A/N: Emily: The 'magnificent' George head butted a glass light shade, shattered it and now has concussion. To top that off, we were at a wedding when our Dad decided that George's tie wasn't quite tight enough so proceeded to peanut him. This resulted in George almost passing out mid 'All Things Bright and Beautiful' due to lack of air. So without George for the time being we must press on…

Disclaimer: Nothing.

Chapter Two – Queer goings on.

"Make it stop! Make it stop!" Screamed George.

Legolas grabbed Durex's reins from George and pulled them back over the border.

"Thank you soooooo much."

"Things cannot be right when the Y.M.C.A welcomes you to a Kingdom." Remarked Emily.

"We have to go in there to find out what is wrong." Stated Legolas.

"No we don't." Squeaked George. "We can stay here."

Emily grabbed George by his ear and pulled him back over the border.

"Nooo! I'm melting! My ears can't take this abuse!"

"It's just a song!"

"It's more than a song!" Protested George. "It is a sign."

"A sign for what?" Asked Legolas.

"That." George pointed at three riders approaching.

"Is it me or do they look oddly coordinated?" Commented Emily as more riders appeared and surrounded the humans and elf.

"Not again." Mumbled Legolas.

"You would think they would be slightly more friendly toward their rescuers!" Said George dryly.

"Rescuers? Why would we need rescuing?" Asked one of the soldiers.

"Don't put them off! That elf can rescue me anytime!" Said another.

"Hey that's my husband!" Shouted Emily.

"Pity." Whispered the Rohirrim among one another.

Legolas gulped visibly.

"Told you the Y.M.C.A was a sign." Pointed out George.

"Why would you think we needed rescuing?"

"Urm…well…" Stammered George. "A whim I suppose." He finished lamely.

"What are your names?"

"I am George, King of Gondor, this is my sister Emily, Princess of Mirkwood and this is her husband Prince Legolas." Introduced George.

"Oooh royalty! Well you are most welcome to Gondor. King Eomer will be ever so pleased to see you." Announced a soldier. "Especially you." He added eyeing up Legolas again.

Emily narrowed her eyes, "Something is very wrong."

…..

The last time Emily and George had stepped foot in Edoras the cold stone walls were just visible past the draping tapestries of green. Now was a different story…

"I do not think I have ever seen so much pink in my entire life." Remarked Legolas as he peered round at the newly decorated throne room.

"Before Eomer comes we need to establish what the smeg is going on lest we end up in fluffy pink handcuffs." Suggested George.

"Let's add up the clues here," Began Emily. "One: A cute guy turns up in Gondor with no trousers, two: the Rohirrim have discovered hygiene products, three: they have started eyeing up MY elf and four: the décor in here has gone camp to the extreme!"

"How could this have happened?" Legolas looked around at the men who were still staring at him.

"I don't know but I am going to find out!" Announced Emily.

"Who do you think you are, Mrs Marple?! And will someone please tell me what exactly IS going on?!" Yelled George.

"I would have thought it was obvious as soon as we stepped over the border."

"Nope." Said the ever on the ball George.

"Everybody is gay George." Stated Emily.

"What everyone?"

"Everyone is gay George."

"Even Eomer?"

"Everyone George."

"What Gambling as well?"

"Everyone is gay George."

"Not Hama?!"

"No not Hama."

"But I thought you said everyone was gay."

"They are. However, Hama is dead you idiot."

"Welcome friends of Rohan." Interrupted Eomer.

"Oh my…" Gaped Emily.

"Has he had highlights? Whispered George.

"Welcome to Rohan, home of the horse lords." Continued the King.

"More like homos of the horse lords." Added George under his breath.

"We are delighted you have joined us on this special occasion."

"Occasion?" Asked Emily.

"The annual…"

'I'm so glad he said 'annual' then.' Thought Emily.

"…feast to celebrate a new series of 'Queer eye for the straight guy.'"

The Rohirrim present let out a loud cheer.

"Speaking of queer eye for the straight guy I would watch out for poor old Legolas, he looks like he's about to be eaten alive." Suggested George to his sister.

"Well we thank you for your kindness but we really must be going now." Announced Emily.

"But you've only just got here; you must be exhausted after travelling in your condition. We have just redone the bath house, we have some wonderful new scents on offer."

"You should try the honey and apricot mixture. I've just whipped up a new batch." Began a servant.

