Tony catches Peggy in her room. Natasha gives him a curious eyebrow raise as she exits but he waves her off.
He can hear the group gathering in the living room, ready to head out the back doors.
"Let's gooooooo!" They hear Clint call.
"I'm coming!" Peggy shouts out the door, "I need to use the restroom, I'll catch up in a minute!"
They hear the sliding glass doors open and she shuts her door, turning towards Tony.
They stare at each other for a moment, before Tony gestures to her, "what else?" Peggy stays quiet and Tony sighs, "you started to say something, but stopped because Steve was coming, what is it?"
"Do you think…" Peggy starts slowly, "do you think he could be enhanced physically…. And emotionally?"
He blinks at the question, feeling thrown off. The small clock ticks as he thinks. Tony settles on the neatly made bed of Natasha's, the soft green comforter against his bare calves. "I… have no idea. I don't think I ever even thought about that…" his eyes meet worried brown ones, "what makes you ask?"
"He's…" her brow wrinkles and she settles on her bed, matching except the color which is a sea blue, "he's still Steve. But it's like he's more Steve. Maybe it's the growth that's giving him more confidence, but it's like… he's acting strange. Bolder—"
"Steve's always been braver than his size could explain—"
She huffs out a sigh and flops back onto her bed, rumpling it. "I don't mean just against bullies." She drags the collar down of her shirt and a hickey appears. Tony lets out a choke of surprise and she grimaces, "it's like, all the shyness is gone, and back in the restaurant?" Her voice takes on a wary tone, "that guy punched him in the face, Steve didn't even flinch and I could feel the anger radiating off him. It's like it's taken who Steve is and enhanced it. I don't think Steve notices, but it's like it's growing right along with his size. And—" Tony watches as she holds out her hand, staring at the palm before curling her fingers, looking like she wants to say something else, but she stays quiet, resting the hand against her stomach, then finally she whispers, "I don't want Steve to be lost behind the serum."
"If it's taking Steve and enhancing him… that's just more Steve."
Peggy looks at him, "it's selfish to miss what he used to be. I know he was in pain and suffering. But I do miss his waifishness."
Tony grins, "you're a strange woman, Carter. But surely you don't mind…?"
He lets the question hang and Peggy rolls her eyes at him, but she's smiling. "Of course I love him in all stages. I just have never worried about him being too much Steve."
"What do you mean? 'Too much Steve'?"
Her expression is serious. "Not only is Steve bolder, he's more capable of that bravery. Maybe he'd have wanted to step into a fight before, but now he can." Her expression turns worried, "I'm worried in combat he won't even think. He'll be so Steve that he'll be reckless. Throw himself on a grenade just to save his comrades. Walk into the fire without regard for himself because that's what Steve would have done before but physically couldn't. Now he can. If those emotions are so strong, they might be overwhelming. What if he doesn't think? What if he just does?"
Tony doesn't have an answer. And Peggy grabs her flip flops off the floor and walks out the bedroom door, leaving him with some very not fun thoughts.
—
Bucky keeps his distance from him. And that makes Steve half desperately sad, and half annoyed. He's not forcing any of them to go into the military. Why can't they just let him make his own choices?"
It's a busier day, lots more people have arrived for the weekend after the holiday. But he doesn't care. He yanks off his shirt and he stands, needing to cool off. He strides towards the water and steps in. The ocean instantly cools his body as he walks forward, further and further until he dunks underneath and the world falls quiet.
—
"Where's Steve?" Bucky looks up to see Peggy walking towards their group, her eyes searching.
"He's in the water." Clint points, Steve's blonde hair visible as he seems to float on the surface before disappearing again.
"You really going to let him go?" Bucky's eyes flit to Natasha who asked the question, her voice calm and a bit wary.
"Oddly enough I don't actually have control over his decisions." Peggy grits out as she flares out her towel and plops herself down onto it. "But he did tell me that if I asked him to stay, he would."
All of their eyes fly to her, as she runs fingers through the sand.
"So you're going to ask him to stay—" Bucky starts, "right?"
Peggy glares at him, and he glares back. "It's not that easy, Barnes. I deny him this and then what? He resents me forever? No. I won't do that."
Bucky starts to argue when a firm grip pulls his attention, "don't." Natasha's voice warns. "You can't expect her to tell him he's not allowed."
"Where's this change of tune from!" Bucky snaps, "just hours ago you were on my side!"
Her eyes flit to Clint and Laura who are oddly quiet as they sit, playing a game of beach checkers. "Just… know that it's a fight we will lose and make him distant in the process."
