Chapter 7: Changes
The paper trembled in Claire's hand. In truth, it had been such a short time since…since everything: Chris death, her attempted suicide; that she knew she shouldn't be looking at it again. Now that she held the glossy images in her hand though, the young woman found herself hypnotized by the two people smiling back at her and she could do nothing to pull her gaze away.
It struck Claire as odd that the two people in the set of four photos taken at a photo booth in a mall in Upper Lansing could be her and her brother, both smiling and laughing and full of life. It seemed like quite some time since the last time she had laughed – genuinely laughed. Not since the picnic with Leon almost five months ago, back when her brother was sick but she could still deny that he was getting worse. 'Just a bug, I told myself, just a little bug and he'd be back on his feet in no time. I knew it was a lie then but it was comforting at least.'
A smile touched Claire's quivering lips as she ran shaking fingers over the top picture, the one she liked the best of the four. Chris held her in a headlock, his strong bicep wrapped around her neck, giggling like a boy as she pried feebly at that thick arm, smiling too because she knew it was another of Chris' macho jokes. Even as children whenever they would play fight her brother had always held back. In the end, whenever she would flip him onto his back and twist his arm, accusing him of making it too easy he would insist that he had used his full strength but the girl knew better. Chris would never do anything that would even risk her being harmed, it was why he hadn't left her behind during the raid on the European Umbrella HQ, and it was why he held that headlock a lot more lightly than it looked. He always thought she was so delicate. What an ironic twist that had become.
'You were the one who looked delicate in the end big bro.' She thought sadly, barely able to hold the photo strip now. Shaking like a frightened mouse as she was. 'Lying in that bed, barely able to hold your head up. You looked so pale, so wan as if a stiff breeze would break you in half. I remember when I thought you could walk through a wall of stone and come out the other side without a mark but there you were in that hospital room, full of tubes and wires like some kind of robot, hardly able to breathe let alone speak. I remember when I thought you could move a mountain just by looking at it hard enough, you were always stubborn enough that I figured the mountain would give up the starring match. I remember…I remember a lot of things, Chris.'
Unshed tears stung at the back of her eyes and Claire finally managed to tear them from the pictures. Shaking her hair from side to side, the girl quieted the voice in her head. She needed only to glance at the bandage wrapped around her wrist to know where that line of thinking would invariably lead and she would not go down that path again. Leon had made her promise and despite whatever she had become in recent days Claire Redfield was not a liar.
Sighing, Claire tucked the strip of photos into the oak nightstand by Leon's bed on which she now sat and slide the drawer shut. It was time to start making changes. Her brother was dead and as much as it hurt – and it hurt like hell – that was her past now, nothing could be done to change it. Still, that did not mean there was no future for her. There was, even if it was a future without Chris, a dimmer future than most but not entirely without light anymore.
The bed springs squealed their displeasure below her as more weight was added to the bed and a pair of hands tentatively took hold of her slender shoulders. Claire didn't need to turn around to know that it was Leon's hands on her arms, she would have known all the same even if he hadn't been the only other person in the apartment. The way his hands twitched a moment before grasping her shoulders, as if unsure whether or not she would whirl and slap him for doing so, was clue enough. She sighed, resting her hands in the lap of her jeans after smoothing the creases in her red t-shirt. 'Leon, my boy, you'll never learn.'
His uncertainty was a new habit, one he had adopted in the week since she had been released from the hospital. Whenever she came around the young officer would tense up and shift into what she had come to think of as "Question Mode". How are you Claire? Do you need anything, Claire? Do you want to talk about anything, Claire? Can I take you anywhere, Claire? She couldn't blame him for that though, if their positions were reversed she would have been doing the same she knew.
That was precisely the reason she never blamed him for being far from her side either. No matter where she was, Claire would have wagered a dollar to doughnuts that she could throw a penny around the corner and hit Leon square in the forehead. Since her release from the hospital he had even been watching her sleep, as if afraid of the ideas that might filter into her head while shut away in the dark of his bedroom. Oh, he would come in after her breathing had grown a little heavier but the Redfield family was famous for it's light sleepers and she had always been aware of the sound of his breathing beside her bed. Funny, she thought, that she had not suffered one nightmare since her release.
Sometimes, her friend's near heroic efforts to keep an eye on her made the young woman want to cry anew. She was unaware of what the emotion behind such tears would be – not necessarily joy and certainly not sadness – but she had put the man through hell with her selfishness – despite however understanding he was she knew it had been selfishness – and yet he was still there, with only concern over her. Simply put, it was just…touching. Yes, that was all.
"You don't have to do that." Claire said, starring at her hands.
"Do what?" Leon asked dumbfounded and Claire heaved a tiny laugh. It was just like him not to realize his own habits even when they were hanging down in front of his face.
