Sorry faithful readers for the long wait, I had a lot to deal with these past few weeks, but I've got a copy of Resident Evil Outbreak and I'm inspired again So yeah. Thanks to all the new readers your comments/emails really help thankies muchies. Hope you like this chapter, its one of my favourites.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Alone again. I don't like it. I hate this. I can't stand being alone anymore, why isn't Hunk here....Where's Alabama? Why didn't they follow me? Was I too fast? I doubt it...What was that? A scratching sound...What the hell is in this old building? God please no, no zombies no more. It can't be him....he makes too much noise...he's too heavy...
"Hel....Hello?" Is that my voice? God its so...weird sounding. There's no answer. It's nobody. No...Maybe a zombie? No...Can't be. Can't smell anything bad...perhaps it's just a rat. Yeh, a rat, or a mouse, or like a bird or something. Not him. It can't be him. Why did he follow me? What the hell does he want? God I don't know....Will Hunk find me? Can they follow me? I hope so...I can't be alone here....can I? No. I can't. I can't be alone! I can't stand it. Why is it so quiet here? Damn it the whole fucking city's infested with moaning zombies and there aint none here?! What the hell is this? Why am I all alone here? Not even a stupid monster to keep me company...Why did I run? Why the hell did I run from him? I shouldn't have...he was staring at me. Just stared while Hunk shot him. I should have just stood there, he didn't care about Hunk or Alabama...But I ran. I was so scared...no I am so scared. I'm more scared now. If I just stood there, maybe Hunk and Alabama coulda killed him, but I ran and he...stop it. Don't think about it. Forget. Just forget it. But it's so hard...especially being so alone. God I wish someone or something was here, just so I could get my mind on something else, but...it's just me here now, in this stupid office...its cold...where's my jacket? I think I lost it...I can't remember. I've got this tiny bottle of vodka from that hotel...It tastes horrible on it's own, but I forgot to pack my mini bar today and bring a mixer...It might taste fowl now, but the moment it slips down my throat it makes me feel better. Feel warm. I hope I get drunk...then I can pretend this is all a dream. Maybe I'll just float away....If I get really drunk I might fall asleep then die in my own vomit. A horrible death, but a death none the less...Not like I've really got anything now, no home, no family, no friends. God my friends. I haven't given them a second thought till now. All I cared about was getting to my Dad...then when I found him...just to get out. Get out of this fucking city. But what about all my friends? I have...no had so many...most were just casual acquaintances, I couldn't really care less about them really, but then there's the few really good ones...where are they now? What happened to them? Did they manage to get out? Or are they just like everyone else here. Dead. I guess they are. I must be the last one...I guess I am because I'm all alone. I hate being alone...
"Hello?!" No. That's not my voice, it's so weak so...pathetic. No ones answered. Not even that scratching rat. I'm still alone...Vodka's gone. Don't feel it yet, but my throat feels a little numb, that's good...He hurt me bad. I dread to think of what my neck looks like...I'll never forget his hand round my throat...that breath...that stink...god no. Don't, not again, don't think about it. Stop it. Think of something else. Wait, where did I put my gun? Oh, on the desk above me....I forgot...It's not my gun. Its Hunk's...where is he? Why isn't he here yet? What about Alabama? He'd come wouldn't he? Would they? Maybe they got fed up with me, maybe I'm not worth the trouble? No, I'm not. What am I? Nothing. I'm nothing here, always been nothing, will always be nothing. At least when everyone was alive I was happy being nothing. There was no pressure, no stress. No one expects you to excel at anything, no one expects you to get anywhere, and you just go with the flow. But no one's here now. It's just me...If I am nothing...Am I really here? Maybe I'm dead...maybe this is limbo or something? No that's stupid. This is real, I'm alive, it hurts too damned much not to be.
"Where do I go now?" Why am I talking to myself? There's no one here but me...but it helps, it does help, to hear a voice, even though it's my own. But it doesn't sound like my own now...it's a little comforting. Like someone's here with me...Not alone? No, always alone. Will always be alone...how can anyone understand me after this? How can anyone want to know me? Who wants to be friends with a crazy girl who talks to herself and has made friends with a fucking scratching sound....ah its there again. Good...So I'm really not alone here huh? Or...maybe I am? Maybe I really am going crazy and I'm making up that sound in my head! All part of me creating a second personality or imaginary friend or something. No. Stop this. Dad hated it when I did this, when I would convince myself I was crazy. I wanted to be special...to be different. He'd just sit me down and tell me I didn't need to be crazy to be special, and I was always special to him. That's all I needed. Just someone to tell me they loved me, that they cared. But now who do I have? No one. I'm alone now. If I get out of this city whose going to love me? Who's going to sit me down and tell me they really care? No one, because I have no one, and no one will have me after this. A stranger in the street isn't suddenly going to tell me I'm the most importing thing in their world...isn't going to validate my reason for existence. Maybe it would be better if I just fade away then. Just disappear...
