19th September 2004

I've taken another test and I'm pregnant. I've given it some thought and I want to keep the baby, I just need to tell my friends and family. It turns out the girl with Johnny last night was his cousin, not his girlfriend. I asked Oliver how to tell Robert no:

'Look just be honest with him, he's going to be really upset you're saying no'

'But I don't want to hurt him'

'No matter what you say, he will be hurt'

'Thanks'

'For what?'

'For being there'

'Any time'

I took Robert to our bedroom and told him:

'Robert, I love you'

'That's good and I love you too'

'What I'm trying to say is'

'Yes?'

'Robert, I'm so sorry but I can't marry you'

'What! Why?'

'I'm too young and I'm not ready and I just'

'Please reconsider, I love you'

'I love you too but I just can't'

'Why?'

'I'm too young, I've only just turned sixteen, and this is all way too fast'

'I know we're both young but I just know we were meant to be together'

'If you think that, then why do you think a piece of paper will make any difference, people spend their whole lives together and they're not married'

'I know it's just, I want to let you know I'm faithful to you'

'I know you are, you've been with me through a lot and you may be confused to why I can't marry you after what I have to tell you'

'What?' I took his hands and placed them where my womb is

'In here, is something you and I created together, because we couldn't control ourselves'

'Your pregnant!'

'Yes' I burst into tears 'Robert I'm so sorry, it's all my fault' he pulled me to him and rocked me in his arms.

'It's my fault, we agreed what to do and I wasn't thinking, now what are we going to do?'

'I don't want to give my baby away'

'I wouldn't let you anyway' I looked up at him 'I couldn't bear the thought that there was a part of me out there and I didn't know where it was'

'Robert, will you leave me if I keep the baby?'

'Never, why would I?'

'I do want to keep my baby, but I also want to have an education, I can't see how I can have one and have the other'

'I can'

'How?'

'Well when you find it difficult to move, you can be home schooled'

'My parents cant afford that! I doubt they'll let me keep the child as it is'

'Let me finish, you could move here as I want to be with you through this and be taught by a tutor I'll hire'

'You mean that, you want to be with me?'

'Yes'

'Even when my hormones start acting up?'

'Yes'

'Even if both our families disapprove?'

'Yes'

'Even when I get fat?'

'Yes'

'Really?'

'Yes, Hilary I played a part in making this child'

'Yeah, you were amazing'

'And, huh you think I'm good in bed?' I nodded then we looked at each other all lovey-dovey then he snapped back into reality 'as I was saying, I'm going to help you through this'

'Robert you don't know what this means to me'

'There's just one thing'

'What?'

'How will we tell our parents?'

'That will take some doing'

'We'll get through it' at that moment I knew I couldn't be with anybody else.

'Yes'

'What?'

'I was scared you would leave me but now I know that you'll be there for me, my answer is yes'

'Hilary I don't' it took him a few seconds to realise what I was on about 'You mean you will marry me!'

'Yes' he picked me up and held me high

'Hilary you've made me the happiest man ever'

'And I promise nothing will come between us'

I still can't believe I going to be married! We agreed to have an announcement party to tell all our close friends and family. I said after the party is over we should tell both our families in private that I'm pregnant. I'm not marrying Robert because I'm pregnant, its because I love him. I've never been so happy in all my life!