A/N: George: Here is the wedding all have been waiting for. Hello magazine wasn't available so the Mirkwood post had to do!
Emily: Without further ado,
Ladies and Gentlemen you are cordially invited
To the wedding of:
Legolas
And
Emily Elizabeth
Presents should come in the form of reviews.
Disclaimer: If anyone would like to donate money to us please do. 'Hello' magazine have a habit of suing people! We own nothing!
Chapter Nine – I do.
"Here is your bouquet." Arwen handed the flowers to Emily. "I'll leave you two alone."
"Are ready little sister?" Grinned George.
"I feel like any minute I am going to wake up and this would have all been a dream." Said Emily.
"If this is a dream it's a little too vivid for my liking!" George testily rubbed his swollen eye.
"Yeah sorry about that, guess I over reacted slightly."
"Slightly! Anyway alls well that ends well, you look like a proper princess."
"It's a dress fit for a queen!"
"Literally."
"What was that?"
"Never mind." Dismissed George, "Mum would have loved to have seen you get married. Granted you persuaded her that you would only ever marry Orlando Bloom but what's a blond wig between relatives."
Emily took a deep breath. "Legolas probably thinks I've done a runner."
"Maybe you should let him stew a bit. It might dissolve some of that stoniness about him. He practically looks like his been carved out of marble."
"Be nice, that's your future brother in-law you're talking about."
"I promise I'll refrain. I'd best be off to leave you to your grand entrance."
"Wait…I was wondering…seeing as dad isn't here…well my dad anyway. Would you be my bridesmaid?"
"What?!"
"Kidding! Would you give me away?"
"Do I have you say anything?"
"Just, 'I do.'"
"Isn't that what you say?"
Emily sighed. "When the King says 'Who gives the bride away?' You say?"
"I do!!!"
"Excellent."
……
"Why isn't she here yet, Arwen arrived ages ago, where is she?" Panicked Legolas.
"Allow me." Grinned Kai as he pushed Kalin out of the way and slapped Legolas around the face. "Get a grip!"
Before Legolas could react the wedding march started up by Emily's request and George led the bride down the aisle.
Legolas practically gawked as Emily made her way towards him.
"When did she become alluring?" Whispered Kai to Kalin who answered with a quick elbow to the ribs.
"Who gives the bride away?" Thranduil began the service.
"How much do I get for her?" George asked.
"George!" Shrieked Emily.
"Syke. I do." George pushed Emily nearer to Legolas.
"Good. Now we can begin. Emily and Legolas you have chosen today to make your promises to each other which will hold you together in sacred matrimony. I am required to ask if there is anyone that can show any just cause why they may not be married under the watch of the Valar, let him speak now or else hereafter hold his peace."
At this point a whopping Uruk Hai came running down the aisle swinging his scimitar. Now as Uruk Hai's go this one was the stupidest as attempting to assassinate the Prince and soon to be Princess of Mirkwood in a glade full of bow and arrow wielding elves is not to be advised. It soon found that out when a total of two hundred elven arrows hit their target. What still remains a mystery to this very day is the identity of the elf that missed seeing as there were two hundred and one elven guests present.
"Now that is all sorted out let us continue. Emily you may now make your promise to Legolas."
Now when about to make the most important vows a person will ever make in their life it is not the best time to develop the hiccups, but as we all know Emily was never one to keep with tradition.
"When I was…hiccup…told that I would have to write…hiccup…my own vows…hiccup…I began to wonder if getting married was…hiccup…the right thing to do…hiccup…but if I could make it through playing…hiccup…Abu in my school's rendition of…hiccup…Aladdin I can make it through this…hiccup…especially when I get you at the end of it."
Legolas could not help but grin as Emily continued with her 'eloquent' speech.
"You have made every dream…hiccup…of mine come true. In return I promise to…hiccup…oh for fuck sake can someone get me some water!"
The less than refined elves – namely Kai and Kalin burst out laughing while Legolas also tried to hold in his mirth.
George on the other hand was helping Celeborn after Galadriel took a funny turn after hearing the less than well-mannered language that sprung forth from Emily's mouth.
After three big gulps of water Emily was ready to start again. "Where was I…oh yes…in return I promise to you meleth nin that I will love you no matter what. I will put up with you hogging the mirror; I will stop complaining every time you sleep with your eyes open and I will try and not butcher the elvish language when I get round to learning it. I love you Legolas Greenleaf and I'm the kinda girl that sticks with her elf."
"Legolas you may now make your promise."
"Emily you have brightened up my life more than I ever thought possible. You have made this aloof old elf smile. I promise I will cherish you, protect you and be everything that you dreamed of. I love you Emily and I will treat you like the princess you are every single day."
"Will you make me popcorn?"
"Absolutely."
"Legolas and Emily you have made your promises to each other. You shall now exchange rings as a sign of your commitment to each other." Thranduil turned to the best man who just stood there staring into the sky.
"You'll have to prod him." Whispered Legolas to his father.
