Well here's another update. Things have been hectic with me lately, with my
new job and then now there's this event called the 'avondvierdaagse'.
Basically you have to walk 10 km for four days and then you get a medal on
the last day. My sister is walking and I'm her escort. So my feet are now
killing me. Only two more days to go, poor me.
I was so happy with every review. I'm too lazy to sort everuthing out so you might have two motes if you reviewed more than once.
Dara Maeko: Studiehuis?!?!?!? Ik heb het net overleefd dus veel geluk. Have fun op het schoolfeest!!!
Mornie Utule: Hope you'll reach this chapter soon and see me thanking you. I'm happy you like it.
Latin4ever93: Thanks for your review and your positive response, I will try to remember to mail you when I post this but I make no promises. I am a little forgetful.
Nindë: Dank je wel, ik heb net vwo gehaald, het is niet makkelijk maar wel te doen hoor.
THEwriter Lioncub: You don't know half of my worrying, I have no fingernails any more.
Prophecy: Thanks, here's another update.
The Lady Sorcha of Sevenwaters: Cookies!!! Yumyum, thank you.
Passion Lover: Thank you for the balloon, I will have more time to write now so you should be happy.
Kate: Me. . . do something crazy???? I put blue strands in my hair and that is very crazy for me. (The blue came out again the next day) I'm not the kind of person to party all night and get drunk.
Elvenflower: Thanks, I'm not the party type but I'll enjoy myself anyway.
BEtH: Yay, thank you, I'm very happy as well.
Leitheindel: I'm happy for me too! Thanks!
Danceingfae: I am proud to say I never got drunk, I hate drunk people, especially the mean ones. But I did have fun.
Smalldiver: I got the hint, I will try to update once or twice a week, depends on my work schedule.
Iluvenis: Thank you, I'm happy too, no more stress.
Siren: Here's the next chapter, so no more waiting for you.
Disturbed Mikonei: Thank you, I am excited.
MaverickGirl: Yes freedom is bliss, I can't wait till College either (I know weird) it is just so new and exciting and everything.
Mrs. Ekeena Greenleaf: Thank you, nine more years? Poor you. Oh I think you misunderstood me, I just graduated High School and will be starting College after summer.
Silver Starlight: Thanks for the congrats.
Nokia: I love confetti, unless I have to clean it up, I love internet confetti! Thank you and here's another chapter.
Yay!!!!!!!!: Thank you!!!!
Arwen-evenstar: It does feel great, no more math not ever again!!!! Yes, yes, here's the update.
Musicgrl: I'm happy for your confidence in me, I wasn't so sure I was going to make it but I did.
Darkthedestroyer: You got into university!!! YAY YOU!!! I hope to get my notification sometime soon and then I'm gonna fulfill my dream of studying law. You fulfill your dream as well.
Mellon: Thank you, I will.
Blahblah: I will check your story tomorrow but in like 15 minutes we will have company. (
Aislin: I'm happy too, thank you!!
Mrs. Ekeena Greenleaf: I'm happy you like my story but as I've explained more than once I had a reason for letting the relationship between Rita and Elladan go beyond kissing, hope you can understand that. I feel much better thank you, only my feet are sore from all the wlaking.
Lady of Legolas: Thank you, unless you can magically appear in Holland, I don't know how you're going to get to my party.
THEwriter Lioncub: No more flu, you liked the twist, you'll love this chapter.
The Great One: Here it is. . . sorry for the wait.
Aurumlupi: Just see this chapter for your answer.
Prophecy: Sorry for the cliffie, hope you like this one better. *evil laughter is heard*
Noodle: I have no idea how many more chapters and you'll just have to wait and see how it goes on.
American Elf: Yep, elvish eyes are good. I know everything about testing so I forgive you!!!
Renegade: *blushes* Wow such praise. I hope you reach this chapter soon and see me thanking you, your review was so sweet, it made my day.
Thretiel M. Belowen: Thank you! You really think so? The best? Wow, I feel so honored.
Arwen-evenstar: The drama will never end, it will continue into eternity. . . nah. As long as I have the inspiration I'm gonna invent twists and turns.
Dara Maeko: I agree with you, so check this chapter out.
Silver Starlight: I'm happy you liked the new chapter 57, it was much better in my opinion as well. I'm also happy that you like my plot twists, expect a big one in this chapter.
The Great One: Sorry for taking so long but I am back now. Happy you liked last chapter though, this one is a little short but you'll forgive me right?
D-Chan: Post when you have the time, I know all about time and not having enough. I asked a few people if it were possible to fit 30 hours in one day but funnily enough they said no. ;)
Tap-dancing hobbit: Happy I can still amaze you, hope you like this chapter as well.
