Believe In Me

by Rinoica

What happens when you can’t trust the person you love the most? How to live with it? Is it even possible? Do you still want to fight, or it’s better to give up? -squinoa – romance.

11. My Immortal

*I don't own Final Fantasy VIII or any of its characters, surprising huh? One more thing, I don't own the beautiful song "My Immortal" by Evanescence either.*

A/N: Nancel – once again, thanks for your help.

This chapter is dedicated to Xieves – you know why... just...don't forget.

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*Chapter 11 – My Immortal*

One small water drop fell from the green crystal that was hanging from the center of the ceiling. As it was falling, every crystal in the room gave it a piece of its mystical green light. The drop broke in thousand shiny green pieces as it hit the ground. For one second, silent sound of a drop falling on the wet ground filled the place just to be again replaced with the silence in the next.

Two stormy blue eyes followed the drop through the air. Squall was sitting on his simple wooden bed. His elbows were resting on his knees and his hands were buried in his messy brown hair. He was sitting there for hours, buried in his thoughts. He didn't know how much time has passed or which time of the day it was, and he didn't even care. He still couldn't believe what he saw. He didn't want to believe it. He tried so hard to tell himself that it was just a dream or just his imagination, but the images were still so clear in his mind, and the pain was just too real. Whenever he'd close his eyes, he'd see his only love in another's arms. He opened his eyes to get rid of the image, but he couldn't get rid of scenes that kept repeating in his mind. He kept hearing Elly's happy voice. "Lets go to the Cafeteria, he is there." … "Sorry, I'm just so happy you found someone good enough for you, someone who won't leave you." He hoped that with time the images will disappear, he hoped that time could erase his pain, but there was just too much, so much that time could not erase. The wounds were too deep, and they didn't seem to heal. No matter how much he wanted to blame her, he couldn't. ~She deserves to be happy. I failed there… I should have been stronger… I should have fought for her… Maybe he won't fail. If he makes her happy than it's better this way.~  He closed his eyes again. ~Why didn't she believe in me? How could she believe I'd leave her? …She saw me leaving…she heard me saying I don't care for her… But how could she believe that? After all we passed… She would believe…~ He slightly shook his head and opened his eyes. Suddenly he felt numb. There were just too many thoughts in his mind, too many feelings. He didn't know what to think or believe any more. ~Train station in my head…~  If he only had his Leonheart, he'd end Ian's miserable life in one move. But it wouldn't change anything…or would it?

Suddenly another drop falling on the ground caught his attention. As it hit the ground, the drop broke in thousand shiny green pieces.

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"This is useless, whoever had done this to Squall could already be on the Island Closest to Hell." Zell threw himself on the bed. "What kind of moron would stay here anyway."

"Maybe someone who didn't think we could suspect something. When you think about it, someone tried to hide it, to make it seem Squall is doing that himself." Irvine sat on the next bed.

Two SeeDs were waiting in a hotel room. Seifer went to report what they found, or better, what they didn't find. The room was small and it looked like if it was made of plastic, as most of Esthar buildings. It had three beds placed one next to other, white round lamps were hanging on the wall above each bed. On the other side of the room was a TV screen that looked like a painting. Now that TV was off. Sunlight was entering in the room through small balcony doors and it gave the room a strange, almost unreal look.

"I wish we could find him…" Zell said with a sigh.

Irvine looked him "Squall?"

"Yea…"

"Me too…"

"I mean," Zell began "Everything was almost perfect…we were all happy…life was finally as it should be and then…bang…Squall first acts as if he's crazy, and then just disappears…and I can't watch Rinoa's sad eyes anymore…It just isn't right!"

"I know…"

They were both silent and buried in their thoughts, when Seifer came in and interrupted the silence.

"Hey guys, reinforces are coming this evening and tomorrow morning we're going back in. It looks like our cave is much bigger that we thought. Girls had found a way to open hidden doors that should be in the cave. We have some free time until evening…so you're free to do whatever you want."

"Seriously?" Zell jumped off his bed.

Seifer rolled his eyes.

"Let's get something to eat." Irvine said. He took his hat and left without waiting for answer.

Irvine went downstairs, toward the restaurant. He remembered seeing the sign when they checked in the hotel. As soon as he came to reception he saw the blue sign "Blue Star" on his left. The dark blue glass door opened and two girls, apparently tourists, came out from the restaurant.

