A/N: Emily: A special hello and fairy dust to 'you'....you know who you are! Now then, are you all excited, Emily and Legolas take a trip to Earth next chapter which can only mean one thing – Baby!!!!!!!!!!!

George: But for now…

Disclaimer: We own nothing including the traffic cone we nicked last night.

Chapter Twelve – Isn't science fun.

"So you mean you have no idea what so ever." Clarified Aragorn.

"Nothing. If you have any suggestions please let us know." Said George as he scoffed his face full of bananas coated with peanut butter.

"I thought you were supposed to eat weird things." Grimaced Legolas to Emily.

"I have one suggestion." Began Aragorn. "I think we should…get the hell out of here!"

"What happened to 'Aragorn the brave'?" Smirked Emily.

"He is on holiday." Mumbled Aragorn. "Look we have no idea what is going on here, we have no idea how we are supposed to help and just by being here we are making the problem worse!"

"Aragorn is right."

"Gandalf!" Gasped a shocked Haldir and Boromir.

"About time." Muttered George.

"Ahhhhhh!!!!!!!" Screamed Emily who promptly hid behind Legolas.

"I'm sorry, but you said Aragorn was right. Right about what?" Legolas was having a hard time with the concept that Aragorn was right about something which did not include how to sustain the mudpack that seemed to make up the outer layer of the man.

"There is nothing you can do, especially not you two." Gandalf sent a pointed look to Emily and Legolas which induced a nervous flinch from the former.

"What did they do?" George asked as he squashed another banana into his mouth. "See-food." He let out as a giggled after thought.

"They are the reason this is happening. Like you said yourself George, 'Bad things will come of this baby.' It turns out you were right."

"How dare you?" Legolas leapt up. "One more word against my child and I will personally make sure the Istari wizards become instinct!"

"He is quite striking when he gets all forceful." Swooned Aragorn.

"We've lost another one." Sniggered George. Before Legolas and Gandalf got physical (probably not the best way to phrase fighting in Rohan) George finally intervened as the elf and wizard hurled insults. "Now, now guys let's reign in the testosterone."

"That's if Legolas has any left after a near month in this place." Snapped Gandalf in retaliation.

"I'm surprised you know what the words means after your dirty weekend away with Gimli!" Growled Legolas.

"Whoa there, Gandalf, explain what you meant. And try to do it without insulting Spike or Buffy."

"The joining of an elf and a human not of this world resulting in a child has caused a split the time space continuum shifting spatial masses into an orbit of non-consequential form that resulted in a gyratory complex of an undetermined curse that has developed into a multifarious glitch which has concluded the status of a interim in time in a locale predestined by the sands of time." Explained Gandalf.

Silence

"I think my brain just collapsed." Whispered George.

"Was that English because I should understand English but that I couldn't understand I'm quite sure it wasn't English and now I'm rambling and have forgotten to breathe so may actually pass out." Legolas caught Emily as she fainted.

"I think I have developed a hernia." Groaned Aragorn.

"I take it you want that in layman's terms then?" Grinned the wizard.

"Yes please."

"The conception of that child has caused a time delay of non-consequential matter which has created a frequency pattern of goliath proportions which in turn has monopolised the fabric of space into a concentrated anomaly that has caused a defect in the microplasm of an ongoing theme. In result the annual capacity of glitches has condensed and created a mass of phosphoric energy."

"Hands up who wants to smack Gandalf in the head?" Haldir raised a hand and was shortly followed by everyone else.

"Let me see…" Pondered George. "Are you saying that a pool of reactive volume has evolved causing a chemical imbalance forming legions of surface tension on a spectra space wide enough to allow a reoccurring index of electromagnetic consequences that have the ability to cause a major fuck up in the time space continuum?"

"Precisely!" Grinned Gandalf.

"Then why didn't you just say that?" George shook his head.

"That is it, will someone please explain to me without using space, physics, techno geek jargon, what the hell is going on here?!" Yelled Legolas.

"How simple would you like it put?" Asked George.

"Simple enough so that Emily can understand it."

"That simple huh?!"

"Hey!" Protested Emily who had just come round.

"Alright, You Legolas got Emily pregnant. This was not supposed to happen." Began George.

"Why not?" Asked Boromir.

"The chances of that Emily travelling to this Middle-earth and shacking up with that Legolas are so miniscule that it was deemed impossible."

"Yes but it is possible because it has happened." Put in Haldir.

"That is exactly why the world hasn't ended." Cheered George.

"Great, I managed to defy the laws of time and space. Can we celebrate later?! What the hell has that got to do with Rohan's gay population?!" Fumed Emily.

"If what you did was impossible the world would have doubled back on itself and ended. However, because there was a miniscule chance of it happening there has only been a small malfunction in the milieu of Middle-earth and earth respectively."

"And that malfunction is?" Asked Haldir knowing full well what the answer would be.

"The men of Rohan turning gay."

"You said that there would be a glitch in your world?" Asked Boromir curiously.

"There is no knowing what that may be but it will be on the same scale of this. It will affect one area or one group of people." Explained Gandalf.

"So what do we do?" Asked Legolas who had already balled his hand into a fist in preparation for an answer he did not like.

"Nothing." Answered Gandalf. "There is nothing we can do. When the baby is born all will be righted. It is the nature of things. Just like it is the nature of a wood-elf to behave inappropriately when he hears something he doesn't want to!" Added Gandalf snidely.

"Inappropriately! I'll show you a wood-elf behaving inappropriately!" And with that Legolas landed a solid thump to the Gandalf's nose knocking the wizard out cold.

"Dude! You hit Gandalf! That was immense!" Cried George.

"It would seem Legolas is returning to his former self." Said Haldir. "I thought that wasn't supposed to happen when the baby…"

"Fuck!" Screamed Emily.

"Emily?!" Legolas was by his wife's side after stepping over the sprawled out wizard.

"It could be time to get to earth." Groaned Emily as the first contraction subsided.

……

A/N: Emily: I know it's incredibly short but it seemed the perfect way to end this chapter.

George: Next stop…Earth! Yay!

Emily: Get them baby names in otherwise Buffy or Spike could be on the cards! Here are the thank yous:

Ayiicaalime – Shiny thing?! Ooooh I like shiny things. The women at the presentation last night did a speech and mentioned shiny things which totally threw me into fits of giggles which made Miss Holland give me a scary look – damn I thought I was rid of that woman!

Limpet666 – My next stop is to check Kai to see if you have updated 'crosses fingers, toes, ears…' Kai and Kalin will be back soon I promise!

CloakedInsanity – Kai will return along with Kalin and I haven't finished with Aragorn. To be honest Aragorn wasn't even supposed to be in this story but I was accosted be Lil Smartass so gave in.

Angel's Heart, Demon's Mind – I would probably be arrested if I described some the dreams I have had involving Orlando Bloom!

Galasriniel – Ah someone noticed the untimely demise of Gem! You said 'uber' Yay! That word must be spread throughout the world.

Poolbum – My day is not so perfect as it started off with me waking up with last night's make up on a scary hair!

Random-Shiny – Glad your not sick anymore so you can randomly make things shiny!