"Act like I'm some kind of a viper." She sighed, occupying her hands with smoothing her shirt again. Claire still wasn't sure if she could meet Leon's eyes yet. Not after all that had happened, all that had been confessed between the two. In the time since returning to his apartment she had been terrified of all the fury and accusation she would have to meet when starring the man in the face but when she finally built up the courage to do so there had been none of either present in his blue eyes. Only concern and a kind of yearning and those eyes truly cut deep in those moments. She almost wished he had been furious with her, that would have much easier to deal with. "I won't bite your hand if you try and touch me. I don't mind, honestly, you should know that by now."
"Oh," he said behind her, sounding as if his tongue had stuck to the roof of his mouth, "I-I know that. It's just that whenever I move to touch you…I…." It was his turn to heave a short laugh. "I don't know why I flinch like that. Maybe I just get nervous around pretty girls?"
Claire wanted to smile at that, she truly did, but she simply couldn't bring herself to it. "I know why you do that." She said simply, keeping her head down. "You twitch like that when you reach for me because it's like you're moving to touch a different person – an entirely different person – and you don't know how they're going to react."
"That's not true, Claire." Leon answered, and she was a little surprised at how quickly he did so. "You're still the same person I've known for – what – half a decade? No, a little more than that. You're still at least ten times quicker than me up here," he touched a finger to the side of her head, "not to mention ten times better looking. You're still as gentle and generous as the time when we had to take care of Sherry while on the run. Oh, and you are definitely still as stubborn as the day I met you. Remember when I got back from Germany? God, I don't think I've ever been bruised from a tongue lashing before!"
Claire did laugh a little at that. She remembered the day well waiting for them all to return at the airport, ready to snap off everyone's head for leaving her behind but Leon's in particular. The man was supposed to be her friend and he had just rushed off to another country, on an almost suicidal mission, without so much as one word to her where she was going. Oh yes, she remembered standing there tapping her foot, ready to leap down his throat in particular. And Chris' as course. He had committed the same sin as Leon Kennedy.
Then she had watched them all slowly begin to filter out of the plane, Leon had been first – good, she would be able to get on with it that much quicker – and then she had seen the sling his arm was wrapped in. The same arm he had injured while running around the sewers in Raccoon City. It had been at that point that she felt her anger really begin to boil and remembered feeling astounded that steam was not pouring out of her ears. Not only had the man run off with her brother to Europe without telling her but he had the nerve to get hurt as well? How dare he!
"I don't think I was even down the steps before you rushed out and let me have what for." Leon chuckled. "I thought about jumping over those stairs and just bolting for it when I saw your eyes. One look and I knew you were on the war path."
"Well, it was what you deserved." Claire replied and found herself laughing too. "Maybe I was a little harsh on you though. I don't think I spoke to you for three weeks after that, I was so mad."
"Hey," he said and Claire knew by his light tone that Leon was smiling. He was always smiling when his voice sounded like that. "You came around eventually didn't you?"
"Yeah." She said and smiled. It was good to know she still had a few good memories rolling around amid all the dark ones. Suddenly, she found herself wiping her arm across damp eyes. No, she was through crying, she wouldn't cry anymore. "Nothing's ever easy is it, Leon?"
He laughed, actually laughed at that before reaching up to smooth her hair with one hand. Claire thought Leon had nice hands, strong and calloused but still smooth in places. She wondered what had made her think of that. "Not in my experience, no." He said. "But things aren't always as hard as they seem. Especially when there are people there to help you get through them."
The young woman sighed again, turning her hands over and over again in her lap. "My brother's dead," she said and felt Leon stiffen behind her, "I think I can deal with that…now, eventually, but it still hurts and I know there's going to be a lot of changes. I'm going to change."
"Everybody changes." He said softly, and she felt his chin press down atop her head. She eased back to rest against his chest.
"Not always for the good, though." She countered, closing her eyes, listening to the sound of his heartbeat. No, she wouldn't cry. She had promised herself that.
"No." He said. "No, not always, but I have faith in you. I have faith in you above all others, Claire, that you'll do the right thing. Always."
Again, she laughed. How could he make her laugh, even now, amid so much bleakness? The world seemed such a dark place now, devoid of light and music. 'Well,' she thought, listening to the steady drumming of Leon's heart, 'almost.'
"Sometimes, I think you're the only one that does." Claire said, a smile curling her lips as she shifted around on the bed. Turning to look into Leon's penetrating blue eyes and tell him everything: how sorry she was, how much she appreciated everything he had done for her, what a good man he was…and froze when she saw him. Jaw dropping, eyes popping wide, the girl almost thought she was starring at an entirely different person.