Corinna: I am so very happy and pleased you liked chapters 57 and 59, blood sweat and tears were used to write those. As for the Elladan thing, read to find out.
Smalldiver: Happy you liked the ending, it wasn't a real cliffie was it? I hope I will be able to spend more time writing now school is finished.
Passion Lover: I can't explain how happy I am that you liked the depth and details I added to chapter 57. I took your advice on some of the things and now have a better and improved chapter. Hope you are ready to slap Elladan, cause he's going to cause an uproar. I will take your ideas for a thicker and more evil plot in mind, I might use some of your ideas if that's alright with you.
Leitheindel: Happy you liked the changes in chapter 57, I like it much better now as well.
Kate: I'm sure you're all better again when I post this but in case you're not, hope you feel better soon.
Chibi Chingo: Thanks, happy you liked it so much.
Dani: Happy you liked it, and it's not just you. I hate jealous or possesive boyfriends with a passion. It caused me to loose my best friend because he though she was. . . and I quote. . . 'spending to much time on her own instead of on their relationship'. . . unquote. She chose him and I'm left behind hoping she'll come to her senses somtime soon. . . didn't mean to ramble, sorry.
Aislin: Women are smarter, it is a fact that can't be disputed. Elladan is acting like a typical male and to say that's causing problems. I always thought that Tolkien displayed the elves a little too perfect, they need to have their flaws as well.
Mellon: Here's the more you asked for, hope you like it.
Lady Death: I am so happy you loved it, you are one of the reasons I rewrote it in the first place so this is your doing as much as it is mine.
Sarah G: No, I will not write an elvish soap not now not ever. I hate soaps, with the exception of a fwe I'm hooked on, oh no those are weekly things so not technically soaps. . . I feel much better now.
Iluvenis: Here's the update, I hope you like it as much as the last chapters.
Soul: The male mind is and always will be a mystery to me, so I can not begin to explain my twists I make up for him.
Darkthedestroyer: You want drastic? I will give you drastic, I hope you like this chapter.
Musicgrl: I got the review now so that's ok, ff.net messed things up good I know.
MaverickGirl: I like writing those scenes as well, they come naturally actually. Poor Aragorn indeed, she is causing him heaps of troubles isn;t she.
Feanen: Thank you.
Blahblah: I hate annoying cousins, mine all live in Spain so they don't bother me.
Norie Ape: I hope I made you happy with this update, enjoy.
Songelf88 and G.H.S. the warg: Happy you liked it so much, hope you enjoy this chapter as well.
DISCLAIMER: Nah, don't want to just yet.
Rita sat on a boulder in her special place, the overview point, as she liked to call it. She had a lot to think about because she was confused, annoyed and miserable.
It had been two weeks since Galadriel told her about the ritual, two weeks since she agreed to do it, two weeks since she had gained immortality with risk for her life.
But now. . . . she wondered why on earth she went through with it.
You see, save the hug right after she had 'woken up' Elladan had not been around that much. One could even say he was avoiding her.
Inside Rita was fuming with anger and also crying her eyes out, but on the outside she seemed like the calm and collected person everyone thought her to be.
Only Haldir could tell something was wrong but Rita didn't feel like talking to him about it. He had already listened to her so many times, he really didn't need to hear this.
Because Rita knew Haldir well enough to know he would confront Elladan about his behavior, and frankly Rita didn't want to know why he was avoiding her.
It would hurt too much to know what she did to cause him to stay away from her. She suspected it had something to do with her running away and everything. He must have been sick and tired of her.
The hug, she rationalized, was merely an automatism after she had been through so much.
She decided to let him cool off, if he needed to talk to her he could come to her. But as time past Rita began to feel more and more insecure.
Now she had waited for two full weeks she needed to do some thinking. Thinking about what the hell she was going to do.
Of course she knew that the first step was going to Elladan, but this was also one of the hardest things to do. Every time she neared him a dark cloud seemed to appear above him and his normally glistening eyes would become dull.
It hurt her to know she had hurt him so much.
Rita decided to expect the worst case scenario: Elladan would never want anything to do with her.
So if that was going to be the case Rita needed to figure out what to do with her life. . . her eternal life.
Rivendell would be out of the options of course since he lived there. But for the rest her options were far and wide.
The hobbits had invited her to come with them to the Shire and she had to admit that she would like to visit them sometime, but something told her that their homecoming should be on their own. So they could bask in their glory with their own people.
She could return to Ithilien, the beautiful place where they had recuperated after the final battle. She had fond memories of the castle but she knew she wouldn't be able to stay there for a long time. So that ruled Ithilien out.