"Where do I go now?" Again, that question. I can't answer it. I don't have anywhere to go after this...where is nowhere exactly? I remember that film, I loved it when I was little, yellow....yellow submarine yes! The Beatles. They went to nowhere land and met that nowhere man. HA a smile, I'm smiling, god I loved that film. They took him with them to that rainbow place where they sang and played songs all day long...Even the stupid nowhere man found somewhere to go...Maybe I can too? What's wrong with me? Why am I being so depressing? I have to keep smiling. Dad used to say, even when things are going horribly, if you just smile it would make it easier. But sometimes it's so hard to smile. I smile for a second then this reality comes back. I need to stay with that happy thought to get through this...I should drink some more. I'm not drunk yet. It'll make it easier to lose track of reality, it'll make everything seem...easier. That's the problem with these stupid little bottles. One does nothing for you, you have to drink three or four before you'll get an effect...This will be my third... Where are they? Where's Hunk? Why aren't they here yet....why cant they find me? God I can't be alone much longer...I'm thinking too much, should stop thinking...Should I go try and find them? No...He'll be out there. Watching. I know he will because he told me! He told me! No stop it, don't remember, don't remember that voice, it was so low, but I can still hear it ringing in my ears! So rough and....sad. So sad. Oh god his eyes, I saw his eyes. He's in so much pain, how can he go on? He wants me to help but I cant, I cant, I'm too scared, he'll...he'll kill me I know it. If he gets me again...it won't be long till he...stop. Stop it again stop it! Don't think like that no. Hunk will come. I know he will. He'll come and make it better. Then we'll go. Go somewhere, he'll take me away I know he will! I won't run away again I promise! I'll stay right next to him, he won't let anything else get close to me, nothing will get me again. He won't get me again. No....Hunk won't let him. What? What was that? The scratching, it's...on the other side of this desk....what...what is it? I'm screaming. Why am I screaming? Why can't I control myself?! Stop...stop. It's a rat. I knew it was a rat. It ran across my feet, under a cabinet...poor thing. I scared it. I didn't mean to...I didn't want to...
"NAOMI?!" What? What's that? My name? Someone's shouting for me...someone...oh god I'm not alone! No not alone anymore! I can't talk, my voice wont work...I can't move, oh god why can't I move! It's gone...The voice....I can't hear anything now. No he went...It was Hunk...he left me again!? No, scream Naomi scream, find your voice...
"Naomi? Is that you?" I can't see the door...I can't see him. It sounds like Hunk but...
"Hunk?" No...I don't think it is. Why isn't Hunk here? Why didn't he come for me?
"No, It's Alabama, its ok, you can come out now, its safe, there's nothing here...." Of course. Alabama. He came...he's standing in the room now, staring at me. Is it really him? Am I just dreaming? Am I really not alone anymore? I'm shaking, I can't stop shaking. I'm in his arms now. My head buried in his chest, he's so warm...so alive. So here. Not alone. I can't stop these tears...its all coming back to me. When I ran...
"I was so scared he kept on following me and I was running so fast and there was so many zombies and I tried to lose him and I couldn't and I didn't know where I was going and I couldn't breath and then I came here and then he..." Breathe. Breathe. I'm so confused...where am I again? This office...no it's a factory. Yes I ran here, through all those back away from Him. There was so many zombies...I ran straight past them and he tore them up, one by one, behind me, I thought maybe it would slow him down. But it didn't. He's made to kill....Too many tears, not enough oxygen...I'm so dizzy.
"It's ok, I'm here now, and I won't let anything hurt you..." Yes. Alabama's here, he won't let anything get me now. I'm safe. He's so strong...nothing could get past him to me right now. Nothing.
"I don't wanna see him again, please don't let him get me again.." Maybe I can breathe again...I'm sure Alabama wont let him get me...not now. No not now...
"Did it hurt you?" Yes. Oh god yes. Too much, it hurts too much. Why can't I talk? Why won't my voice work? Why can't I tell him? Alabama's hands on my neck, so gentle, not like his...
"He grabbed me by the neck and..." No can't tell him. Can't tell him yet. Body won't let me, crying again. So many tears...I'm sitting down. How did that happen? Alabama must have sat me down...good, not so dizzy anymore...Why couldn't he hold me a little longer? Just a little longer...but I'm not alone anymore. No. Alabama's here and he won't leave me now...