"Hi girls!" Irvine took off his hat and put on his usual grin.

"Hi." Girls giggled. 

Irvine put his hat back on his had, and entered in the restaurant. Zell and Seifer were right behind him. They entered in the restaurant obviously amused.

Blue Star was a small, but very nice place enlightened by hundred tiny blue lights that were coming down from the ceiling without noticeable order. It gave a magic atmosphere to the place, as if little blue fairies were flying above them. The sight captivated three SeeDs. They found a small table in one corner and ordered.  

"Seifer? Did Cid say who'd come tomorrow?" Irvine asked.

"No…No he didn't, why?"

"Nothing important, never mind."

"So what's this whole thing about the cave being bigger than it seems?" Zell asked with full mouth. After a "What the hell do you mean by you not serving hot dogs?!" outburst and Seifer's "Probably that they don't serve hot dogs" comment, Zell ordered chicken and fries.

"It seems that the cave has hidden halls, girls found out how to open them, but not where do they lead, or how big the cave is. It doesn't even have to be truth, it can be only a legend, but it's worth to try." 

"Do you guys think we'll find Squall there?" Zell asked.

"Dunno. I hope so." Irvine answered silently.

"Yea." Seifer nodded.

Zell gave him a puzzled look.

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Elly was sitting cross-legged in the field not far from Garden. A silent breeze was playing with her long, dark brown hair that flew over her face, breaking her concentration. She was trying to make connection with her new friend.

Something happened? Already known voice echoed in Elly's head.

~No, everything is as we planned. Quistis is reporting to the headmaster what we've found in that book right now.~ Elly answered.

Headmaster will probably send reinforcements to help Irvine, Zell and Seifer. Listen, if he sends you, Rinoa has to go too, or vice versa, if she stays, you stay. You must have an eye on her all the time. She could do something stupid, and that could ruin everything. Let me know about an hour before reinforcements leave, there's something I'd like to try before that.

~Okay, you can count on me.~

Elly stood up and looked around.

"Lily? Where are you, come, we should go. Lily!"

Little light gray cat with tiger like black stripes came out of one bush. First she slowly walked and then ran toward her human friend.

"There you are! Let's go, you've played enough." Elly took her little pet in her arms and walked toward the Garden. Soon she saw a figure coming toward her. As it was coming closer, figure more and more resembled her cheerful friend.

"Hey there! Where were you? I searched whole Garden for you!" Selphie said with her usual happy expression.

"I was just walking and playing with Lily, I don't have much time for her lately."

Selphie smiled. "Anyway, Headmaster called Quistis, you and me to come to his office. I don't have to tell you we're already late."

"Okay, let's hurry up then."

Two girls went toward the Garden.

Elly knocked on the headmaster's door.

"Come in." She heard Cid's voice from the other side.

She opened the door and two girls entered.

"We are sorry to be late sir. I was outside the garden and Selphie was looking for me." Elly saluted.

"It's okay." Cid said. "Sit down please."

Elly looked around and saw four armchairs in front of headmaster's desk. Quistis already occupied one. Elly and Selphie sat down and waited to hear what headmaster had to say.

"Quistis reported what you found in the library. Although it could be just a legend, we can never be sure until we investigate it. I'm sending two SeeDs to help with investigation. Selphie and Elly, Ragnarok will expect you today at exactly 6 pm in front of garden, don't be late. Quistis, you still have your students to take care of, but you'll work on this mission too. You'll work on communications and research within Garden."

~He's not sending Rinoa,. I should've known that. How can I avoid going there? Or…I have a better idea.~

~Rinoa? Rin, can you hear me?~

~Yes, what's going on?~

~You have to come to headmaster's office, hurry up, it's important! ~ Elly broke connection.

"Any questions?" Cid asked. "If not, you're free to go."

"Just a minute Cid, I'd like to talk with them for a minute." Edea entered in the office. She gave a smile to Elly, leaving her confused. ~Does she suspect something?~

"I just want you to be aware of the danger that can wait you there. There are lots of myths and legends about Green Cave, not all of them are true, but all of them talk about great, but dark power."

Elly looked at the door. ~Hurry Rinoa!~ She thought for herself.  When she looked back she notice Edea was looking her. There was a short silence, which was broken by Rinoa who rushed in the office.