Lothlorien. . . she knew she would be welcome there, hell she was almost a part of the tight-knit elves already. And she did want to see the beautiful mallorn-trees again and spend time with her friends.
But Gondor on the other hand had the same appeal. Here were Aragorn and Arwen and many others to whom she had grown close. And these were all mortal people, people who would one day die and leave her alone.
So Rita was still torn by the time the sun was starting to go down already. She suddenly sensed someone standing behind her and turned around.
She smiled when she noticed Legolas looking at her and motioned to the boulder next to her. He hopped onto it and sat down as well.
"I saw you from below and decided to join you, you seemed to be thinking about something."
Rita chuckled at Legolas's attempt to fish for some answers.
"With other words. . . Gee Rita what are you doing? What are you thinking about? And they say elves are inconspicuous."
Legolas gave her a sheepish grin. "If you put it like that, whatever is wrong Rita. I couldn't help but notice that you have not been spending a lot of time with Elladan lately and I have been worried about you, as have others."
"Elladan. . . Elladan is angry with me. . . I think."
He rose an eyebrow. "You think? Have you not spoken to him yet?"
"No" Rita sighed "I thought he needed some time to figure things out and well I needed time as well. It's not every day you go from mortal to immortal and Haldir and the Lothlorien elves helped me accept that."
She leaned back a little, enjoying as the last rays of light were shining on her face. "I know I have to talk to him and I will, I'm just thinking about a back-up plan."
"What may this plan be? A plan for what?"
"I just started to think about what to do if Elladan stays mad at me, I mean I have a lot of time to fill then now don't I?"
Legolas was thinking fast. "You could consider. . . " he said slowly "to go with Gimli and I. We are planning to travel over Middle Earth, visiting many places like Fangorn forest and my homeland as well as his. We would be honored if you should accompany us."
"Since when do you speak for Gimli?" Rita asked, refusing to give the idea thought before she asked that question.
"Gimli would be happy, I am sure of it. After all, he adores you like we all do."
Rita smiled a little. "Then I would like to think about it. It sure is an appealing idea and I would love to travel again, I feel. . . trapped here sometimes, do you ever feel like that?"
"Yes, we have traveled and seen so much in the past few months that I do not feel at ease while staying at one place. It is as if the traveling is now in my blood, I need to have more before I give it up."
Rita gaped at him, he just worded the way she was feeling.
"But first I should speak to Elladan for I am sure you have much to talk about."
She stood up and slapped the dust and sand from her pants. "Thanks Legolas, for the listening I mean and the offer of course. I think it is time I speak to a certain elf as well."
He gave her an encouraging smile but stayed behind as she started to walk back to the castle. Dinner wasn't for another two hours so she figured Elladan was in his room.
When she got there however he was not there. She closed the door behind her and took a seat in the chair that was in the corner of the room. This needed to be dealt with and now she had gathered the courage she was going through with it.
She was trying to form a conversation in her mind, imagining what he could say and wording her own answer.
She has been sitting there for an hour already when he finally entered the room. He didn't notice her at first so she made a noise with her feet over the floor.
He looked up sharply and seemed to freeze once he noted who was sitting there. Deciding to ignore it Rita spoke.
"Hello Elladan, it's been a while since I talked to you. I know you're angry with me and I can understand why, I did after all leave you, said horrible things. . . but after waiting for two weeks until you could just look at me and nothing happened, I figured I come to you this time."
Silence. Only his eyes followed her and they were so guarded, so harsh. Rita summoned all her strength not to cry out and hug him close, only to feel his body against her own.
"So. . . here I am. I guess I should start huh? I want to apologize Elladan. After the conversation with your father I ignored, avoided and hurt you, and god knows that wasn't what I wanted to do. I really am sorry for the running, running away from you. I should have had more faith in you, but I didn't want it to hurt you, hurt others. And your father had valid points, I. . . . "
Rita looked at him again, to see some kind of reaction but still there was nothing. Swallowing the lump in her throat away she realized he was not going to forgive her.
"After Haldir found me and nearly kicked my ass while dragging me back, Galadriel gave me a choice, she offered me a chance to spend the rest of my life with you. Only I would be immortal as well, this way I could stay with you without causing any harm, stay with you forever."
Hope returned to her when he started to move towards her but it was quickly diminished when he merely went to stand next to her, looking out the window.
"I don't want to tell you what happened during the trials Elladan, it still hurts too much. Telling it once was bad enough and even Haldir was barely able to stay calm. I gave up a lot for you Elladan, more than you would have liked me to but it was worth it."
