*I don't own Final Fantasy (Why?)*
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*Chapter 5 – Why? *
Rinoa woke up in the middle of the night, she felt much better, although she was still weak. She looked trough the window. She wanted to go outside, to feel the cold air and see the stars. She's been in the Infirmary for eight days now, or was it nine? She didn't know if the midnight passed or not. Only thing she knew was that it was dark and she felt lonely. Her friends were often with her; actually they spent more time in Infirmary than out of it. She wasn't alone, but she felt like if she was. She looked trough the window. ~ He didn't come, not even once. Why? ~ Elly told her that he is fine and that he is working again, but when Rinoa asked if he asked about her, Elly quickly changed the subject. ~ Maybe I've done something wrong? …Maybe he just doesn't want to see me in here? ~ Rinoa sighed and turned on the other side. She fell asleep with a hundred questions on her mind and a single tear in her eye.
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The midnight passed long ago. Elly was sitting in the Quad. She remembered her first night here, in the Garden, in the Quad. She was sad, crying, and Rinoa consoled her and help her as much as she could. They become really good friends in this short time, but now she couldn't help or console Rinoa. She couldn't return the favor. ~ What happened? ~ Elly sighed. Only thing Rinoa remembered was a huge dragon and Squall imprisoned in the cave. ~What happened to him? Rinoa said he was yelling and calling her. What have made him forgot her? No, he didn't forget her, he knows who she is, but … he doesn't care for her any more? ~ She didn't know Squall and Rinoa for long, but she saw them at the SeeD party; they were in love, that's sure. How can love disappear so suddenly? She could clearly picture her conversation with him; it was the day after Rinoa woke up, Elly couldn't take it any more so she went to search for him.
`*´`*´ ~Flashback~ `*´`*´
Elly entered in Squall's office. He was talking with Xu about the Garden Festival, something about connecting our festival with Trabian. ~ It had to be Selphie's idea. ~
"Squall? Can I talk with you for a while?" She asked. She was still thinking what to say.
"Sure."
"In private?"
He looked at Xu. "I'll talk with Selphie and with Trabian Headmaster, and then I'll let you know what I decided." Xu nodded and left. Squall turned to Elly: "I'm listening."
"I came …~ Now or never. ~ …To say that Rinoa is better, and out of danger, and I was wondering, ~ Still no reaction, what's wrong with this guy? ~ If you could pass to the infirmary to see how she is? It would mean a lot to her.
"I'm glad that she is out of danger, but I have a lot of work to do. Tell her that I wish she'll recover soon." Elly looked at him for a moment, puzzled. ~That's all? ~ She turned, and started walking toward the door.
"Elly?" She turned to him, expecting that he'll explain all this somehow. "Would you tell Selphie to come to my office?"
"Sure, no problem" She said and left, disappointed.
`*´`*´ ~End of flashback~ `*´`*´
~It was no use of talking to him. ~ Elly looked at the sky.
"Heya li'l one. S'up? Something wrong?" Zell came and sat next to her, putting his arm around her.
She leaned toward him. He was a real sweetie last few days. He was always around when she needed him and always ready to cheer her up. She knew she was lucky. She had everything she needed. She had Zell, beautiful friends and a place to call home. She felt so happy cause of it, but also guilty. She was so happy, and Rinoa so sad. Rinoa didn't show it, or at least, she tried to hide it, but it was so obvious. The fact that he didn't care was destroying her.
"Hey, where are you?" Zell looked at her eyes, trying to find out what's on her mind. "Come, let's go eat something, the others are already in the Cafeteria" He took her hand and they left.
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The Cafeteria was silent. Everyone had lessons and the place was almost empty. Four SeeDs were sitting around a table in the corner of the room. Concern could be seen on their faces. They were sitting in silence.
"We must do something!" Zell stood up.
"What? We can't do anything." Irvine said silently. Though they didn't show it, Zell and Irvine were also worried, for Rinoa, but for Squall too.
"It's destroying her." Selphie muttered.
"Did anyone saw Squall lately?" Irvine asked.
Silence.
"He says he has a lot of work." Zell said.
"Everything is so strange." Elly said for herself.
"Heya guys." Seifer entered in the Cafeteria.
"Found anything new?" Selphie asked.
"No, there are lots of things about the green dragon and Green Cave, but nothing about losing memory or something like this." Seifer answered while he was taking coffee. He was doing lots of researches lately; he was spending the most time in the Library. He had a feeling that there's something more behind this. He didn't believe that Squall changed his behavior just like that.
Seifer took a chair from the nearest table and joined them.
Irvine put his arm around Selphie and she leaned toward him. Lots of things were on her mind. Rinoa was her best friend and she couldn't stand to se her hurt.
