Author's Note: Hehe. I KNOW I have more than three works out – but this fic kinda popped into my head. Not only is this my first Saiyuki fic, but I also base this on the knowledge I know from 5 of the 9 mangas. :( I promise I will update the other works once I get this fic out of my head. :) Till then – ENJOY!!
Disclaimers: These four hot guys do not belong to me . . .although sometimes I like to think otherwise. :)
Chapter One: The Near Death of the Kappa
WHACK
"Sanzo! You really must go easy on the fan hitting!" Hakkai admonished Sanzo as he watched Goku fall over and hold his throbbing head. "After all, you cannot take ALL of your anger out on Goku – you could give him brain damage after all," Hakkai alleged as he shook his head in exasperation.
"The stupid monkey has no use for a brain in the first place. The only thing he uses his head for is to locate food and eat it," Gojyo said calmly as he took a relaxing drag of his cigarette. Luckily, Goku was more concerned with the new bump on his head than Gojyo's usual abusive insult.
WHACK
"What the HELL!? Sanzo? What was that for!" the enraged Kappa yelled as he coughed up the cigarette that he had almost choked upon.
"That's for your involvement," Sanzo glared down upon Gojyo.
"Huh?" Gojyo blinked up at Sanzo as he automatically relit another cigarette. Nothing like my cancer-stick to make everything feel better . . .
"YOU were the one who mentioned that mixing together some herbs could create a dye. You KNEW that Goku would want to test it out. And NATURALLY the first person he would test it out on would be ME. So in other words, THIS," Sanzo angrily pointed his fan to his hair, "is YOUR fault!!" Gojyo took another drag of his cigarette.
"Come on, Sanzo, you can't be that mad. Purple is a nice, royaly color, which suits you my great wordly priest! Besides . . .your purple hair compliments my scarlet hair – don't you think?" Gojyo stated matter-of-factly as Sanzo started fuming.
"Nevermind. Your red face compliments your hair. May I suggest that you grow it out?"
"SHUT UP before I turn you into kappa maki 1 you insolent moron!!" Sanzo fumed before he stomped out of the room, no doubt to go to the hot spring – which was near the inn that they were staying in – in order to try to get the dye out . . .again.
"Is it dinner yet?" Goku asked as he temporarily forgot the bump on his head in order to consider something much more important. . .food.
"Like I said, he lives to eat and nothing more," Gojyo said as Hakkai rolled his eyes.
"Goku, come here," Hakkai sighed. As Goku scooted over, Hakai placed his hand on the bump on Goku's head. A wave of chi energy appeared as the bump was being healed.
"There. All better," Hakkai smiled.
"Thanks, Hakkai! I'll see you guys later," Goku said as he dashed off to the kitchens.
"Hey, Hakkai."
"Yes," Hakkai sighed as he looked over at Gojyo.
"How's that arm of yours?" Gojyo asked, a tinge of concern showing as he looked at Hakkai through puffs of smoke.
"Well, the right arm is broken and the left's swelling is starting to ease up," Hakkai answered as he attempted to make the new information sound cheerful. Gojyo scoffed.
"I guess you're pretty much useless in battle. How the hell are you gonna drive jeep?"
"I have no idea. I know we're on a tight schedule. We'll see if my arm feels better in the morning, no?" Hakkai asked as he smiled.
"Sure. Quite unlikely. I suppose we'll be walking, huh?"
"I hope not," Hakkai looked a little troubled. "We really are on a tight schedule." Not comfortable with his comrade's sudden mood swing Gojyo stood up and went to pat Hakkai's back in an attempt to cheer him up.
"Hey! Don't worry about it! We'll figure something out!!". Gojyo said as he continued to pat Hakkai's back. Hakkai eased up a bit. Gojyo then started to leave.
"And where are you going?"
"Me? Oh, Hakkai, don't look so suspicious!" Gojyo said as he winked. Hakkai sighed.
"Don't make me have to come rescue you again from the angry, sharp jaws of Sanzo," Hakkai mocked glared the Kappa.
"It's like you were reading my mind. But you're too suspicious, Hakkai! I was merely going to go bathe at the hot springs. You don't want me to stink, do you?" Hakkai rolled his eyes. Gojyo grinned before leaving the room.
"Sometimes I wonder why the hell I stay with them," Hakkai pondered as he picked up his coffee and his paper.
"Let's see . . .'The Science Behind Annoying Your Friends,'" Hakkai groaned. As if we need anymore of that . . Oh, well – it'll make an interesting read . . .
Gojyo grinned as he went to get his bathing things. There were five things that he liked to do and were thus considered his hobbies: 1. Drinking himself to unconsciousness. 2. Getting laid. 3. Bathing (After all, if you stink how are you going to get the ladies?). 4. Beating the shit out of youkai. 5. Annoying Sanzo in an attempt to thaw the human ice cube. Of course, these were in no particular order.