She ran a hand through her hair, trying to come up with more to say. She had expected talking, yelling even, but this silence was driving her crazy.
"So that leaves a few questions now doesn't it. I have a lot to adjust to, eternity is a long time after all. The most important question is the simplest one. Can you forgive me for running away from you? Can you let go of this. . . grudge you seem to hold and give us a chance again? Do you even want to continue our relationship?"
Still silence. Rita balled her fists and suppressed a flare of anger swooping in. She needed to stay calm.
"What Elladan? What do you want? Damn it look at me." *So much for staying calm* she thought. Her outburst had some effect because he turned around again.
Taking this as a good thing she continued. "I said I'm sorry Elladan, what more do you want me to do before you talk to me again? Do you want me to cry? Because I am close enough to that."
Tears were heard in her voice and her eyes grew moist, but she refused to let them fall as she continued.
"Do you want me to apologize again? I'm SORRY! Is that what you want? Should I beg???" She dropped to her knees.
"I'm begging you now. Talk to me Elladan, I can't do this on my own you know. It takes two to work out any problems in a relationship."
She looked up at him, letting the silence sink in. She nodded before she got up. "So that's how it's going to be?" she asked in a tired and quiet voice.
"I guess I shouldn't be too surprised, I had it coming after all." She turned around but stopped again, her hand reaching to her neck.
She unclasped the necklace he had given her seemingly a lifetime ago, on a early morning in Rivendell.
Not looking at him she grabbed his hand and deposited the necklace in his palm. "This belongs to you, I have no right to it any more. I will return your dagger as well, I don't think I can have it with me any more. I'll make sure you get it."
She moved towards the door. "Thank you Elladan, I guess I should say that. You were the first person to look behind my walls and care. You are. . . were. . . my first love, my only love. You gave me many happy memories and for that I thank you."
After that she closed the door but if she had looked back she would have seen the single tear running down Elladan's porcelain white face.
But she was too busy for that. All her strength went to keeping her walls in place. She didn't want to break down, not now.
Dinner was being served but Rita didn't feel like eating. She went to her room and the first thing she did was grab the dagger and wrapped it in a piece of cloth. She scribbled a note to the maid in which she requested for the package to be delivered to Lord Elladan Peredhil.
After that she grabbed her cloak and started to walk. She walked out of the castle and wandered through the city, making sure nobody saw her. She didn't want to answer any questions.
She ended up in the place she started in, she sat on the boulder once again. . . thinking.
Then she remembered a song that fit her mood, a song she remembered because it was one of Carol's favorites, one of hers as well.
/Are you aware of what you make me feel, baby. Right now I feel invisible to you like I'm not real./
That was exactly how she had felt the past two weeks, invisible to him.
/Didn't you feel me lock my arms around you? Why'd you turn away? Here's what I have to say./
He had turned her away, he ignored her. She had poured her feelings out to him and he never once said a word. Just silence.
/I was left to cry there, waiting outside there grinning with the lost stare, that's when I decided. . . /
Rita had made a decision now.
/Why should I care? Cause you weren't there when I was scared, I was so alone/
She banged her fist on her knee, she had given up everything for him. Carol, Boromir. . . everything. Why should she care about him anymore?
/You need to listen, I'm starting to trip, I'm loosing my grip and I'm in this thing alone/
That hurt her the most. Now she could spend forever with him and she was alone. She would be alone for the rest of her very long life. See she was a very loyal person and Rita doubted that she would ever be able to love someone other than Elladan.
/Am I just some chick you placed beside you, to take somebody's place. When I turn around can you recognize my face. You used to hug me, you used to love me, but that wasn't the case, everything wasn't ok/
He had given up on them, he no longer loved her, or didn't love her enough to be able to forgive her for what she had done.
/I was left to cry there, waiting outside there grinning with the lost stare, that's when I decided/
She needed to move on, she knew this. But it sure was hard.
/Why should I care? Cause you weren't there when I was scared, I was so alone. You need to listen I'm starting to trip I'm loosing my grip and I'm in this thing alone./
Alone. . . it was a weird sensation. She had been alone so long and she was able to handle it but now it was alien to her.
/Crying out loud. I'm crying out loud. Crying out loud. I'm crying out loud./
Tears went down her face now, she truly was alone now.
/Why should I care? Cause you weren't there when I was scared, I was so alone. Why should I care? If you don't care then I don't care, we're not going anywhere./
She lifted her head again and wiped the tears away. She was wrong, she wasn't wrong. She had her friends and her family from the Fellowship. If Elladan wanted to throw what they had away that was his choice and she shouldn't care.
