Author's note:

Thanks to Buslady and GemDrive for reviewing…I appreciate the feedback for my blood, sweat and tears!

This one's a little shorter, but I felt like there was enough emotion to hold it up.

CHAPTER 4: LETTING GO

"Was it the little things I left unsaid?

The thoughts that wrapped around my head in love, in life

Could it be our time was incomplete?

Or someone just failed to need enough inside

And I've lost my direction

Where do I turn?"

-Ryan Cabrera, Exit to Exit

RAPHAEL

The sound of the gun was deafening. Throwing star lodged in his arm, the gunman lurched backwards, the muzzle of the gun tilting upward as he squeezed the trigger. Time seemed to stand still as I waited for the force of the bullet.

It never came. I saw the rest of the bikers on the hill stop cold, almost dropping my Harley as they tried to drag it up the incline. They looked shocked and unsure.

The gunman regained his balance before he could tip into the water. Terrified, he let the gun fall from his hand as he dashed toward the others. I heard him scream something at them, but I couldn't hear the words as he shouted with the wind. As he reached the Harley, he grabbed one man by the arm, pushing him away from the bike and up the hill. It wasn't long before the other three followed behind them. In moments they were gone, swallowed up by the darkness of the night.

As the adrenaline rush left me, I started to feel extremely weak. I wasn't sure how I was going climb up to get my keys out of the ignition. Oddly, the pain in my leg was starting to fade, but something made me think that wasn't a good thing. Hazarding a glance downward, I surveyed the damage.

The material from my pants was almost completely ripped away. The edges lay fluid with the wound, disappearing into the mangled heap of bloody tissue. Gravel from the stream bed was ground into the surface, and it was hard to tell what part of my leg I was even looking at. Behind me, a crimson trail streaked from the sewer entrance to where I originally fell. I sighed deeply, trying to compose myself. Maybe Splinter could go get help…

"Master?" It was barely a whisper. Turning back toward the sewer, I realized that I no longer saw Splinter's outline in the shadows. That's when a soft rasping noise caught my attention.

Splinter laid in a heap on the cement pipe, neck outstretched, gasping for air. As he coughed, bloody foam sprayed from his nostrils. Although I couldn't see the wound, I realized with horror that the bullet must have struck him in the chest. Suddenly, his back legs began to paddle violently, as if kicking at some unseen enemy.

Master Splinter was dying.

I was transfixed. The sight of his body shaking was so disturbing, I felt myself starting to vomit. The taste of alcohol and bile overwhelmed me, and I collapsed forward onto my chest. Even as I was vomiting, I started to sob. Not a cry of pain, but a deep, feral cry that only comes from extreme anguish.

What had I done?!

As I continued to cry, I thought that maybe he still had a chance. Maybe if I could put pressure on his wound, CPR, or something…anything…

Gripped with urgency, I dragged myself toward him. I felt the warmth of the vomit as it soaked in through my jacket. When I reached the bars, I realized that I couldn't even get close enough to do anything. Sick at heart, I stretched my arm through as far as could. My fingers lightly brushed against his palm. Splinter's body relaxed, as if comforted simply by my touch. His hand curled feebly around my fingers. I tried to speak, but my voice wouldn't come. All I could do was listen to the song of the falling rain, the clap of thunder echoing through the city.

Splinter's anguish lasted only a few seconds. With a final pant, the luster left his eyes, and the only father I'd ever known fell into death's arms.

I was lost.

Everything happened so fast, his soul slipped through my fingers. Helplessness overwhelmed me, and the ache in my heart made me numb. It was strange, as he'd laid their dying, holding my hand, I'd felt closer to him than I ever had in life. Arguments and impatience were gone, misunderstanding forgotten. All that was left was the simple and unconditional love of a father and son.

I knew that if I dug deep within myself, I would have the strength to make it home. To save the life of another, I would struggle ferociously until I had nothing left. But for myself, there was nothing.

"I'm sorry."

Burying my head into my elbow, I squeezed Splinter's hand one more time, and shut my eyes.

DONATELLO

Raphael? I was confused. Leo was practically convulsing, and he was worried that something was wrong with Raph?

"What do you mean, Leo?" April questioned, wrinkling her brow and looking as mystified as I was. She knelt in front of him, hands gently stroking his knees.

"I really don't know. I just…I…I feel him inside my head."

I could tell that even he was baffled by what he just said. It didn't make sense. But then again, a lot of things about us didn't make sense. And I trusted Leo's feelings.

Implicitly.

