A/N: Emily: Hey guys! Now we have hit severe writers block here at Emily and George towers so we have come up with the ultimate filler chapter to give us time to sort out the story.

George: I don't suppose any of you ever wondered what Emily and Legolas' wedding was like? Oh you did huh? Well you are about to find out!

Disclaimer: Hey we own a new character! Everyone meet Kalin, Kai's younger brother! Other than that we own nothing.

Chapter Eight – Lets do the time warp.

Legolas watched Emily nervously as her eye twitched in anger. "Emily hunny, are you okay?" He asked softly.

Emily glared at the anxious elf. "Absolutely perfect." She said through gritted teeth. "How is Kai?" She added bitterly.

"Darling I am so sorry. I don't know what came over me."

"Kai by the looks of it!" Snapped Emily forgetting Haldir's plea to remain rational.

"Please calm down, I hate seeing you like this."

"Now I know how you felt when you saw Kai and I kissing." Sniffed Emily on the brink of tears.

Legolas gathering up all his fraying nerves approached Emily and pulled her close.

"Bet you never thought married life would pan out like this?!" Emily grinned through tears.

"Marrying you was the best thing I ever did. You have brightened up this aristocrats life more than he ever thought possible."

"You said something like that at our wedding." Smiled Emily.

TIMEWARP

"Bollocks!" Yelped George.

"What bollocks? Where? Why?!" Emily came running out of the bathing chamber in fluffy pink dressing gown and wet hair rolled into a bun stuck to the top of her head.

"Wow you look great. Maybe you should wear that today."

"Don't be an idiot. After all that time I spent making my dress nothing could stop me wearing it."

"Are you sure?"

"Absolutely. Not even a herd of rabid, jealous fan girls could stop me."

"What about blackcurrants?"

"Excuse me?"

"Could blackcurrants stop you from wearing your dress?" George asked nervously.

"You do ask stupid quest…" Emily turned to where her dress was hung and gasped in horror. "George…why is my dress…PURPLE?!!!"

"Oh isn't it supposed to be that colour?" Mused George feigning ignorance.

"You did this!"

"If I were to admit what would happen?"

"I promise you will be dead before you feel this pencil gouging out your eyes."

"That's very decent of you." Gulped George

……

Next door sat a tense Legolas who was desperately trying to untangle a knot he has subconsciously tied in his hair. All of a sudden he heard an almighty crash followed by three dull thumps from his soon to be wife's room.

"What the..?" He made a start for the door.

"Whoa there. Where do you think you are going?" Thranduil grabbed his son and pushed him back in his chair where he proceeded to tug at Legolas' hair. "Kalin go and see what the problem is and Kai fetch me some scissors."

"Yes my lord." Chorused the brothers.

A flustered George slowly opened the door but could not really see who was standing there with an ice pack over his right eye and a sudden squint that had developed in the rapidly swelling left eye.

"Is everything okay?" Asked Kalin.

"Fine, fine, Emily just fainted is all."

"Fainted?"

"Some idiot spilt blackcurrant juice on her dress."

"With all respect my lord but you are the only idiot that has been in Lady Emily's room all morning."

"Really, well I…should…right…"

Kalin grinned and strolled back into Legolas' room leaving a bumbling George to continue talking to an empty corridor.

"Everything is well my lords." Announced Kalin as he entered.

"What happened?"

"Your bride fainted."

Kai let out a snort but soon smothered it when the King sent him a reproving look.

"Fainted?!" Legolas cried.

"There has been an accident with her dress my lord."

"But she spent so long on it. She'll be devastated I have to go to her."

"It already seems she has enough bad luck with her brother around without seeing you before the wedding." Began the King.

Legolas sighed in resignation.

"I'm sure she will sort it out ion nin."

"I have never felt like this before Ada. What if she changes her mind and doesn't want to marry me?"

"That girl worships you. Plus she is the only one that can put up with your annoying habits!" Sighed Thranduil.

"I'm an elf I don't have annoying habits."

"A royal elven prince should not indulge in strip poker."

"How did..?" Legolas shot Kai a glare as the darkling elf dissolved into fits of giggles.

……

"It's ruined!" Sobbed Emily.

"I'm really sorry Em. You know how clumsy our family is."

"What am I going to do? I'm marrying the most perfect being that ever existed and I am going to look like I have just been mobbed by the hippy tie-dye appreciation squad."

"It's not that bad. Perhaps you could use some purple accessories to blend it in."

"I was going for ethereal not Christmas tree!"

"Then the only thing now is to get you another dress."

"I am getting married in seventy minutes. There is no time!"

"Leave it to me. Just sort out your hair and make-up and I'll have you a dress within the hour."

……

"Yes George, being gay automatically means I carry white fabric around with me!" Scoffed Haldir.

"I promised Emily a dress and I won't let her down. She's been dreaming about this day ever since she was a little girl and Dad read 'The Lord of the Rings' to her. I couldn't stand it if I ruined it for her."

"I am afraid I cannot help you on this George."

"Don't worry I'll think of something."

"Yes, you have a knack for conjuring things up." Agreed Haldir as he walked off to join Boromir for a quick stroll.

"Conjure? Of course! The magic bag." George ran to his room where the bag had been left.

Panting George grabbed the bag, "Magic bag I want a wedding dress!"

……

"Hello my little, kind of step sister." Greeted Arwen.

"Hey." Sniffed Emily.

"What's wrong, you don't look very happy for a girl about to marry Middle-earth's most eligible bachelor."

"I don't have a dress."

"What?! But I saw it, it was beautiful, it's over there, it looks…Purple!"

"George had an accident."

"Oh that good for nothing boy!"