Right?
A/N: Short but very much needed. Sorry for the angst but this twist is needed for the plot, and there really is one. . . I promise. Let me know what you think.
I was so happy with every review. I'm too lazy to sort everuthing out so you might have two motes if you reviewed more than once.
Dara Maeko: Studiehuis?!?!?!? Ik heb het net overleefd dus veel geluk. Have fun op het schoolfeest!!!
Mornie Utule: Hope you'll reach this chapter soon and see me thanking you. I'm happy you like it.
Latin4ever93: Thanks for your review and your positive response, I will try to remember to mail you when I post this but I make no promises. I am a little forgetful.
Nindë: Dank je wel, ik heb net vwo gehaald, het is niet makkelijk maar wel te doen hoor.
THEwriter Lioncub: You don't know half of my worrying, I have no fingernails any more.
Prophecy: Thanks, here's another update.
The Lady Sorcha of Sevenwaters: Cookies!!! Yumyum, thank you.
Passion Lover: Thank you for the balloon, I will have more time to write now so you should be happy.
Kate: Me. . . do something crazy???? I put blue strands in my hair and that is very crazy for me. (The blue came out again the next day) I'm not the kind of person to party all night and get drunk.
Elvenflower: Thanks, I'm not the party type but I'll enjoy myself anyway.
BEtH: Yay, thank you, I'm very happy as well.
Leitheindel: I'm happy for me too! Thanks!
Danceingfae: I am proud to say I never got drunk, I hate drunk people, especially the mean ones. But I did have fun.
Smalldiver: I got the hint, I will try to update once or twice a week, depends on my work schedule.
Iluvenis: Thank you, I'm happy too, no more stress.
Siren: Here's the next chapter, so no more waiting for you.
Disturbed Mikonei: Thank you, I am excited.
MaverickGirl: Yes freedom is bliss, I can't wait till College either (I know weird) it is just so new and exciting and everything.
Mrs. Ekeena Greenleaf: Thank you, nine more years? Poor you. Oh I think you misunderstood me, I just graduated High School and will be starting College after summer.
Silver Starlight: Thanks for the congrats.
Nokia: I love confetti, unless I have to clean it up, I love internet confetti! Thank you and here's another chapter.
Yay!!!!!!!!: Thank you!!!!
Arwen-evenstar: It does feel great, no more math not ever again!!!! Yes, yes, here's the update.
Musicgrl: I'm happy for your confidence in me, I wasn't so sure I was going to make it but I did.
Darkthedestroyer: You got into university!!! YAY YOU!!! I hope to get my notification sometime soon and then I'm gonna fulfill my dream of studying law. You fulfill your dream as well.
Mellon: Thank you, I will.
Blahblah: I will check your story tomorrow but in like 15 minutes we will have company. (
Aislin: I'm happy too, thank you!!
Mrs. Ekeena Greenleaf: I'm happy you like my story but as I've explained more than once I had a reason for letting the relationship between Rita and Elladan go beyond kissing, hope you can understand that. I feel much better thank you, only my feet are sore from all the wlaking.
Lady of Legolas: Thank you, unless you can magically appear in Holland, I don't know how you're going to get to my party.
THEwriter Lioncub: No more flu, you liked the twist, you'll love this chapter.
The Great One: Here it is. . . sorry for the wait.
Aurumlupi: Just see this chapter for your answer.
Prophecy: Sorry for the cliffie, hope you like this one better. *evil laughter is heard*
Noodle: I have no idea how many more chapters and you'll just have to wait and see how it goes on.
American Elf: Yep, elvish eyes are good. I know everything about testing so I forgive you!!!
Renegade: *blushes* Wow such praise. I hope you reach this chapter soon and see me thanking you, your review was so sweet, it made my day.
Thretiel M. Belowen: Thank you! You really think so? The best? Wow, I feel so honored.
Arwen-evenstar: The drama will never end, it will continue into eternity. . . nah. As long as I have the inspiration I'm gonna invent twists and turns.
Dara Maeko: I agree with you, so check this chapter out.
Silver Starlight: I'm happy you liked the new chapter 57, it was much better in my opinion as well. I'm also happy that you like my plot twists, expect a big one in this chapter.
The Great One: Sorry for taking so long but I am back now. Happy you liked last chapter though, this one is a little short but you'll forgive me right?
D-Chan: Post when you have the time, I know all about time and not having enough. I asked a few people if it were possible to fit 30 hours in one day but funnily enough they said no. ;)
Tap-dancing hobbit: Happy I can still amaze you, hope you like this chapter as well.
