Gaffer's Grievances.

T: Well I'm back at last with another chapter, sorry it's been a while but you know how it goes…Anyway, this is in the same cannon as Frodo's Frustration and Paladin Proves a point so I recommend that you read those first…though it's not completely necessary. LOTR not mine, if it were then it'd be a fast pace anime by clamp! Sugary sweet humour, mentioning of illicit things and Merry's Face…it'll make sense when you read!

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Hobbiton was generally a quiet suburb with little going on and thus one had to be quite an expert at reading body language and generally listening into the right conversations, if one had wish to learn about the ins and outs of a situation.

Or of course, should you wish the easier option, you could just talk to the Gaffer. The elderly Hobbit was so seemingly innocent that people just included him in their secrets, some hoping that he wasn't as much as a gossip as some said and others telling him so that he would tell others. Therefore, when Merry and Pippin began behaving with even more social ignorance than usual and Paladin and Saradoc began to shield their eyes as they entered rooms, it was to the Gaffer that everyone went for answers.

Yet they got nothing. For the Gaffer was lodged in trying to find out the answer to his own little mystery. A mystery he was less than pleased to be involved in, for he prided himself on his reputation and indeed enjoyed the thrill of being able to impart wisdom that no one else had. Worse though, for his mind, was that this particular mystery involved one of his own children, indeed his brightest (all be it slowest on occasions) child, the one in whom he had invested a hope of doing more than his predecessors.

He had tried asking the lad outright what had got him into such a fluster, but Sam had merely smiled sweetly and informed his father that he had a job to do. Then he had tried asking Mr. Frodo, but every time he tried to speak to the Hobbit, Frodo was always just going out or expecting company.

And now…well he'd all but given up, resorting to listen to the idle gossip at the Dragon and brooding over his grievances. Many of the patrons had already bought him a supportive drink and he was more than sure he was going to regret agreeing to them in the morning.

The door swung open to admit First Merry and Pippin in varying stages of undress and then his son and the young Baggins. Frodo was the one to spot him hidden in the corner and the Baggins lent towards his son and with a flurried gesture drew Sam's attention his way.

He saw the slight wince and so little believed the smile that threatened to split the lad's face as he came to join him.

"You're not normally down in the Dragon at this hour, Dad."

"Well I'm normally more informed of what my addle brained offspring is doing." The Gaffer retorted, the words eloquent despite the drink.

"I'm sorry, dad, perhaps I'd best explain myself."

"Oh you'll do that lad. Right after I've had my say." The Gaffer said as he lent a little forward on the table.

Across the room Frodo turned back towards the bar and both Merry and Pippin who were currently attempting to make themselves presentable again.

"How long until you rescue him?" The Took enquired as he dusted his waistcoat off.

"I will go over once the Gaffer's talked himself blue. Sam will not have the courage to tell him on his own and it will be better coming from us both anyway."

"It will indeed, for you can assure him that you have nothing but good intentions towards his lad. Though I am still not sure this is the best of places to broach such a subject." Merry remarked, his fingers busily straitening his cravat.

"Oh yes and you are one to advise on the ways to broach this subject are you Merry?" Merry had the decency to look embarrassed before he said,

"Yes well, how was I supposed to know he would come home so early?"

"Or indeed that he would be so thoughtless as to walk into his own library without knocking?"

"Will you too stop it? You know Merry always wins this particular argument Frodo and anyway Sam needs you." Pip said inclining his head towards the corner. Turning Frodo could see clearly that Sam was slouched in on himself and that the Gaffer was suddenly immensely intrigued in his pint.

"Well here I go." He said as he grabbed both his drink and the one he had ordered for Sam.

Once Frodo was settled beside the Gamgee Merry enquired,

"How do you fare his chances?"

"Slim to none. That Baggins has no backbone." Pippin responded before he took a sip of his pint and settled in to watch the fireworks.

"Well Mr. Frodo I'm right glad to see you've found time to come down for a drink. What with being so busy of late."

"Things have fallen all in rather a rush recently I fear Hamfast and I must apologise if I have seemed to be ignoring you."

"It's fine, Sir, indeed it wasn't so much your behaviour that was worrying me of late but Sam's here. First he can't wait to be up Bag End and then he's off without word and without sight for weeks on end. And when he comes back he's the nerve to insist that he's not skipping work."

"And he is not, Hamfast. Perhaps I should explain, Samwise has been removed from my employ for a short time, not I must stress because he has done anything wrong or failed to please me in any manner…" And Frodo flushed as his mind ran ahead of him and across the room Merry could not help a small snigger,

"Oh my! It seems the fair Baggins's filthy mind has at last ran to far ahead of him."

"Filthy mind you say? That must be his Brandybuck heritage shining through."

"Oh yes? I would have said it was Tookish nature myself." Merry retorted back and there was such a look of attempted indignation on his face that Pippin broke into a rolling laughter.

That sound distracted the Gaffer long enough for Sam leaned over to Frodo and whispered,

"You assured me you could deal with this."

"I am sorry Sam, you know that I can not help myself sometimes."

"Aye. Well it's my own fault for falling for a Took and a Brandybuck bound all together in one." Sam responded before the Gaffer's eyes again fixed upon them.

"Now then, you were saying."

"Yes. I was trying to tell you that between us Sam and I have decided that it is better that I was not his employer for a while."

"You see I didn't want it getting back to ye through gossip, dad, as I knew it would if I stayed up at Bag End. Ye see Frodo and I have found each other dad."

"Really? So that's the answer to my riddle is it? My lad's taken up with Gentry?" Hamfast enquired before he broke into laughter. "My if I'd of known it was that I'd not have been fretting so these last few weeks. I've known for a while that you two would pair off sooner or later, indeed one of the last things I heard from Mr. Bilbo was a request to ensure ye were good to one another." And he stood, drained his pint, clapped his son once about the shoulder and began his journey back to the Row.

Merry and Pippin replaced him a moment later, the shock as clear on their faces as it was on Frodo and Sam's.

"After all that fuss you only get a faint tease about disappointment? That is very unfair would you not say Merry?" Pippin enquired.

"Indeed it was."

"What are ye two on about now?"

"The ease with which your father accepted that you had taken up with Frodo. I mean even my father, Paladin the Pushover himself gave me The Speech."

"You mean the I have no want to tell you what you should and should not be doing but… Speech?" Frodo enquired.

"The very same."

"Bilbo gave me many variations of that Speech before he left and apparently he gave the Gaffer one as well."

"Ah good old Bilbo! Sharp as a pin even in old age." Merry remarked.

"I wonder, as you too raised an objection, if you had a Speech Merry."

"Indeed I did, before a fair amount of Buckland as well."

"Really?"

"I recall that day. They insisted that I be elsewhere while they spoke to him, but of course I learned everything anyway."

"Ah the dramatics of Uncle Saradoc. He was never one to miss an opportunity." And the four raised their mugs to that.

Back in the comfort of the kitchen of number three Bagshot Row the Gaffer had sat Daddy Twofoot down with a gleam in his eyes and a smile on his lips,

"Ye see Dad, it all boils down to one very simple change…"

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T: As it seems I cannot do humour without getting a vague itchy feeling, am going back to the serious ones. Go and look at Elanor if you do not believe me. However and I hesitate to mention this, I do have a vague parody of the series in mind. May do a tester for this to see how it is received.