"You shaved!" Claire exclaimed, reaching up and pressing a hand to one smooth cheek. It had been so long since she'd seen him without a coat of fur obscuring his features. Right then he looked just like the first time she had met him in Raccoon City – well, minus all the bewilderment and terror, he was smiling this time.
"Yeah," Leon said, a smirk turning up the corner of his mouth, "I mean, everyone was teasing me and all. Shit, Barry even said I looked sixteen!" Leon's eyes shifted a little, if Claire hadn't known better she would have said he was embarrassed. "Besides, I uh I know you didn't really care for it in the first place so I thought what the hell, you know?" His smirk broadened. "We've all got to make changes right?"
"Oh, Leon," Claire laughed – a real, genuine laugh – and cupped his other smooth, clean-shaven cheek in her hand. She felt tears rolling down her face now but – no – that couldn't be possible. What did she have to cry about? It couldn't have been Leon's gesture. It was just something silly, something ridiculously absurd…and just what she needed.
She remembered before, crying on his bed while he held her around the shoulders, confessing to her that he didn't know what to say to make things better. He still didn't but he knew she didn't like his attempt at a beard and had shed it for her – shed every last hair of it because he thought it might make her happy for a moment. Because he thought it might brighten her face and bring out a laugh instead of a sob. A silly, goofy gesture…and so sweet too, so selfless and thoughtful. Funny, Claire thought, that so much emotion could rest behind such a small thing as shaving.
"Leon," she chortled, pulling his face down towards hers. "Leon, you big dummy." Again she laughed, raising her face up as she pulled his down. Parting her lips slightly, beginning to close her eyes and then he jerked back. He pulled away from her.
"Claire," he said with a heavy, resigned, sigh, "I can't. Please, don't look at me like that I want to, God I do. But…I just can't. I have no right."
"No right?" Claire asked, looking up him as if she had just been flogged. No right? The man was impossible! "You have every right Leon. We have every right."
"No, we don't." He countered all too quickly. "You deserve…you deserve more than I can give, Claire."
"Stop it, Leon." She said, fixing her eyes on his and glad that he gave a small start. Her eyes could cut like daggers when she wanted them too. "Back in the hospital I heard every word you said and you have to know that I feel the same way. Just look in my eyes and you can see it. Stop this whole code of honor thing you have, I don't care what you think I deserve. I know what I want Leon. Nothing you say is going to change how I feel. They're my feelings and my choices. Not yours. Do you understand that?"
"Claire-" Leon said, turning his gaze down and resting a hand over one of hers. She thought for a moment he might try and pry her hands free from his cheeks – and Lord help the man if he did – but he made no such move. She cut him off again before he could speak another word.
"Leon," She said, turning his face back up so his blue eyes met her gray ones. "Listen to me. Please. For so long now we've had to resist what we wanted," her eyes were wide now, deep gray pools as big as saucers, "we had to. We had to because of Umbrella, because of all the things we were keeping inside, because of…because of a hundred things! All that's over now though. It's all gone and behind us. We're free now, don't you understand that, free to go after the things we want." She sighed and dropped her gaze but only for a moment. It was getting harder and harder to meet those vibrant blue eyes, just starring at her quietly, unreadable. "You know how I feel, Leon, but what do you want?"
Claire looked up, saw those beautiful eyes waver, felt the hand over her own tense and knew, just knew he was going to push her away again. 'Oh, Leon you thick headed dummy. If you so much as say…' Instead, the young officer said nothing, rather his hand wrapped even tighter around her own and then, with a kind of viciousness, his lips seized her own. Passion overcame surprise and Claire returned the embrace two-fold, letting her tongue slip between his teeth and battle for supremacy. A fight neither one of them cared whether they won or lost.
Warmth – the invigorating, pulsing warmth of life – surged through Claire, heating her blood as much as Leon's kisses. It was a thrilling sensation, being warm after feeling encased in ice for so long and she gasped into his mouth as the flames of life turned her crystalline prison to water and the water to vapor. It was like being reborn again.
Claire felt fresh tears spill from beneath her closed eyelids but there was no grief in these tears. No pain or fear, only the joy of freedom. She moved closer to the man sharing the bed with her, their lips meeting again and again. While Claire was uncertain whether it was Leon's fingers that began lifting at the hem of her shirt or her own she was very certain of one thing. If the man stopped, even for a second, she would find his pocketknife again and stab him with it.
Author's Note: Here you are my Readers, the next update. Stay tuned for the conclusion of this story later next week. Also, for those of you reading Three Days In A Nightmare as well, another update should be up for you this week as well. Thank you and I hope you enjoy this chapter. Please read and review when you get a chance, it's your reviews that keep me inspired and writing.