POCKET CHANGE 2: A GAME OF CARDS
by Sharon R.
Chapter Nineteen
He regretted having left the air conditioned office. Well, almost. It was just so hot. So damn hot. Carter's choice was to sit in that office and listen to Sean's melancholy Irish music with Norman staring at him, not to mention the reminder of Todd's body parked at the window, or go to his room and feel sorry for himself. He chose the latter. Feeling sorry for oneself is an individual sport with liberal rules and only self imposed penalties. Something John Truman Carter excels at.
Although the walls were thin, the doors were very heavy, the bedrooms once probably having been used for sensitive military storage of some type when the camp was an airfield. And when the situation called for an exclamation point of a door slam, they rocked.
BAM!
His anger overflowed as he replayed everything that had gone wrong since he fell from the tree, and slamming the door released a little of it giving him a measure of relief. He was so self absorbed at that moment he didn't see Colleen standing on the other side of his bed until he pushed a box of journals across the room with his foot.
"I'm sorry," he said with a shaky voice as he cleared his throat, "I didn't see you there. Can I help you with something?"
"Well, actually I came in here to see if you were alright." She came back around to stand in front of Carter. "Sounds like it was kind of rough out there."
He simply nodded his head, his hands on his hips. "I'm sure you've seen worse."
"There's always worse." Putting a hand on his arm she tipped her head and looked up into his drawn down eyes. "You sure you're okay, John?"
Again he nodded his head, but this time with a tear escaping, dropping to his feet as he closed his eyes in defeat. His pent up emotions hadn't planned on company and were lagging behind the façade Carter was so good at putting up.
"Hey," she slipped her arms around his chest and drew him into a nice warm hug, "there was no way to know."
At first surprised by her sympathy, he took his hands off his hips not sure whether he should reciprocate, but soon found himself drawn to the closeness he so craved and wrapped his own arms around her, resting his weary head on her soft mop of red curls. It was just a hug. He was so tired. So run down and emotionally spent.
"I'm glad you're okay," she said as she gently stroked the small of his back. "When you're real tired you get this little welt under your right eye right, here." Colleen's finger stroking his cheek gave him a little shiver and he closed his eyes involuntarily. "It's kind of cute." A low steady rumble of thunder in the distance opened Carter's eyes.
Her body was so warm against his. Not warm from the heat. More like inner warmth, the kind one misses when they haven't been close to someone in a long time. Her soft breasts, curved hips, sweet smelling hair - all making it hard for Carter to make this anything other than a friendly hug, and all things he lusted after her for when she initially arrived. Things he had been ignoring by design. Things he was too drained to ignore now.
He pushed her away so that he could see her face. Maybe this was all in his head. Maybe there was some delirium going on. But as he looked down into her dark eyes and felt her hands as they reached up inside his shirt, there was no mistake about it. He tried to say something, anything, but by the time words had finally traveled to his mouth from his brain, Colleen's lips were upon them, sucking them in and away from rational thought.
Her fingers left trails of tingling sensations as they slowly and methodically made their way from his waist to his shoulders. There was static energy in the air from the lightening as it crept into the PCRC and seemed to add to the whole surreal coupling. Carter's t-shirt came up and off easily with no effort from him, their lips barely breaking away as the fabric swept over them. Colleen evened out the playing field by unbuttoning her shirt and removing it, all while Carter allowed her to continue ravaging his face and neck with her warm supple lips, concentrating on the pulse points and languishing there. His heart hadn't raced like that since… since… the chopper went out of control. His adrenalin, among other hormones, was equally out of control and Colleen, it seemed, was the pilot. Not that he was being taken against his will by any means. This was no hijacking, though the flight plan was a mystery. His head told him one thing, but his body… oh, his body was definitely telling him something else.
He drank in the moment feeling so comforted and needed. It was like a drug. A beautiful, energizing controlled high that he didn't ever want to come down from. Carter could feel his muscles relax one by one - an incredible release of tension and build up of euphoria. As his hands headed north to take a breast in each hand, hers traveled south tracing the outline of his rock hard erection through his pants, pausing as she reached the sensitive underside of the tip and gently but firmly pressing on it before starting over again.
