POCKET CHANGE 2: A GAME OF CARDS
by Sharon R.
Chapter 16
"Just call it, Luka," Maggie breathlessly let out, "his pupils are blown."
Stepping down from the stool he'd been on to get a better position, Luka wiped his sweat covered brow with his upper arm before turning around and coming face to face with Carter who had just recognized the exposed patient. Luka was out of breath and took a moment to compose himself before trying to explain things to Carter who pushed him out of the way to get closer to 'Romano'.
"Probably had a PE." Maggie exhaled and let go of the ambu bag.
It wasn't even a matter of dredging his memory and seeing if the dead man remotely resembled his torturer. He knew it the minute he saw the disfigured stump of what remained of his arm, then the unmistakable scarred face - the eyes open in the death mask of half mast. Laid out naked on the table, the sutured remains of a fresh ex-lap and two drains eerily resembled his own scars. Carter moved to his head and took the tape from around the endotracheal tube to get a better look at the man's mouth. Unlike Luka who couldn't bring himself at first to get near the man much less acknowledge him, Carter had an insatiable need to approach him, touch him, and verify his very physical existence outside of his tortured memory. Pulling out the tube he saw the huge gap where the teeth had long ago been knocked out and, as he closed his eyes, he saw the guy, cigarette held in that dental gap, whip in the hand of his lowly trainee, laughing at his victim as the leather strap sliced open the raw, infected flesh of his back over and over and…
"Carter," Luka spoke behind him, startling his eyes open.
"What…?" He cleared his throat. "How did he…?" Carter's voice quivered, his heavy breathing shook and, as the color drained from his face and he became light headed, his chin dropped leaving a string of saliva dangling from his mouth.
Sean walked towards him and put an arm around his shoulders, fearful that he'd fall to the hard cement floor. Instead, Carter tersely pulled his arm away and took off through the doors, not quite steady on his feet. Alarmed that nobody moved to go after him, Maggie took it upon herself, giving Luka and Sean a puzzled look over her shoulder before she hit the doors.
"Carter… John…,"
Maggie found Carter leaning against the trunk of a tree at the edge of camp hurling what little was in his stomach. "Doesn't look like he was the nicest of fellas." She leaned against the neighboring tree holding a tissue out to him.
"My puke doesn't bother you?" he asked gathering a nice big hock from his throat.
"I've seen and smelled worse."
His stomach finally finished lurching and he spit the remains of the bile onto the ground before staggering to the other side of Maggie and attempting to gracefully squat down. "God, I hate that," he moaned as he awkwardly landed on his butt. "Where did he come from?"
"Not quite clear on that. He was shot by the guards way out in the protected perimeter."
"Is he okay?" Luka had finally wandered out with Colleen and Sean close behind.
"I don't know," Carter sarcastically answered in place of Maggie, "why don't you ask him."
Out of habit - and caring - Maggie gave Luka the bullet. "Nauseas, clammy, weak, excessive watery discharge from the mouth, rapid respiration and pulse…"
"Stop." Carter yanked his wrist away from Maggie. "What the fuck do you expect?" Carter sat with his knees drawn up, his head buried between them. The silence was deafening. "What?" Looking up at the spectators, he became even more defensive. "Oh for crying out… Look, I haven't had much to eat or drink and I've been on an elaborate hike through the African jungle."
"Yeah? Whose fault is that?" Luka threw at him.
"How about bed rest until tomorrow?" Maggie intervened. "Get a nice booster of IV fluids."
"Whose fault is that?" Carter stood face to face with Luka, ignoring Maggie's suggestion. "Whose fault? You know, you don't know one thing about what we've been through since yesterday morning."
"That's right. I don't." Luka spit back. "Let me tell you what I do know. You two leave here conveniently forgetting to tell any of us the truth about where you're off too. You leave us on our own here at the clinic - just two doctors. We were up all night taking care of patients and worrying about you. And after we found out you were actually in the Congo - illegally, we wondered if you were even going to come back alive."
"You obviously had enough to keep you busy." Carter's puke laced breath was inches from Luka's face as he so masterfully stabbed him with his sharp words. "Work hard? Waste a lot of supplies trying to save that bottom feeding piece of shit?"
"Do you even care about what happened around here while you were off playing hero doctor? Huh? Do you care that Toomay saw that newspaper headline with Jules' picture?" Luka put his hand on Carter's chest pushing him back from his face, his eyes drawn down to the odd looking vest he was sporting. "You not only sound like one of them, now you're dressing like one too."