"He is out trying to get me a new one. I don't see how it's possible." She sighed.

"That brother of ours may be useless but he always comes through in the end."

……

"I need you help dad." George was on his knees begging even before Elrond could figure out what exactly his son was asking for.

"Slow down. Now what is this about a purple meringue?"

"I turned Emily's dress purple, so I asked the magic bag for a new one and it gave me this…"

George held up what could be only described as the most heinous dress in the entire history of Christina Aguilera fashion crimes.

"I could see how some…may…find that urm…what's the word I am looking for..?"

"Vomit inducing?" Suggested George.

"You are right, it would never do for the new princess of Mirkwood to get married in a cream pin cushion."

"Was that a sense of humour I espied there?" Grinned George.

"Perhaps you were not specific enough in your request." Suggested Elrond ignoring his son's comment.

"How specific can you get with a white dress?!"

"I remember when Celebrian and I wed. She looked absolutely enchanting." Elrond began to wonder off into a distant memory. George snapped his fingers. "Oh sorry. Well it is tradition for weddings dresses to be passed down from mother to daughter."

"Trash that idea right now! If I were to summon up our mother's dress for Emily to wear she will look like an immigrant of the seventies! Godamn hippies and their flower power dresses."

"How about if she was to wear Legolas' mother's dress?" Elrond smiled as George's face lit up at the suggestion.

……

"Would you answer that Kalin? I fear Legolas would topple over would he to try and walk." Asked Thranduil as someone rapped on the door.

"You must stop jittering Legolas, who wants to marry a wimp for an elf." Laughed Kai doing nothing to settle the Prince's nerves. "You know that thumping was probably Emily making her escape out of the window."

"Oh Kai do stop teasing." Chastised Kalin as he showed George in.

"My lord may I have a word with you in private." Breathed George trying to regain his breath.

"Of course." Thranduil and George left the room.

"Yeesh maybe she really did leg it."

Legolas turned a peculiar shade of green and promptly ran to the bathroom to empty his stomach.

"Do you have to be so insensitive?"

"It's a gift." Grinned Kai as the poor Prince stumbled out of the bathroom.

"Come ernil nín let's get you to the ceremony." Kalin took Legolas' arm and led him out to the glades where the wedding was to be held.

……

"Did you get one?!" Emily jumped up hopefully.

"Ta da!" George held up the dress King Thranduil had lovingly kept for the many years since his wife left for the Grey Havens.

"Oh…my…it's perfect!" Emily rugby tackled George and hugged him fiercely.

"Need to breathe."

Emily continued the hug.

"You'll ruin your hair." George choked out.

Still Emily refused to let George go.

"You're creasing the dress."

Emily shot up in the air leaving a gasping George to crawl to a nearby couch and pass out.

"Hurry now, you do not have much time!" Emily was shooed to her dressing room by Arwen who began to fan George.

"White light, white light." George mumbled.

"Where did you manage to get that dress? I should have sent you out for mine when I wed Zombie Aragorn!"

"It was Legolas' mother's dress."

"Oh my, that is the sweetest thing ever? Wait…how did you get Thranduil to part with it? You didn't steal it did you?!" Added Arwen.

"No of course I didn't. I bribed him."

"What could you possibly have that the King of Mirkwood would want?"

"That my dear Wenny you shall have to wait and see."

……

"All Set?" Thranduil returned to his son side at the front of the glade.

"What did George want, is everything all right, is Emily okay, is she worried about the dress? It doesn't matter what she looks like, I'd marry her even if she was dressed in a sack!" Legolas was having a major attack of the jitters.

"Never mind what George wanted. Now straighten yourself up, it would never do for a royal to get married resembling a plate of cold, green jelly."

Legolas took a deep breath to steady his nerves as guest began to get seated.

"It's amazing how a proud warrior elf can be reduced to a quivering wreck by the prospect of a few vows!" Smirked Boromir as Haldir and him pushed their way to the front.

"I promise this warrior elf will remain his stoic self at out wedding, mellamin."

"Our wedding?" Asked Boromir. "Are you proposing Marchwarden?"

"I believe I am Steward." Haldir blushed. "Will you accept?"

"I can think of nothing more perfect than becoming your bonded." Answered Boromir earnestly.

……

"Have you got your eyes closed?" Called Emily.

"Yes!" Cried an impatient Emily.

"George?"

"You made sure of that when you punched me earlier!"

Emily stepped into the room, "Okay guys you can open them."

There was a collective gasp.

"Legolas is going to swallow his tongue." Giggled Arwen.

……

A/N: Emily: The rest of the wedding will be up next week. When George first mentioned the timewarp I thought he wanted me to write a Rocky Horror/Lord of the Rings hybrid. Thank the lord that was not the case!

George: I'd look really bad as a transvestite!

Emily: visibly shudders Here are the thank yous:

Lil Smartass – I shall be a tremendous mother! I doubt Legolas will appreciate calling his heir Cactus.

Galasriniel – The cliffie will have to wait another chappie. Sorry. Pimms is a drink that us Brits have a thing for in the summer. It's especially nice with stinging nettle leaves in it believe it or not!

Ayiicaalime – This one is longer. Shame you can't stretch Sam out a bit. Let me get this straight the longer I take to update the more reviews I get – Hey you could be on to something! Maybe I should come round and put your clock fifteen minute forward so you would wake up earlier!

Angel's Heart, Demon's Mind – Please please review again! I personally think that Orli looks better as a blonde if that has anything to do with anything! As for the baby you will just have to wait and see.

Limpet666 – Hopefully the next chapter should be immensely funny. George and I are meeting up next week for the ultimate collaboration!

A/N: George: The next chapter should be up next week but because Emily won't be at home it might be a bit late.