"She's right." Pepper interjects casually, flipping through a magazine. "I've been trying to tell Tony the same thing." She points to the ocean, "Rhodey's joined up. Tony didn't say a word about that. You guys are letting Steve's past affect your view of his future."
Tony arrives then, looking sullen and shoving his phone in his pocket. He looks at Peggy and she looks at him. Tony nods, "my dad said yeah. It's possible."
Peggy swallows hard and goes back to staring at the sand.
"What's possible?" Bucky asks.
"Nothing." Peggy says, biting the word out. Then she stands, yanking off her shorts and shirt, striding towards the ocean.
Bucky turns to Tony who just heaves a sigh, "Don't. It's just science stuff."
"Come on." Natasha says quickly, "let's go to the pier and get some beach food for everyone."
He wants to protest but she's glaring at him and he sighs, giving in.
—-
Laura beats him at checkers, which usually happens but this time she frowns at him. "It's no fair to win when you're distracted."
He grins at her, "sorry."
"You're really considering it." She says softly, eyeing Tony and Pepper who are distracted in their own argument about whose beach playlist to use.
"Would you be mad?"
Laura lays back, the sun hitting her soft brown hair and he's forever thankful for her. A calm, reasonable, and just all around steady presence in his life. He can tell her anything. And even if she's surprised or shocked or worried, she doesn't waver, a constant. "I will be scared." She admits quietly, "I will worry about you everyday. But I love you. And I trust you to make the right decisions for yourself. I'll support you whatever you decide."
"Is it weird that I think I'd be kind of good at it?"
She squints as she turns to look at him, shading her eyes from the sun that makes her skin glow, "good? You'd be terrifyingly good." Her words make his chest heat, "you'd be intimidating as hell if I didn't know you so well."
He tilts his head, "really?"
She laughs softly, "the previous juvenile delinquent with perfect aim and the ability to climb like a monkey? Not to mention you know how to box and you used to smoke? Yeah. Not scary at all."
Clint leans down and kisses her, more passionately than he intends but his love for her is just overwhelming. He can't help it. "I never want to be scary to you." He says a bit breathless as he pulls away. "Maybe everyone else. But not you."
His head is shadowing her face but still her eyes twinkle with the sunlight around them, "Clint Barton you're the reason I feel safe in this world. Not scared."
And well, he has to kiss her again after that.
—-
"Did you see Tony Stark is at the beach?"
The words make both Natasha and Bucky stiffen. Sometimes it's easy to forget that Tony is one of the most well known, richest guys on the planet.
"Yeah, and that guy from the hospital video, his weird half brother from his dad's affair! Wild!"
Natasha has to clench Bucky's arm to keep him from turning around and yelling as the people pass by them, walking on their way.
"I can't believe people actually believe that shit!" Bucky growls out, practically stomping forward.
"A lot of people don't take the time to fact check." Natasha says calmly, although she looks back over her shoulder at the two teenagers in annoyance.
"Yeah, well." Bucky says, looking back the few hundred feet to where their spot on the beach is. "People are stupid."
Natasha laughs, "no arguments there." Then she points to the small bathrooms off the sidewalk path, "I'm going to go pee really quick." She points and Bucky nods, plopping himself down on the edge of the sidewalk, feet in the sand.
The universe is a really funny thing. And by funny. She means not funny at all.
"—you see him on the beach?" A slightly slurred voice asks, a wicked tone to it.
"Who?" Another girl at the sinks asks, as Natasha walks past them into a stall.
"The kid with all the scars, do you know who that is?"
"No, I didn't see him, who is it?"
"My little sister goes to his school. That's the kid who got shot at the highschool in Brooklyn this last year."
Natasha's standing in the stall, spine rigid and hand paused towards the toilet seat covers. Her breathing gets thin as the girl keeps talking.
"What? No way! He lived?"
"Um yeah. His daddy is rich Howard Stark—"
"What!"
"You didn't see the videos? And they must have had a family make up session 'cuz Tony Stark's out on the beach too."
"What! We have to go talk to him, he's hella rich, right?"
"Yeah, but he's dating some hot redhead, plus, he seems like kind of an asshole."
"Rich people always are." The other girl laughs. "So wait, the kid who was shot is the same one from the dumpster hospital video?"
Their voices are echoing off the tile with enthusiasm as if they weren't describing some of the worst moments in Steve's life.
"Yeah, he must have some fucked up karma. Wonder what he did to deserve it."
"Geez, Megan—"
"I'm just saying—" then the girl laughs, sounding like her balance is lilting. "Wait I take it back, if he's Howard Stark's bastard kid then he's probably rich. His karma can't be that bad if he has guilt money from daddy."