Corinna: I am so very happy and pleased you liked chapters 57 and 59, blood sweat and tears were used to write those. As for the Elladan thing, read to find out.
Smalldiver: Happy you liked the ending, it wasn't a real cliffie was it? I hope I will be able to spend more time writing now school is finished.
Passion Lover: I can't explain how happy I am that you liked the depth and details I added to chapter 57. I took your advice on some of the things and now have a better and improved chapter. Hope you are ready to slap Elladan, cause he's going to cause an uproar. I will take your ideas for a thicker and more evil plot in mind, I might use some of your ideas if that's alright with you.
Leitheindel: Happy you liked the changes in chapter 57, I like it much better now as well.
Kate: I'm sure you're all better again when I post this but in case you're not, hope you feel better soon.
Chibi Chingo: Thanks, happy you liked it so much.
Dani: Happy you liked it, and it's not just you. I hate jealous or possesive boyfriends with a passion. It caused me to loose my best friend because he though she was. . . and I quote. . . 'spending to much time on her own instead of on their relationship'. . . unquote. She chose him and I'm left behind hoping she'll come to her senses somtime soon. . . didn't mean to ramble, sorry.
Aislin: Women are smarter, it is a fact that can't be disputed. Elladan is acting like a typical male and to say that's causing problems. I always thought that Tolkien displayed the elves a little too perfect, they need to have their flaws as well.
Mellon: Here's the more you asked for, hope you like it.
Lady Death: I am so happy you loved it, you are one of the reasons I rewrote it in the first place so this is your doing as much as it is mine.
Sarah G: No, I will not write an elvish soap not now not ever. I hate soaps, with the exception of a fwe I'm hooked on, oh no those are weekly things so not technically soaps. . . I feel much better now.
Iluvenis: Here's the update, I hope you like it as much as the last chapters.
Soul: The male mind is and always will be a mystery to me, so I can not begin to explain my twists I make up for him.
Darkthedestroyer: You want drastic? I will give you drastic, I hope you like this chapter.
Musicgrl: I got the review now so that's ok, ff.net messed things up good I know.
MaverickGirl: I like writing those scenes as well, they come naturally actually. Poor Aragorn indeed, she is causing him heaps of troubles isn;t she.
Feanen: Thank you.
Blahblah: I hate annoying cousins, mine all live in Spain so they don't bother me.
Norie Ape: I hope I made you happy with this update, enjoy.
Songelf88 and G.H.S. the warg: Happy you liked it so much, hope you enjoy this chapter as well.
DISCLAIMER: Nah, don't want to just yet.
Rita sat on a boulder in her special place, the overview point, as she liked to call it. She had a lot to think about because she was confused, annoyed and miserable.
It had been two weeks since Galadriel told her about the ritual, two weeks since she agreed to do it, two weeks since she had gained immortality with risk for her life.
But now. . . . she wondered why on earth she went through with it.
You see, save the hug right after she had 'woken up' Elladan had not been around that much. One could even say he was avoiding her.
Inside Rita was fuming with anger and also crying her eyes out, but on the outside she seemed like the calm and collected person everyone thought her to be.
Only Haldir could tell something was wrong but Rita didn't feel like talking to him about it. He had already listened to her so many times, he really didn't need to hear this.
Because Rita knew Haldir well enough to know he would confront Elladan about his behavior, and frankly Rita didn't want to know why he was avoiding her.
It would hurt too much to know what she did to cause him to stay away from her. She suspected it had something to do with her running away and everything. He must have been sick and tired of her.
The hug, she rationalized, was merely an automatism after she had been through so much.
She decided to let him cool off, if he needed to talk to her he could come to her. But as time past Rita began to feel more and more insecure.
Now she had waited for two full weeks she needed to do some thinking. Thinking about what the hell she was going to do.
Of course she knew that the first step was going to Elladan, but this was also one of the hardest things to do. Every time she neared him a dark cloud seemed to appear above him and his normally glistening eyes would become dull.
It hurt her to know she had hurt him so much.
Rita decided to expect the worst case scenario: Elladan would never want anything to do with her.
So if that was going to be the case Rita needed to figure out what to do with her life. . . her eternal life.
Rivendell would be out of the options of course since he lived there. But for the rest her options were far and wide.
The hobbits had invited her to come with them to the Shire and she had to admit that she would like to visit them sometime, but something told her that their homecoming should be on their own. So they could bask in their glory with their own people.
She could return to Ithilien, the beautiful place where they had recuperated after the final battle. She had fond memories of the castle but she knew she wouldn't be able to stay there for a long time. So that ruled Ithilien out.