She wore jeans and white T-shirt, her hair was pulled up in a ponytail, few tendrills escaped and now were lying on her face. It was obvious she came in hurry. As she entered there was concerned expression in her eyes. Suddenly it was replaced by a confused look, and finally, realization was shown in her eyes.

"What's happening here?" Rinoa asked.

"Rinoa, we're in the middle of a meeting, if you want, we can talk when I finish here." Cid answered calmly.

"You're sending them to Esthar, aren't you. And when was I supposed to find it out? When are they leaving?" Rinoa almost yelled.

"Rinoa…"

"I'm going with them, you can't leave me here! You can't stop me, I can go even without permission…" Rinoa wanted to continue, but Elly put her hand on her shoulder and started:

"Headmaster, with all due respect, I think we could need a sorceress with us. If there is really some unknown dark power in that cave, I'm not sure we'd be able to fight it on our own, we need someone who could maybe understand it."   

Cid knew he can't stop young sorceress for going there and it'll be safer if she stays with SeeDs, her friends. And probably she could be a big help to all of them. ~I just hope she won't do something stupid.~

"Okay, you may go, but… you must obey orders, and listen to squad leader. Is that clear?"  

"Crystal" Rinoa saluted and carefully smiled to Elly ~Thank you.~

~Anytime.~ Elly smiled back.

Edea was carefully watching two girls.

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"Ian?" Searyn stopped Ian on his way toward Squall's room.

"Say my queen." Ian gave her a polite smile. He seemed to be in a very good mood.

"Is everything under control now?" She seamed to be worried. Ian just laughed.

"Do not worry my queen, our dear Zodraken handled everything. That SeeD commander is weaker than we thought. Our dear GF had played with his mind like with a child." Ian knelled in front of Searyn. "My dear queen, soon, whole world will knell in front of you."

Searyn laughed, the thought was very pleasant.

"Stand up. You'll be right by my side so people will knell in front of you too. You'll be rewarded for all you've done."

Ian's small eyes glowed.

"I must go to our dear friend now. Our SeeD commander must still agree to help us. But I guess he has no choice." Ian and Searyn laughed.

Squall heard knocking on his door. ~Here comes that moron again.~ Ian had learned his lesson and this time he didn't wait for Squall's response, he unlocked the door and entered.

"How do you feel today, commander?" Ian tried to sound as nice as he could, but this guy was annoying him, so he didn't have much success."

"…Whatever." Squall didn't even bother to look at him.

"Do you have all that you need?"

"Will you leave me alone if I answer?" Squall gave him a deadly look.

"We need to talk about some business." Ian ignored Squall's comment.

"…Whatever."

"Ian?! Come, hurry!"

"I'm not done with you, I'll be back tomorrow." Ian went out and slammed the door. ~What a stupid moron!~

Squall lay on the bed, trying to get some sleep, to escape from reality. Maybe to forget everything.

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Elly sat on her bed and closed her eyes.

~Ellone? Can you hear me?~

Yea, I've been expecting you. So, who is going to Esthar?

~Selphie, me and, with my little help, Rinoa.~

Good job

~Thanks, did you said you want to try something?~

I've been trying to reach Squall lately, but I can't. If he's really in that cave, there must be some power barriers or something. And the person who is controlling him, probably can disable my attempts to reach him.

~Ellone? Sorry for interrupting you, but something is bothering me. You've never told me why you contacted me. Why not Rinoa, or Quistis or someone else?~

I felt your power when I first saw you in Esthar Garden. It wasn't strong back then, but it seems it grew stronger with time. You see, it's not easy to contact someone without powers. I can do it only if that person or I is asleep. Only persons in Balamb Garden who I know and have that kind of  powers are Rinoa and you. Now imagine what would Rinoa do if I told her Squall was in Green Cave? And it seems you two are good friends, so I've made a good choice. Someone must watch on her, so she doesn't put herself in danger.

~ …  yea… but, how do you know he's there if you can't contact him?~

It'll sound strange… but I had a dream. I know, it doesn't have to be true, this is why I want to send you in Squall's past. Are you willing to go?

