Hiei and the Pixy Stix
It seemed like Kurama had just closed his eyes after a late night mission when he was rudely awakened by a loud voice yelling in his ear.
"GOOD MOOOOOOOORRRRNING!!!!"
He clutched his ears half moaning half growling, "Who the hell is it?" (a/n not much of a morning person is he .)
When he heard someone giggling he swung himself out of the bed and blearily opened his sleepy eyes… "NANI!?!?!?!?!?!" He had found himself looking into the big grinning face of… "HIEI?!?!?!?! WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO YOU?!?!?!?!?!?!"
More giggling. Wait, giggling?!
"That's for me to know and you to find out. Hey cummon! Lets race downstairs. Last one there is a rotten egg!" Without further ado, he dashed down the stairs reaching speeds that Kurama thought impossible, even for the little fire apparition.
After recovering from his shock, Kurama got dressed (a/n he had previously been in boxers only droooooooool) and followed the strange creature who he assumed must be Hiei, downstairs.
"Morning sleepyhead!" Sang an excited Hiei.
Kurama groaned and shook his head. Waking up to find Hiei this cheerful just gave him a headache with confusion. "So Hiei," he said cautiously, "what do you want for breakfast?"
Without any hesitation Hiei answered, "SUGAR!!!! Yay!!!! Sugar sugar sugaaarrrrr!!"
It was still kind of early and Kurama wasn't thinking straight so it took a couple seconds for him to make the connection. Tick tick tick tick DING! That explains his behavior, he must have gotten some sugar and now he's hyper. Great, I wonder if Hiei's EVER been hyper before. This cannot end well.
His troubled thoughts were interrupted by a distraught Yusuke who chose that moment to burst through the doorway in tears. Yusuke? Crying? WTF?
Yusuke stumbled into the room and collapsed in a chair at the table sobbing. "It's gone! It's all gone!!!"
Now normally, Kurama would have had a good night's sleep, with no disturbing events waking him up or bothering him, etc., so normally, Kurama is a pretty calm guy. Normally. Today is not a normal day now is it? So when Hiei was bouncing around the room hyper and Yusuke was sobbing at the kitchen table for no apparent reason, he lacked the patience to be sympathetic in any way shape or form. "CUT TO THE CHASE! WHATS GONE?!"
"MY SECRET STASH OF PIXIE STIX ARE ALL GONE!!!!!!!!" and with that he slumped down, still crying.
"HI YUSUKE!!!" Hiei bounced over while munching on some chocolate he found. "How's it going?"
"Don't bother me Hiei, I'm in mourning."
"Yes, it is the morning. HAHA I made a funny!" Hiei started jumping up and down laughing. Yusuke glanced at Hiei in puzzlement before tuning back to his overwhelming grief.
"Guys, I think I'm gonna take off, I got things I gotta do." Kurama heard him mutter something about more pixie stix as he walked out the door.
He sat down heavily at the table while thinking, It's a good thing mother went to the spa this week. There'd be no way for me to explain this. Just then Hiei walked over carrying what appeared to be a harmless cup of tea. "Ok Hiei, what did you do to this tea."
"Nothing Kurama, it seemed you had a headache and I thought you could use some of my herbal tea."
Kurama looked at the fire apparition suspiciously while sniffing cautiously at the tea. It smelled and looked all right, so he drank it down. It tasted a little funny, maybe a bit on the sweet side, but it helped Kurama's headache. Maybe the sugar wore off. Hiei started giggling again. Spoke too soon.
"Hiei, why are you giggling?"
"I got you I got you!!!!"
Kurama was starting to panic a little. "What did you do to that tea?!"
Hiei put his hands behind his back and put what he thought was an innocent look on his face, "welllllllll… lastnightyouweresleepingandifoundsomethinginyusukesroomandittastednicesoihadmorebutididnteatallofitandiputtherestinyourtea." /Gasp/
(a/n translation: last night you were sleeping and I found something in Yusuke's room and it tasted nice so I had more but I didn't eat all of it and I put the rest in your tea)
As Hiei stood there gasping for air, Kurama was mentally deciphering what he had just said. "So that's what happened to Yusuke's pixie stix. Hey, wait a second, how many pixie stix did you put in my tea?"
"Well, uhhh… more than 10 and less than 100."
Kurama's eyes bugged out for a second and he said to Hiei tersely, "Hiei, do you know what happens when Youko gets hyper?!"
Hiei looked at Kurama sweetly and said "I dunno, is it sumthin cool?"
Kurama sighed. His headache was back. Rubbing his eyes wearily he responded, "if you are this hyped up, then I think it will be cool. Others however, might not agree."