Lothlorien. . . she knew she would be welcome there, hell she was almost a part of the tight-knit elves already. And she did want to see the beautiful mallorn-trees again and spend time with her friends.
But Gondor on the other hand had the same appeal. Here were Aragorn and Arwen and many others to whom she had grown close. And these were all mortal people, people who would one day die and leave her alone.
So Rita was still torn by the time the sun was starting to go down already. She suddenly sensed someone standing behind her and turned around.
She smiled when she noticed Legolas looking at her and motioned to the boulder next to her. He hopped onto it and sat down as well.
"I saw you from below and decided to join you, you seemed to be thinking about something."
Rita chuckled at Legolas's attempt to fish for some answers.
"With other words. . . Gee Rita what are you doing? What are you thinking about? And they say elves are inconspicuous."
Legolas gave her a sheepish grin. "If you put it like that, whatever is wrong Rita. I couldn't help but notice that you have not been spending a lot of time with Elladan lately and I have been worried about you, as have others."
"Elladan. . . Elladan is angry with me. . . I think."
He rose an eyebrow. "You think? Have you not spoken to him yet?"
"No" Rita sighed "I thought he needed some time to figure things out and well I needed time as well. It's not every day you go from mortal to immortal and Haldir and the Lothlorien elves helped me accept that."
She leaned back a little, enjoying as the last rays of light were shining on her face. "I know I have to talk to him and I will, I'm just thinking about a back-up plan."
"What may this plan be? A plan for what?"
"I just started to think about what to do if Elladan stays mad at me, I mean I have a lot of time to fill then now don't I?"
Legolas was thinking fast. "You could consider. . . " he said slowly "to go with Gimli and I. We are planning to travel over Middle Earth, visiting many places like Fangorn forest and my homeland as well as his. We would be honored if you should accompany us."
"Since when do you speak for Gimli?" Rita asked, refusing to give the idea thought before she asked that question.
"Gimli would be happy, I am sure of it. After all, he adores you like we all do."
Rita smiled a little. "Then I would like to think about it. It sure is an appealing idea and I would love to travel again, I feel. . . trapped here sometimes, do you ever feel like that?"
"Yes, we have traveled and seen so much in the past few months that I do not feel at ease while staying at one place. It is as if the traveling is now in my blood, I need to have more before I give it up."
Rita gaped at him, he just worded the way she was feeling.
"But first I should speak to Elladan for I am sure you have much to talk about."
She stood up and slapped the dust and sand from her pants. "Thanks Legolas, for the listening I mean and the offer of course. I think it is time I speak to a certain elf as well."
He gave her an encouraging smile but stayed behind as she started to walk back to the castle. Dinner wasn't for another two hours so she figured Elladan was in his room.
When she got there however he was not there. She closed the door behind her and took a seat in the chair that was in the corner of the room. This needed to be dealt with and now she had gathered the courage she was going through with it.
She was trying to form a conversation in her mind, imagining what he could say and wording her own answer.
She has been sitting there for an hour already when he finally entered the room. He didn't notice her at first so she made a noise with her feet over the floor.
He looked up sharply and seemed to freeze once he noted who was sitting there. Deciding to ignore it Rita spoke.
"Hello Elladan, it's been a while since I talked to you. I know you're angry with me and I can understand why, I did after all leave you, said horrible things. . . but after waiting for two weeks until you could just look at me and nothing happened, I figured I come to you this time."
Silence. Only his eyes followed her and they were so guarded, so harsh. Rita summoned all her strength not to cry out and hug him close, only to feel his body against her own.
"So. . . here I am. I guess I should start huh? I want to apologize Elladan. After the conversation with your father I ignored, avoided and hurt you, and god knows that wasn't what I wanted to do. I really am sorry for the running, running away from you. I should have had more faith in you, but I didn't want it to hurt you, hurt others. And your father had valid points, I. . . . "
Rita looked at him again, to see some kind of reaction but still there was nothing. Swallowing the lump in her throat away she realized he was not going to forgive her.
"After Haldir found me and nearly kicked my ass while dragging me back, Galadriel gave me a choice, she offered me a chance to spend the rest of my life with you. Only I would be immortal as well, this way I could stay with you without causing any harm, stay with you forever."
Hope returned to her when he started to move towards her but it was quickly diminished when he merely went to stand next to her, looking out the window.
"I don't want to tell you what happened during the trials Elladan, it still hurts too much. Telling it once was bad enough and even Haldir was barely able to stay calm. I gave up a lot for you Elladan, more than you would have liked me to but it was worth it."
She ran a hand through her hair, trying to come up with more to say. She had expected talking, yelling even, but this silence was driving her crazy.
