that's on the other side of the ocean; I don't want to move in another country." Seto said, following him.
"Look Seto, I barely have enough money to feed you and Mokuba without starving myself, this job is three time my current pay and I can't afford to get more debt, I know you can understand those thing." His father said.
"I don't care; I don't want to move away. No one talk to me here because I'm a genius what do you thing it will be in another country, I'll be the little genius from Japan and bullies will pick even more on me because I'm not American." Seto said. "I'm not going." He added firmly.
"Like it or not we are moving and we include you, it's either that or I abandon you and Mokuba in a orphanage so you two could eat." His father said.
"That would be nice." Seto said under his breath.
"What did you just say." It wasn't even a question, he knew what his son said, he was daring him to say it again loud.
"I said that it would be nice if would just get out of our life." Seto yelled.
His father turned around and continued to make his dinner. "So that's what you think, that you would be better with some stranger to take care of you. Well then you can leave anytime, I'm not holding you back." His father said.
This angered Seto even more. "You know what I think, I think that you should have died instead of mom, I can't believe she could ever love you."
Seto didn't even had a chance to react before feeling the burning pain on his cheek when his father hit him with the back of his hand. He took a few step back to get his balance back and instinctively put his hand on his cheek. Tears were forming in his eyes as he looked up at his father.
"Seto, I-"
"Don't touch me." Seto cut him off. "Forget everything I said, I want to never ever see you again, I want you to die." He said before running to his room.
"You know the rest of the story, you found me and the next day he was dead." Kaiba said.
Mokuba looked at him with wide eyes. "I didn't know."
"I never told anyone, you are the first." Kaiba said.
"But that doesn't make it your fault, you didn't kill him." Mokuba said looking down.
"That's not what I thought at this time, do you remember what I answered when you asked why I had not cried after his death?" Kaiba asked.
"You said that you didn't have the right to." Mokuba said.
"In my mind I had asked for him to die and that had happen so I didn't have the right to complain. I know what it felt to know that if I wasn't there or if I had just shut up he would still be alive with us, but lots of this happen, you have to understand that because you played a certain role into something it doesn't make it your fault, things happen that no one wanted, they just happen it's no ones fault. Do you understand?" Kaiba said.
"I do." Mokuba said.
"That's good." Kaiba said.
The two of them stayed there for a while, Kaiba could tell that Mokuba felt uneasy, as if he wasn't sure of something.
"Seto?" Mokuba asked hesitantly.
"What is it?" Kaiba asked.
Mokuba stayed silent for a while, Kaiba thought that he had decided not to ask but Mokuba finally spoke his mind. "Could you tell me how she was?"
Ok I'm stopping there, one chapter in 5 hours, that's quite good, only three left.