A/N: Emily: We got some really bad news over at Emily and George towers so we were not at our best when we wrote this chapter. We are slightly worried that it won't be as funny as we hoped it would be. If it really is that bad we will take it down and see if we can rewrite it but to be honest it might take a while.

Disclaimer: I own an overdraft after my Christmas shopping splurge.

Chapter Fourteen – Surprise!

"How many antenatal classes have you been to?" Asked the nurse.

"Ante-what? Is that some kind of protest?" Returned Emily still fuming from the fact that she was shoved into a wheelchair after being deemed unable to walk.

"Urm…no not quite…how about scans?" The nurse continued as she pushed Emily into the birthing room.

"Nope no scans." Answered Emily as she looked around for Legolas. "Where did…excuse me but where did my husband go?"

"Oh the cute one. He should be filling in some forms."

Ignoring the cute comment Emily launched into one, "What? He can't!"

"Why not?"

"Um…he…he…he can't write…or…read!" Stammered Emily while clambering onto the bed.

"Oh no worries, we can sort that out later. Shall I go fetch him for you?"

"Oh no I think I'll have my baby on my own." The nurse seemed to miss the sarcasm in Emily's voice and nodded politely. "Of course I bloody want you to fetch him!" Yelled Emily as she suffered another contraction.

A few minutes later a flustered looking Legolas stumbled into the room. "Are they always that rough?!" Asked Legolas as he rubbed some lipstick off his face.

"Only with Orlando Bloom look-alikes."

"I am not an Orlando Bloom look-a…" Legolas' pouted remark was interrupted by a doctor walking into the room.

"I'm the midwife, my name is Mr. Read and you are…" The man paused as he looked down to check his clipboard. "Mrs. Emily Greenleaf."

"You're a man." Blurted Legolas using that renowned Elven perceptiveness of his.

"Yes. Well done perhaps you should become a doctor." Replied the midwife sarcastically causing Legolas to narrow his eyes.

"Ignore him. Lee is just very protective aren't you darling?" Legolas sourly nodded so Emily continued, "As long as you have a bus load of drugs I couldn't care less if you were man, woman or ferret."

"Then I needn't have bothered shaving." Grinned the midwife. "Well it looks like it won't be long before you will have to start pushing so I'll just get the gas and air set up."

……

"Is this edible." Asked Kalin as he prodded some yoghurt with his finger.

"Stop touching things!" Yelled George for the eighth time.

George escorted by Kai and Kalin had arrived on earth ten minutes ago where at first he collapsed for five minutes due to his mild concussion then immediately went home and began ringing round hospitals.

"What about this?" Kalin sniffed some off milk which nearly knocked the poor elf out.

"Bingo! I found the hospital." George slammed the phone down. "Kalin come on! Wait…where is Kai?!"

"Dunno…he said something about…" Kalin stopped as he discovered chocolate moose. "…sweet Valar what is this?!"

"What did he say?!"

"Who?" Kalin shoved another pot into his pocket.

"Kai!"

"Oh him…um…oh yeah…he said he wanted to explore."

"What?!" George could feel the vein in his temple throbbing. "Explore what, the house?"

"No, he went outside, he mentioned wooing the ladies of Earth." Kalin frowned as the fridge finally ran out of chocolate moose.

Kai was alone in London. George did not know who to be more afraid for, the elf or the city! George was almost out the door when he felt a sudden bout of dizziness and collapsed again.

About two hundred yards up the road stood Kai as he watched the busy crowds of London begin to disperse for the night. It was then he spotted the flashing sign above a night club.

"Pussy Galore?" He read aloud. "Sounds like fun."

……

"Push." Encouraged the midwife.

"What do you think I am doing?!" Screamed Emily.

"Emily, could you…let go of my hand." Whimpered Legolas as he heard the bone in his baby finger crack. "It kind of hurts."

"HURTS! Do you really want to know the meaning of pain?!" Emily practically roared. "Give me some smegging drugs."

"It is not long now, I can see the head. When you feel the next contraction I want you to push really hard."

"The head, are you sure?" Emily asked frantically. "Legolas go check!"

"I can assure you that…wait…did you call him Legolas?" The midwife knitted his brows together in confusion.

"Never mind that! I had the weirdest dream that I gave birth to a furby! Legolas go check!"

Legolas made his way to the end of the bed. "Everything seems to be…" That was as far as Legolas got before it all got a bit much for him and he fainted.

"Useless!" Yelled Emily as she pushed for the last time as the baby was born.

"It's a girl!" Exclaimed the midwife.