"Leo…I don't think…"

"April please," Leonardo pleaded, "I just know."

April seemed slightly taken aback at his forcefulness, but she relented. Still looking worried, she lifted her hand and brushed the sweat back from his eyes. "How 'bout I call him?"

Michaelangelo, silent until now, answered from the background.

"No good."

Leo turned to face him, fear apparent in his eyes. "Why Mike?"

" 'Cause he doesn't have his phone," Mike whispered, realizing the possible seriousness of the situation. "I saw it sitting on the kitchen table before we left."

"Shit."

We all stared at Leonardo, helpless about what to do next. I hadn't felt my family be this vulnerable for such a long time. Years, even. Sure, Raph would run off, Leo would go on training runs and lose track of time. We'd even been in a few fights since the downfall of foot. But I'd never really felt like any of us was in any real, tangible danger.

"Then what do we do?" April appealed to him. She seemed to have the voice right now that the rest of us didn't.

"We start looking." Leo replied weakly. He started to try and stand, his expression firm. I knew better than to tell him no. Instead, I grabbed his arm steadied him as he moved toward the window. Even though he was exhausted, I knew he would never rest until he found Raphael.

Hopefully in one piece.

"Wait." Casey stepped in front of both of us, blocking our path. "Shouldn't we split up or something?"

Leo paused, considering. "Yeah, I think we should," he answered. "Mike?"

"Yep."

"You and Casey probably know where he goes when he's mad better than any of us. Check all of them, but stay together."

Casey nodded. "I'll go start my car. Mike, why don't you…" he hesitated, looking for something. He grabbed a blanket that was draped over the back of the couch and side- armed it to Michaelangelo. "Here, wrap this around you and I'll meet you out front."

Mike caught the blanket with one hand. "Geez. Did you have to grab the pink one?" he yelled at Casey, who was already out the front door. Groaning, he fashioned a make-shift garment out of the velvet material. He looked like a fat, hunchbacked grandmother. If the situation wouldn't have been so tense, I would have been rolling, but as it was I kept a straight face.

Once Michaelangelo was out the door, Leo turned back to April. "April, I want you to come with us. We're gonna head back to the lair and get Master Splinter, then we can search the sewer." His voice got quiet. "Maybe he's feeling the same things I am."

I grabbed the window pane, pushing it up forcefully. A stream of raindrops pelted in against my outstretched arms. I let Leo go first, watching him carefully as he climbed through.

Eyes lingering on the window, April paused. "Uh, I think I'll take the stairs," she said.

"We'll meet you in the sewer."

Surprisingly, it didn't take long to reach the lair. I wasn't sure if maybe the rain cooled Leo down, but he seemed much better. He'd quit shaking and was able to walk, even jog, on his own. If it wasn't the rain's doing, I hated to ask what the feeling meant for Raphael. Either he was ok again, or…

"Master? Master Splinter?!" Leo's voice was strong and determined, his leadership skills kicked into autodrive.

"Master, where are you?" I called, rushing to check his room.

Empty. I single candle still burned from the middle of his meditation mat, wax spilling down in a hard puddle. The soft light cast shadows along the back wall as the flame danced melodically.

Re-emerging into the main room, I looked first to Leo, then April. They both shook their heads.

The lair was deserted.

If I wasn't convinced before, I was now. Splinter never left the lair. I couldn't even remember the last time his paws touched the floor of the sewer tunnels. Not only was he getting older, he had grown more fearful of the outside world as the years passed.

Yes, there was definitely something wrong.

As uneasy as I was, Leonardo unsheathed a single katana. April shifted nervously, about to say something, but Leo raised his hand to silence her. The three of us stood, suspended, as shut his eyes. I watched the wrinkles form on his face as he concentrated. I could barely breathe.

Leo groaned, the tip of his katana dropping to the floor to steady himself. He suddenly looked so fragile. I new he needed help, but I didn't move. His concentration was too important.

"There," he whispered, pointing to the back exit of the lair. "I don't know if it's above or below, but I feel something that way." His hand was on his head. "It feels like screaming, if there's such a thing." He fell forward, leaning on the katana, but only for a moment. "April, please stay here. I know you shouldn't be alone, but I still don't know what's out there, and I need Donnie."

Scared, but in agreement, she told him she was fine here. Plus, she could call if either of them came back. While Leo took off into the tunnel, I stopped to hug her briefly.

"Don?" I felt her breath on my neck as she said my name.

"Yeah?"

"Please bring him back."

I squeezed her tighter.