Carter was in no hurry to remove Colleen's bra. He loved the feel of her erect nipples and prominent areolas as they teased him through the lace. Each hand was full and graciously accepted what runneth over as he stroked around the globes in circles and let the lace tickle his chest as Colleen moaned and swayed into him just slightly.
She pulled him to the bed walking backwards until he fell forward pinning her on her back. It was all or nothing, Carter thought. They literally groped at each other, breaths hot and heavy, hands frantically pulling at clothing that got in the way of skin. It was pure raw energy that drove the act forward. Raw. All or nothing. Still half clothed, Carter rocked his pelvis against the folds of her pants, her knees restraining his hips in a passionate grip. Their mouths were on fire, neither one modest about the moans escaping the flames.
All or…
"I can't do this," he blurted out. He couldn't believe he was saying this. They were nearly naked, bodies pasted together in the heat of lust, and all he could think about was… "Luka. It's not fair to …"
"Not fair to Luka?" Colleen put her elbows on the bed behind her to raise herself up to meet Carter and hopefully entice him back into action again. "We're adults here. Luka knows that what we have isn't a commitment. When I first got here you were the one that caught my eye. Don't tell me you've forgotten that." She put a hand behind Carter's head and drew him back into a lovely kiss and as he put his hands back down on each side of her face it seemed to seal the deal.
Again his body fell under her spell melting on top of her. Colleen moved her hips back and forth taking advantage of his hardness through the material. As Carter reached down to release his cock from its confinement his hand brushed over a hard object inside Colleen's pants pocket. He knew well what the object was and stealthily pulled it out.
"What's this?" he asked as Colleen was unzipping his pants and doing a little pulling out of her own. "Stop," he demanded as he managed to get off of her and sit on the bed. "What the hell are you doing with a vial of Demerol?"
"Does it really matter?" Colleen sat up next to him and began to gnaw on his neck in earnest while grabbing his hardness and stroking it. "It's a clinic, sweetie. That stuff is all over the place."
"No." Carter suddenly stood up leaving Colleen to nearly fall over on the bed. "No, this stuff is not all over the place. It's carefully stored, inventoried and logged out. Anything not logged out certainly hasn't been misplaced." Carter stuffed what was left of his erection back in his pants and zipped back up.
"That's it?" she tersely asked from the bed. "Are you turning me down? This has all been a waste? You've got to be kidding me."
The gears in Carter's head suddenly started to turn as he put two and two together. "You've been taking the drugs and supplies. This is what I saw you give to the Mai-Mai at the border?" Colleen stood and put her shirt back on ignoring Carter's questioning. "And you've let ME take the fall for it?"
Taking the vial from Carter's lax hand, Colleen gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. "Well, I guess I'd better get this back where it belongs. Can't have these things laying around."
She was out the door in no time leaving Carter in the middle of the room, alone and very methodically going back in his head to the days that inventory was off. Pulling a wadded up button down shirt from the laundry pile he raced out the door looking for the red head, nearly taking out Sean as he went out the back of the hanger.
"Hey, hey John. Just hold on," Sean called after him as he turned in circles in search of someone.
Carter still had the shirt in his hand, his belt undone. The stagnant humid air from the impending storm pushed heavily against his exposed chest inviting the thick congregant of evening bugs to a fine meal.
"You'd better get that shirt on before the bugs eat you up. Who ya lookin' fer?"
Carter ignored him as the heavy raindrops started falling and turned around to go back into the building. He was furious, blocking out everything around him as he looked in rooms and behind curtains. Finally he came around the corner and blindly stepped right into the area that had been set up for Todd.
"I'm… I'm sorry," he told a surprised Toomay who sat with her children next to Todd's body. Carter was quick to put his shirt on and fix his pants. Paulette sat in the only chair while her family stood around her.
"My sister wants his mom and dad to have this," Joseph told Carter holding out the shiny gold stethoscope.
"Oh, no Paulette," Carter took it back over to her and kneeled down in front of her, "he'd want you to have it, really."
"But it was a gift to him from his father."
"A gift that his father wanted put to good use." Carter put the stethoscope in her hand and lovingly wrapped his own hands around hers. "Todd's father is a doctor and he worked in refugee camps just like this a long time ago. He knows how essential that stethoscope is for camp workers." Her head hung down as more tears flooded her eyes. "It made Todd very happy to give it to you. Please keep it."