Carter looked down at the multi pocketed fishing vest he had all but forgotten. "What is this? Insult first, ask questions later?"
"Look, you two… "
"You," Luka turned his head slightly directing his hard voice to Colleen, "just keep out of this."
"Luka, it was just a short trip. Don't get all…"
"Just a short trip?" Luka turned and gave his full attention to Colleen. "Carter takes you back to where we were almost killed and it was just a trip? You told me you had things to do in town."
"Come on, you really are making more of this than…"
"…and I certainly deserve more from you than deception and being talked down to."
"Luka I…"
"If you can't be bothered to parent your own child, don't treat me like one."
Colleen stopped trying to interject and instead closed her mouth in defeat. She had deceived Luka and now he returned the favor by letting out her secret. She matched the severity of his stare, her face while resolute and fixed, no less unable to hide the wounds of his words.
"If you're trying to assign blame here," Carter shoved Luka in the shoulder trying to draw back his attention, "you need to put it on me. There were families that needed medical attention and we had no other way of getting it to them."
Colleen turned on her heels and walked back to the hanger, leaving the three doctors and Sean in the fresh downpour of rain.
"You asshole," Carter gave him with a verbal lash, "she put her job and maybe her life on the line to get us out of a potentially deadly situation. She could have walked away. But she didn't. She's got balls, Luka, and you need to stop looking at the surface."
Carter caught up to Colleen just in time to see Bob pull into camp as though nothing had happened.
"Hey kids," he spewed, "good to see you came directly home, didn't pass GO, didn't collect two hundred dollars."
"Fuck off, Bob," Colleen smirked.
"By the way," Bob didn't miss a beat, "I'll need to speak to both of you adventurers alone at some time tomorrow."
Colleen shoved him aside before storming into the back door of the hanger, one prominent middle finger displayed in the air.
"Always good to see you too, Reilly."
With Colleen in the back door, Luka stormed in through the main front doors, leaving Maggie and Sean to deal with Carter still outside.
"Tomorrow, when you all have gotten some sleep, we're going to sit down as one cohesive unit and talk. Okay?" Sean waited for Carter to nod before patting him on the back. "Any questions?" Carter shook his head this time. "Good. Okay." Sean left the group but stopped long enough to share a few words in private with Bob.
"I'll, ah, get a few hours sleep and take call tonight," Carter told Maggie. "Looks like you and Luka need a night off."
"You sure?" Maggie put her arm through Carter's resting on his hip. "I wouldn't mind keeping you company."
"Thanks, but I'll be okay." Carter gave her an affectionate squeeze before heading off to his room.
She had most of her scant few bags packed by the time Luka got to the doorway of his room.
"You're all wet." He leaned against the doorframe watching her at work. "You should change into some dry clothes."
"I will. Later."
"You leaving?'
"I'll bunk with the kids tonight over in the dorms." She looked around to make sure she got everything before closing all of the zippers. The largest backpack was strapped to her back and she carried the other two bags by hand, her two cameras hanging around her neck. It was obvious that Colleen could pick up and clear out quicker than a deadbeat on rent day. She managed everything except the obstacle in the doorway. "You need to move."
The top of her head came just to his chin. "You're shivering." Her red curls trembled across his lips, tickling his unshaven face. "I'm sorry…," Luka pushed a lock of hair away from her eyes and tucked it behind her ear, "…I was worried, and scared."
"Sounded angry to me."
"Yeah. I didn't mean for it to come out that way." He chuckled as he leaned his head against the door.
"What's so funny?"
"Carter. He told me once that my anger comes out sideways." Luka took her two bags out of her hands and set them down on the floor. "Please don't go."
Colleen let him take her bags back to the corner they had been stashed in. She was so tired that she didn't even argue when he slipped the backpack off of her, then the two cameras. Without saying anything he put his fingers under her rain soaked t-shirt and pulled it up over her head exposing her erect nipples peeking through the wet sheer fabric of her bra. She shivered again raising the goose bumps on her arms as Luka unhooked the bra and tossed it to the side. Reaching into a paper bag of laundered clothes, Luka pulled out an oversized Chicago Bulls shirt and slipped it over Colleen's head and then shoulders. After taking her pants and underwear off he wrapped his warm arms around her and nestled his face into her soft hair.
