Leaving You: Part 2
That day was like a blur to Buffy…
She had gone running out into the hall after her dark counterpart, but she was no where to be seen. Faith was gone…
She didn't know how she even got there, but the blonde slayer somehow managed to make it back into the apartment and was now laying on top of the brunette's old bed. She laid there quietly, on her back, gazing around the room.
How could she not notice? All the things she said to her…how Faith looked when she said them…how mean she had been….
Many thoughts went through the older slayer's mind, all of them coming back to one thing…it was all her fault. She wanted to push the younger slayer away…so she got what she wanted…right? Buffy curled her hands into tight fists as she thought. Why did she do this? She liked the relationship she was building with Faith…or rather HAD with the other slayer...
Maybe she liked it a little too much…but now she was gone. Faith was gone and Buffy was left with heavy thoughts on her mind. It was easy to forget. Easy to throw yourself into someone or something and ignore everything and everybody else. It was something that the older slayer was used to doing…it was easier that way…
And when it came to Faith…she seemed to do it a lot…
But near the beginning, when they first moved in, Buffy let go. And those times with the brunette slayer were the best. The blonde didn't hide behind anything, didn't ignore anything, nothing, and it was great…
Then all the doubts, insecurities, the what ifs, and thoughts came bubbling up. And Buffy did what she was best at, pushed away. She met the Immortal, and at first, he had charmed her…literally…and it made Buffy sick. Faith was going through a point where she was in demand at other locations, and the older slayer grew a little lonely, not to mention all the things going through her mind…
It was easy to pretend, easy to throw herself into a 'relationship' with the Immortal. It wasn't real, so it made it easier. And Buffy almost made herself believe that she actually liked being with him. She began to spend more and more time with him and seeing Faith less and less. He was using her, she was using him…but he didn't need to know that…and it didn't suck that he was great looking, good company, had money, and a charmer…
That was till Faith had walked in on them…
She had felt her, heard her, but it was too late. The brunette didn't think that she knew, but she did. She had shoved the Immortal away, but by the time she got to the door, the younger slayer was already gone…
Everything was jumbled up in the older slayer's mind. Memories and thoughts came rushing through, giving her a headache. Buffy sat up and put her head in her hands. She had really done it now…and she didn't even know if she could fix it.
And she did want to fix it…didn't she?
How could she think that? Faith was important to her…was something…meant something to her that she herself didn't want to think about…it was the whole point of how/why she threw herself into the relationship she had with the Immortal. But how could she have let it come this far? Why did she have to behave like this?
But she knew why…she was afraid…
Tears began to form in the older slayer's eyes, running down her cheeks. She didn't notice them. Everything was eating away at her and she didn't know what to feel, do, let alone think at the moment…
And that was how Andrew had found her. He came in with his first load of things to find her there, crying. And Buffy hated herself. Hated herself for acting the way she did. Hated herself for hurting Faith the way she did. Hated herself for crying and for letting Andrew of all people see her. Hated herself for being so afraid to get really close to people…there were many things that the blonde slayer could think of at the moment to hate herself for…
This was what she tried to avoid…being hurt…Faith leaving….
But Buffy didn't stop to think about what her actions did to the other slayer, how they affected her. She should have known better. The two slayers always ended up hurting one another somehow…
That day was a total mess. And the older slayer felt as though a cyclone had hit her, and she just wanted it all to go away…
That very day, Faith was called to go to Ireland. She was tired, drained, felt like crap, had just moved in, and now she had to leave again. But she was needed, and she knew it. She had a job, a responsibility, a duty, and a purpose. There was no stopping. With that knowledge on her mind, and knowing that she was meant for greater things, with a determined attitude, Faith packed a small bag and headed off to Ireland. That day was one of the longest and most tiring ones she had ever experienced…
Meanwhile, Buffy had gotten the new where-a-bouts to Faith's new apartment. Andrew had told her, after finding her in Faith's old room, and also informed her that he had spoken with Xander and that he was going to contact the brunette slayer about a new slayer that needed help there. Meaning, the younger slayer would be heading out of the country again…
Without really thinking, the blonde slayer had ran out of the apartment and booked it for the younger slayer's new apartment. She didn't really know what she was going to do or say, but she knew she couldn't leave things the way they were with the brunette slayer…
But it was too late…again…
Faith was gone, and Buffy just stood there, out of breath, feeling even worse then she already did. What was she going to do?
Buffy was all about control. And the situation she was in now…was so beyond out of control to her…and she didn't know what to do for once…or even what she should be feeling…and it frustrated her, confused her…and she didn't like feeling that way…and there was only one way she knew that would make herself stop feeling that way…at lest for the time being…
She was going to see the Immortal…
A week had gone by, and it all seemed to have been a blur for the blonde slayer. So much had happened…
Andrew was all moved in. And he wasn't as bad as a roommate as Buffy thought...but he wasn't Faith…
Buffy had been with the Immortal the past few days, trying to forget everything and the way she felt. They had hung out at the apartment, much to Andrew's annoyance, and watched TV…something so simple…yet it meant nothing to the older slayer. And it wasn't the same…it wasn't like when she and Faith used to watch TV together. And it made it worse that they were in the same apartment.