~I'll do anything to help.~

Okay, you may feel little dizzy, but don't worry, it'll be over soon. Tell me when you're ready

~I'm ready.~

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A deafening sound woke Squall up. He looked up and saw a beautiful firework. It seemed familiar. He looked in front of him and saw her. She was beautiful. One her hand was on his shoulder and other in his hand. She was watching fireworks. He just looked at her angelic face. Suddenly, something behind him caught her attention. She smiled, excused herself and ran away. Squall followed her, but he lost her from his sight. He couldn't find her anywhere. He ran round the garden, he looked everywhere. He was yelling her name. He fell on his knees in the middle of the hall.

"Rinoa! Rinoa I need you!" In front of his eyes the garden was dissolving. He found himself in the middle of nowhere. He was standing on a gray dry land. Wherever he turned he saw only gray dry land. Dark clouds were hastily flying above him. He didn't know where to go.

"Rinoa!" ~Save me Rin…~ "I need you!"

And then he saw her. She was standing and looking at him from the distance. Strong wind was playing with her hair and made her look like an angel. Like if she's going to fly away in any moment. A salvation sent to him from the sky. Squall called her name, but she didn't seem to hear him. He called again, louder this time. Rinoa turned around and left.

Squall opened his eyes. He was still in the same creepy stone room. A sigh escaped him with a solitary tear.

I'm so tired of being here
suppressed by all my childish fears
and if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
cause your presence still lingers here
and it won't leave me alone

He sat on his bed and put his head in his hands. He felt so strange, full of emotions, but still hollow. All those emotions were suffocating him. He hardly breathed. It was too much to bear.

These wounds won't seem to heal
this pain is just too real
there's just too much that time cannot erase

Rinoa was packing her things for the mission. She put her last T-shirt in the backpack and sat on her bed. She took one of two pictures from her desk. She looked at him embracing her. She tried to remember the feeling. Lots of time had passed since she felt like that. Rinoa put her fingers on his face on the photo. She wondered how he feels now. ~Is he even aware of things that are happening around him? Does he feel alone? Is he scared?~ She didn't know what is happening around him, and it was killing her.

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
when you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
and I've held your hand through all of these years
but you still have all of me

Squall stood up and walked toward the wall. He put his elbow on the wall and rested his head on it. He hit the wall with his other hand. ~Why? She's the person who I love the most. Why did she have to leave me? Why I had to lose even her? Why is life so cruel?! Why every dream I have must be crushed away by reality? All I wanted was to be with her, by her side when she needs me and her to be by my side when I need her.~  He tried to remember every moment he passed with her. He wanted to remember everything, to remember it forever. The memories were the only thing left to him. He needed her. She was the light of his life.

You used to captivate me
by your resonating light
but now I'm bound by the life you left behind
your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
your voice it chased away all the sanity in me

Rinoa put the picture on its place and buried her head in the pillow. She felt so alone. It's true, she had many friends, but no one could replace him, her knight in shining armor, her ray of light. She felt so empty without him. She missed him so much that it hurt.

These wounds won't seem to heal
this pain is just too real
there's just too much that time cannot erase

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A/N: Sorry for the delay, I had lots of things on my mind lately. Next chapter probably won't be up that soon. I'm going on a vacation, and I won't be able to write or go online there. One more thing, I want to apologize for mistakes. I'm really doing my best to avoid them, but as I said, English isn't my mother tongue. Anyway, thanks for reading and reviewing, your reviews really keep me going. Plz review!

Btw, if anyone wants to be notified when I update this fic, just let me know, and I'll be happy to do it!

Rinoica  (majasverko@yahoo.com)

**Crossfire145:  ^-^ Don't worry about Seifer/Rinoa… this is a squinoa, remember? Keyword: Zodraken!

**Vindemon64: I wrote as fast as I could…and now my fingers hurt…happy now? ^-^

**Drake Dragon: I'll do as u ask …lol…get out of my mind!

**blush: Thanx for reading and reviewing!

** Billie the Wild Angel: I should think about paying bodyguards for Ian and Searyn…or I'll lose my main bad guys! ^-~

**Exhile87: I know u reviewed, and read your review in my review alert, but the review isn't shown on my reviews page. It doesn't matter, I still remember what u wrote, and yea, u guessed everything. (Lemme guess, u don't remember what u wrote? ^-~)

**There was one more person who reviewed, but the review wasn't shown. I can't remember your nickname, but still I want to thank u for reviewing.