Disclaimer: I don't own Romeo and Juliet or Sesame Street
Romeo and Juliet as a Bad Soap Opera:
The Pilot
Juliet: Romeo, you're so manly! I'll love you forever until next week when I get a new boyfriend!
Romeo: I'll love you forever too, Juliet, even though you're only thirteen and your cousin's a psycho crack smuggler!
(door opens)
Romeo: Oh my god, it's a giant swamp rat!!!
Juliet: No, that's just the nurse.
Nurse: (bumping into furniture) Scurvy knave!
Romeo: I feel seasick!! (throws up all over Juliet)
Juliet: Ahhh! OMG, this dress cost like, five hundred dollars! That's it, I'm breaking up with you NOW!
Romeo: But—
(Nurse trips over a chair and falls on top of Romeo)
Romeo: MMPH!!!!
Juliet: I have a date with Benvolio now, bye!
Mercutio: (Totally stoned and attempting to climb in the window) Whoaaaaaaa, DUDE! When I move my hand closer my face it gets bigger!!!
Romeo: That's…nice.
Mercutio: Look, a giant pink elephant in a dress!
Nurse: Scurvy knave!!!
Mercutio: (holding up a bag of Sesame Street Pez dispensers) I stole these from Tybalt! Want some?
Tybalt: (from outside) Mercutio! Give me back my Pez!
Mercutio: Yaar! They're my Pez now! (chews on the head of Pez Elmo)
Romeo: (ripping off his underwear and whirling it around his head groupie style) Tybalt! I love thee more than thou canst devise!
Tybalt: AHHH!!! (faints)
Benvolio: Has anyone seen Juliet? We were supposed to go make out behind the dumpster at McDonalds… (stops and sees Tybalt unconscious, Mercutio with Pez Grover shoved up his nose, and Romeo doing the chicken dance with no pants on)
Nurse: You're all manwhores!!! (runs away screaming)
Benvolio: (with microphone) This show was brought to you by the letters P, E, and N and the number 15. Have nice day, and remember…CRACK is WHACK! That's all folks.
(Bugs bunny appears in a Dick Cheney thong and starts doing the Cha Cha Slide)