By Gingivere the Shadowreaver
Disclaimer: I do not own any character mentioned in this fanfic. Wei Yan, Zhu Rong, Meng Huo, Zhuge Liang and all other characters are copyrighted to KEOI Productions and should not be copied, altered, or stolen. This is a fanfic... its NOT real.
Argh... this took WAY too long to get out. And frightening enough, the inspiration to even GET this chapter out is not just the fact that I used Zhu Rong's idea to entice Wei Yan into my side in Empires, the song 'Sound of Silence' by Simon and Garfunkel (come on, you KNOW that song!). For some reason... it inspired me to do this chapter. Lacitar, if you're even still reading this... I hope the wait was worth it. 3
Wei Yan wasn't completely clueless; he knew what was going on.
He had seen parties before. Back in Shu, he would often attend a few parties himself, though most of them were forced visits, thanks to Huang Zhong. No, neither of them interacted with a lot of the people, especially since Wei Yan kept close to Huang Zhong most of the time. He rather hated celebrations, festivals, parties... he always felt out of place.
Except now... now was a bit different. He didn't feel forced at all... he wouldn't have to worry about making Huang Zhong look bad in front of the other generals; he already did that to the old man many times. He never had fixed the cut ties between himself and the other generals, though except for maybe Zhao Yun. He seemed to be the only general that didn't look down upon him as a simpleton. No, he would just cast him a sympathetic look, then turn away.
Wei Yan narrowed his eyes, wanting to block out all thoughts of his past. He was no longer part of Shu, thus whatever happened with them did not matter. At least to him it didn't matter. He didn't want it to matter; this was his new life, and they were not a part of it anymore! Perhaps... this was why he never put the mask back on after Zhu Rong fixed it... there was no need to hide himself here, was there?
At last! Away from all the pain, all the misery that he felt before. His heart raced with the rhythm of the beating drums, and though he could not tell what kind of instruments the Nanman played, but it seemed to be enough to take his anxieties away. And what was odd... was that he actually wanted to join in to the circle of dancers, to dance... something he never wanted to do before!
Yet, what held him back?
There was one single thought that ran through his mind right now... was this too good to be true?
After a lifetime of pain, misery, and bloodshed, how could one as he just simply lose himself like this, in bliss, in paradise even? How could it be so simple?
Again, he grunted, trying to block the thought from his mind. He didn't need doubt; he needed to believe that his war was over, to believe that he was safe here, with the Nanman, with that woman...
That woman...
Wei Yan looked up to see her dancing alongside her husband, smiling, laughing. He used to fear laughing, but not now. It was welcoming, and he, too, almost rose to go dance with her. However, as his eyes wondered towards the man he knew to be her husband, he kept his distance.
What a fool he was! The one woman that he loved besides his mother, already married...
That was fate, Wei Yan guessed, and fate was something he could not question anymore. Fate was beyond him, and he had no means of reaching it.
And so, in defeat, Wei Yan ventured out and away from the celebrations, slipping by unnoticed, despite his odd features. Perhaps it was true... he did not fit in anywhere!
Finding a calm stream that passed through the village harmlessly, the warrior took a seat, allowing one hand to slip down and brush along the weak current, just to get a feel of the cool water, the one that was not like the other waters flowing through this land. Perhaps he, too, could grow an immune system to this water if he lived here long enough.
That thought made him smile...
He'd much rather stay here than to return to Shu... despite all of its faults, he found happier memories here than his former kingdom.
Well, that wasn't completely true. His life wasn't completely full of angst, he thought, giving a grunt and laying down as painlessly as possible, to see the stars through the open canopy. Every once and awhile, he'd try to remember better times, times he spent with Huang Zhong, or by himself, away from fighting and from those he hated.
Speaking of Huang Zhong... what did he used to call him as a child? Not Papa... not old man either.
Thinking about it now, Wei Yan was afraid to admit that he could not remember at all. He really hated to look back... whatever was in the past was meant to stay there, yet, even as he was told that so many times, why couldn't he prevent them from haunting him?
Again, he gave a grunt, eyeing the stars with minor interest. The stars were not as bright as they usually were... and he longed for them to twinkle at least. It would have been better than this darkness that he had grown so used to, yet he could not help but wonder if that was what was meant for him. Maybe he deserved no happiness? No light?
He looked back at the camp, to see the woman dancing still along side her husband, as he gave another sigh. Maybe he was never meant to love?
So, with his silent dignity, he wandered off, not wishing to be a part of their celebration. Why celebrate? Zhuge Liang would come and destroy them all anyway... why waste the last moments of your life celebrating?
It was inevitable, Wei Yan thought... these people were doomed.
And he pondered now... would he be doomed himself now, for joining these people? Once again, he let his gaze wonder back to them, to see their laughter, their joy, as if oblivious to what chaos was to come. What was to become of him... would he go back to Shu, only to meet death through execution... or would he stay here, and die a death that was meant for them and them alone?
He knew, deep down in his heart, that he could not go back to Shu... not with the same honor and dignity that he had held before, at least what little he had there. Shu... was not the place for him.
So, was it this place now? He did not bother to watch the celebration, though if he had, he would have noticed the woman that walked towards him now. Why did he feel so torn apart? He should be pleased to get out of Shu... only... to die here, just as empty as before?
Once again, he gave a heart-filled sigh, looking up at the stars through the open canopy. What was here that he did not have at Shu?
