Chapter 1: The Start of All Problems
Scene 1
Eric, Donna, Jackie, and Hyde are in Forman's basement sitting around watching TV. Then suddenly Fez enters with news.
FEZ: You guys I have some news that you must promise not to tell anyone, especially Kelso. K?
DONNA: Yeah, sure man. What is it?
FEZ: Well ok. Um…how would I put this? Uh…well, you guys know that I'm not gay right?
Everyone nods suspiciously.
FEZ: Right of course. Ok well, I want a sex change.
Everyone breaks out in gasps, laughs, shock, etc.
HYDE: WHAT?!? Man, when was this decided?
Donna's laughing.
DONNA: That's so awesome.
Jackie's disgusted.
JACKIE: Fez, you don't want a sex change. That's gross and against feminism.
Eric snickering.
ERIC: Hey now, I think we should give him a chance to explain. Go on my little man.
FEZ: Yeah ok. Well to start it off I think I'm attracted to Kelso.
Silence and everyone pauses……………then they burst out laughing really hard except Jackie.
FEZ: What? I'm serious. I mean c'mon. I've had sex dreams about him.
Eric cracking up really hard.
ERIC: Dude…trust me…you're not attracted to him.
JACKIE: Fez, you're not attracted to Michael. You're just attracted to his good looks and body. It's anybody's mistake.
FEZ: Well then I might as well just tell you that I've already signed up for the changing procedure of sex. I'm having it done for free as experiment of the new plastic surgery place that just opened. It's called Pretty 5000.
HYDE: Dude, you aren't seriously going through with this are you?
DONNA: Yeah, I mean, c'mon, what's it for? Kelso?
FEZ: Well if you guys just don't tell him about this and keep this our little secret then-
ERIC: Whoa whoa whoa, and why do you think we'd do that? So we can watch you make out with Kelso? That's disgusting and-
HYDE: Dude shut up! That's awesome. Imagine the look on Kelso's face when he finds out.
Hyde started chuckling to himself.
ERIC: Yeah but, that's still not right. I mean this could ruin Kelso forever. He wouldn't be able to like…do it…to another girl…ever.
DONNA: Yeah and what if it goes wrong? Like the procedure?
FEZ: Oh no. I will be a hot little lady that even I would want me. Wait! I could have me!
HYDE: So what? Are you gay now?
FEZ: Well not exactly. I mean I still like girls…and their bodies but I also like Kelso. (chuckles) I could have threesomes all the time with him and another chick and he would think I'm the coolest girlfriend ever.
DONNA: Well Fez, it's your choice man. I have to go. Oh Eric I kind of have to talk to you.
ERIC: Yeah sure.
They both get up and leave through door leading outside. Fez seats himself and watches TV.
Scene 2Eric and Donna are outside in front of the Vista Cruiser.
ERIC: So what's up?
DONNA: Well since I can't keep this from you any longer I might as well tell you……I'm pregnant.
Eric starts laughing.
ERIC: Yeah, good one. So what's up? And seriously this time.
DONNA: Eric, I am serious.
Eric laughs again and imitates Donna.
ERIC: Oh yeah Eric, I'm pregnant. (stops imitating) Yeah seriously, Donna, c'mon.
DONNA: Eric, look at me. I'm not kidding. I'm 2 weeks late and I took a pregnancy test and it turned blue. AND DAMMIT ERIC, BLUE IS POSITIVE.
ERIC: Oh my god, you are serious. Well let's first calm down and- CRAP! RED'S GONNA KILL ME! I'm going to actually die. How did this happen?
DONNA: Well I guess the- Wait, you're taking this pretty well. I mean besides the whole Red's foot up your ass, I was expecting you to faint or something close to that.
Eric chuckles.
ERIC: Well Donna, I mean it's just a baby.
Eric starts getting light headed and slurs his words.
ERIC (cont.:)Just a…ba…baby…baby. A baby. A little person coming out of…you.
Eric then faints.
Scene 3Hyde's in the kitchen drinking a glass of milk and Jackie quietly enters without him knowing. Then suddenly a Girl Scout taps on sliding door and Hyde goes and opens it.
HYDE: What?
GIRL SCOUT: Excuse me sir, but would you like to buy a box of cookies?
HYDE: What? Are you kidding me? I know how your government works! GET OUT OF HERE!
The Girl Scout runs off scared. Hyde closes sliding door and turns to see Jackie with a concerned face.
HYDE: Hey Jackie.
JACKIE: Steven?!? How could you be so mean to a little girl?
HYDE: Jackie, that was no little girl. Do you know who the Girl Scouts work for? The government that's who and-
JACKIE: Steven, I don't care. If you keep acting up this kind of behavior towards little kids you could turn out to like…
Jackie thinks for a moment.
JACKIE (cont.):…Red.
HYDE: I'm not going to turn out like Red…or at least not exactly like him.
JACKIE: Well if you turn out to anything like Red then our son could end up like Eric and Steven, I will not allow that. Do you understand? So anyway, to solve this little problem I've signed you up for supervising at a daycare starting tomorrow at 6pm. K? Bye.
Jackie quickly kisses him on the cheek and leaves before he can say anything.