Lucy sat curled up on the couch, sketching Patty-Mary. She drew her sitting quietly reading a book. The older girls were helping Karen in the kitchen. Lucy had offered, but Karen refused.
So she sat and sketched. Not only did she not have to show here lack of cooking skills, but it gave her a chance to sit quietly. At the sound of tires on the snow outside, Patty-Mary sprang to her feet. She ran to the window. "It's Ben!" Her mom came out of the kitchen. "Mom! Ben is here!"
Ben. As if things weren't crazy enough. She felt tired just thinking about how everything was about to change. Patty-Mary tugged her outside. "C'mon Lucy."
Lucy stood back on the porch as Ben got out of his rental car. She smiled when his surprised eyes met hers. He hugged each of his sisters and came to Lucy. "Hello gorgeous."
She started to speak, but he pulled her into his arms and bent to kiss her. Lucy turned her head and his lips brushed her cheek. She felt Kevin standing beside her, with his hand on her back. Ben looked from her over to Kevin and their eyes locked. He turned away and went to his parents.
Karen obviously didn't miss any of it. She hugged Ben extra long. "I'm so happy you're here."
His father gave him a hug. "Hello, son."
Kevin spoke in Lucy's ear. "It's cold. Let's go inside."
She knew it want' the cold he wanted to avoid. She turned to go with Kevin, painfully aware of Ben's gaze.
They went inside and Lucy looked into Kevin's face, seeing his discomfort. "I didn't know he was coming."
"He doesn't-."
The door opened and the family crowded in. Lucy stepped aside, her back to Kevin's chest. She didn't want this. She didn't wasn't to ruin the holidays for the family. And she didn't want Ben. They were completely different.
Karen clicked her tongue. "Don't you ever tell us when you're coming? It's great to have you."
Hank put a hand on Ben's shoulder. "Go put your things away. Your mother has dinner ready."
"Hurry before the steaks get charred." Karen said as she went to the kitchen.
The tension between the adults was heavy, but the girls seemed to miss it. Why had Ben come?
Sitting across from him at dinner, Lucy could see the joy in Ben's surprise visit brought everyone. Everyone but Kevin. The girls laughed at all of this jokes and stories. She dropped her gaze, drowning in Kevin's tension every time Ben looked at her.
Hank could tell the tension and tried to distract everyone. "Burt's got some new foals for sale, you guys want to go see them?"
She was sure Kevin would refuse, but instead he nodded. "Sure dad."
Ben shook his head. "No thank dad."

Hank and Kevin stood to leave. Was he really leaving? He stood guard all during dinner and now he was leaving her to Ben. Karen began clearing the dishes and Lucy stood to help. "We can get Lucy. You relax."
In other words, stay out of the way and don't cause more trouble thank you all ready had. Why did Karen think it was all her fault? She didn't want Ben, he wanted her.
Ben stood. "Let's take a walk Lucy."

They went and put on their coats. Their breath was white in the moonlight. Lucy limped down the driveway. "I can't go too fast."
"Really." He turned. "I'd say you went plenty fast."
"I meant my leg."
Ben didn't change the subject. "What's going on with you and Kevin? He glared at me every time I got close to you."
Lucy looked away. What was going on with them? She thought of their date and their kiss. With Ben she was still broken, but with Kevin...
Ben stopped and took her hands. "Don't tell me you think you're in love with Kevin."
Was she? "Ben I..."

He dropped her hands. "I don't believe it!" He kicked a piece of ice across the snow. "What about us?"

Her heart ached. She didn't want to hurt him. "Ben, it's been months so if I've seen you. A lot has changed. Besides you were never serious."
"How could I be? You freaked out every time I got close. I've never spent so much time and energy on a woman I didn't sleep with."
Lucy trembled. "You wanted what I couldn't give."
"But you could give it to Kevin?" Ben laughed coldly.
She was getting mad. "Kevin hasn't touched me. He knows-."
"What?" He sent her a bitter glance. "You told him everything but you can't tell me?"

Lucy shivered. She had told Kevin everything. And it cost her every defense she had. She started to shake. Where was Kevin when she needed him? Ben gripped her arms.
"Don't you dare panic on me. You have no reason to fear me. I never hurt you. Never would."
Tears formed in her eyes. "I'm sorry. I can't control it."
He shook his head. "You're wrong Lucy. You're in control. Just take it. Don't let this control you. You're in charge. Not me. Not Kevin."
She swallowed and lowered her face. Maybe Ben was right.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Kevin stood alone in the study that night. It had been three years since Ben came home for Christmas. Why this one? Why now?
His mind churned. How could he help Lucy with Ben in the way? Help? It had gone past that, hadn't it? He closed his eyes. He loved her. He wanted her with him, at the ranch and in his life.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Lucy could hardly stand it. Breakfast was awful. Everyone sat in silence, except for the few polite comments. Ben gave halfhearted answers, Kevin sat in silence, Karen looked like she hadn't slept and it was all her fault. What she wouldn't give just to have everyone happy again. She longed to hear the chatter that should had grown accustomed to. As soon as Stephanie stood to clear her plate, Lucy excused herself too. She went to her room and sat on her bed and stared at the wall.
Kevin knocked and came in. "Let's go out. How about a drive?"
She looked up, glumly. "Back to the ranch?"
He smiled and her spirit jumped. He held out his hand and she took it. Things didn't seem to bad when she was alone with Kevin. Maybe they could go back to the ranch. Maybe she could convince him. Things had changed.
They took his truck and stopped at a small woods. Kevin got out and came around for her. When she climbed down, her leg buckled.
He caught her before she fell all the way. "You all right?"

