A/N: Thanks GeorgeStultsFan for the suggestion, I have been trying to figure out how to do that. I finally realized I had to use Explorer to edit my story after I uploaded it.
Jeremy left the church's Christmas party. He had had enough. He couldn't take any more fun and happiness. And people feigning happiness. As he passed Eric's office he glanced at the dark doorway.
He walked out into the street. He had never felt so alone. He had hoped that Lucy would be home by now. For her birthday, maybe. But defiantly for Christmas. He caught a cab back to his apartment. He would drink away the day. That would make him feel better.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Eric sat looking at a picture of Annie. Her cheeks glowed and she looked genuinely happy. They had married young and had Lucy their first year of marriage. Lucy. Today was her birthday.
And she spent it without him. She was a grown woman, she had better things to do than spend her birthday with her dad. He turned his attention back to the picture. Merry Christmas Annie.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Christmas was surprisingly quiet at Kevin's house. His sisters were out delivering homemade goodies to the neighbors, Ben was out somewhere. Karen was sitting on the couch knitting and Hank and Kevin were sitting on the couch talking. Lucy wasn't listening to them. She was unsettled after last night.
She stood and put on a coat and went outside. Stomping through the snow, she walked to the corral and went to a mare. She jumped as Ben reached around her to pat the horse. Where had he come from?
He leaned against the fence. "You were impressive last night."
"Thank you. I think everyone was."
He reached for her hand. "My, my that's a pretty quick engagement for someone who wasn't looking for a relationship. Or were you just waiting for the right brother to ask you?"
She hadn't intended this to happen. Kevin made it happen. She looked at Ben. "I want you to know that I never meant to hurt you. There are things about me that you don't know."
He brought her hand to his lips. "Come away with me. Let me take you to Paris."
"Ben stop."
He laughed coldly. "Is that all I'll ever get from you. 'Ben stop'? How about Ben don't stop?" He pulled her close.
He kissed her. It was ardent and demanding. Ben fell to the ground as Kevin's fist sent him to the snow. Lucy gasped at how angry Kevin was. He grabbed Ben by the shirt, but Lucy stopped him.
"Kevin stop!"
"Don't ever let me see you touch her again." He dropped Ben and grabbed Lucy's jacket, dragging her to the house.
Her heart raced. "It's okay Kevin. He didn't mean anything by it."
"Yeah right." The vein in Kevin's temple pulsed and his face looked like it was set in stone.
She felt her begin to tremble. "Still, you shouldn't have hit him."
He stopped and turned his thunderous eyes to her. "NO? WERE YOU ENJOYING YOURSELF?" He stopped yelling and stood for a moment. "Maybe you wanted it? I've heard he's good."
"Stop it."
"Maybe I should have just let him make love to her right there in the snow."
Her hand stung from the slap she delivered. Kevin turned for the house leaving her there alone. She turned away and limped towards the field.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Kevin went straight to his room. His cheek burned from where Lucy hit him. He had never hit anyone before. His teeth were clenched, "He deserved it."
"That doesn't make it right."
Kevin turned around and saw his father standing in the doorway. "Kevin, if you can't trust Lucy, then maybe you should reconsider that ring."
"It's not Lucy."
"It's not? Then why does it matter what Ben does if you're sure that it means nothing to her? I will not allow you to hit your brother. Not here, not ever. Do you understand?"
Kevin nodded and his dad left. Did he trust Lucy? Yes. He didn't trust Ben. Later he walked to the porch and saw Ben standing, alone. "Ben, can we talk?"
Ben didn't respond, so Kevin began. "Ben, I know you had feelings for Lucy."
"Had!?"
"But I'm asking you to let her go. There are things that she has been through."
Ben glanced at Kevin. "I know."
"She told you?"
"No. Only you are special enough for her to tell."
Kevin reached a hand for Ben's shoulder. "Ben I don't want it this way. I love her."
"Then you better go find her. I don't know what you said that cause her to slap you but it must be something you should apologize for."
Kevin started down the stair and turned back to face Ben. "Which way?"
Ben smiled and chuckled. "West."
Kevin went off in that direction. "Lucy!" Although he yelled, there was no answer. He finally found her. Her head was down and her knees were wrapped in her arms. She didn't look up when he got close.
He knelt down next to her and she still wouldn't look up. He cupped her face and made her see him. "I'm sorry."
She didn't look at him, "I think it's best that I go home."
Shocked, Kevin asked, "The ranch?"
She nodded. "Its where I belong."
"No, you belong with me."
She didn't answer.
"Lucy, I'm sorry I lost my temper. I know I scared you and God wishes I hadn't. But that doesn't mean that I-."
"I know you think that it was my fault that I was raped. You think I wanted it, that I deserved it."
He stared at her. This was the first time he had come right out about what happened to her. "Listen Lucy, I don't blame you. This is not your fault."
She jumped from the ground. "You and your God. You're so perfect. Well, I hate you and I hate your God!"
Kevin froze. What had he done? Tears stung in his eyes, he didn't even care if she saw. "Lucy-."
"I just want to go home." Her voice cracked.
"Fine. But you won't go alone."
She screamed, "I am alone. I didn't want you to love me. I don't want you to love me!" Tears ran down her face.
He pulled her into his arms. "Then don't. Let God love you. Trust Him."
"Trust him? Why wasn't he there when Jeremy hit me or when he raped me?"
"He was with you. He brought you to the ranch."
"To you?" She spoke with such anger, it hurt him. "At least Ben told the truth. He didn't conceal what he wanted in pious lies."
She was right. He hadn't been honest with himself or with her. He acted like he only wanted her well-being, when he actually wanted so much more. One lapse and he had ruined everything they had.
He held her until the sun went down. It was bone-chilling cold. "Will you come back to the house?"
"And Ben?"
"We worked everything out."
She closed her eyes and he circled her shoulders with his arms. She shivered as they walked back. Kevin hoped she wasn't just coming back because of the cold.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
The next morning, Ben left. He said he stayed as long as he could. Lucy went to the kitchen and saw Kevin standing in the kitchen. "Ben's gone?"
"Yes. Lucy, I did some thinking last night. I need to be getting back to the ranch."
Her sprits rose, until she realized he had said I, not we.
His tone was neutral. "You can stay here with my parents."
"You're going to leave me here?" How could he? She couldn't' face his family alone.
He turned. "Lucy-."
She pulled the ring from her finger. "I don't need you Kevin Kinkirk. Say no more." She dropped the ring into his palm.
"What-?" he caught her as she turned.
"Let me go."
"No. I need you."
She stopped fighting. Kevin needed her?
"I was going to suggest you stay here because you needed time. We can't go back to the ranch like this. And you clearly aren't ready to get married." He played with the ring in his hand.
She stood silently for a moment. Then she dropped her face into her hands and cried. His arms wrapped around her. "Don't leave me. Please don't."
"I can't stay any longer."
"Then marry me." The words came out, and she was shocked.
He stood silently for a long time. "Are you sure?"
She was sure. All's she needed was Kevin and the ranch. She wrapped her arms around his waist. "I'm sure."
Kevin wasn't as confident as she was, especially because he still had the ring in his hand. He intended the vows to last forever. "You do realize this is forever, Lucy. No turning back and no running away."
"I know."
"Well there is usually a long, slow process with counseling and preparation. But maybe I could convince Pastor Tom."
Her face lit up. "Will he marry us at the ranch?"
He had to smile. "Let's get married at the church and live at the ranch." He saw her resistance, but this wasn't negotiable. "If we marry in front of God, it will make our vows strong." He might as well be talking to a brick wall.
She showed no understanding but simply said, "If that's what you want."