A/N: Emily: Okay guys this is where the author admits to not knowing what the hell she is doing. I have written the entire story now five times and am completely stumped as to what the ending is. Each one has different characters in it, different solutions not to mention three of them have character death and break ups!

George: And it all started as a comedy!

Emily: We are trying really hard to weave the five together because each one has something good about it but the ending really depends on reviewer reactions to each chapter. So basically you guys are deciding the ending! Now seems like a good time to announce our appeal for baby names.

George: Can you put some suggestions for baby names in your reviews, both boy and girl and somewhat elvishy. Thank you. Well here is chapter six for your reading pleasure.

Disclaimer: I disclaim everything including the will to live.

Chapter Six – Changes.

"Emily where are you going?" Asked Legolas.

"I need some fresh air."

"Well let me tell Kai and I'll come with you."

"I do not need an escort, and besides Eomer will be joining me to show me the booties he knitted."

"In that case I'll give it a miss. Enjoy yourself and be careful."

"Oh yes. Valar forbid I should get swarmed by friendly gay guys who want to sing to the baby and massage my feet!" Emily gasped in mock horror.

"You know what I mean."

"Speaking of singing to the baby I was thinking about playing music to him or her in order to ensure maximum creativity."

"With an elf as the father I can assure you that he or she will be most creative… and not called Buffy or Spike!" Added Legolas quickly.

"I should hope not! Wherever did you get that idea from?!"

"Oh nowhere in particular."

"Anyway I am going to dig out some Metallica tapes later to add a bit of culture."

"Metallica?! Whatever you say darling. I am off to meet Kai."

……

"You are late." Grumbled Kai. "I have had to face the hordes of Mordor before and still cannot seem to avoid having my butt pinched by straying Rohirrim hands! How have you been fairing?"

"Well having Emily threaten anyone who comes near me certainly has helped. However, it is nice to have my personal Mirkwood bodyguard around me."

"It is an honour." Kai smiled his sweetest of smiles.

"Kai, as brilliant as you look today your hair still manages to look a mess."

"Yes I know, I was hoping you would braid it for me."

"I would love to, follow me." Legolas led Kai out of the Golden Hall and settled on the steps with the dark elf in front of him. Legolas began braided his hair with a practiced ease.

"That feels nice." Sighed Kai.

……

"HELP!" Cried George.

"I told you that would not work." Repeated Gem. "We need a plan."

"I'm sick of plans, they take too much planning!"

"We do not have much time before your brother in-law develops a less than professional relationship with his bodyguard!"

"Well it brings a whole new meaning to the word." Smirked George.

"I guarantee Emily will fail to see it like that! Think of something."

"Um…okay I've got something."

"What?"

"I can't tell you, you're supposed to guess."

"We do not have time for games!"

"But you started it! You said 'think of something.'"

"A PLAN! Not an inanimate object!" Screamed Gem. "Gosh you are infuriating."

"Okay a plan. Right we rope a couple of sea turtles, lash them together and catch the next wave outta here!"

"You are useless."

……

"How do you think George is doing?" Asked Kai as Legolas finished the final braid.

"I'm sure he will be fine, as long he does not get himself into one of those ridiculous situations he is famous for." Answered Legolas.

"Have you noticed he is quite good looking for a human?"

"Well I haven't really looked…"

"You must have! He's got lovely blond hair and gorgeous blue eyes."

"You like blond hair and blue eyes then?" Smiled Legolas.

"I suppose I do." Kai reached out and tucked a stray blond lock behind Legolas' ear.

"Look what Eomer made." Emily interrupted waving around some baby footwear.

"Why are they different colours?" Asked Kai quickly retracting his hand.

"Well the blue one is I case the baby is a boy and the pink if the baby is a girl."

"And both if it's a hermaphrodite!" The voice of George echoed through Emily's mind causing her to falter on the stairs. Legolas using his elven reflexes quickly pulled her to safety.

"Emily! What's wrong?!"

"George! I heard George."

……

"Are you okay?" Asked Gem as George picked himself up from off the floor.

"That was weird, I heard Emily talking about the baby."

"You are telepathic?"

"It only happened once as a freak rabid bunny plot."

"You are telepathic and you didn't think that would be useful for getting us out of here?!"

"Sorry oh shiny one."

"Contact Emily and tell her what has happened, oh and warn her about Legolas."

"It's not as easy as that. It's not like a phone call, it's fuzzy and it breaks up, well exactly like a phone call."

"Concentrate or something."

"It takes time for me to get in the right frame of mind to do something as hard as concentrating."

"Well what were you doing before?"

"Trying to remember if it is better to be a goat or a sheep."

"Is there any logic at all connected to anything you think or say?"

"Everything has logic, with the exception of velour tracksuits and Harry Potter."

……

"You are not leaving this room!" Shouted Legolas.

"But there is nothing wrong with me! It was just George behaving like a gimp!" Argued Emily.

"And what happens when he does it again and I am not there to catch you?!"

"Hmph!" Pouted Emily.

"Now you are being childish."

"Oh sorry your Highness, perhaps it is best that you leave before I really get on your nerves!"

"This is just the mood swing talking." Legolas tried to reassure himself.

"Oh no this isn't a mood swing, if it was I would have hit you by now!"

"Just try!" Yelled Legolas who had given up on diplomacy.