"Here Naomi..."Alabama's holding out a tissue for me...He looks worried about me...wait...no. No he doesn't. His eyes...they aren't worried. He's gone now, looking in desks for something...no he has to care about me. From the way he acts he cares...He is worried...but his eyes...no don't think like that. Not now. Wait...where's Hunk...
"Where's Hunk?...He is ok isn't he?" My voice. Still not my voice...all raspy and old sounding...not me at all. He did it. He hurt me, made me sound like this. Damn him. Why hasn't Alabama answered, where's Hunk? He should be with him...unless he's...
"Well...he's..." Footsteps. No is it him again? No it can't be? Too light....but what if it is? Oh god no not again not again I can't do it not again! Alabama will protect me! He won't let him get me again, no he won't, he'll fight for me I know he will!
"Alabama have you found...Naomi!" It's Hunk. Oh god it's Hunk. Its not him...Hunk's here! He really did come for me! He was looking for me! He does care...
"Naomi...you're ok?" No. No I'm not! Why do they keep on asking that?! My feet wont work, they wont let me run to him like I did with Alabama...why not? Why cant I let him hold me? Oh...yeah...I forgot...he doesn't do that. He's not like that...Not that kinda guy...
"Uh huh....the Nemesis he..." The tears again. Crying again! Can't stop though, I can't stop crying...it hurts so much! Everything. Everything is fucked up!
"Here sit down, don't start crying again, take a tissue and I'll get you a drink ok?" Alabama. He's sat me down again...a drink? Yes...I'd like one of those. They're talking about things....I can't understand what they're saying, everything's garbled. Maybe it'll become clear when I stop crying...I just have to calm down. Hunk's here now, Alabama too, I'm not alone anymore. Everything can get back to normal...or semi-normal anyway. No more thinking. Oh god....they're going to ask me what happened. Can I tell them without totally losing it? How can they understand? They don't get it, they don't understand that...
"He's still....he's still human...inside." I'm speaking out loud! I found my voice at last...Maybe I can tell them. Maybe I can make them understand.
"He's...He's trapped in there! In that body! How could they do that to him? He's...He's just in so much pain..." It hurts to talk. Hunks staring at me, still worried...must be my voice, it's pretty bad. I sound like a frog...if a frog could talk I guess...That would be cute, why couldn't Umbrella make a talking frog instead of...Him.
"That's why we have to help him Naomi. If we run into him again....we put him out of his misery yeh? Don't worry, I wont leave you again ok?" Alabama gets it. We can't let him go on, he doesn't want to. It must be horrible to have to live like that...
"Naomi...I know it might be hard but, please tell me what happened, I have to know so I can try and figure out what Nemesis might do next." Hunk's given me another tissue. God he's so strong, how can he be so strong? How does he cope with shit like this? His hand is on my knee...I'm glad, it's not much, but it is comforting...He's also kneeling down, so his face is at the same level as mine. I can't read his face...but his eyes are understanding, I can take my time, he won't rush me. He's sweet, he keeps gently squeezing my knee, showing that he's here for me. I think I get it now, it's Alabama. He doesn't want to show too much emotion in front of Alabama. Maybe he thinks it will make him look weak. This is good for me, focusing on other peoples problems makes me forget my own. I can finally breathe again but...Hunks waiting for me to tell him what happened...ahh just be calm.
"Ok...I'll...I'll try. I ran, I know I shouldn't have but I just did I'm sorry...I'm sorry." Hunk squeezes my knee again, it's ok, there's nothing for me to be sorry about, I ran because I was scared, Hunk doesn't blame me for doing that...
"He was right behind me...I know he could have ran faster but...but he didn't. I don't know why...it was like he was just playing with me...toying with me! I had to run through all these zombies and...over things and...it didn't slow him down. He just tore up those zombies...it was horrible! There was blood everywhere...I just couldn't lose him....oh, thanks..." Alabama's given me a coffee I think...eugh no, it's mostly whisky...I didn't know there was a kettle in here? I guess I didn't look around properly...I was so scared I just ran in here and hid...I hate whisky. But...I'll drink it anyway.
"Sorry seems like we're all outta milk...shoulda popped into a store on the way here eh?" Alabama's joke wasn't so funny, but Hunks reaction was. He just shook his head a little and rolled his eyes...I'm starting to feel like myself again...I like having them both here, it's not so hard now...or maybe I'm just drunk.
