Spoiler Alert: Shades of Grey, big time

A/N: So... this is what happens when you're in a bad mood already and you watch "Shades of Grey." Since it's impossible to physically assault a fictitious character, I had to settle for this...

Don't worry, I'm usually a fan of happy endings.

Seriously. If you're cranky, don't watch that episode. Watch "Window of Opportunity" instead. You'll feel a lot better.

Damage

Ch 1: Stuff you left behind

Sam Carter shoved her rolling chair away from her work station at her lab, too frustrated and sore to continue trying to type up her report. Every muscle in her body was aching, probably because she hadn't slept for more than thirty consecutive minutes in... she didn't know how long.

She looked around her lab for a new distraction for her mind and found nothing. She glanced at the door for the tenth time in as many minutes, hoping Daniel or Teal'c, or both, would come in to visit. Her eyes settled on an open box on the stool by her door. She frowned at it. Two weeks ago, Sergeant Harriman had crept into her office, looking terrified, and explained that its contents were things Colonel O'Neill had left behind in his locker. He had left as soon as possible, mumbling an apology on his way out.

She had ignored the box until Daniel and Teal'c had joined her for yet another session of silently nursing their wounds together, and they had gone through its few contents together: a towel, a black tee-shirt, a near-empty can of shaving cream, and a copy of "To Kill a Mockingbird."

SG-1 had always been close, but after Colonel O'Neill had been forced into retirement for stealing alien technology, the three remaining members had bonded even more. It was strange to think about, she realized now, but they had hardly spoken at all in the entire time he had been away from them. Yet they had grown infinitely closer. He had betrayed them all, disillusioned them all, and hurt them all with some pretty harsh words as well. That was all they knew, so nobody felt the need to try to make sense of any of it. They just spent long periods of time sitting near each other, occasionally exchanging sad, significant looks.

Of course, the entire thing had been a set-up. None of it had been real, except the sense of loss they had all felt for weeks. Even now, knowing he had been acting under orders, Carter still couldn't help but feel a little bit betrayed, and she knew Daniel and Teal'c felt it too. They had always, always done everything as a team. It was an unspoken rule they had, the team came before everything, even the rest of the SGC. Even official orders. The fact that he hadn't told them what he was up to... it hurt a lot more than Carter cared to admit.

Which only made her angry with herself. Daniel was rubbing off on her too much. She was upset because her CO had been following orders. The unbelievably cruel irony of that made her want to spend yet another hour wailing on a punching bag in the gym.

As she went over all of this for the thousandth time, a familiar and (for the moment at least) unwelcome voice called, "Carter?"

Her CO was peeking into her lab. "Okay to come in?"

Was he asking if it was safe or if he was welcome? She sighed and nodded. "Yes, sir."

He came into the room completely but didn't take a seat. She was glad, it meant he wasn't planning on staying. She hated the way the feeling of relief that he was back and hadn't gone all crazy on them always immediately started fighting with residual anger and hurt feelings every time she saw him. It was confusing, irritating, and unprofessional.

"Uh, I just wanted to let you know, I made my final report to Hammond. About the undercover mission. And, ah... he felt that due to the added... emotional strain on everybody, we all deserve two weeks off."

"Great," she said automatically, not caring that no matter how he had been acting, his eyes were still trying to apologize. She was just so tired of the whole thing... she really wished she could just erase the entire incident from her mind.

"So... I think Teal'c wants to go visit his kid but I thought maybe you and Daniel might want to go fishing," he suggested cautiously.

"Did you talk to them?"

"No. I just left Hammond's office."

"I'll talk to them about it and we'll get back to you, sir. Is that all?" she asked in a cold voice, deliberately excluding him from the decision-making process. She felt a bit of satisfaction as she saw him mask the hurt in his eyes. Then she felt sick with herself for doing it.

"Yes, I guess that's all, Major," he said just as formally as she had, turning to go. She saw him notice the open box. He paused, and looked at it with his back to her for several moments.

"Take it if you want," she finally said. "It's just stuff you left behind."

He sighed and actually leaned his head on the door frame for a few moments before leaving without saying a word.