"Now now guys…" What was going to be a very nicely put peacemaking speech by Kai was interrupted by a square punch to the dark elf's nose as Legolas neatly side stepped out of the way.

Decking Counter: Five.

"Whoops, sorry Kai." Yelped Emily.

"No quite all right." Groaned Kai through gritted teeth.

"You are bleeding, come on." Legolas motioned for Kai to leave the rom. "And you Emily are to stay here while I clean Kai up."

"I'm sorry." Whispered Emily.

Legolas let out a small laugh as he picked up some healing oil, "I know."

The two elves sat in the deserted dining hall as Legolas held a strip of material against Kai's nose.

"Valar she can throw a punch!" Kai groaned. "Maybe after the baby is born I should sign her up for the Mirkwood army."

"Somehow I cannot see her and mud mixing." Laughed Legolas.

"And you?"

"What?"

"It has been a long time since you rode with the army."

"I have other responsibilities now. Especially now that the baby is due soon."

"That baby will be beautiful if it looks even half like its father."

Legolas beamed at the compliment.

"My lord, are you blushing?"

"No." Defended Legolas.

"It suits you."

"You are all cleaned up now; I should be getting back to Emily now."

"Will you take a walk with me first?" Asked Kai gingerly.

Legolas found it had pressed to deny the dark elf his request, "Of course."

……

"This is ridiculous; there isn't anything wrong with me!" Mumbled Emily to herself. "Stupid George playing stupid mind games!"

"Did you call?" George's voice could be heard.

"George?!"

"It worked!"

"What worked?" Asked Emily.

"The sheep and the goat."

"Huh?"

"Never mind. Em I need your help."

"What have you done now?!"

"I'm stuck in a hole."

"Climb out."

"I can't it's too deep."

"Quite frankly George I couldn't care less if you were stuck in an Orc Run whore house at this precise moment!"

"Why, what have I done?"

"Legolas confined me to our room because of that little stunt you pulled earlier!"

"Whoops. Yeah sorry about that. Em please I really can't get out and this fairy Godmother is ever so pushy."

"You have a fairy Godmother?"

"Unfortunately so."

"Where are you?"

"In a hole."

"I know that! Where is the hole?"

"In a field."

"You are not helping."

"Well it is about an hours ride North-east of Edoras."

"When Legolas gets back I'll tell him, he'll come and get you. I don't suppose you found Gimli then?"

"Gandalf have nothing to do with it, the fairy said so…Wait…you said 'when Legolas gets back'…where is he?"

"Making Kai feel better."

"What?! No he can't!"

"Why not?"

"He just can't…"

"You've been in that hole too long. Ouch!"

"What?!"

"I just got a splinter. Where did that oil get to? Legolas must have taken it with him."

"Oil?!!!!"

"Yes. For Kai. Do you listen to anything I say?"

"And you are okay with that?"

"Why wouldn't I be? It was my fault really."

"You shouldn't blame yourself, it is that place."

"Are you feeling all right? Maybe you could do with some of that oil when you get back. It really is amazing stuff."

"I think not!"

"It will make you feel better."

"I extremely doubt that!!!"

"What is your beef with healing oil?"

"Healing oil?"

"Yes."

"But you said Legolas was using it to make Kai feel better."

"For his nose, I hit him."

"Oh."

"Why what did you think I meant?"

"I don't want to alarm you or anything but…"

"But what?"

"You know how the gay thing doesn't apply to me because I'm from earth?"

"Yeah. And the elves."

"Promise me you won't scream."

"I promise."

"The elves thing isn't strictly true."

"Strictly true?"

"There is no easy way to say this so I am just going to put it to you as eloquently as I can manage… As we telepathically speak, Legolas and Kai are becoming gayer than a peach cravat teamed with one of Austin Powers' shirts."

"NO FUCKING WAY!!!" Screamed Emily.

……

Legolas and Kai walked through the main hall in companionable silence. All of a sudden they heard a scream causing them both to look up as they carried on walking.

"NO FUCKING WAY!!!"

This bloodcurdling scream caused both elves to not notice the freshly mopped floor ahead of them.

Smack.

"That was graceful." Grumbled Kai.

"At least you had something soft to land on! Remarked Legolas from his position beneath Kai.

"I must say mellon you are most comfortable." Kai grinned. "In fact I find this positioning quite agreeable."

"Kai…" Legolas never got to finish his sentence.

"You die!" Yelled Emily who had just entered the room.

……

A/N: George: You get all of the best lines!

Emily: that is because I write more than you!

George: Hmph! Right everyone, don't forget to tell us how you are liking it (or disliking it if you really feel the need to make a grown man cry).

Emily: And don't forget those baby names. Here are the thank yous:

Lil Smartass – Speaking of arses I must remember to write Aragorn back in.

Galasriniel – Blame George for the Legolas is gay plot line. I would never willingly subject Legolas to that however George is bribing me to go along with it for comedy sake. I want to be a bad guy so I can get a wicked tune. Urm…the deal with HP…well…in short terms…J.K.Rowling should be burned at the stake. We hate HP here at Emily and George towers, sorry if you happen to like HP!

Poolbum – I think we should be mad at George for being in a hole. I just visited George's new house yesterday for the first time and it resembled a hole quite a bit. ponders the coincidence

Limpet666 – I really think you will enjoy how we get rid of Gem from the plot line which should happen soon. Hey Lembas hands lembas a tissue. Yes about your death wish we will have to discuss that later…