13th October 2004
Yesterday I went to tell Robert, I couldn't marry him. But when I look at him, I just can't do it. I still love him. Is what I feel for Johnny fates way of testing my loyalty? Is it cold feet that's making me do this? I told Johnny I still love Robert and what happened between us didn't mean anything. He said he would try to get over me but it wouldn't be easy. I'm still unsure of what to do.
We're having the wedding on New Year's Day, the day of our first kiss. My knees go weak thinking about it. I haven't thought about my dress yet. I want a fairytale dress, its what I've dreamed of since a little girl! I've made a rule, no sex until the wedding night, Robert tried to protest but I stuck to my morals and laid the law down. A girl has got to let her man know, no not tonight.
I wuv my Robbie-kins. I'm feeling all cute!