Emily's resolve started to crumble around her, "Well I suppose it wouldn't hurt to stay for a bit."

Legolas began to panic as it became increasingly hard to fend of multiple attacks on his behind. George, however, found the situation extremely amusing and would so until they started to turn on him, which took all of thirty seconds.

"Ahhh! Um…yes…well…right we should be off!" Yelped George.

"How are we supposed to find out what is going on if we leave?" Asked Emily quietly.

"Well I think it is quite obvious that they have all been watching a bit too much Graham Norton!"

"Come on, it's not exactly normal when an entire city, let alone Kingdom discovers, and pardon me for putting this so crudely, their back passage!" This last bit came out slightly louder than Emily would have wished for.

"Fine but I swear if anything goes wrong I'm blaming you!" Sighed George.

"We are honoured to except your hospitality." Announced Emily.

"We are?" Gulped Legolas.

"Don't worry hunny I'll take care of you." Smiled Emily.

And Emily kept her promise for about two minute where then she went off with Eomer discussing baby clothes and breathing techniques.

"It's just me and you Legolas." Said George as they were surrounded by Rohan men.

"Probably not the best comment to make in our current predicament." Commented Legolas.

"Perhaps if we make a run for it."

"We'd never make it though the crowd."

"Well what do you suggest?"

"A diversion!"

"That's your strategy for everything!"

"What about that disc thing you had?" Asked Legolas.

"You mean my cd player?"

"Yeah."

"What good will that do?"

"You could play that Y.M.C something song; they seem to respond to that."

"Is a response something we really want to get from them?"

"It is worth a try."

"Do I look like someone who carries a Village People LP?! Wait…I've got it!"

George grabbed Emily's bag from the floor.

"Magic bag I would like the Village People." As ever on cue the Village People popped out and began a rendition of 'In the navy.' George and Legolas took this opportunity to sneak out while the Rohirrim worked on their dance routines.

"Right we should find Emily now and convince her to leave." Stated Legolas.

George dissolved into a fit of giggles.

"What?" Asked Legolas failing to see the funny side.

"You convince Emily! That's the funniest thing I have heard in a long time!"

"Excuse me."

"When was the last time you convince Emily to do anything. If anyone is doing the convincing in your marriage it is definitely her!"

"That is not true."

"Oh really, then why is it that you allowed her to stalk you in Lothlorien, went along with taking a detour to Gondor on your way to Boromir and Haldir's wedding and how is it that your seven month pregnant wife is able to come on a quest of unknown danger?"

"Well…I…she…" Legolas stopped and scowled at George.

"You know what Emily used to say about guys?"

"No."

"I shall quote her…'Guys are like floor tiles, if you lay them right the first time you can walk over them for years.' You elfy are possibly the epitome of that statement."

"Emily will leave Rohan! I will make damn sure of it!" Shouted Legolas as he stormed off.

"The pride of an elf should always be toyed with!" Laughed George. "Now to find a safe place to hide. I would hate to be surrounded by the Rohirrim again, not to mention getting in the way when Emily shows Legolas who is boss!"

……

A/N: Emily: As I write this authors note George is currently driving to University, and will not be populating our house till Christmas. Don't tell him but I actually cried when he left! However, as soon as we sort out the email link George will be back on board with new adventure. Thank you to everyone who has reviewed here are the individuals:

Chaotic Jinx- What does it mean?!!!!!!!!!! Crazy monkeys eh? I like my violence how I like me men har… 'Emily get interrupted by Mr Censor.' Aragorn and Arwen are back to their previous activities you will be pleased to know.

CourtneyNKay – No probs, finding it really wicked. Shame you are leaving but we wish you all the best cookies from Emily and George bakeries. The deal with Rohan is slowly unravelling…

Elemmire lomion – Glad you like, hope we (well I!) are keeping you entertained.

Shadowz – Ah Amsterdam! Oh bye the way anyone who read this and is from Amsterdam I salute you! I will be needing drugs, weirdly the birth scene is alreadyb written (about the only thing that is!) Feathers look cute on babies!

Pretendingtobesane – Major bummer! I shall be checking it out as soon as limpet666 stops annoying me on msn!

Limpet666 – That previous comment I shall retract! I apologize! He He, I'm writing a reviewers response and talking to you at the same time!

Poolbum – I mentioned all my reviewers but thought it was best to leave out the detils of my Haldir/Boromir plotline!