"I agree," Sean said as he stepped in and spoke quietly to Carter behind his ear. "Bob's bringing Luka and Maggie back at first light, then a chopper is coming in with a State Department representative to get Todd's body. Bob and I will accompany him back to Kampala where his parents will be meeting us tomorrow night. I'd appreciate it, John, if maybe you could write a little something for his parents."
Carter nodded and gave Paulette a hug before returning to his room. At least he'd have something to do to keep his mind off Colleen… and Luka.
The desire for success lubricates secret prostitutions of the soul. -Norman Mailer 1923-, American Author
He nuzzled his face into her sweet smelling hair and spooned into her backside. Luka had slept a bit in Gulu and nodded off in Bob's car but he was far from caught up on his sleep.
"Hey, you're all wet," came a sleepy mumble.
"Be glad I took a shower first." He kissed the back of her neck before settling in for a short nap. "What are your plans today?"
"I have an assignment. I won't be back for a few days at least."
Luka didn't like that this convenient relationship was now meaning a whole lot more to him, and he certainly didn't like worrying about Colleen while she was working. "Where?'
"You know I don't talk about my work with you."
"What more can you do in Uganda?" Luka's arm pulled her tightly into his chest as he planted a kiss behind her ear.
"I cover all of Africa, not just here."
There was a long pause as Luka tried not to be cynical, but, "You going next door to the Congo?"
"Luka, don't ask questions you know you won't like the answer to."
It was like the words came out of his mouth despite his best effort to keep them locked away. "Please, it's so dangerous over there."
"Oh fuck, Luka," she sighed as she turned on her back so as to see his face, "it's dangerous in New York too."
Luka mindlessly played with a lock of her hair while looking in her eyes. "I know. It's just that… I don't want anything to happen to you…"
"Shit." Colleen stood up and walked over to the window. "Why does it always end up like this?" she seemingly asked of no one. "Look I was holed up in the Al-Rasheed hotel in Baghdad in '91 while the city was getting bombed all around me. I made a tent from two mattresses on the balcony so I wouldn't miss a good picture. I've ridden camels with Bedouin tribesmen in Jordan, walked Palestinian workers across the line in Israel, covered both sides of a Los Angeles gang war, and was the only female embed in the Afghanistan war two years ago."
"There weren't embedded reporters in that war," he corrected her.
"None that you knew of."
"Still, there are just some things going on there that I think I know a little bit more about than you. And those things are just better left alone."
"Are you censoring me?" she asked him with a stern pout.
"No. Of course not." That was about all the nap he'd be getting. "I'm sorry, Colleen. I guess I'm letting things get to me. Come here."
As the sounds of the clinic coming to life filtered through the door and bright morning sun painted the wall behind them a sharp yellow, Colleen returned to the bed and gave Luka a proper greeting.
He'd been placed in a body bag, the bloodied tarp long since disposed of. It seemed so cold, institutional. Carter put his hand on top of the black plastic searching for Todd's chest, where his heart should be… where it had once been beating. A box was now on the chair where he had last seen Paulette. It wasn't Todd's personal affects, rather it held a variety of items camp works had placed in there as they came throughout the night to pay their respects. A deck of cards from Buzby, a Georgetown Hoyas shirt from Danny who joked unsuccessfully with Todd about their schools' rivalry, two deflated birthday balloons, a Polaroid picture of Todd with the kids and one small piece of artwork from Mbuto brilliantly colored with crayons showing Todd telling the kids a story. Carter's envelope addressed to Dr. and Mrs. Casey suddenly felt quite impersonal.
"That the letter?" Sean asked stepping out of the office. Carter nodded. "What did you say?"
"That he was strong. That he was instrumental in saving the lives of the children as well as me." Carter paused as he placed the envelope in the box along side the other trinkets. "And that…," he gently touched Mbuto's picture feeling the texture of the crayon strokes under his fingertips, "…and that he was a bright star." His voice cracked as he put his hands in his pockets and continued to stare down at the lifeless form inside the body bag.