The sun was making it's slow descent behind the horizon as Carter snuck in the kitchen door of the Midway hoping to get some leftovers.
"Welcome home, John." Toomay was drying her hands after having just finished cleaning up from the last of the diners. "I hope you didn't have to deal with a lot of locals while you were there."
"Hmm?"
"They can be very difficult sometimes with foreigners, especially Americans. They like to run the show, if you know what I mean."
Carter was not prepared to rehash his Congo visit with Toomay and was frankly perplexed that she even knew about it.
"Were there problems?" She waited for an answer as she hung the clean saucepans back up on the hooks that fell from the ceiling. "Are you hungry?"
"Um, no… I mean yes, I'm hungry. And no, I didn't have too many problems, I guess." He stuttered slightly, still waking up from his nap and unprepared for the line of questioning. "Colleen translated."
"Here you go, sweetie." Toomay put a plate of food in front of him with silverware. "Luka said you would miss dinner - again." She scolded him with her eyes as she raised her right eyebrow and squinted at him. "No English?"
"What?"
"You are tired. I said, I'm surprised you had to work with the French locals."
Boy, she's cool about this, he thought.
"You're tired too," he mentioned noticing her drawn face with what looked like recently added lines.
"There's good tired, and bad tired." She showed him her famous smile. "I'm busy doing good things for good people. This is a good tired. Now you go eat."
Before he got to the door, he stopped and finally told her what he had really gone to the kitchen to do. "Toomay, I'm sorry about the newspaper - about Jules and all. Luka told me. We tried to keep it from you, but…" His voice faded as he could find no appropriate excuses other than the truth.
Folding the towel and putting it neatly next to the stove, she walked over to Carter and put her hand, still warm from the dishwater, on his arm. "I'm sorry you saw it too, but we cannot dwell on these things for which we cannot control. All those bad dreams, all those memories - they stay where they are. They may not get better, but they cannot get worse. We move on, John. That we can control, and we have to live in the present, not the past."
Like her late husband, she was always thinking of others before herself - a characteristic that deeply touched Carter considering what she and her family had been through. He paused holding his dinner plate tented with a small towel, his silverware in his fist. "Good night, Toomay." He gave her a soft kiss on the cheek before heading out to eat in quiet on the porch before the night time bugs came looking for their own meal of flesh.
Carter snuck up on the Midway porch and sat at the very end sure that Todd and the children crowded around hadn't seen him. He'd obviously come in the middle of something as Todd continued.
"No, it was a story my father made up and told me when I was a kid just like you. Now do you want to hear the rest of it?" Some of the children giggled, some cheered him on and two of the smaller ones raced to get a spot on his lap, both winning. Carter quietly sat in the shadows eating his dinner while listening to the children be… children.
"Now, Rigel was very sad that he couldn't shine as bright as the other stars. He couldn't wait to be a dignified, important star. He didn't want to be part of a boring constellation. Every day he asked Betelguese, a brilliantly proud star - the brightest one in his constellation - when it would be his turn to shine. You are much too young and not yet wise enough to be a star. You are too fast on your points, he told him. Much more fitted to become a shooting star. The young star knew that his points flickered out quickly, and it frustrated him. Constellations are important, noble and stay put. When your time comes, Rigel, you will make an adequate, if not brief, shooting star.
One night as Rigel watched the stars play in the sky, he was drawn to a cluster of bigger ones. There was a problem at Orion and Betelguese had sent for a replacement star for one that was flickering out."
Carter couldn't help smiling as Todd drew the children into the story, their eyes widening with anticipation. He took his time and lingered over the words taking his cues from the children.
"None of the bigger stars were fast enough to get to the constellation. They huddled together, their twinkles joining to glow beautiful gold, yellow and orange. One at a time they would shoot off to Orion but ultimately came back, their twinkles all used up in their failed attempt to get there. Way in back of the crowd Rigel waved his point. Me. I can do it, he pleaded. I can make it there. The rest of the stars laughed at him and finally told him to give it a try just to prove they were right. But… Rigel was the one who made it. He was quick on his points and made it to Orion just in time.
You are fast, said Betelguese, but are you bright? With all his energy, Rigel puffed up and glowed a brilliant gold, bright enough that the other stars had to shade their eyes. I'm proud of you, Rigel, said Betelguese, now take your position down there. You have an important job to do."
