Black. Everything was black. Empty. Void. Dark. Dead.
Somehow the metal of the soldiers' uniforms seemed colder than usual. The choral music seemed more foreboding than comforting. Were the hymns usually so melancholy, or was it just the funeral atmosphere making them seem that way? The familiar grace songs sung to Sadie seemed so reverent when one was being knighted. But when one was saying goodbye to a dearly departed...
"Are you all right?" a warm voice asked softly.
Chris felt a hand come to rest lightly on her shoulder. Her eyes never left the casket, but she turned her head slightly toward the speaker. "It's almost ironic," she murmured softly. "This feels like the second time I've buried my father."
Salome's response was a sympathetic squeeze, and he removed his hand from her shoulder, leaving her alone again.
Again? She'd been alone all her life. Her father had vanished without a trace, without an explanation. How could he do that to her? How could he not come see her? Hadn't he missed her at all? Didn't he wish he'd been there for her? Wasn't he curious about the kind of woman she'd become? Didn't he love her at all?
He hadn't been there for her, but she felt the pain of that loss far more profoundly than any bitterness she might have held for him for ignoring her existence. He must have had his reasons. There had to have been a reason why Chris had seen more servants than relatives at family picnics. There must have been a reason why her father hadn't been there to give her her first riding lesson, to watch her try and try again until she succeeded. There must be some cause for being left out of Father-Daughter Day. The proudest day of her life, the day she swore her oath and was knighted, was one she spent in solitude. There must have been a reason.
The call came for kin to come and pay final respects, and Chris alone walked slowly up to the casket. Her eyes blurred with tears, she tried to look straight ahead and not let her gaze focus on anything, especially not her father's body. She stood next to his coffin, her eyes almost in slits and her brow furrowed as she willed herself not to cry.
A hand lightly pressed her back, trying to tell her it was time to go, time to close the casket and to move on. Life wouldn't stop for her just because a piece of it had been taken away as quickly as it had been given. There was no choice but to say good-bye. But Chris shrugged away from Roland's touch and took another step toward the casket. She leaned over and whispered the only thing she could think to say as her final words to him.
"I forgive you...father."
Feeling strangely at peace, Chris was able to finally step away and let them close the casket. The hard part was behind her now. She could see her father laid in his final resting place, and never again ask why.
Leaving the cathedral, the lady knight paused on the cold, stone steps and looked toward the heavens, listening to the last resounding chord from the requiem for her father.