"Thanks for doing that." They stood before Todd in silence for a couple minutes before Sean opened the office door. "I'll be leaving soon with Todd, but we need to have a staff meeting first."
As Carter stepped inside the door he scanned the room. Sean, Luka, Maggie, Norman and one other person graced him with their presence. "I didn't realize Colleen was part of the staff," he said dryly.
"I asked her to be here," Luka spoke up.
"John," Sean began, "we've asked you here to talk to you about your drug problem."
"My drug problem?" Carter took a seat on the desk in front of Norman. "Okay." He thought he'd humor them.
"Aye. You see we're concerned about you. Your lack of attention here at camp. Irritability, moodiness, sleeplessness, inconsistent work habits."
"I think you left off dilated pupils, diarrhea, vomiting, low blood pressure, and dehydration." Carter was laid back enjoying the show and now contributed to it.
"This isn't a joke," Luka gave from his spot next to the door.
"Oh, I know. I've done this before." Carter may have been sarcastic, but he wasn't taking it lightly. "You see Luka, in an intervention you'd have to move to your right a little, get in front of the door. And Maggie, sitting down is just so indirect. Stand up and show me who's boss." He stopped lest his sarcasm be interpreted as lack of lucidity. "Sean, we've all been irritable and moody. Certainly Luka and I have both confronted things here that we're dealing with in our own ways."
"But with drugs?" Maggie asked in almost a deceived voice.
"No. Not with drugs."
"Carter, we were at the Gulu hospital last night with Sera." Luka's arms were crossed in front of him trying to maintain a very business-like attitude. "The staff said you haven't been there in a very long time."
"That's right. I haven't."
Maggie finally got up from her seat. "Then where have you been? You told us you'd been going to the hospital there."
"No, I told you I was going into Gulu. I can't believe this. You know, I can understand people who don't know me thinking the worst. But you and Luka?"
"Colleen found this vial of Demerol in your room last night." Luka pulled the vial out of his pocket.
"Is that what she told you?" Carter got right into Colleen's face. "Does she tell you everything, Luka? 'Cause I think she left something out."
The atmosphere was heavy inside the office as all eyes were on Carter and Colleen, the tension finally broken by the sound of a car horn.
"I have to go. That's my ride." As Colleen gave Luka a kiss on the lips, she didn't miss the chance to avert her eyes away from Luka's closed lids and stab Carter with her evil gaze.
"Mr. Tyson," Sean asked, "would you mind helping Colleen to the car and give us some time?"
Carter knew it was an excuse. Colleen traveled light and didn't really need a bellboy.
Luka waited until the door closed behind Norman. "Carter, I know this is hard to admit…"
"Hard to admit what? That you're wrong?"
"Look John," Maggie said softly as she moved closer to her friend, "everything points to you."
"I'm sure it does. But you're not thinking logically. You see me after some rough times and immediately assume that I'm shooting up." Sean, Maggie and Luka remained quiet as they let Carter speak. "I fell from that tree and got banged up pretty good. Yes, the pain killers I got triggered something in me that I had to deal with. But I dealt with it. I went to the Congo and met up with some rebels. Luka you can't tell me that wouldn't make you a little wacko. Then it's bad enough you chew me out when I get back but I also get that Romano guy shoved in my face. You know Luka, the one who strung me up by my arms in the African sun and whipped me nearly to death." Maggie hadn't heard the details, at least not in specifics and cringed. "Todd and the bus… God, need I say more?" Looking directly at Luka, Carter couldn't resist. "Then there was last night."
"What about last night?" Luka asked.
"John, if you haven't been going to the Gulu hospital, then where have you been?" Sean asked.
"All the signs of drug dependency and withdrawal Luka and Maggie have mentioned, they left one out. And that's craving. Craving." It was a struggle but Carter was determined to keep his cool as best he could. "You see Sean, drug craving is the result of the drug's imprinting in the memory the euphoric effect, something that never goes away with recovery, at least not totally. And when it comes back triggered by a sudden large dose of opiate based narcotics, it's a real monkey on the back to get rid of. I haven't been at the hospital. Remember Mrs. Wiant, the patient with ITP? Her husband is still here. He's running an NA program out of his church in Gulu. I went every single day, first as an attendee, then as a doctor."