They're laughing.
Natash wants to vomit because the girls are laughing.
Natasha steadies herself against the wall as the girls grab paper towels and start drying their hands.
"I'll point him out to you—" the girl is saying as they push the creaky door open, "—the scars on his back are freaky—" the voices fade and Natasha's left struggling to suck in air.
Like Steve's some sort of zoo animal.
I'll point him out to you
She's not sure how long she stands there, stunned and too angry to move. Her hands tremble as she pulls out her buzzing phone.
It's Bucky.
Nat, you okay?
"No." She whispers back.
Is there anyone else in there?"
"No."
She hears the door slam open and she barely gets the door to the stall open before Bucky's grabbing her, "what's wrong? What happened?"
Natasha's clinging to the opened button up shirt, "we need to go. We have to get out of here."
"What? Why?" Bucky looks around as if she's talking about the girls' bathroom.
"No!" She shouts, "the beach! The whole fucking beach recognizes Tony and now they're pointing out Steve like he's a zoo animal!" She feels panicked anger, "we need to leave. Before one of them talks to Steve and says some of the shit I just heard!"
"What did you just hear?"
But now she's moving, anger propelling her forward, wishing she's got a better look at those two half drunk idiots. She steps out into the fresh air and looks around, as if they might appear. Bucky is standing behind her, "Natasha, I'm a little lost, the whole beach what?"
She takes a deep steadying breath, "okay, maybe not the whole beach—" she lets herself take a second. "I just…" she grabs Bucky's hand, needing his steadying presence, "I just forget how horrible people can be. I'm so used to your wonderful family and Sam and the house and the Starks… Sometimes it makes me forget. And I just got reminded. Come on—" she pulls him forward, still looking confused, "we need to get food. A lot of food."
—
"Hey, you're Tony Stark!"
Tony looks up, a teen, maybe 15 is looking at him, a few kids behind him like he'd been the one to lose the bet and had to be the one to say hi. Clint is hiding a laugh behind his hand. Laura is asleep beside him.
"Yeah." Tony says with a grin, "what of it?"
"You helped your dad design that robot army game, right? So cool!"
Tony nods, "oh yeah, Ultron vs. the World. You guys liked that?"
"Hell yeah!" One of the ones in the back pipes up.
"Cool," Tony sits forward, pulling off his sunglasses, "don't forget that we have a new game coming out in November. Make sure to tell your friends to download it."
"We will!" Another squeaks out.
Peggy, dripping in water and wringing water out of her hair appears, taking all of the young boy's attention.
Peggy eyes them, the water on her skin glistening with the sunlight, she raises an eyebrow at the four teenagers, "friends of yours?" She looks at Tony. Pepper snorts out a laugh and buries her face back in her magazine.
"Just some admirers of our tech work." Tony says with a roll of his eyes. "Though I'm sure they'd like to admire some of our group's other assets." He waggles his eyebrows at her.
Tony can see Peggy's about to say something incredibly scathing, but a new voice appears.
"Other assets, what?" They look up to Steve who has walked up behind Peggy. And maybe Peggy had a point. It's like when you've been staring at something for too long and you have to look away for a few minutes to get a fresh perspective. Because he's seeing a Steve who he barely recognizes. Taller than Peggy and lanky. Hair dripping over his now longer and slightly wider face. The jaw that used to look sharp and starved now chiseled and angled perfectly to Steve's nose.
The only thing that reminds Tony that this is indeed the little shrimp he knew as a 14 year old, is the scars.
Steve's skin still pale from the cold of the ocean means the rest of his scars stand out like someone had tattooed them on in blood red paint. Really graphic and accurate blood red paint.
He hears the way the boys sort of gasp at his appearance. And Tony's never experienced someone look at Steve in fear.
Until now.
He can feel the tension radiating off of Clint.
The young teens take him in, their eyes trail the scars. The bullet wound looks like a sun, dark in the center and then radiating out from the burn lines. Tony looks at Steve who stands there, not covering his chest or pulling on a shirt to hide. In fact Steve seems completely unbothered as he bends down to grab a towel. Ruffling it through his hair and giving the boys a full view of his back.
One of the boys makes a noise in the back of his throat, and he looks to Tony and back to Steve. "You're—"
Steve straightens, his face impassive and the boy falls silent, losing courage. But Tony is again reminded of how much Steve has changed. Steve drops the towel and wraps Peggy in his arms, kissing the junction between her neck and shoulder before looking back up at the boys, "I'm…?"
He leaves the question open ended, allowing the kid to ask.
"You're the kid who got shot." The one in the back finishes, "you saved that teacher."