"Welllll then… lets sing!"
"Sing, Hiei?"
"Yeah, you got any good songs?"
Already, the large amount of sugar was working its magic on the kitsune, so after a little thought he broke out in song…"
"I hate you,
you hate me,
lets get together and kill Barney,
with a double-barrel shot gun
shoot him in the head,
uh oh I think Barneys' dead!"
"Ooh I like that song! Only one question Kurama, who or what is this, 'Barney'?"
"I'm glad you asked that Hiei. Barney is an evil purple dinosaur that sings song meant to destroy the minds of the nations youth. He hypnotizes them with his evil purple dancing and his evil purple singing. It is truly the most terrible thing you can ever imagine, worse than anything in the Makai even."
"Hmm… so you are saying that such an evil is actually allowed to exist?"
"Unfortunately, yes Hiei. It is quite tragic."
"Well then, lets go kill Barney!"
"Hiei, what do you think Koenma would say?"
"Uhh… good job?"
"Well, it would be a good deed, but I think we should either get his approval or, you know, 'convince him'."
"Very well, I'll make some tea just in case."
"You do that Hiei, and I will contact Boton about travel arrangements. Better make an extra large batch!"
"I will."
About a half-hour later, Hiei, Kurama, and Boton were gleefully singing the "I Hate Barney" song. Ten minutes after that, the three were entering the office of their employer, the ruler of the Makai, Koenma.
"What is it now you three?" he asked in impatience.
They had decided that it would be best for Kurama to do the talking, so he stepped up, "we have a very important matter to discuss, but business can wait. I must insist that you have some tea as we talk."
The pint-sized ruler looked at the three suspiciously and warily conceded to the kitsune's offer.
Ten minutes later, they were on their way to the Barney TV station.
Koenma and Boton were watching from a distance and Hiei and Kurama were hidden in some fake bushes awaiting the arrival of their unfortunate target.
"There he is!" Hiei pointed urgently at the purple monstrosity singing and dancing its way across the set.
Kurama looked, and lo and behold, there was the bane of his existence, warping the young and impressionable minds of the children before him.
Kurama tuned his head in disgust. "Should it be done now, or should we wait until the children are safely away?"
The vicious fire apparition was glaring intensely at the evil that poisoned the very air around them. "Now. It must be now, so the damage on the humans' minds can be repaired. No one deserves that torture."
Each quietly drew their weapons, Hiei his sword, and Kurama his Rose Whip.
"Okay Hiei, on the count of three, one… two… THREE!!!!"
With that, the two demons burst out of the fake foliage and set upon the biggest threat to mankind ever created, Barney. The poor man in the Barney suit ran away screaming as the tattered scrap of evil purple fuzz burned down to ashes.
The children, having been awakened from their song-induced stupor realized that they were finally free of the menace know as Barney, and they all rejoiced.
Kurama placed a hand on the shorter demon's shoulder. "Hiei, we did a great thing today. Who ever expected that you of all people would be assisting ningens in any way."
"I said it before and I'll say it again, no one deserves that torture. And who knows, maybe the result of those evil songs would be super evil kids going off and destroying the world or something! Or maybe they would all go off and become drug addicts, or maybe…"
Kurama, seeing that Hiei was still under the effects of the pixy stix decided to tune out the fire demons babbling.
After receiving a few words of praise from Boton and Koenma, the two departed, heading back to Kurama's house for a bit of shut-eye.
It was about three in the morning before Kurama managed to get to sleep because of the extreme sugar intake of the previous morning. Hiei however, having liked the feeling of being obscenely hyper, decided to repeat the fateful incident, and had already prepared the night before by buying extra pixy stix for his breakfast. The result for Kurama was disastrous.
"WAKEY WAKEY EGGS AND BAKEY!!!!!!"
Oh kami, there was that annoying shrimp, back to destroy yet another perfectly good weekend morning.
"KURAMA! UP! NOW!"
Kurama found himself flying through the air, quickly approaching the wall when they fiery midget hurled him out of bed. What ensued then can only be described as a battle of epic proportions, of which cannot be recounted by the feeble authoring skills of one as inexperienced as I. I can however tell you that this incredible dual between two that can only be described as the Early Bird and the Night Owl, was that of which will be recorded in Japanese history books, and for years to come, force-fed to all history students ages 9. I wish that kind of stuff were taught in my class, but noooo we have to learn about boring stuff like Mesopotamia, and stupid Ancient Greece. But I digress. In laymen terms, it was a big battle. Duh. Uh… what now?… oh yeah, the story… so anyway…
As the two valiant warriors (a/n coughyeahrightcough) were recovering from aforementioned battle, something magical happened, and Incybincer wrote herself into the story! Yay! . everybody cheers, or everybody dies. (Everybody: . Yay?) Better.