"Why didn't you tell us."
"You think Norman would have kept the camp open if he'd known? Would you let me continue working as a doctor here, Luka? And Maggie, would everything have been the same between us? And you have to admit, with your assumptions made early on and going behind my back, you would never have believed me. Sort of like now."
"We weren't going behind your back," Sean explained. "We didn't send Colleen to your room to snoop."
"Oh, I know that." He tilted his head and looked at Luka's face momentarily. "What was her explanation for her being in my room? Huh?"
Palpable silence filled the room as the occupants shrugged their shoulders.
"You see, there's more to our Miss Reilly than you know. I don't think anything she does or says is an accident or a coincidence."
Luka's eyes squinted slightly as his blood began to boil. "What do you mean by that?"
"What I mean by that is that she's been playing all of us. You most of all, Luka. And she has one hell of a poker face."
With that, Luka pushed away from the wall he had been leaning against and made what small space existed between him and Carter virtually disappear. "I don't think I've seen this side of you, Carter. What are you getting at?"
"Look, she had the motive to steal the drugs and supplies and she certainly had the opportunity." Carter tried to keep the discussion level and less emotional, especially with Luka breathing down his neck. "Certainly more than me. You said yourself I was never here."
"She's not using drugs," Luka threw back at him.
"No, but she is trading them."
Luka laughed out loud at that. "What the hell for? She is a prize winning journalist."
"Ask Bob. Even he told us that she gets the stories she wants any way she can. How did you think we gained access into the Congo? I saw her take things out of her bag and hand them over to the rebels. Hell, I didn't even know that's where she was taking me. Think back, Luka. You inventoried the supplies daily. Did they ever go missing while Colleen was away?"
Sean and Maggie were looking at Luka as Carter's very coherent and logical explanation was beginning to make sense to them.
"The ambush was certainly set up," Carter continued. "Colleen was more upset that you and I traded places that day than the fact that I was almost killed in the chopper crash or that the children were still in danger. They didn't take the children or women, just you, and then suddenly your captors get a phone call and let you go?"
"She did ask to use my satellite phone after you'd left," Sean reluctantly told Carter. The shift in the dynamics of the conversation were not so subtle any more.
"The Demerol was in your room, Carter. Not hers." Now Luka was on the defensive.
"That's her story. Did she tell you why she was in my room?" Carter asked again very deliberately. "Did she?"
"It doesn't matter why she was there."
"The vial was in her pocket," Carter finally told him out of frustration. "I found it in her pants pocket." He hadn't planned on sticking that particular knife in Luka's back.
Luka grabbed Carter's shirt with both hands and walked him across the room before shoving him into a row of metal file cabinets. "Really? Why were you in her pockets? How's that for a question. What were you doing in her pants?"
Carter didn't answer him and instead closed his eyes for a moment not wanting to give Luka any more reason to believe the seeds Colleen had obviously planted in his head. Luka's fists were hard and held Carter's shirt tightly together at the base of his neck. When Carter opened his eyes again he connected with Luka's just inches away, and they were not very affable.
"Luka?" Carter reached up and gently laid his hands on Luka's arms hoping to be able to convince him to let go of him. "Luka, she was in my room when I went in there. We talked." Luka widened his eyes and turned his head slightly as if to say 'more'. "It doesn't matter how I know the Demerol was there, it just was."
Luka gave him one more slight shove into the cabinets. He knew. It was obvious to Carter.
"It didn't get that far. I couldn't. Once I found the vial…"
"You mean by the time your hand made it into her pants." Luka let go of Carter and stepped back, not liking what he had heard. But more importantly what it had done to him. "Carter, If you don't want our help that's fine. But don't go putting the blame on someone who isn't even here to defend herself."
"Luka please, I don't need help. At least not this kind of help," he said trying to calm the waters. Carter smoothed his shirt over his chest and sat at the desk. "I'm sorry. I didn't want this"
"She has a daughter back home who thinks the world of her." Luka turned his back on the group and focused on the helicopter landing outside. "She worked hard to climb her way out of her parents' shit hole to get to where she is today. She wouldn't do this. What could she possibly gain?"