Tony watches the way Peggy's lips purse ever so slightly, but Steve looks surprised. His eyes flash to Tony and Tony knows he thought the kid was going to accuse him of being Howard's bastard son. This was an unexpected question.
"Is there anything else you guys need?" Pepper asks, her smile kind but her eyes meaning business, "we're trying to enjoy a day at the beach. You understand."
The boys practically run away after nodding and 'oh yeahs' and 'uh-huhs'
"Damn." Tony says, trying to lighten the mood even though his voice is a bit off, "thought I was going to hear the phrase 'love child' again."
Steve sends him a glare but then sits carefully on the communal blanket, "what did they want?"
"To fawn in my presence." Tony jokes, then shrugs, "they really just wanted to talk about the latest game we released."
"Oh." Steve says, then he looks up at Peggy, who is still standing. "Pegs?"
Her eyes are following the boys but then she blinks and looks down, "yes?"
"You okay?"
"Oh of course." She says, in her perfect crisp accent that makes it very clear that she is not at all fine. "I love when your most traumatic moments are brought up in casual conversation."
Steve shrugs, actually seeming completely unphased, "it's fine."
Tony can see Peggy looks ready to blow a gasket at Steve's nonchalance. She glares at the ocean and then Clint leans his head back towards Steve, "did you ever meet with her?"
Tony looks at Clint, not sure what he's referring to. But Steve does, he just shakes his head.
"No?" Clint questions, "why not?"
"Felt awkward." Steve says, "I wouldn't want her to stand there and thank me."
Oh. The teacher.
"She still work at Brooklyn?"
"No." Steve says, leaning back against the blanket, skin drying in the heat, "she'd quit and moved out of state by the time I got back to school. Scott found out she'd told the administration she couldn't walk into the building without being afraid."
Clint's voice is quiet. "And you?"
Steve shrugs, "it was just a building. I was fine. It's not like he was a student there." Steve stretches, his limbs looking particularly long.
"Didn't she ask to see you?"
Steve closes his eyes, "we talked on the phone. It's all good." Then he shifts, "I'm done talking about this." His hand snakes out to grab Peggy's ankle, "I appreciate your ire on my behalf. But it's fine. They weren't rude."
"Just insensitive." She snaps back, then she sinks beside him, her hair still dropping water, "but if you're fine, then so am I."
"I am." Steve says with a grin, "feels like a lifetime ago."
"You and I define 7 months very differently." Tony says through gritted teeth.
"7 months?" Pepper asks… then her voice gets quiet, "oh. Wow…" She looks at Steve, "I can't believe I didn't realize—"
Steve shrugs, "lots has happened since then." He says it with a smile, "that's old news."
Tony's phone almost cracks under his grip.
—-
Steve looks up and Natasha's still staring at him. He crosses his eyes at her and that causes her to startle. "What is it, Nat?" He asks, "you've been staring for like 5 minutes. What, do I have a french fry in my hair?"
Her face doesn't budge at the joke. She grabs another sandwich and puts it in front of him, "just keep eating."
He frowns, "why?"
She glares at him and then stabs a finger at the sandwich, "you're hungry aren't you? Eat the damn sandwich!"
"Touchy." He responds. Then he looks at Bucky who has still been pretty quiet around him. Everyone is eating quietly and the beach around them is crowded and noisy. Music plays from Tony's Bluetooth speaker and Steve feels the way the air pushes and pulls at his hair.
So many noises. So many heartbeats. So much life.
He knows he made them angry. But he can't change his mind.
He knows what he has to do. And he's going to do it.
—-
Natasha is just getting out of the shower when she hears the beep that means an email came in.
Her hand reaches for her phone and when she sees who it is from—
The Royal Russian Ballet
Her breath catches in her throat.
She clicks it and—-
We are pleased to inform you that—
A gasp escapes her lips as she reads the acceptance letter.
"What is it?" She hears Peggy call from the room. She wraps the towel around her and heads into the room, handing Peggy her phone. She reads it and then looks up at Natasha with wide eyes, "Oh my gosh! Nat! This is amazing!"
"But it means…
Peggy's face falls, but then she lets out a sad smile, "leaving home." Her eyes trail to the door that leads to the hallway where the boy's door is, "seems to be a lot of that going around."
"You think I should do it?"
"I think you'd be a fool not to." Peggy says firmly, "if you want to that is."
"I want to."
Peggy grins, "good. You're going to knock them dead."
Natasha grins and excitement blooms in her chest.
—
Clint stays quiet in the back seat next to Steve. Bucky had ridden in the back on the way up to the beach. But the morning had dawned and Bucky had gotten into the front seat quietly.