Todd looked up into the dark sky blanketed with stars and pointed over to his right. "Now, if you look up there you'll see Orion. It's the brightest constellation. See? That's the outline of the hunter and his sword. And if you look real hard, you can see the two brightest stars of all. Betelgeuse - the shoulder, and Rigel down at the foot."
Carter was just as caught up in the story as the children and peeked around the post finding Orion right where Todd had pointed.
"But Rigel didn't want to be part of a constellation," Joseph said wearing Todd's overly large SU cap.
"Was he happy?" Mbuto asked, his newly acquired English skills finally coming together.
"He did a very good job where he was needed," Todd told them as he put his reassuring arm around Mbuto, "and he made Betelguese proud of him, and that made him very happy."
"Some day I will make my father proud too," A naïve Mbuto told him with the soul of a wise man.
"Come children," Toomay clapped her hands as she came out of the Midway and shooed the younger kids away, "it's bedtime. Say goodnight to Todd and Dr. Carter."
As Todd was hugging the children, giving high fives, he scanned the porch finally spying Carter to the side wiping his mouth with the towel, his dirty plate and silverware next to him.
The children left with Toomay just as Sean was making the rounds with some packages. "Bob stopped in town today and picked up some parcels. You're one of the lucky ones today," he said to Todd as he handed a box to him. "Goodnight all."
"From home?" Carter asked from the darkened corner. The lights went on in the dorm across from the hangar and music could be heard as the students started their evening card game.
(Lyrics to a few lines of I Had a Dreamsung by JossStone and written by John B. Sebastian previously properly attributed, deleted as per new regulations by site administrators 5/3/05. The complete original text of Pocket Change can be found at LUKAFIC)
Todd moved over and sat opposite Carter against the railing. He pulled two packages from the box, one in wrapping paper. "My birthday was yesterday. I'm surprised they remembered." Inside the gift wrap were home made cookies. "My mom's cookies," he laughed. "Snickerdoodles, my favorite." He held the box out to Carter and Paulette who remained behind sitting above them on a bench. "Join me?"
"Snicker what?" Carter reached for one.
"Doodle - snickerdoodle. You never had these? Oh, Dr. Carter, you were sheltered," Todd joked as Carter smiled and nodded.
"It's just Carter. Actually it's John, but most people call me Carter."
They sat and enjoyed the slightly stale cookie in silence.
"What's in the other box?" Carter asked pointing to the smaller plain white box.
Todd pulled it out and opened it, sighing in part resignation, part disappointment. "From my dad. A stethoscope."
Carter sat up and took a look at the box. "Not just any stethoscope. A Littman Master Classic II Gold Edition." He whistled his awe as Todd opened the box and looked at his birthday present. Looked, but didn't take it out.
"Hmm."
Carter leaned his head back and studied the young man whose face was alone and so introspective. "How old are you?"
"Twenty-one."
"Twenty-one? And already in graduate school?" Carter almost choked on his tongue.
"I was home schooled. Entered college at sixteen." Todd put his box back together and pushed it to the side. It was obvious that he had thoughts on his mind. "Dr. Carter… Carter, can I ask you a question?"
"Sure"
"When you and Dr. Kovac were in the Congo, held captive… I mean, when you were being…," Todd struggled as he asked the most uncomfortable question, " …how did you get, um…"
"How did I get through it?" Carter finished for him.
Todd nodded shyly.
"Human instinct, I guess," he shrugged, yet Todd's face wanted more. "Okay, well, I guess when you are placed in a situation like that you pull on your human instinct to survive and protect. The strength comes from no where, and adrenalin takes over rational thinking." Carter glanced over at the young man who hid his face under his cap, in the shadows. "You find yourself doing things you never realize you're capable of. I can't explain why or how, you just do. Something just takes over."
"My father says I'm weak, that I can't make a quality of life decision on my own."
"Well, that's not what I've seen. I think it sounds more like you can't make decisions that he approves of. Right?" Todd nodded his head. "Well, I hear ya. Todd, we're all weak. Our weaknesses are really our strengths, because we have to be strong to pull ourselves past them, and ultimately we do to survive."
"I wish I could get past my family," Todd mumbled to himself, his head hanging. "I used to dream about belonging to another family down the street. Having a dad who didn't laugh when I told him what I wanted to do with my life."