"That's ok...well..err I just couldn't lose him, then I saw this place. I thought I could hide in here but...he got to me before I could get in. I turned round and he was just there....staring at me. I didn't know what to do so I just stared back....it was like forever but I think it was only for a few seconds.....then he..." I can't! I can't do it! I don't want to tell them! I don't want to remember! Alabama looks impatient, he wants to know what happened...but Hunk...he just squeezes my knee again...its ok...I can tell them a little of what happened...as long as Hunk doesn't leave...
"He...he touched...he touched my face..." I can't tell them! I...I can still remember the feel of his rough hand on my cheek...then his thumb tracing an invisible line down the side of my face to my chin...then up to my lips! No no! I don't want to remember! I don't want to remember how his hand travelled down my neck then...then to my chest...and then he had his arm round my waist! He pulled me towards him...and god he's so much more bigger than me, I thought he was going to swallow me up! I hated that feeling, I couldn't breath, there was no space...and then his body was...almost moving...he was changing...I was so scared...no I'm still so scared.
"He just touched your face? Then what did it do?" I don't know I don't know! I don't know what to say now...I can't tell them what happened! I can't tell them all of it...I can hardly think about it...I can't talk about it yet. Hunk's thumb is rubbing my kneed, slow smooth movements, backwards and forwards....just concentrate on that. If I concentrate on that I can stay calm...and his voice was so...caring...god I need that right now.
"I tried to get away but he....but he grabbed me...here..." I show Hunk my neck and he gasps...it must look bad then. He really does look concerned for me now...in his eyes and face...I just wish he would give me a hug or....or something....I don't know...
"He grabbed me and pulled me right up to his face...I couldn't breath and then...then he just threw me back down and...and just walked away and I couldn't breath I just couldn't breath!" I can still feel his hot sticky breath in my face...his rough hand round my neck. He's so strong yet he held me so gently at first...but then he saw something in me he didn't like, god I don't know what...his hand steadily got tighter round my neck and I couldn't breath anymore...then he pulled me up off the floor so I was even closer to him and he..he whispered. Watching. That's what he said....just one word. Watching. He let me go and left...just turned around and left me there! Even he left me....Everyone leaves.... Alabama takes my empty cup and gives me the rest of his...even more alcohol in this on than there was in mine...I'm not complaining.
"Then you came up here to hide, and left your jacket on the stairs in the hope one of us would see it?" What? My jacket...I don't remember...I thought I lost it. It must have fallen on the stairs...
"I...don't remember. I don't really remember how I got up here..." Hunks standing up now, he's leaning towards me...is he? Is he going to....? No. No, he's just checking my gun...why would he openly comfort me in front of Alabama? Why would he comfort me at all really...he's never made the first move....never. I wish he would though....Wait...there was the hotel? But...It felt different...He...I don't know...it almost felt forced...not real. The way he touched me...he just wanted sex. That's why I didn't give in...isn't it? But now....God why wont he just....He looks like he wants to hold me or say something...anything! But he wont...he just won't. I...I doubt he ever will actually....oh god...I can't think about this now...please Naomi don't think about things like that...not now...
"You didn't try to shoot it? Why not?" Hunk doesn't really sound surprised...he's just asking a question that should have an answer. I just shrug...I don't really know, I mean I had the gun in my hand the whole time but I never once tried to shoot him...I...I wanted to but...I don't know, he's just still so human to me and...his eyes. God his eyes when I saw his eyes I just couldn't...
"We should try to get moving as fast as possible, I have a feeling the Nemesis will probably come back, and I certainly don't want to be here when he does. Alabama, you can carry Naomi's bag for a while can't you?" What? No! No we can't! I have to tell them! If we go out there...if I go out there he'll be there! Waiting for us!
"No....no we can't...I can't..." Alabama's helping me get my jacket on but I don't want to go! I can't go out! He'll come back to get me and then he'll...
"It's ok, I won't let nothing hurt you ok?" Alabama's put his arm around me, he's smiling, confident that he can protect me...but how can he? No...I can't go back out there! Who knows what the fuck's gonna happen!
"No! He's watching! He said so! He said he would and I know he's out there!" They don't understand! They just don't get it! They don't know what he's done to me! The Nemesis isn't after them, he's after me!
"He said? He talked to you?" Alabama doesn't believe me!! No...Hunk too...They don't believe me, I can tell by the way they are looking at each other...but he did talk, I know I heard him!
"You think I'm crazy don't you? He said he was watching! Watching me! Whatever...the point is he is out there and he's following me! I'm not going back out there!" God I'm getting hysterical. Hunks moving towards me...is he going to slap me, like the last time I got like this? Damn it I don't care...
