Title: Everything You've Wanted
Author: goose
Rating: R
Disclaimer: JW, ME, Fox
Pairing: F/B

Distribution: Oralfxatn, Wicked & Divine, anyone else please ask
Feedback: If you feel so inclined

Dedication: To the only girl I've ever loved, to the only girl I could ever love, to the only girl I've ever wanted, to the only girl I'm finally over, maybe

A/N: A lot happens over the summer

A/N2: Thanks David

Everything You've Wanted

Faith's POV

I don't want to be here right now. I really, really don't. I know that he's her boyfriend and that she loves him and all, but does it mean that I have to be around to watch it? Don't think so. The worst part is, is that this place was actually decent without him here. The music wasn't so bad. Buffy and I were even dancing together.

I spent the whole afternoon planning for tonight. B said she wanted to hang at the Bronze and expected me to show. So here I am, in my red top. The one she told me she liked, once. And there she is, on the dance floor. She looks great as usual. She always looks perfect.

She cuddles deeper into Angel as he wraps his arms around her, and I realize it's time to go. It kind of really sucks to have to see them together, but I shrug it off, walk over, and tap her on the shoulder. She turns around to face me with that perfect smile. As always, I smile back.

"I'm gonna get outta here, B."

"What? Why?"

"I... I just need a slay is all. Plus, the music kinda sucks tonight."

"Oh. Ok," she says.

"Later, B."

"See you later, Faith."

I head out of the back door of The Bronze, and lean against the cold bricks. I light up as I struggle with my lungs, barely managing to suck in any air. Maybe I should quit smoking. Strangely enough, I don't think it would make much difference. I set my jaw, clenching my teeth, and run my hand over my face. My life sucks. I mean it just sucks.

I mean, come on! I risk my life every single night and what do I get? I live in a shit hole on the edge of a town that doesn't mean anything to me. I wake up every day to a big pile of nothing. What am I even doing here? What exactly am I waiting for, for her to want me, for her to need me? For her to notice that I'm even around? I push myself off the wall, and walk slowly towards the nearest cemetery.

I'm dusting a few vamps at my third stop of the night, when the temperature drops just a little further. I can almost smell the rain before it begins to fall. The sky is a deep gray. The newly moistened grass becomes uneven and slick. The wet stone of the grave markers and the damp earth give off a scent that I've grown to love. But, it's too cold to be out here, so I pack it up and head toward the rusted iron gates.

As I walk home, I think about all of the things that I'd like to know about Buffy. All of the questions that I'd like to ask her if I could. The smiles that I'd like to see when I ask her. And, maybe she'd want to know about me, too. I want her to. I want her to want to know about me. I want her to ask me about all of the things that I've done. I want her to tell me about...anything. I want her to be waiting for me on days when...when I feel like this. I want her on the bad days, all days.

I suck in a shaky breath, and try to clear my head, because feeling this way... won't get me anywhere. Who would have thought that this could have happened so soon? Who would have thought that my heart could ever be hers to break? And, least of all, that it could be so easily broken by the one girl who fails to realize that she has it?