(Lyrics deleted)
"Well, Todd, you are the captain of your ship. Only you can steer the direction you're going in."
"My dad thinks I'm here learning to appreciate the medical profession, and I'm letting him think that."
"And what are you getting out of your experience?"
"I really like working with the kids. I mean I love my science and I'll always do research, but I think I want to go back and get my teaching degree. Maybe teach science." He smiled and perked up at that self revelation. "When they find out, will they forgive me? And how do I know if I'm doing the right thing?"
"You will. You don't have to prove yourself to anybody but you. Someone once told me… someone very special…," Carter paused and looked at Paulette on the bench. She smiled back at him. "Paulette's father once told me that forgiveness is easy. Forgiveness is something you do for yourself. You do it, you feel better, you move on. It's what you don't do with your life that you can never go back and fix. That's regret. And you live with that for the rest of your life." The beautiful African teenage girl sitting behind Todd smiled at Carter and closed her eyes, catching a little bit of a happy memory before it got away. "And on that note, it's getting late. I'm on call, but I think I'd better go tell the partiers in the dorms to quiet down before I get to work."
Carter stood and left Todd and Paulette to themselves. As he was heading down the steps he almost tripped over Maggie who had parked herself in the shadows of the bottom step.
"Hey, I came to see if you wanted to go over charts," she told him.
"Yeah. But I've got to go talk to those yahoos in the dorm first. Take my plate for me?"
"Sure. Hey Carter," she called out to him before he could get too far, "you're really good with Todd. Those were some really nice things you said."
He wasn't much for compliments and shrugged his shoulders at her in response before turning and heading to the dorm.
They had fallen asleep in each other's arms after dinner. There were few inpatients, the clinic was quiet and a nice breeze pushed through Luka's window. He awoke with a start taking in a huge gulp of air. "I can't see," he gasped with a frightful voice.
"What?" Colleen sat up and rested her tired head on his chest. "Yes, you can. Luka?"
He cleared his throat and shook his head to bring him back to reality. "I'm sorry. It's just a dream."
"And you couldn't see?"
"I said that?" The palms of his hands rubbed both eyes briskly. "Hmm. Blindfolded," he mumbled.
"Do you ever sleep through the night?"
"I'm a doctor. It's not in my nature." Luka pushed the netting aside and got out of bed. He walked over to the window and pushed the towel aside he used as a curtain, resting his head on his arm propped on the sill.
"Really, Luka. You hardly sleep anymore." Colleen took advantage of the freed up space and rolled over onto her stomach hoarding the one pillow. "I don't think you and Carter sleep enough for even one person, let alone two."
The narrow hallway did little to preserve the privacy of the doctors who occupied the bedrooms. A door opened and closed close by and muffled voices caught Colleen's attention. "Carter again?"
"He's on call."
"Even when he's not on call that door always seems to be opening and closing a lot."
"No more so than mine, I guess." Luka watched as Carter crossed the compound and went into the student dorm again. The first time Luka saw him leave the dorms a couple hours before, he was carrying what looked like bottles of wine. Now he was enthusiastically greeted by a couple of kids waiting for him, his arms occupied by a case of beer.
"Luka?"
"What?" He was lost in thought.
"I asked you what demon was keeping you company in your sleep. Does he have a name?"
He was still in there, all the lights were on and although he couldn't hear specific conversation, the music, laughter and raucous voices carried through the still night air. Luka turned around and tried to ignore his concerns. While he gave Colleen his attention, out of the corner of his eye he kept a watchful eye on the dorm. "Jules Akonda-Bouche. Ever hear of him?"
"He's the one inside your head?"
"I guess you could say that. He kind of makes himself at home."
Colleen crawled out of bed and walked over to join Luka at the window, slipping her arms around his waist. "Stop watching him. He's a grown man."
"He's also a doctor on call. I think I'll go tell the nurses to come get me if they need a doc."
"Leave it, Luka. Don't assume the worst and let the nursing staff make their own judgments. They know where you are." She could feel his muscles tense as the kids whooped it up. "Are you protecting him or the clinic?"
"Both, maybe. Speaking of which," Luka combed his fingers through her hair, finally tipping her head back to better reach her neck with his lips, "who protected you while you were off playing in the Congo?"
"Hmm," the tiny kisses he planted alongside her pulsating jugular artery sent a shiver down her back, "I like to call him, Dirty Harry."