Fumbling with the lock a moment, it took Gojyo a few minutes to realize that he had the wrong room. After a few curses and a second of thinking, Gojyo finally found his own room and went inside. As he entered, he immediately went in search of his numerous bath items: shampoos, conditioners, shaving lather, body wash, exfoliater, soap, and many other things that even a girl wouldn't know of – let alone have.
Luckily for Gojyo, he had a neat little bag that he could store all of this crap in. After dumping all of these things into said bag, Gojyo headed out towards the hot spring with a smile of glee and a glint of mischief reflecting in his eyes.
Sanzo scowled as he lathered himself up in his pre-hot spring shower. The soap in the wounds from his last battle made him ache and feel the pain all over again. After the horrible experience of the shower, Sanzo rewrapped the more bleeding wounds – as opposed to the mere scratches – and then headed to the hot spring.
As Sanzo entered the area of the hot spring, his body twitched when he thought of what the hot water would do to his wounds. He slowly and cautiously put a toe into the water.
"HOLY FUCKING—"
Sanzo stopped himself before he uttered a string of curses as large as his maten sutra. He edged toward the water and slowly went in. He went in millimeter by millimeter, only advancing until each body part in the water felt comfortable. After about ten minutes, Sanzo was finally fully in the water. He tilted his head back in an attempt to relax.
So tranquil . . .with this group of blitherin' idiots I rarely get to feel . . .completely at peace, completely at—Sanzo's enlightening train of thoughts were brutally interrupted as mini tidal waves appeared in the hot spring. The surge of the wounds –in response to the unwelcoming waves – and the hot water in his face and beautiful hair already made Sanzo want to kill the perpetrator.
"What the FUCK?! Have you ever heard of climbing you—" Sanzo stopped in mid-sentence once he saw who it was. "YOU!"
"Hiya, Sanzo! Enjoying the hot springs?" Gojyo grinned as he saw Sanzo's face twist in an evil way. It's remarkable how this Buddhist priest, of all people, can look so evil. Makes me wonder – how did one as corrupt as he get to be a priest?
"What the hell are you doing in my hot spring?!" Sanzo said through gritted teeth.
"Hey pal, it ain't your hot spring. Besides, after a hard day's work, I deserve to bathe. After all, I don't want to smell like you, now do I?" Gojyo said as he looked at Sanzo. It was then that he realized something.
"Hey, you're hair's blonde again," Gojyo stated, not hiding his disappointment.
"Yes, no thanks to you and that baka monkey!" Sanzo glared at Gojyo. "This may not be your hot spring but I would APPRECIATE it if you would not splash me." Gojyo grinned . . . before he send a hot wave to slap Sanzo in the face.
I will NOT let him win.Sanzo thought as he remembered Hakkai's words.
-FLASHBACK-
"Damn, he pisses me OFF!!" Sanzo yelled as his fist smashed through a wall.
"Now, now, Sanzo. You must remember that Gojyo lives to annoy . . ."—Hakkai paused to think of the right words—" people like you. That goes for Goku as well. Sometimes their actions are unintentional, but most of the time I suppose they like to see"—Hakkai paused to think of the right words again—" . . .one of higher stature, squirm when confronted with . . .unusual circumstances."
"Hmph," was all Sanzo could muster before he lit a cigarette and started smoking.
"Sanzo, don't let them win by squirming visibly. You must gather patience from inside you and do nothing. I believe it is called – passive resistance. Once you do nothing, Goku and Gojyo will see that and realize that they can't play on your emotions if you don't show them. Thus, they will stop tormenting you."
-END FLASHBACK-
Sanzo grunted. Leave it to Hakkai to suggest that I try something impossible. "Have PATIENCE". Like hell, that's gonna work. Oh, what the fuck? I might as well give it a shot.Sanzo rested his head back, closed his eyes and attempted to meditate.
What the HELL?! He's not trying to shoot me, or drown me – he's not even hitting me with the frinkin fan? What's wrong with him?! . . .Wait, maybe Hakkai talked to him again . . .DAMN THAT HAKKAI!! He seems to know me well . . .a little too well. I suppose he gave Sanzo the "Passive Resistance" speech. We'll see his level of resistanceGojyo ended his thought with a grin.
After a few moments of no interruptions, Sanzo started to relax more and continued to keep his eyes closed. Well what do you know . . .Hakkai was right . . .Sanzo slightly frowned when he felt the water shift slightly, but still remained with his eyes closed. It wasn't until he felt another body next to him that he opened his eyes.
"What the hell—" Sanzo began as Gojyo wrapped an arm around Sanzo's shoulders.
