Thirty. She had turned thirty. Kara couldn't believe it.

Alex was married. And had a little girl.

Kara placed a hand against the hallway wall, suddenly unable to get down a full breath. She had missed so much. So much time had been taken from her. She'd been in hell for nearly two years and life had gone on without her.

The palm on the wall clenched into a fist. Anger lashed at her, but also gratitude for the continuity of the universe. She was grateful Alex had loved again, found happiness again. That National City was safe and thriving. That there were people who laughed and shared in the joy of others.

Kara glanced over her shoulder to where Alex and Lena sat chatting on the couch. Her wife had stayed outside while she initially met Alex for the first time, but after a tearful welcome home and a blowing out of her earth birthday cupcake, Lena had joined them. She'd learned all about Alex's and Kelly's honeymoon, how they'd come to adopt Esme, and though Kara hadn't met the girl yet, she loved her niece already. An aunt. Kara was an aunt. Another wave of overwhelming anger and grief washed over her, which forced her to her knees.

Kara clutched at her chest, but no matter how deep of breaths she took, the air didn't satisfy. She clamped a palm over her mouth to keep a sob in. This pain—the pain of torture, survival, regret, and revenge—ravaged her soul. Seeing Alex again wasn't something she thought would happen. Kara had witnessed her death thousands of times, and her sister being ripped away from her countless others. Everyone she loved—Lena, Alex, J'onn, Wynn, Clark, Nia, and even Brainy—she'd seen die. She'd failed them over and over again, always a heartbeat too late.

Sud-Altheia had orchestrated every single scenario to break Kara in a way physical pain wouldn't be able to. That didn't mean he never harmed her, though. Quite the opposite. He'd leave Kara broken at the demise of someone she cherished, her mind in shambles, and then rip her from the hallucination to interrogate her while the line between truth and lie was most indistinguishable.

Kara didn't know how many bones he'd broken, how many bruises he'd given, how many cuts he'd inflicted to loosen her tongue. Truthfully, she didn't know whether she'd given in to any of his questions.

She couldn't remember.

No, she did remember the conversations; she didn't know which of them were real and which were falsified.

Kara sucked her lips between her teeth as a metallic scent hit her nose. Her hands were covered in red, still wet with her sister's blood. She held her palms to her, trembling as she kneeled on the floor.

No, it wasn't real. Alex sat behind her on the couch. She was fine. She was fine.

Alex's body appeared in front of her, pale and cold, blood everywhere.

Kara held a shaking hand over her mouth, fear gripping her. No. No, no, no.

Her sister's eyes were glazed, and when Kara stroked her cold cheek, she smeared more of Alex's blood over her skin.

"I'm so sorry," Kara whispered, though it was more of a sob. She leaned her forehead on her sister's chest, her tears mixing with blood. She wished to hear her heartbeat one more time, but everything felt hollow. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry," she sobbed, holding Alex's body to her. "I'm so sorry."

"Kara. Baby, look at me."

Kara looked up at Lena whose eyes pierced through her. Then she looked down at Alex's body, ready to confess her failure to her wife, but—

She no longer clutched her sister; Alex had disappeared. Instead, she had a death-grip on Lena's hands, transferring the blood coating Kara's palms to Lena's fingers. Yet Lena withstood the strength of Kara and clutched her back. She met Kara's gaze, her green eyes fiercely set, but concerned. She had no idea the amount of blood that covered her hands—Kara's hands.

"Kara." Her voice managed to pry Kara's eyes from their hands and back to her wife's stare. "Where did you go?"

To hell, she wanted to scream. To a place where Supergirl didn't exist, a place where death lay in her wake and blood soaked her path. A place that Sud-Altheia created but Kara feared would one day come to pass. She couldn't save everyone, but she hadn't managed to save anyone. They were all gone. Alex had died and Sud-Altheia wouldn't even let her say goodbye. He never did. In a few moments, after Kara started to feel herself slipping down into despair, he'd rip her away from this chemical hallucination and make her wish for the hellbent realm within her mind.

No, it wasn't real. Alex lived. She was on the—Kara whipped her head around to an empty couch. Gone. Her chin trembled. She was gone. Her sister had died. She'd held Alex's body and it was true. A sob ripped from her throat, and hot tears spilled down her face. Gone. Gone, gone, gone. Everyone was gone.

Kara clutched at Lena, not entirely registering that she was there. She didn't want this to be another trip, another nightmare planted by him. Because if none of this was real, then that meant she was back in his lab, back under his control. She hung her head, rocking slightly as the fear took over. Kara stuttered, voice so filled with desperation, "Please tell me I'm not Walking. Please, please tell me. Please…" her voice trailed off as the sobs took over.

Her wife cupped her face in her hands and kissed her lips. Gentle. Oh, so gentle. "No," she breathed. "You've run off it seems."

A hand squeezed Kara's shoulder. "We're right here, Kara. I'm right here." Alex's face stared down at her, fear and love in her gaze.

Alive. Her sister was alive. She hadn't died; had simply moved from the couch to be by her side.

Kara released Lena and reached shaky hands to Alex's arm, gripping the material of her shirt between her fingers. She held her as though she might still disappear, held her so tight she nearly tore the material.

Alex knelt down, grasped the back of Kara's head, and pulled her to her chest. She wrapped both arms around Kara and held her as she cried. "I'm here," she whispered, her breath tickling Kara's ear.

"Please don't go." The words were barely more than a sob.

"I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere. I promise." She kissed Kara's head. "I'll hold you for as long as you need."

Kara nodded her head against her sister's chest. "Just until the pain eases," she whispered.