Chapter Ten

Ten o'clock had come and gone when Woody pulled up in Jordan's driveway. Her jeep was there, and the downstairs light was on. Swallowing his pride and trying to boost up his courage, he walked up the sidewalk and knocked on the door, Nigel's words still ringing in his ears … every man that has hurt her has lost something….a part of Jordan that she doesn't give back, even if she forgives you. He knew he had hurt her…badly. But he also knew he'd take any part she was willing to give back…and work on getting anything else he could. It had evidently taken Nigel a long time to get where he was at with Jordan…to the point where she felt comfortable running to him. Woody was willing to wait for however long it took. He heard her moving around inside. Finally the door opened.

She looked beautiful standing there…the living room light softly playing off the back of her curly hair. She had on a white peasant blouse and a long, full denim skirt….looking like the southwest that she was now very much a part of. Silver hoops were in her ears. She was barefoot…

"Woody." That was the only word out of her mouth and he wasn't sure if she spat it out or just said it in such a flat voice that she'd be sure he would take the hint and leave. She didn't even ask the trite question what are you doing here? She knew either he or Garret would probably end up in Phoenix before it was all over. And she would have bet her money it was going to be Woody.

"Can I come in, Jordan? I want to talk with you…I need to."

"I signed the papers. What else is there? I don't see we have anything to discuss."

"Still, I'd like to come in. I need to talk with you. I'll leave whenever you say. No questions asked."

Jordan sighed and relented. She simply turned and walked away from her doorway, leaving it open for him to enter. He followed her in and shut the door behind him. She went over to the couch by the fireplace and sat down. He stood in front of the small fire she had built.

"So how have you been, Jordan? Since you've left Boston…"

"I'm fine Woody. But I don't think you drove all the way from New England just to ask about my health."

"So why'd you do it, Jordan? Why did you sign the papers without talking to me first?"

"Isn't that what you wanted? To be free again…to do whatever you wanted to without coming home to me or having to answer a lot of awkward questions?"

"I was just trying to get your attention…to make you see how far apart we had drifted…to make you realize how important 'we' were."

"Well, you picked a hell of a way to do it."

Woody looked at his shoes. She wasn't making this easy. He didn't expect her to. "I know. I'm sorry."

There was an awkward silence then…all that was heard was the crackle of the fire and the ticking of a clock somewhere. Then quietly, she asked, "Why haven't you filed the papers, Woody? I signed them nearly four months ago…your divorce won't be final until you file them. Why haven't you?"

He turned and looked at her, then, his eyes startlingly blue and honest. "I was hoping that maybe we could reconsider the situation…that maybe, after you've finished filling in here for the ME on maternity leave, you'd come back home…and we could talk this out…go through counseling…whatever it takes…to try to make it work. I really don't want to lose you, Jo. I just…just wanted you to see how far apart we've drifted. It's not all your fault, but it's not all my fault either. There was nothing between me and Amy. I swear. Nothing.

But we've been married for five years…dated even longer….and you were one of the first people I met when I arrived in Boston. I don't want to lose you."

Standing, Jordan looked in his eyes… her own eyes mirroring as much hurt as his did tentative hope. "Woody…" she began.

He reached out and encircled her waist with his hands.

She tried to back away… "No…Woody…don't … Don't make this anymore difficult than it already is. You started this…I didn't. I'm not saying I won't come back to Boston… but I am saying that even if I do, things have changed between us. Now if we ever have an argument, I'm always going to be afraid that you'll leave me. And I can't live with that. I'd rather be on my own…and remain somewhat friends, than have that kind of fear in my relationship with you. You've got the divorce papers. I signed them. Don't file them if you don't want to. But if you do file them, I won't fight the divorce or protest anything you want from our marriage….house, cars…whatever. All I want is what I've brought with me here to Phoenix."

"Is that how you really feel, Jordan?"

She nodded.

"Okay," he breathed out. "I'm going to miss you, Jo. I'll miss everything about you…the way you hum when you cook dinner, the way you leave your shoes in the entry way…everything. I'm sorry I hurt you…I should have never filed those papers to get your attention. I should have tried harder to talk to you. Maybe I should have been more sensitive. But I understand where you're coming from…constantly being afraid that I'll leave you if something happens.

"I'll always love you, Jordan Marie Cavanaugh Hoyt. Always. No matter where life takes you…or where it takes me….I always will love you…and be there for you if you need me." And with that, Woody tightened his hold on her waist and kissed her.

He didn't hold back any… moving to part her lips and open her mouth for him. Kissing her deeply, while letting his hands travel…up her back, through her hair, splaying across her backside, bringing her as close to him as he could get her.

And she let him. For whatever anger she felt towards him, the love she had for this man was still there. But Jordan had learned a hard lesson early in life…sometimes the things you love the most, you have to let go of, because in the long run, they'll hurt you. She had done this with her mother's murder. She had to do this with Woody.

When he finally broke the kiss, he hugged her tightly to him…one last time, trying hard to commit to memory her scent…the way she felt against him. Finally, placing one last kiss on the top of her head, he whispered, "Goodbye, Jordan. I do love you. I really do. Please remember that." He released her then, walked out the door, and was gone.