He knew what it was... it was that woman. She was the reason why he lingered here... yet, as he forced himself not to turn around, to notice her absence from the dancing ring, he knew he couldn't love her... he shouldn't. Love was not meant for him...
But was it? Even now, he could close his eyes, and for once, he did not see darkness, but instead, he saw her fierce blue eyes, her golden blonde hair, but most importantly, he could see her smile. She was the only one that smiled at him like that... yet, she was untouchable...
He opened his eyes again, after coming to this reality, when he felt something touch him. He stiffened, as her ivory hands reached from behind, gently entangling themselves around his broad, scarred waist. He knew those hands, and he knew whom they belonged to... he was no idiot.
She was there... and her soft cheek brushed against his horribly scarred back, ignoring the hideous sight of it and almost caressing it with a healing touch. She was there... why was she there?
"Hey, big guy... I didn't see you at the party..." Her voice was strong, yet soothing... and Wei Yan closed his eyes, to relish in it. To think... he was thought that voice was the most annoying sound in the world... "I take it you're not the dancing type, eh?"
He could not answer, but he did not need to.
"Don't think about them anymore... you're no longer a part of them, and they can't hurt you anymore! I'll... I'll see to it!"
Her words meant everything to him... yet, he was afraid to show it. He wanted her... he needed her, but it could not let it show. What if her husband found out? What if Zhuge Liang found out? What would become of her... if he ever found out?!
He tried to free himself from her hold, but he did not get far, before her voice stopped him, "Where are you going? You... can't just leave, you know! I said I wouldn't let them hurt you, and I mean it!"
How could she? Wei Yan's eyes made the foolish mistake to drift towards her, and the minute he laid his dark eyes on her, he was trapped. He could see her concern in her fiery blue eyes, the life that shone in them was enough to make up for the lack of life in his own, as she approached him again, "You had it rough... I don't know everything that this is about you, but, hey... ya know, I'm a curious woman after all, and I can't just let ya go after bringing you so far. Besides, it's rude to walk out on your host, don't you know?"
Finally, Wei Yan smiled, and it was almost breathtaking for Zhu Rong to see. Why couldn't he smile more often? She rose her hand, to touch his face, and, like he was so used to, he braced himself for a strike. Yet, when her fingers touched his cheek, he instantly relaxed... allowing her to caress his cheek as she spoke softly, "You've been through so much... don't you just want it to end?"
How could she even ASK him that? His eyes told all, as he looked away. Of course he wanted it to end... he didn't want to fight anymore... he didn't want to have to fight to live, to talk, to be welcomed. But, was there no other way?
"Wei Yan, look at me..."
And how could he not? Slowly, so slowly, he did, and her eyes danced with tears, as she admitted to him, "I don't want you to go, but... I don't want you to have to fight anymore... what do I do now? What can I do? Make you stay... or let you go?"
He could not answer that... if he stayed, he would fight... if he left... he would have to live without her. Which would have been better, to die with her, or to live alone, as he had been most his life? Which pain would be greater?
"Please..."
She looked up at him, to see his obvious tears on his mask less face. To think, he thought of himself as strong, as a warrior, yet now, the tears seemed to prove otherwise. He smiled again, as he could not come up with words anymore. Now he understood Zhuge Liang's dilemma when it came to making choices... would the path he chose be the right one?
"Hey, sweetheart... where did ya go?"
Zhu Rong's face lit up with horror, but before she could turn around, to address her husband, the warrior grabbed her, bringing her smaller body into his own and holding her within a pure embrace, one that he had never given before, never knew he had, until now. All grew silent and still, and the consequences never crossed Wei Yan's mind, and he did not care of Meng Huo walked in on them now... he made his decision.
For one of the rarest moments of her life, Zhu Rong was speechless, and, she, took, ignored the consequences and returned the embrace. Was this it? Was this his answer? If so, then she could not hold back her tears, realizing that he would indeed stay... that he would indeed fight against those that he tried so hard to escape. However, as sad as that truth was, she was relieved... at least she would get to see him now.
And from where he watched, Meng Huo was confused, unable to hold the expression down from his dark-skinned face. Were his eyes fooling him... or was his wife in the arms of... Wei Yan?! He was speechless, and even as rage built up within him, he could not approach them, to stop this act. Instead, he somehow was able to turn completely around, and he left them, berating himself more for not being able to do anything at this moment. The mighty Nanman King... and his wife, his queen, his Goddess... loved somebody else...
"I stay... I fight..." Wei Yan said softly, holding her within his strong arms but causing no pain or discomfort to either of them. In his moment of bliss, he smiled proudly, and he rested his chin on the woman's soft blonde hair, trying to gain enough courage to say one simple little phrase, one that he had never said to another soul. Would the words form? Would they come?
However, she beat him, saying nothing but instead, turning his head upwards a caressing his dark lips within her own. This was it! This was a kiss... and to Wei Yan, there was no victory that felt greater than this feeling right now... and, as he gained the strength to return it, to help deepen it, he finally realized what love was. After witnessing it between his former lord and his lover, from Zhuge Liang to his wife, he finally knew what love was!
And as it got deeper and deeper, the soldier clad in green watched for a little while longer, as the two fell onto the forest floor, before nodding and turning away to leave. His task was done... now, to report to Master Zhuge...