Tony had raised an eyebrow before sliding into the driver's seat.
Clint had looked at Steve who looked 14 and lost again. Clint had been about to say something but Steve had just looked down at his hands and then slid silently into the seat behind Bucky.
The whole ride is quiet except for the radio.
—
Clint gets dropped off at Laura's and they drop Bucky off at his house.
Tony pulls up to the house and Steve waves goodbye as he drives away. Steve's about to take the first step up to the door when he notices Howard's car.
And Sarah's.
He sighs.
An intervention then.
So he quietly opens the door, sets his suitcase inside and walks back out and around the corner.
—-
Natasha walks into the house, sees Steve's stuff and drops her own at the door.
"I'm back!" She calls. Yelena and Wanda pop their heads out of the living room, "how was it!"
"Fun." She says with a yawn, "how was the house?"
"Good!" Wanda says, "we painted our nails and watched a movie on Becca's roof. It was a blast."
Natasha smiles, "that's cool. How's Peter?"
"He's loving his science camp." Pietro's voice floats over, "apparently they have a lego design section and he's living his best life."
That makes Natasha laugh and she says hi to Daniel and a few others before heading to the kitchen. She stops short at Howard, Maria, and Sarah. "Everything okay?"
Howard looks up, "yeah, everything's fine, we're just here to talk to Steve."
"I'm here to keep you in check." Maria says to Howard with a raised eyebrow. She turns to Nat, "he was not happy when he heard Steve's plan."
Natasha nods, "I know, neither were we. But he's really determined. Is he upstairs?"
"No." Sam says, his expression tired, "he hasn't gotten home yet."
"Um," she says, her head tilting, "yes, he has."
"No." Sarah says, "you're the first we've seen come back."
She points in the direction, "his stuff is by the door."
Sam strides past her, out towards the foyer.
—-
He signed up.
Bucky grips the phone in his hand. Nat's voice comes through with a tone of wariness and weariness.
"How." Bucky says with a tight jaw, "I thought they were going to stop him!"
Yeah, your little intervention plan got shot to hell when he saw it coming from a mile away. Didn't even walk into the house. Dropped his stuff and walked to the nearest recruitment center.
Okay, so yeah, maybe calling in all the adults to try to stop Steve hadn't been the kindest plan, but it was all he could think to do to stop this madness. Now it was too late.
"How long?"
He's only done the placement test. He'll have to have the physical and then they'll work on placement and he'll start basic. Or that's what he explained. I don't know how it works.
Bucky rests his head against his fist. "How is this happening, Nat?"
He's an adult now. He gets to make his own decisions. And speaking of decisions… There's something I need to talk to you about.
—
His dad is angry for days. Fuming around and slamming things in his lab.
And then, in typical Stark fashion, he shifts into planning.
Steve will be in danger.
What can he do to help Steve not be in danger.
Tony watches as his dad starts sketching gear, suits, boots, gloves, shields, guns that are definitely not regulation.
"You know the army won't let him have any of this stuff—" Tony starts.
His father glares at him and then stabs a finger at the wall. "What does that wall say?"
Tony rolls his eyes, "Stark Industries."
"And who provides the army, the navy, the marines, and the Air Force with their most high tech weapons?"
Tony sighs, "Stark Industries."
"And who is absolutely willing to pull that contract if they don't allow me to dress a single soldier?"
Tony takes a not so wild guess. "Stark Industries."
His dad looks up, a bit manic as he grins, "Exactly. I'd like to see them try to fucking stop me."
Tony waits one minute before taking a deep breath, "okay. I want to help then."
"Help what?"
"Design. Build weapons."
"I thought you were working on your AI and that robot suit?"
Tony grins, "you say that like I can't do both?"
Howard grins back, "that's my boy."
And maybe it should make him feel like a five year old to hear his dad say that. But he just feels proud.
—-
Clint stares at the door.
And then he feels a presence behind him. He turns and catches a resigned look. "Shit." Clint says, "you too?"
Bucky looks up at the sign, "yeah." He sighs, "me too."
"What about Nat?"
"She's going to Russia. She's going to be dancing with the Russian Ballet."
"What?" Clint breathes out, "since when?"
"Got accepted while we were at the beach. Told me yesterday. Then she told me you had texted her saying you were going to sign up today. And you weren't going to tell everyone else."
Clint snorts, "yeah, cuz telling people went over really well for Steve." Bucky glares at him. And Clint tilts his head, "you know joining up does not mean we will serve next to him. We could be placed anywhere."
Bucky grinds his teeth and then shakes his head, "Howard Stark and I had a very long and agreeable conversation. He has his ways."