……

George opened his eyes slowly aware of the dull throb emanating from his bruised skull.

"Kalin?" George dragged himself up. "Kalin?" Upon no answer George stepped out the door and blinked at the sight before him. Here he was in the middle of London and he had lost two elves. "Bollocks!"

"Did you say something?" Came a voice from above him.

George looked up to spot Kalin sitting in one of the last remaining trees of London.

"What are you doing?"

"Keeping the tree company." Answered Kalin nonchalantly.

"What?!"

"Well he is all alone; he said the humans cut down all his friends."

"He said…?! This is no time to start behaving like Mother Nature, we need to find Kai."

"Why am I the sensible one? Kai can run off whenever he pleases and everyone just dismisses it. If I were to run off everyone would think there was something wrong with me."

"Do I look like a professor in sibling psychiatry?!"

Kalin stuck his jaw out like a petulant child.

"Please come down." Whined George. "If you come down I'll get you present!"

"Like what?"

"A smack in the face." Mumbled George.

"I heard that!"

"Sorry, sorry I didn't mean it…I'll get you um…some…more chocolate moose!" At first George thought his offer had been ignored, it was not until Kalin landed neatly beside him that he realised that he was going to need a lot of chocolate moose before the night was out. "Right, well where do your Elven senses tell you that Kai has disappeared to?"

"I would have thought that was pretty obvious." Kalin pointed at the flashing lapdance sign across the road.

George and Kalin entered the club with caution, not sure of what havoc Kai may have induced. However, everything seemed quiet enough, well, as quiet as a lapdance club called Pussy Galore could be. George scanned the club quickly trying, but failing, to ignore the buffet of gyrating women. It was not until a high pitched cackle from a buxom Barbie caught his attention that George noticed the darkling elf surrounded by no less than twelve lapdancers.

"Kai!"

"George. Fancy seeing you here!" Grinned Kai. "I want you to meet some friends of mine. This is Chantelle, Chardonnay, Trisha, Julia, Lia, Tania, Chelsea, Leanne, Carly, Sharon, Haylie and Crystal."

"Hi George." Chorused the girls in their best sultry voices.

"Hey I'm Kalin." Kalin decided he was not going to miss out on the fun.

"Well aren't you the little cutie." Lia crooned pulling the darkling elf down next to her.

"Kalin! Kai! We need to get going, we have to go to the hospital!" Yelled George.

"Can I bring the girls?" Asked Kai.

"No!"

"Well I'm staying here then."

"All right fine! You can choose one."

"Um...?" Kai looked around him feigning deep thought.

"Come on! We need to get to the hospital!"

"I thought we were getting more chocolate moose." Whined Kalin.

"Chocolate moose?" Inquired Kai.

Julia lent over and whispered into Kai's ear, "I know something you can do with chocolate moose."

"I've chosen!" Announced Kai quickly.

"Excellent." Sighed George.

……

"Mr. Greenleaf, sir, can you hear me? You have a daughter." It was this last statement that woke Legolas up with a start. The elf shot up almost knocking over the poor nurse kneeling over him and joined Emily who was holding their baby.

"She's so tiny." Whispered Legolas. "She looks just like you."

"She's perfect." Gushed Emily.

"If we could just take her for her check up." One of the nurses lent down and tried to handle the baby which being Emily's daughter lashed out with a chubby leg and kicked the nurse in the nose.

Legolas and Emily beamed proudly.

"Can't he just stay with us?" Protested Emily as the baby was taken away.

"I'm sorry but it will not be long before the contractions start again." Informed the midwife.

"Huh?" Gaped Emily.

"For you next baby."

"What baby?" Asked Legolas in complete confusion.

"You do know that you are pregnant with more than one baby…don't you?" The midwife was met with silence. "Oh…um…well…congratulations." He offered uncertainly.

"Noooooo! I don't want to give birth again! This is your fault!" Emily yelled at Legolas.

"What?! How was I supposed to know we were having twins?!"

"Um…no…" The midwife gently interrupted, "No you're not having twins…you're having triplets."

Legolas fainted for a third time that day.

……

A/N: George: Cool triplets! And Emily said I can name one! OH YEAH!

Emily: I'm going to regret that! Here are the thank yous to all FOUR!!!!! reviews:

Ayiicaalime – Perhaps I should buy you some throat sweets.

Angel's Heart, Demon's Mind – What does labour feel like? Hmmm...? Painful!

Lil' rook – I wish we had a thousand reviews!

Eltavor – Thankies, we intend to keep going even if everyone gets sick of us! You'll never stop us! 'evil laugh'