"Rinoa is coming out tomorrow morning. We won't be able to cover the truth anymore." She said.
"Deep inside, she already knows everything, you can see it her eyes. She just can't admit it to herself… She hopes it isn't true." Elly said.
"The strangest thing is that Squall is the same old one, maybe li'l more closed. Only thing that changed is his behavior toward Rinoa." Irvine was thinking at loud. "He is behaving like she's just an ordinary SeeD, like every other, and not his girlfriend."
"You guys remember the SeeD party? They didn't notice anything 'round them. All night, the only thing he saw was Rinoa." Zell said.
"What do you think, what happened in that cave?" Elly asked Seifer.
Seifer was silent. He was still trying to put all the pieces of the puzzle in the right place. He suspected something, and hoped his suspicions weren't true.
"I'm not sure yet, I have some clues. I'll tell you when I find out more." He finished his coffee, excused himself and went to his room.
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Another night in the Infirmary. ~The last one. ~ She thought. ~Will the things be as before, when I go out? ~ She put her arm on the rings that were lying around her neck. She did it unconsciously, it was an action she did when she was nervous, or scared. It woke lots of memories, once pleasant, but now, they hurt. There was another thing she remembered, another painful memory: a small golden hart with three shining diamonds. She felt a warm tear in her eye. She could remember too well that night. It was the most beautiful night in her life, she was so happy. It was the first time he told her he loves her. ~ Probably the last too. ~ Who knew back then that it'll all end up so quickly. Once again she fell asleep crying. Thing she did too often lately.
She opened her eyes, but she couldn't see anything. She closed them and opened again. She looked down; she was standing on the dry, gray ground. All around her was dark. At once, dark gray clouds appeared above her. They were moving fast, too fast. A cold, sharp wind started blowing. Suddenly a strong feeling of loneliness passed trough her heart. She moved her hand toward her mother's ring and Griever, but one of them was missing. Griever wasn't there; panic overtook her.
~Squall. ~
She felt like she must find him, that he needed her.
"Squall!?"
She went further looking around herself in a hope to see something, anything. But there was nothing, only dry ground and dust, all around her. Only thing that could be heard was wind, and her steps, one after another. She had to go on. He needed her.
She continued.
Finally she saw him. He was standing on the edge, looking at the nothingness in front of him. A big smile appeared on her face. She ran toward him.
"Squall!" She yelled happily.
He turned around. She went closer. Wind was playing with his hair. She stopped. His eyes, things she never saw could be seen in his eyes. Desperation. Helplessness. Sadness. They looked each other for few minutes, which felt like centuries. With every minute she was more scared.
"Squall?" She whispered.
"I'm sorry." He muttered. "I'm not strong enough." A tear showed up in his eye. It was a first time she saw him crying. She wanted to run to him, to hug him, console him, and tell him that everything is fine. But she couldn't move. She couldn't say a word.
He closed his eyes,
And stepped into the nothingness.
She stood there in terror, not able to move or react.
"No…" She muttered.
She quickly opened her eyes. Terror could be seen in them as they were searching something familiar around her. She looked in front of herself, in a white ceiling, trying to calm herself down. Her heart was pounding madly. It was still early; the room was dark. She was tired. She closed her eyes unconsciously, but quickly opened them. She didn't want to sleep. She didn't wont to live trough that nightmare again. Night after night, she lived trough the same nightmare. She wanted to cry, but she didn't have any more tears.
Few minutes later she fell asleep, tightly holding Griever.
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Rinoa was sitting on her bed, ready to leave. She was waiting Elly and Selphie, who promised her that they'd come to get her. Quistis wanted to come too, but she had lessons.
"Hey Rinny, look who's here to see ya." Elly burst in the Infirmary.
"Woof!" Angelo jumped on Rinoa's bed and started licking her.
"Down boy, calm down." Rinoa laughed and tried to push him off, but it looked that Angelo didn't really like the idea.
"He missed you a lot." Selphie said with a smile.
Elly and Selphie were watching and smiling. It was nice to see Rinoa laughing again.
"Come on Angelo, let her go." Elly laughed.
"Okay, enough!" Elly took Angelo and put him on the floor. Angelo barked happily. "Don't get used to it, you're heavy, you know!"
"Woof!"
"Come on, let's go. Rinny, would you like to go to Cafeteria, to drink a cup of coffee or tea?"
"Sure, why not." She said silently but happily. For a moment she forgot her nightmares.
Young sorceress entered in Cafeteria with Selphie and Elly following her. It was unusually dark. In that moment the lights shone and she heard a hundred of voices yelled: "SURPRISE!" and: "WELCOME BACK!"