Boton looked at IB and said, "who are you and what are you doing here?"
"Muah ha ha! I am the authoress and I control all of your fates! Muah ha ha! (fire springs up in the background) FEAR ME!"
Hiei, Kurama and Boton: .
(a/n don't ask me when Boton got there, lets just say she wanted to watch the battle, ok?)
IB: "heh heh, I was sorta running low on inspiration and my muse stopped working -turns and smacks muse- (muse: ow!) Something about going on strike… so anyway, LETS PLAY THE BARNYARD ANIMAL GAME! (a/n don't ask, just humor me, you'll figure out the rules easily enough)
IB: I'll start! MOOOOOOO!
Kurama: I believe that would be a cow, now lets see… QUACK
Hiei: Stupid fox, that's easy, a duck. Hmm… BAA BAA
Boton: Oh I know! It's a dog right?
Hiei: --; no Boton, it's a sheep. Let's try again. BARK
Boton: Sheep?
Hiei: No Boton, that was a dog. You suck at this game. Go away.
Boton: T.T Fine I'll leave. I know when I'm not wanted.
Hiei: -mutters- which you're not.
Boton: -walks off in a huff and will not be seen in this fic ever again- (a/n no I don't hate Boton, she's just not going to be in this fic anymore. Don't like it? Tough. Deal with it or stop reading. Nyah!)
IB: Enough animals! Hmmm… what now… ya got anything for me now muse? (Muse: I got nuthin) -mutters- I need a new muse… lets see, I know! Since I live in America, there's American stuff I know!
Kurama: -rolls eyes- Really.
IB: . you got sumthin to say to me, Bishie-man?
Kurama: Oo Eep! No!
IB: …well… what I'm talking about is current American politics.
Hiei: Bush is President right?
IB and Kurama: Why do you know that?
Hiei: I like to keep tabs on all those that I believe to be a serious threat to the human race. Mind you, most of those threats are demons but… you know.
IB: That's a very good point Hiei. -Proudly displays "I Hate Bush" pin- he sucks. (a/n I obviously dislike Bush, so if you disagree and you have a problem with my fic, SHUT UP AND GO AWAY LOSER. . Thank you!) Okay, so this time I don't think Koenma will go along with my plan, so your going to have to risk being sent to jail. But its for the good of mankind, and possibly demon-kind too. He's that dangerous.
Hiei: -smirks- Are you thinking what I think your thinking?
IB: Maybe, it depends on what the hell this, 'thinking' is.
Hiei: --; Never mind.
IB: uh… so anyway, I'm ordering you to go to America and off Bush. If Koenma tries to stop you, just argue your case by saying that Bush technically isn't really officially human. He's 100 asshole. You can be a human that's an asshole, but you can't be an asshole that's a human. If you don't understand that, don't worry, neither do I. I confuse myself. So… what was I doing again? -looks around- SHINY THING!
Kurama: Ahem.
IB: Oh hey Kurama, what are you doing here?
Kurama: You were just ordering Hiei and I to go kill Bush.
IB: Oh yeah, I knew that. Well what are you waiting for, go to it! Muah ha ha!
-Lightning flashes and thunder shakes the Earth as IB disappears in a poof of smoke-
Kurama: -thinking- she's nuts -turns to Hiei- I guess we should go get some plane tickets. I don't think Boton is going to help us now that she's all mad at you from the Barnyard animal game.
Hiei: It's not my fault she's a nitwit.
Suddenly, the TV that was there the entire time for some reason switched onto news channel 42370 with a shocking update.
"Hello, this is Lou Ser live at the White House, where one of the many attempts on President George Bush JR's life has finally succeeded." The camera zoomed in on a picture of Bush's body under a sheet being taken away.
IB: -appears in a crack of lightning and another poof of smoke screeching- WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! I wanted him dead, but I really wanted my minions,
-cough- I mean Hiei and Kurama to kill him! Some people just ruin all of my fun.
Kurama: Calm down IB, Bush is dead and the entire human race can rejoice.
IB: Okay, okay fine. Well, now that the purple menace, Barney is dead, along with Bush, and we even played the Barnyard animal game, I'm all out of ideas. I am thoroughly convinced that my muse is broken and I need a new one (muse: hey!) but until then, this lame fic is done. Now go away and stop bothering me! Uh, please? .