That night, they were going out, dancing…something that she and Faith used to do…
The blonde slayer couldn't even do the simplest thing without thinking of the brunette…she still felt guilty…confused…one couldn't even place words to all the things that the blonde felt.
That night was the same night that Angel and Spike came from LA. Buffy never saw them, and was beyond shocked to find out that they had come looking for her…that Spike was alive again. Andrew had told her all about it. She had felt a little guilty for not seeing them. But it was good that she didn't see them in a way. She knew they were upset, upset with her…but…as much as she, herself, never truly admitted, she was just a girl…
But that was an entirely different story…
Faith had returned a few days later, and was disappointed to hear that Angel had been in town. Again, she missed another chance to see him. Nothing ever worked out, it seemed, for the brunette slayer.
The trip to Ireland wasn't bad. Things went smoothly and it was nice to see Xander again. He had been helping new slayers down there, training them in his spare time, and ran a construction company as well. He had built an actual headquarters for new slayers. Ones that didn't have family or were runaways were stationed there. Several watchers lived there, and there was training, among other things. Xander had a good thing going there. It was kind of hard to imagine Xander heading it all but he had help, and was doing really well. She was happy for him.
He had asked if she wanted to join them, but she turned him down. She noted that one day she just might take him up on that offer, but not at the moment...
That night, while on patrol, the brunette felt someone following her, but she knew very well who it was, and it made her stop.
"Didn't think I could take care of myself B?" The dark slayer asked without turning around. A shadow stepped out in the alley behind her.
"Uh, no, it's not that…I just…heard you were back…" Buffy spoke softly as the brunette still hadn't turned around. Faith sighed and closed her eyes for a moment. Why was she following her? Hasn't she done enough?
"Whatch ya need B?" the younger slayer asked turning around to face her counterpart. Buffy looked away from her and the brunette frowned. The older slayer clasped her hands in front of her and started to fidget a little before replying.
"I just wanted to see how you were…been kind of lonely without you…" Buffy spoke softly, not meeting the other girl's eyes. Faith narrowed her own eyes at the other girl. What was this?
"Yeah, well, now you know I felt," she replied before turning around and continuing walking down the alley she was patrolling. She winced at her own words a little bit. She then could hear Buffy's quick footsteps as she jogged to catch up with the younger slayer.
"Faith…Faith wait," Buffy called to her before reaching her and turning the brunette to face her. "Look, I'm sorry. I…I don't know what to say…I…" the blonde slayer tried, looking for the right words to say. The brunette just looked at her.
The older slayer seemed different…like…like she used to before the whole Immortal thing and before everything turned sour. It wasn't something that just stood out and screamed at you…but Faith could sense it. Could sense it from the older slayer in several ways…her clothes, her body langue, her attitude…everything…maybe she was wrong…but something seemed different…that something had changed…
"You cut your hair," Faith stated a little out of the blue. Buffy just looked at her blankly for a moment.
"Uh, yea…it was getting too long," the older slayer replied as she ran a hand through her layered shoulder length hair. "I think I look a little stupid," she added looking down. She realized that Faith just gave her a way out…that she was making things simpler for her…she always seemed to do that, even when Buffy hurt her, Faith always took it…and here she was, changing the subject, letting her off the hook…
The younger slayer could tell that the blonde felt bad. And it actually surprised her a little.
The older slayer felt a hand in her hair and looked up. Faith was running her fingers through it a little bit, smiling sadly at her. "No, I like it…you look beautiful…" the dark slayer stated, letting her hand fall to her side.
Faith knew this would happen. One moment, one look from Buffy Anne Summers, and she was sinking back…but she couldn't, she wouldn't. Buffy had hurt her…and she couldn't get hurt again…
The brunette was kicking herself for slipping. For saying what she said and for letting the moment happen. "Thanks…" Buffy merely whispered as she looked at her.
The younger slayer then stepped away from the blonde and put her hands in her pockets, looking away from her. "I should get back to patrolling," Faith stated as she turned around again. Buffy's heart sank a little bit, she wanted to make it better. Wanted to fix things…but what if she was too late?
"Faith…" Buffy lamely attempted. The brunette stopped but didn't turn to face her.
"Buffy…I-I can't do this with you right now…I don't want to admit this but you hurt me…and hurt me bad…I…I just need to do my own thing right now…I-I have to go," The younger slayer explained as she continued to walk into the night, leaving the blonde slayer in the dim lighting of the alley…alone…
TBC….woohoo! I actually got a chapter up! I REALLY need to be doing some other things but I knew you guys wanted an update. This chapter isn't that great, and I am sorry, but it was the best I could do right now. I had to get some back information in there…and sorry if it seems a little out of place. There will be another part coming up, so just hold on tight, lol. Thank you for taking the time to read my fic too. Reviews are nice and let me know how I am doing! Remember I do this for you guys! I'll post anotjer chapter when I can!