Clint wrinkles his nose, "okay, that's going to piss people off. You messing with the hierarchy already."
And Bucky brushes past him, grabbing the handle, "I don't give a rats ass what they think or want to do to me. As long as I'm there for Steve."
"He's perfectly capable on his own now." Clint offers, stealing some of Laura's words.
And Bucky looks at him like he's insane, "okay? And? You think I give a shit that he's not wheezing while he walks?" Bucky glares at him, "Steve's never been able to stop from ruffling feathers. And in the army, that usually gets you punished, punched or killed—" Clint starts to protest and Bucky reaches forward and shoves at Clint, not hard, just enough to get his attention. "Does no one remember my father is a vet too? No one? You don't think I know the stories?" He growls out, "I know there's a lot of good. My dad told me of the lifelong friends he made and the connections and I know there's good, but—" his jaw is tight, "he also told me how it changes you. There's no going back once you've seen and done the things you'll see and do. And there's missions that go wrong, or men you don't trust, or commanders who won't give a shit about you—"
"And there's some who will—"
"I know that!" Bucky growls out, "but it's like everyone's forgetting that Steve's luck is the shittiest thing on the planet! The kid can't seem to stay out of trouble for three days let alone a contract in the army! I don't care that he's not physically dying! I care that he's somehow going to manage to get on every single person in charge's bad side! And he still won't back down! They're going to try to crush Steve into submission. And that's their job. And when they're doing the right thing, then fine. But you know they won't all be doing the right thing! And he won't always agree. You think Steve will submit then?"
Realization hits Clint and his mouth slowly goes into an 'o' shape before he's breathing out, "oh."
Bucky rolls his eyes and opens the door, "yeah. Oh."
—-
Yelena and Wanda and Rebecca listen in rapt attention as she describes what will be expected of her in the ballet company.
"You're going to look so beautiful up there—" Wanda says dreamily, "I can't wait to see pictures and videos!"
Natasha laughs, excitement filling her again for the 200th time. "I'll be sure to send some as often as I can!"
Natasha's eyes catch on Rebecca who has been invested but unusually quiet. And she knows why. Bucky had told her he was signing up. Not willingly really. Not because he wanted to. Because he had to. Because of Steve.
They'd all told him that was the wrong thing to do. To sign up for someone else. Mr. Barnes had been adamant that Bucky not sign up. That if he really wanted to enlist it be for the right reasons.
But Bucky had ignored all of them.
It felt like everything was changing again.
—
"Three soldiers."
His dad looks up and furrows his brow, "what?"
Tony gestures to his phone. "We're going to need to dress three soldiers."
His dad's eyes unfocus and he shoves his head into his hands.
—-
Steve feels Sam's eyes on him all the time. Sam hasn't said a word about it. Not a word.
And of all the people… besides Peggy, Steve is most concerned about Sam's opinion.
He'd had his physical, which for the first time in his life he passed with flying colors. They took stock of every scar and mark, which when he saw the list that was 31 items long he winced. But the nice lady just looked at him with a strange mix of sympathy and disbelief.
Now it's late at night and Steve listens, waiting to see if Sam is still awake.
He is.
Steve creeps down the stairs and walks to his room. He knocks softly.
"Come in." He enters and Sam's sitting at his desk. Sam sees him and then looks back down at his desk. "What is it, Steve?"
And while a perfectly innocuous question, the biting cold manner in which it's asked chills him to the core. "Sam…" he starts, then he's unsure how to continue. The guy won't even look at him, which is an ironic turn of events.
The silence continues, until Sam, still not looking up, says, "you should be in bed. It's late."
It's not even midnight.
"You served."
Sam's eyes flick up, "yeah. And?"
"You're mad at me."
Sam's face contorts, "hell, yes I'm mad." Then he scrubs at his face, "but mostly I'm more scared. Can't you understand that? We're all just scared for you?"
"And I appreciate that, but—"
"No." Sam cuts him off, standing up, "no, you don't appreciate that. You can't. Because you've always been the one dying." He waves his hand, face an expression of desperation, "If you die, it's still us left. You're always leaving. You don't know what it's like to be the one left." Sam turns, facing his small window that leads to the alley between buildings. "Did I ever tell you about Riley?"
Steve shakes his head, but Sam's still facing the other way, "no…"
"He was my wingman. We were best friends. Like you and Bucky." Steve can see the tension in his shoulders. "We ran a mission. Nothing we hadn't done a thousand times. Until he got shot out of the sky." Sam turns, and his face is anguished and his eyes are red, "there was nothing I could do. Felt like I was up there just to watch. And now you? Steve—"
"I'm not going to die over there."