"Love maybe? Approval?" Maggie was thinking out loud, but regretted it, especially after Luka shot her a sharp look and stormed out. "Well, that went well, huh?"
Bob opened the office door and stuck his head in. "Sean, State Department suit is here. Let's go." Soldiers were taking Todd's body out of the clinic and to the chopper by the time Sean, Maggie and Carter got outside.
"Do me a favor Sean," Carter asked, "Don't say anything to Bob yet. Not until we know for sure. I have a feeling there's more to this."
Having been without most of the doctors the previous few days, the clinic was on overdrive with patients lined up out the door. Luckily Sean was able to snag a few doctors rotating through the country on their way to another Alliance program in Rwanda. The PCRC had gained a reputation as a decent stop off for volunteers and the staff enjoyed the change.
After assisting in two surgeries and tending to a birth, Carter hit the sack and put in a few good hours. By the time he woke up he had already missed dinner and the almost full moon glowed outside his window. He decided to search out Luka and talk to him. At least with him having the day off, Carter didn't have to worry about dealing with him in the clinic that day.
"Son of a bitch."
Looking down the back hallway of the hanger he didn't see whose voice matched the crash that went with it.
"Mother f…."
"Maggie?" Carter peeked around Luka's door to find Maggie sitting on the floor nursing her toe. "What are you doing in here? Where's Luka?"
"Damn chair. I haven't seen him since this morning."
"Uh-huh. And you are in his room going through his things because…?"
"Because I'm mopping his tile hoping he'll wax the floor with me next. What the hell do you think I'm doing?"
"I don't know, but that's not Luka's bag."
"Duh. No kidding again." Maggie was rifling through the bag like an overzealous airport inspector.
"You think you should be going through Colleen's things?"
"You think you should have been playing Hide the Wiener with her last night?" When she thought she had pulled all of the items from the bag, she turned it upside down and gave it a good shake.
"Hey, what's this?" Carter was turning over a small electronic device. "Is this a…?"
"Oh man. A GPS." Maggie took it from Carter and turned it over inspecting it. "Just like that one we found on the one armed guy. She told Luka and me that she didn't know what one was. Hell, it's even the same kind." They sat on the floor looking at each other, thinking the same thing. They both started looking at her things in earnest.
"Not much here. Some scraps of paper," Maggie declared.
Carter sat back against the bed fixed on one previously wadded up piece of paper in his hand.
"What's that?" She looked over his shoulder and tried to read the scribble.
2P
K/P rd 2 G
White LR
"What the hell is that?"
"It's my death sentence." Carter swallowed hard. "Two o'clock in the afternoon, the Karuma Pakwach Road to Gulu, white Land Rover. She was there when Sean made the plans for me to take the supplies to the satellite clinic."
"Holy shit. You were right. She meant for you…" Maggie pointed to the other side. "What about that hen scratch?"
Carter turned it over and looked at the numbers. "Coordinates. Longitude and Latitude." He may have been puzzled at first, but not when he looked at the GPS. "You said Romano had one of these?" Maggie nodded.
A pile of papers fell off the bed revealing a shiny eight by ten black and white photograph. As Carter leaned over to pick it up, he stopped short.
"Carter?" Maggie didn't make the connection. "Carter, you're real pale, you know that?"
"Uh-huh." He picked up the photo with his trembling hand and together with the note and GPS ran out the door.
"Carter," Maggie yelled on his heels.
"Where's Luka?" He frantically asked staff members as he sped by, "Dr. Luka, where is he?" Nobody knew. "Mr. Tyson - Norman - have you seen Dr. Kovac?"
"I saw him leave camp this morning. I understand he had the day off."
"It's very important that we know where he went, please Mr. Tyson," Maggie asked… nicely even.
"I don't know. He only inquired as to my conversation with Ms. Reilly after the meeting."
"And?"
"And I told him what she told me. That she was off to do an investigative story on that one armed rebel that came in here."
"Maggie," Carter almost pleaded, "I have to find him."
(A few lines of Song Lyric for Lost Mindby Percy Mayfield, sung by Diana Krall, previously properly attributed, deleted 5/3/05 as per new regulation by site adminstration. PC2 can be read in its original text at LUKAFIC.)