She nodded. "I'm fine. It does that."

"Because it need therapy."
They walked into the woods and stopped by a stream. They sat down together and a rock. "Ben talked to me last night."
"I figured he would."
"He's hurt." She glanced up.
Kevin took her hands. "He'll get over it. He's Ben, he always does."
"Are you sure Kevin because..."

He took her in his arms. He smelled of horses and the mountain air. "Take me back to the ranch. Please."
"I'm sorry, but I can't."
"Things are different now."
"I know. That's why I can't." He turned her face up and kissed her. "I love you Lucy." He held her face in his hands and stared into her eyes.
She had no defense against his searching gaze. Fear came over here. The hawk dove and screamed. Her fingers dug into his arm.
He pulled her tighter. "What's wrong?"
"The hawk. Am I crazy?"

"No."
"There was a picture on Jeremy's wall. A picture of a hawk. I see it in my dreams. Things trigger it. I just want to heal."
He kissed the crown of her head. "I'll help you heal."

She brought her hands up and rested them on his chest. "What do we do now?"
"I'm not sure. I don't know all the answers, that's why I trust God."
As they drove back, Lucy could see the whole family gathered in the front yard. They were all bundled up and waiting on them. Stephanie came running over to Kevin as he got out. "It's about time you got back. We were going to leave without you."
Where were they going? Lucy wished she didn't have to leave the truck. As she got out, she felt like everyone was staring at her. Like she was on stage about to give a performance. What did she have to prove?
Kevin looked at Lucy. "You can't walk this far."
"Where are we going?"

"Tree cutting."
"She'll stay with me," Karen unfolded her arms. "Come inside Lucy I'll make you some hot chocolate." Although she spoke kindly, it was a commandment.
She looked at Kevin for help, but he did nothing. She was alone. She had to face his mother. Lucy followed her into the house.
They sat down at the table and Karen gathered some cookies and mugs. She looked up, "I assume you know both of my son's are in love with you."
Lucy startled. She expected her to beat around the bush. "Ben and I spent some time together, but it was never serious.
"Ben is not always how he seems. He wears a mask. He acts like nothing matters and nothing fazes him. But he sees what others miss and he wants to help them."
"I know. Kevin told me."
"Not just in his job Lucy, in his life. He's not afraid to take a risk, even if it may hurt him."

Lucy met Karen's eyes. She sat in front of a mother defending her son. She wanted to reassure herself. She was sure she hadn't been rude to Ben. "I was honest with him. Ben's not in love with me."
"Then let's talk about Kevin. He most certainly in love with you."
She welcomed the opportunity. Now she would have the chance to prove that she didn't want to cause trouble. That had practically been her life goal. Don't disappoint. Don't offend. Don't make waves.
"You know by now that Kevin doesn't waste his affection."
"Yes."

"It's the same with his devotion to God."
Lucy set her cup down. "I appreciate his faith in God."
"But you don't share it."
"I'm trying to understand everything he believes." And that was not easy for her.
"Throughout Biblical history these kinds of relationships proved devastating."
"What kind?"

"When a believer tries to make a life with someone who doesn't share his faith." Karen sat back, her gaze as penetrating as Kevin's. "If Kevin has to choose between you and his beliefs, which would he choose?"

"His faith."
Karen looked surprised. "Why do you say that?"
"It's who he is."
"He loves you. He is now at odds with his brother. I don't want him at odds with God. Do you understand that?"

"Yes."
"Well." Her eyes softened. "Thank you for letting me be honest with you. I see what he loves in you and so do my girls. Thanks for hanging in there."
It was so unexpected, tears stung her eyes. Hanging in there? She couldn't know what it meant to feel like she belonged in a family. "I'm an only child and never had any sisters. It's been great. My mother died when I was young and my father is very busy."
Karen squeezed her hand. "Well, you're always welcome here. I hope you know that."
Lucy looked down at her hand. She could almost feel her mothers hand on hers. She missed her greatly.
Patty-Mary burst into the kitchen. "Come see it!"
Karen sent Lucy a quick smile and stood. Lucy pushed away her memories and followed her into the living room. Hank and Kevin were bringing the tree in through the door.
Kevin stood back and put his arm around her, the first public affection he'd shown. He said, "Patty-Mary choose it."
They began decorating the tree. They got out the boxes full of homemade ornaments. They were all handmade by the children from Christmas's in the past. When they were finished Lucy looked at the tree with it's sparkling lights, handmade ornaments filling the gaps and silver tinsel dangling in the rest of the openings. "I think it's great," Lucy said.

A/N: Please review! I'm going to wait a couple days to post the next chapter. Something pretty big is going to happen!