"You can't know that."
Steve furrows his brow, "you couldn't have known that you wouldn't die when you signed up. But you signed up anyways right? Left Sarah and your parents? You chose to do that! But I've been dying for the past 19 years and I didn't have a choice in practically anything! But now I do. And now I'm not dying. Now I'm living, Sam! I'm not going to die. But you gotta believe me when I say, I'm doing what I know I have to. It's like a weight I can't shake."
"What about Peter? Wanda? Pietro?"
Steve glares at the ground, "that's not a fair argument and you know it."
"I'm past caring about fair!" Sam snaps, "I'll do whatever it takes, guilt trip or not to get you to see some sense!"
"The problem is that if I had lived a normal life, no one would be fighting me! This is because everyone still sees me as dying! But I'm not!" Steve looks around, "I'm not! You and Howard both told me to be a kid. To let me live my life and let you take care of them! And here you are, practically using the same guilt trip tactics to get me to stay that Mrs. Schmidt did!" Sam's eyes go wide, and Steve knows it's a low blow, but Steve has to make these people see sense, "I'm not dying. I've done that already! Now I'm ready to live! To do something good with my life and make a difference!"
"But—" Sam starts, his throat gets tight and Steve feels the way desperation rolls off him. Sam covers his eyes, "I've lived the last four years worrying I'd lose you. Then I did. And now you're…" his voice cracks, "you're choosing to leave. To put yourself in incredible danger, It's just…" Sam's crying now and it makes Steve's eyes and throat burn with emotion, "you're my kid."
Steve strides forward, grabbing Sam and hugging him tightly, "and you're my dad." He says in a rough voice, "which is why I need you to trust me. You raised me right. I promise."
Sam's hand is holding the back of his head tightly and they cling to each other for just a moment before Sam shakes his head, "I'm not kidding. I count you as my son. Like you're my own blood."
Steve smiles as he pulls away, "and I won't ever take that for granted, Sam. I promise."
"There's nothing I can do to change your mind?"
Steve grins, "no. But I promise," He hugs Sam again, "I'm coming home. I promise."
Sam nods and smiles. But it doesn't reach his eyes.
—-
A go away party is decided on by Mrs. Stark.
The kids are running around, swimming and playing in the indoor pool area as the adults talk. Bucky sips absently at his arnold palmer, deep in thought. Peggy and Natasha sit, talking quietly and Clint and Laura are laughing over on the other side, watching Peter and Pietro play bag toss.
Tony and Pepper are standing off to the side, and Steve is talking with Wanda, Yelena, and Rebecca.
"Food's ready!" Mrs. Stark calls through the door that leads to the house. The kids go running and they all stand to follow.
"You're almost as tall as Clint!" Yelena comments, making Bucky's ears perk up.
"Yeah," Wanda adds, "when you come back we'll probably hardly recognize you!"
Steve laughs at their teasing as they walk towards the door, "that's probably a good thing."
Bucky's eyes fly to Peggy whose lips are pursed at the joke.
"Steve—" Bucky calls out, making the whole area fall quiet since they've barely talked in a week.
Yelena, Wanda and Rebecca keep walking, entering and shushing in the last few kids.
Steve's paused, a glass in his hand and eyes on the far wall, "yeah?"
And suddenly the cutting remark dies on his tongue. He knows if he says anything mean Natasha will yell at him, so he just shakes his head in annoyance, "never mind." He says, turning his back on the group and heading to the door.
His hand is reaching for the door when he hears a crack.
He turns around, and Steve's face is pinched, grip on his glass white knuckled.
"Steve." Peggy says calmly, "can I speak to you for a second?"
She steps in front of them walking over to him, blocking their view. Bucky looks at Natasha who is staring on confusion. Clint walks up from where he and Laura are approaching with Pietro and Peter. "What happened?"
"Nothing." Bucky says, "I'm going inside." He turns leaving the crowd behind.
—
Tony hears Bucky's "Steve" and then his cutting "never mind." He's about to yell at both of them for being such block heads when he hears a crack. He looks at the kitchen window that he and Pepper are beside, then to the glass doors that Bucky and Nat are standing beside. But nothing is broken.
Peggy's walking over to Steve, probably to tell him to let Bucky's attitude go.
Bucky's walking inside and his mom is sticking her head out the door, "come on! We're ready to eat, let's go!"
He shrugs and heads inside.
—-
Peggy's standing in front of him, "Steve—" she says quietly, smart enough to put her hand under the bottom of his glass to catch the part that he's desperately trying to hold together with tension. "I've got it." She says quietly.