"Hey, now – we're friends, right? After all, we did share that indirect kiss through the Bodhissattva 2 back there," Gojyo grinned as he looked down at Sanzo's fuming face. "If you want we can practice (wink)."
That's it.
"DIE! DIE! WHY DON"T YOU JUST DIE?!" Sanzo yelled as he pushed Gojyo down into the water in an attempt to drown him.
"Hmm," Hakkai slightly frowned as he looked up from his paper. "For some reason . . .I feel that something is wrong."
"Wha?" Goku asked with a slight interest as he continued shoving his dinner in his mouth.
"Gojyo and Sanzo have been at the hot spring a long time," Hakkaid remarked before he furrowed his brow. "Too long."
"Whaddaya mean?"
"It's been over two hours, Goku. Even Gojyo doesn't take that long to wash his hair," Hakkai remarked as he put his paper on the table. He put his hands in his pockets. "I'm going to pay them a little visit."
Let's see, according to the directions the hot spring should be . . .there!Hakkai smiled at his own success. He continued walking until he reached the showers.
That looks like Gojyo's 'beauty bag'. Then that means they're still here. Maybe there was a youkai attack?Hakkai wrinkled his nose. I don't smell anything.Hakkai continued walking until he reached the edge of the hot spring.
"Sanzo?" Hakkai asked as he saw the blonde sitting in the hot spring . . .alone. Sanzo slowly and lazily looked up from his paper, his ever present glasses glinting in the moonlight.
"Oh, Hakkai. What brought you? I was just having a nice relaxing dip," Sanzo calmly stated.
"Well, it's been two hours . . .and I can't find Gojyo anywhere."
"Oh, he's lost? That's fortunate news." Sanzo answered as he looked down and continued to read his paper.
"Sanzo?"
"Yes?"
"Why do you have read hair flowing from below you? And why are there bubbles rising from the water next to you?" Hakkai asked as Sanzo casually looked down.
"I think I found Gojyo," Sanzo casually stated. Hakkai deeply sighed.
"How long have you kept him under there? You know it's not good for him."
"Only about an hour. Non-stop. He's a water sprite right? A little water wouldn't hurt him. I thought he should get back to his roots."
"Sanzo?"
"Yes?"
"Please get off of Gojyo before he drowns."
"But . . .he makes a comfortable chair. . ."
"Sanzo . . ."
"Fine," Sanzo rolled his eyes as he stood up in the hot spring. The figure below him wasted no time in swimming to the top.
"HOLY SHIT, SANZO!" Gojyo yelled between breaths. " I (puff) almost (puff) DIED!"
"That was the point."
"Gojyo, I told you not to get on Sanzo's bad side – didn't I?" Hakkai slapped himself in the face. "And yet here I am, rescuing you again." Hakkai started to walk away as he continued to mutter to himself. "Why do I do this? Am I a nanny? I'm an intellectual, I should be studying something, learning something. But no I continue to baby-sit incompetent men who fight like six year olds over a toy train . . ."
"Has he snapped, yet," Gojyo asked with slight concern as he watched Hakkai walk away, muttering to himself like a madman.
"No, but I think you'll eventually get him there."
"Sanzo?"
"Yes?"
"What have you been eating?"
"Nothing out of the ordinary, why?"
"You weigh like jeep. Ever heard of going on a diet? I mean you could afford to loose some pounds," Gojyo started poking Sanzo stomach as he finished his statement.
"STUPID KAPPA!!" Sanzo yelled as he tried to find his fan. Not finding it, he rolled up his newspaper and continued to hit Gojyo over the head with it. Gojyo grinned.
"What the HELL are you smiling about?!" Sanzo asked Gojyo.
"Kinky, much?"
Next Chapter Preview: With Hakkai's broken arm, who will drive Jeep? Unfortunetly, the boys have bigger problems when Gojyo decides he still hasn't finished torturing Sanzo yet. An amusing drinkning contest ensues with even more amusing results.
End Notes:
1 Kappa maki is the cucumber stuffed roll you get in sushi bars. Gojyo is a water sprite or "kappa". In Japanese mythology, the kappa inhabited rivers and sucked blood or life essence from its victims. The kappa had a soft spot for cucumbers and loved offerings of the veggie. That is why the cucumber sushi roll is now called "kappa maki".
2 The Bodhissattva in Buddhism is one of those who have attained enlightenment but decided to stay and help people on Earth rather than go to Nirvana. For more information on her/him (she's a transvestite and yes she is in the manga) refer to Volume 3 pages 36 to 50. The "indirect" kiss is also in the manga. A rather funny scene.
YAY!! My first Saiyuki fic! Well, what did you think? I'd really like to know and I appreciate everyone who reads and reviews. :) Thank you for your time.