Chapter II: The Titanic
ASHLEY: After the creepy turnout of the Shawshank Redemption, I've decided not to do movies where the main character gets raped. So, I chose the Emmy award winning movie, 'The Titanic.' The tragic story of two lovers aboard the R.M.S. Titanic the night it sunk.
DAXTER: And Rose and Jack...
JAK: What?
DAXTER: Jack! J-A-C-K!
JAK: Oh...
DAXTER: Anyway, Rose and Jack get it on in that car...
ASHLEY: Wow, it took you four hours to figure that out?
KERIA: Leo is sooo hot!
JAK: What? What about me?
KERIA: Of coarse you're hot, Jak. But Leo is famous!
JAK: So am I! Look! ::pulls back Ashley's curtains to reveal a mob of Jak Fan Girls::
FAN GIRLS: JAKKKK!!! WE LOVE YOU!!!!!
FAN GIRL IN BACK: MARRY ME, JAK!!!
ANOTHER FAN GIRL: SIGN MY CHEST, JAK!!!
EROL: I LOVE YOU TOO, JAK!!!
JAK: ACK! Erol? What are you doing here? You're dead!
EROL: ::singing:: "Cause there ain't no mountain high enough!
There ain't no valley low enough!
There ain't no river wide enough!
To keep me from getting to you, bab-ay!"
::stops singing:: Oh, Jak! Death itself couldn't keep me from you! I even got the help of this red dude with horns, a tail, and a pitchfork! All I had to do was give him my bowl. Personally, I think he got the short end of the stick...
DAXTER: 'Bowl?'
EROL: Yeah, here's the contract! ::holds contract to the glass::
JAK: That says 'soul,' you idiot!
EROL: Really? That doesn't matter! Take me!
JAK: No thanks, I'm straight as a line...
EROL: ::mad:: You B####! Didn't our time in prison mean anything to you?
JAK: No. ::shoots Erol::
ASHLEY: Okay... back to the movie. What was everyone's favorite part?
JAK: The end...
DAXTER: What? You didn't like the steamy love scene?
JAK: The creepy old lady died...
DAXTER: The love scene!
KERIA: The 'I'm Flying!' part! Come on, Jak! Reenact it with me!
JAK: Uh... Okay... ::Holds Keria up, like Jack did to Rose in the movie::
KERIA: Jak! I'm flying!
JAK: No, she said 'Jack! I'm flying!'
KERIA: Didn't I just say that?
JAK: No, you didn't. You said 'Jak.' My name is Jak. His name is Jack.
KERIA: Wait a minute. Are we talking about you or Jack?
JAK: We're talking about Jack.
KERIA: Which Jack? Jak or Jack?
ASHLEY: I am totally confused...
(A/N: Read the last part out loud. You will see why it is so funny.)
DAXTER: You can say that again!
ASHLEY: Uh, anyway, I like the part at the end when Jack dies...
JAK: I'm not dead!
ASHLEY: No! J-A-C-K dies!
KERIA: Why?
ASHLEY: Cause he gave up trying to get up on that floaty thing after only one time! I think if I were freezing out in the middle of the ocean like that, I would have found a way to get up on that stupid floaty thing!
DAXTER: You've got a point there...
KERIA: Anything else?
DAXTER: Oh, that creepy old lady threw that blue diamond thingy in the ocean in the end! She could've sold that thing on E-Bay!
ASHLEY: Since when do you know about E-Bay? That's an Earth thing!
DAXTER: Your sister showed me. I got this really cool thing. I don't know what it does though...
ASHLEY: Where'd you get the money?
DAXTER: Your sister had me empty your bank account. But I got this... ::pulls out an ordinary toaster::
ASHLEY: WHAT!?!?!
KERIA: Uh, can we put in another movie, please?