"So that leaves a few questions now doesn't it. I have a lot to adjust to, eternity is a long time after all. The most important question is the simplest one. Can you forgive me for running away from you? Can you let go of this. . . grudge you seem to hold and give us a chance again? Do you even want to continue our relationship?"
Still silence. Rita balled her fists and suppressed a flare of anger swooping in. She needed to stay calm.
"What Elladan? What do you want? Damn it look at me." *So much for staying calm* she thought. Her outburst had some effect because he turned around again.
Taking this as a good thing she continued. "I said I'm sorry Elladan, what more do you want me to do before you talk to me again? Do you want me to cry? Because I am close enough to that."
Tears were heard in her voice and her eyes grew moist, but she refused to let them fall as she continued.
"Do you want me to apologize again? I'm SORRY! Is that what you want? Should I beg???" She dropped to her knees.
"I'm begging you now. Talk to me Elladan, I can't do this on my own you know. It takes two to work out any problems in a relationship."
She looked up at him, letting the silence sink in. She nodded before she got up. "So that's how it's going to be?" she asked in a tired and quiet voice.
"I guess I shouldn't be too surprised, I had it coming after all." She turned around but stopped again, her hand reaching to her neck.
She unclasped the necklace he had given her seemingly a lifetime ago, on a early morning in Rivendell.
Not looking at him she grabbed his hand and deposited the necklace in his palm. "This belongs to you, I have no right to it any more. I will return your dagger as well, I don't think I can have it with me any more. I'll make sure you get it."
She moved towards the door. "Thank you Elladan, I guess I should say that. You were the first person to look behind my walls and care. You are. . . were. . . my first love, my only love. You gave me many happy memories and for that I thank you."
After that she closed the door but if she had looked back she would have seen the single tear running down Elladan's porcelain white face.
But she was too busy for that. All her strength went to keeping her walls in place. She didn't want to break down, not now.
Dinner was being served but Rita didn't feel like eating. She went to her room and the first thing she did was grab the dagger and wrapped it in a piece of cloth. She scribbled a note to the maid in which she requested for the package to be delivered to Lord Elladan Peredhil.
After that she grabbed her cloak and started to walk. She walked out of the castle and wandered through the city, making sure nobody saw her. She didn't want to answer any questions.
She ended up in the place she started in, she sat on the boulder once again. . . thinking.
Then she remembered a song that fit her mood, a song she remembered because it was one of Carol's favorites, one of hers as well.
/Are you aware of what you make me feel, baby. Right now I feel invisible to you like I'm not real./
That was exactly how she had felt the past two weeks, invisible to him.
/Didn't you feel me lock my arms around you? Why'd you turn away? Here's what I have to say./
He had turned her away, he ignored her. She had poured her feelings out to him and he never once said a word. Just silence.
/I was left to cry there, waiting outside there grinning with the lost stare, that's when I decided. . . /
Rita had made a decision now.
/Why should I care? Cause you weren't there when I was scared, I was so alone/
She banged her fist on her knee, she had given up everything for him. Carol, Boromir. . . everything. Why should she care about him anymore?
/You need to listen, I'm starting to trip, I'm loosing my grip and I'm in this thing alone/
That hurt her the most. Now she could spend forever with him and she was alone. She would be alone for the rest of her very long life. See she was a very loyal person and Rita doubted that she would ever be able to love someone other than Elladan.
/Am I just some chick you placed beside you, to take somebody's place. When I turn around can you recognize my face. You used to hug me, you used to love me, but that wasn't the case, everything wasn't ok/
He had given up on them, he no longer loved her, or didn't love her enough to be able to forgive her for what she had done.
/I was left to cry there, waiting outside there grinning with the lost stare, that's when I decided/
She needed to move on, she knew this. But it sure was hard.
/Why should I care? Cause you weren't there when I was scared, I was so alone. You need to listen I'm starting to trip I'm loosing my grip and I'm in this thing alone./
Alone. . . it was a weird sensation. She had been alone so long and she was able to handle it but now it was alien to her.
/Crying out loud. I'm crying out loud. Crying out loud. I'm crying out loud./
Tears went down her face now, she truly was alone now.
/Why should I care? Cause you weren't there when I was scared, I was so alone. Why should I care? If you don't care then I don't care, we're not going anywhere./
She lifted her head again and wiped the tears away. She was wrong, she wasn't wrong. She had her friends and her family from the Fellowship. If Elladan wanted to throw what they had away that was his choice and she shouldn't care.
Right?
A/N: Short but very much needed. Sorry for the angst but this twist is needed for the plot, and there really is one. . . I promise. Let me know what you think.