He relaxes his hand and the thick bottom glass part of the cup drops into her hands. He winces, the shards that he'd been holding together slice at and into his skin. The glass crumbles and they barely manage to keep the pieces from falling to the floor.
Peggy looks up at him in surprise and he wants to cry. His throat is tight. He's mad that everyone's mad at him. He's mad that he didn't think about the way he was holding the glass. He's mad Bucky's being a jerk.
"You're bleeding." Peggy says quietly, nodding at his hands, "you've got slivers in your hand, don't you?"
He gives a stiff nod and she sighs, "stay here, I'll be right back."
She walks away, her hands cupping the glass shards at an angle, she walks over to one of the little tables by the pool and drops the mess onto a forgotten napkin, then she balls it up and holds it more nonchalantly as she walks out of the pool area. He stands there feeling miserable. His right hand throbbing and using his other hand to keep the blood from dripping onto the floor.
The door reopens and Peggy enters, followed by Mr. Jarvis.
She walks the kind man over who gingerly takes Steve's hand, spreading it flat. He winces, and the bigger shards draw more blood. "Oh my." Jarvis says with a sad smile, "we will get this cleaned up right away." She must have alerted him, because he pulls a little kit out of his pocket and opens the latch. He pulls out a pair of tweezers and a small cloth. "You're probably not surprised to hear how many shards of various elements I've had to remove from Mr. Stark and young Anthony. They do like to cause quite the mess."
Steve gives a stiff smile as he gently extracts a large sliver of glass without breaking it. Some aren't embedded in his skin, just resting or snagged against it. Mr. Jarvis is methodically, quick, and gentle the entire time.
It only takes a few minutes. "Let's wash this, shall we?" Jarvis asks as he removes the last one.
"Thank you, Mr. Jarvis." Steve says quietly.
Mr. Jarvis smiles at him and gives him a knowing look, "it is an honorable thing to serve your country. Don't fret about what has yet to pass. Everything will work out as it's supposed to."
Steve's throat is tight again as he nods. "Thanks."
"Ms. Carter if you'd take Steve to the bathroom and get this hand washed. There's a first aid kit with some antiseptic and bandages in the medicine cabinet.
"Yes, Mr. Jarvis." She responds, pulling Steve's other hand. She briefly looks down, realizing they were holding bloody hands. She shakes her head with an eye roll and pulls him forward.
As they rinse his hand he's quiet.
"Does it hurt terribly?"
Steve shakes his head, "no, I barely feel it anymore."
"When are you going to tell Howard about this?"
"I don't know." Steve responds in a huff, looking around at the fancy marble bathroom. "Im' not sure i want to."
"Might make them get off your back. Worry less."
He tilts his head, considering this, "that's nota. Bad idea."
"Are you upset?"
"About?"
"Clint and Bucky?"
Steve frowns, "being upset would make me a hypocrite."
Peggy just raises an eyebrow.
He closes his fist and glares at the ground. "Yeah. I'm pissed."
"Because…?"
"Because I'm doing it because it's the right thing for me." He points to himself, "they're just trying to be my watchdogs. I don't need it. It's overbearing."
She nods, staying quiet. Then she taps at his chest. "I don't enjoy your self-deprecating humor, Steven." She shake sher head, "don't belittle yourself by saying the more changes that happen to you the better. I won't hear it."
"I was just jokin—"
"I don't care." Peggy interjects, "I don't care." She washes the blood off her own hands and stares into the mirror, "I've loved every stage of you, from withered sharp boned you, to this now lanky tallish you. Don't you dare insult someone I love."
Heat flushes through him and he grabs her waist, twisting her to face him and looking at her softly. "I love you, Peggy Carter."
Her smile is fond in return, "And I you, Mr. Rogers."
He kisses her, hearing the way her heartbeat reacts and the way her skin warms to his touch. It's like a shot of adrenaline. His hands grip her tighter and pull her closer, until he hears a small intake of air. He pulls back and her expression schools into something calm.
"What?"
She looks at him innocently, "What, what?"
"What was that noise?"
Her heartbeat elevates, "nothing."
His eyes widen, "you're lying!" He looks at her and slowly lifts his fingers from her skin, "I hurt you, didn't I? Grabbed too hard?"
She wrinkles her nose, "just a bit."
He covers his face with both hands, "I'm sorry, I feel like I have no idea what the gauge is on my own strength right now. It keeps fluctuating and changing."
"Everything's new." She says calmly, "You'll adjust and learn, I promise."
He leans against the counter, the last of the blood sinking down the drain, "I hope so."
She kisses him lightly on the cheek, "I know so. Now let's go eat. I'm hungry."