Thranduil prodded Zombie Aragorn who after a few seconds of temptation to eat them automatically raised his arm with a grunt and produced two beautifully crafted rings made by Gimli after George paid him with a barrel of pretzels which he nearly choked on winkwink.
In tribute to Emily's origins the traditional earth wedding vows were said, Emily had insisted on this not because she was at all religious but just liked the fact that Legolas would have to say 'with my body I thee honour.'
Legolas slipped a ring onto Emily's finger, "With this ring I thee wed; with my body I thee honour and with all my worldly goods with thee I share."
Emily did the same in turn.
"It is now my honour and in great joy," began Thranduil with a slight crack in his voice, "to pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss the bride."
And so Legolas did.
"I thought you said Legolas was going to swallow his tongue not Emily's!" Grimaced George as the rest of the guests gushed.
"Can we eat now?" Asked Pippin impatiently.
……
"I take it you are still insisting that you sing at the reception." George sat next to Emily who refused to join Legolas in the meet and greet line in fear of having to shake his Uncle's hand.
"Of course."
"Going to tell me what you are singing?"
"Not a chance." Emily visibly shuddered.
"Are you all right?"
"Why is there always one?" Emily pointed out Legolas' uncle. "There is an Uncle Knob head at every wedding on every planet. I bet he's the first up dancing like an absolute idiot completely devoid of any rhythmic aptitude."
"Come on it's time you cut the cake, I promise it's not a heinous fruitcake and Legolas has even agreed to let you handle the knife."
"He has lifted the ban! You know I still think he over reacted about that whole knife spinning thing."
"You stabbed him in the foot!"
"So much for elven reflexes." Mumbled Emily.
"How is my beautiful wife?" Legolas beamed.
"Euphoric, and you dear husband?"
"I am going to be sick." George wondered off in search of beer.
……
"Can everyone gather as the bride is about to throw the bouquet." Announced Kalin.
The females of Middle-earth bunched in a crowd throwing vicious looks at each other.
"Are you ready..? Three…Two…One…" Emily tossed the bouquet at a slightly greater speed and strength than what was required.
The bouquet over shot the crowd of rabid women and landed on an unsuspecting elf.
"Oooh! Did I hit anyone?" Gasped Emily.
"No one important." Grinned Kalin as he checked to see if Kai was still conscious.
……
"Now welcome to the stage, the bride herself, the princess of Mirkwood, Mrs Greenleaf herself…Emily!" Announced George.
"I wanna kiss you every minute, every hour, every day,
You got me in a spin but everything is A.O.K.
Touching you, touching me, touching you, coz you're such a fool.
I believe in a thing called love, just listen to the rhythm of your heart,
There's a chance we could make it now, we'll be rocking till the sun goes down,
I believe in a thing called love oooh ooh…"
At this point George jump onto stage dressed in full Darkness regalia which consisted of a leopard print Lycra catsuit wielding a phallic shaped guitar playing the most awesome of Darkness rifts.
……
"I do not think I'll ever get over seeing George dressed in that catsuit." Shuddered Legolas which brought them back to reality.
"I don't think I'll get over seeing your Uncle Knobhead try and flirt with Galadriel." Gagged Emily.
"That isn't actually his name."
"I know."
"I'm so sorry Emily. I promised to treat you like a princess and now look at us."
"You do treat me like a princess…except when you are treating Kai like one." Added Emily with a smirk.
"Please do not remind me, it's just I can't seem to help it, I don't know what happens when…"
"Don't worry we'll sort it out soon. I'm sure of it."
"You are right. George will be back soon with Gandalf, we'll sort this mess out and then we can go to earth and meet our beautiful baby."
"Precisely. Oh shit…George!"
……
A/N: Emily: and there is the end of the filer chapters. As I type this I am sitting in George's student house, slightly hungover and trying to avoid George shooting me with his stupid rubber sucker air gun toy thing! We have worked out the end of the story so it should all be plain sailing from here (for the authors that is, not the characters). This chapter was supposed to be hilarious but with a duo of hangovas we just resigned to being unfunny. Sorry! I swear the whole mystery will be solved soon and we can get to the baby bit! Here are the thank yous:
Poolbum – Okay the update wasn't soon but hey it's here!
Chaotic Jinx – Your Aragorn fix will be in the next chappie! I promise the baby will be here before you jenk it, unless you are ninety of something. I wish I knew about the dancing monkeys before I wrote this chapter I definitely would have put them in.
Voyd – You read my mind with the bouquet scene!
Limpet666 – I am so checking out your Kai fic as soon as I'm done here! I actually have tingles of excitement!
Lil Smartass – My dear Smartass how are you doing? I really don't think purple is my colour.
Ayiicaalime – I don't think that made sense to anyone. Oooh did I tell you I've got tickets to Blink and Green Day. I am going to be very smug now.
CloakedInsanity – 'Studies' should be ignored.
Elfsire – I hope the time it took to update didn't kill you! Don't you dare die on me! Nooooooooo!
Angel's Heart, Demon's Mind – Your brother looks like Orlando Bloom! Send him over here now!!!!! I've never had a ceiling fan, it's too cold here in England to justify owning one, I feel deprived!