"Shussh, calm down ok? I believe you, the Nemesis is highly intelligent for a B.O.W. But we can't stay here. I'll be with you, the Nemesis won't get you again, as long as you stick by me you'll be safe..." He hasn't slapped me. He's just being so sweet...so gentle, he's got a good grip of my shoulders but he's not hurting me...he's just as strong as Alabama...the two of them together should be able to stop him...I'm sure of it. Yes. I have to believe that! Hunks already let go of me and moved away...no, no I wish he would just...
"I.....I guess...I'm sorry, I just...he's...I'm sorry. Thank you...both of you, I mean I really don't know where I would be now if you didn't..." I still can't stop the tears, I don't want to cry anymore, its so tiring but...my body just won't listen to me! I wish this really was a movie or something, where the hero can make a corny joke, we all laugh and the screen cuts to the next important part of the story. Then I could miss out all this in-between shit!
"Come on, put your jacket back on, we have to keep moving Naomi." I must look like a right fool. My jackets half on, on just one arm...I'm in such a state, how could I let myself get like this? I have to get a grip. Be like them. It's the only way I'm going to get through this. If I carry on the way I've been going, the next time Nemesis turns up, I'll cry like a baby and he'll...he'll get his way because I won't fight back. Well that's going to change. I will fight back next time. Fuck this shit. I'm tired and fed up. I just wanna get out of this stupid city and...and...do something! Anything! Anything but this...
"Naomi. It'll be ok now..." It's Alabama and he's smiling at me again....yeh, yeh it'll be ok now....I hope. I just gotta keep a clear head. Not get so worked up anymore...I think the alcohols kicking in...Everything's kinda...blurry. Not in a bad way, it's just more...Fluffy. Everything just seems easier...I still don't wanna go though...
"Alabama...I er...thank you for ...you know..." I should thank him. He helped a lot...Just being held made it more bearable, reminded me that I really not alone. I was so stupid, thinking I was the only one hurting here, what about Alabama? The way he looked at me back at the clinic, when he was talking about what happened out there...This affects him as much as it affects me! I was so selfish!! What about Hunk though? I don't know...I'm sure this all gets to him...he does look awfully tired...and sometimes I can see pain in his eyes but...sometimes, he's just empty. Nothing. And he did say he didn't care about anyone or anything, I mean I know it's not true but...god I don't know, I'm too tired and too drunk to think about stuff like this...
"Here, keep your gun here, it'll be easier for you to carry this way" Oh my god. Hunk's just come up behind me and...Put the gun down my jeans. It's cold...I don't know what to do...should I say thank you? Oh god I'm so embarrassed he was so close to me and...Alabama's laughing a little...I must look stupid. Am I blushing? I think I'm blushing...no I'm sure I'm blushing! I think I'm drunk...
"Right lets get moving then. Back out the front and down the main road...Don't worry Naomi, I'm sure Nemesis has moved on already, I doubt he's outside waiting for us..." Hunk's probably right, Nemesis has probably moved on but...I still don't want to go out there. That's where he...Don't think. Don't think about it. Maybe if I pout? If I ask nicely? No, I doubt it will work...I'm not stupid, the main road is the best course it's relatively clear, and the back roads...well. They're all blocked off and locked and...just too much trouble...Alabama's just staring back at me. I don't think my pouting technique will work on him...Hunk on the other hand? I have managed to get my own way with him a few times....he is warming to me...but in front of Alabama? No I think it's working. He's thinking about going another way! I can tell! His heads tilted slightly to the right and he's smiling a little...just a little....he's...he's saying no. Shaking his head just a tiny bit...no. It was worth a try I guess but...I still don't want to go out front...cant they see I'm scared?
"Let's....Let's go then. The faster we move out of here the faster we get to.....you know..." We might as well just go, like I said the faster we get out of here the faster...I don't know where we're going...where I'm going to be more specific. At the moment I'm just tagging along...at the end...who knows where I'll end up...I don't think its something I really want to think about just now...all this thinking has given me a headache...or maybe it was the whisky?
"Good, come on then, let's get going..." Alabama's smiling at me. So is Hunk. They're right. Let's go. I'm ready....at least...I think I'm ready...Well I've managed to get my jacket back on properly, that's a start...I better do something with my hair too, it's a mess at the moment...I'll just tie it up again and worry about the knots later...I...I just have to smile and push my way through this, just take those first few steps out the door...and everything should be...no will be ok. Yes! It'll be alright now...Hunks just walked out...I think...I think I better stay real close to him now...