She was looking around herself. Half of Garden was here, even Cid came, and Quistis was here. Quistis came and hugged her. Rinoa gave her a slight smile. Quistis was talking something to her, though she couldn't, or wouldn't hear it. Zell came and hugged her; Irvine followed him and hugged her too. They all came around her, talked, hugged her, and smiled to her. She didn't hear a thing; she was still trying to find him in the crowd. She still hoped that the things would be the same as before. She only wished him to embrace her, to feel safe again. She didn't want to admit herself that he isn't here. He had to be here. ~Please~. She started feeling sick, she couldn't see clearly. She barely found Elly and took her arm.
"Elly, I'm tired, would you take me to my room?" She said silently.
"Sure, you're okay?" She asked concerned.
"Yea, I'm just tired."
They entered in Rinoa's room, Rinoa lied on her bed and immediately fell asleep. Angelo jumped on her bed, and lay down. Elly sit near her and watched her. She was concerned, even more when she saw a tear running down her face. She carefully wiped her tear and silently left.
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Rinoa woke up, it was still early, but the sun already showed its face. She took a shower and dressed herself up. She took a book from the shelf above her bad and sit on the balcony. It was her favorite book, she read it lots of times. Her mother gave it to her before she died. Every time before, when she read that book, the world around her had disappeared, but now she couldn't concentrate. ~I'll go. ~ One thought was tormenting her whole morning. To go to him, or not. Angelo came and jumped in her lap. He looked at her with his big, now sad eyes, as if he wanted to help her, but didn't know how.
"Stay here Angelo, I'll be back soon." She said, opened the door, and left.
She was walking trough the hall. The Garden was silent; everyone was still asleep. She knew that he's awake; he was always up early. She still wasn't sure of what will she do or say when she comes there, but she couldn't wait any more. Once again, she tried to remember what happened that day. Suddenly she realized that she is in front of his dorm. ~Now or never. ~ She took one deep breath and knocked.
…
Nothing.
She knocked again, but no one answered. She closed her eyes and took a card-key from her pocket. Looked at it for a moment, and opened the door. She slowly entered.
"Squall?"
No answer. ~He's probably already in his office. ~ She sighed and went toward the elevator.
She pushed the F3 button and the elevator went up.
Once again she stood in front of a door, trying to gather courage to enter, but now she could hear the sound of computer, and someone working on it.
She knocked.
"It's open." Squall answered. She shivered just on the sound of his voice.
She slowly opened the big door.
He looked to see who it is and then returned to his job, he was writing something.
"Say."
"I came to see how you're doing." She said.
"Doing fine, I just have a lot of work." He said. For a moment she thought that everything is okay, that he didn't came cause of work, but than she realized that she's fooling herself.
"Anything else?" Once again he gave her a quick look and returned writing.
"…Squall, what's wrong?"
"What do you mean?" He didn't even looked at her, he just continued with writing. She came there and pushed his keyboard away. That shocked them both.
"I'm talking to you!" She almost started to cry, but didn't want in front of him, not now.
"What do you want?"
"Tell me what's wrong!"
"Nothing's wrong, why should something be wrong?!"
"Why?! Cause I almost died and you didn't even come to see if I'm still alive!"
"What for? Elly told me you're okay. What did you want me to do, leave the work and hang in the Infirmary?"
"At least! Do I mean nothing to you?" She couldn't stop tears anymore.
"'Course you mean, you're my friend, but I can't leave the garden on it's own cause of you!?"
~Friend? ~ She looked at him shocked; tears were running down her cheek.
"What?"
"So I'm just a friend to you?" She asked slowly.
"What did you thought you are?"
Silence.
"What made you think that you're more than a friend to me?" He really sounded confused.
~What? ~ "You're asking me what!? Those words, those nights meant nothing to you? You… you…" She started crying and couldn't continue.
"I thought that you understood what I want. I never wanted a relationship."
~Seifer was right that day, he didn't want to be a knight, he just wanted the sorceress. ~
She was shivering. "So what did you wanted?" She asked quietly.
He was looking at her, his silence told her everything. It told her she was right. She looked at his eyes; they were empty.
Tears blurred her vision. ~Why? ~
She ran out.
He put the keyboard back, and continued writing.
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Don't flame me!! I'm not telling that he never loved her (he's telling it ^_~). Don't worry; I'll explain everything with time! REVIEW! Pls! (So I'll love you even more!! ^_~)
LOVE YA!!! ^_~
**Exhile87: No. GF didn't possessed Squall. (But you're quite close, ya know.) He didn't forget her. Worse! He forgot his love toward her, but it isn't his fault… you see… er…no… you'll have to find it out by yourself! THANX for your thoughts!
**The Key Barer (Crystal Angel Kairi): Thanx for reviewing, I started reading your fic (I think I've reviewed first chapter) I'll read it all, I promise, as soon as I find time!