A/N: Emily: Happy Christmas!!!!!!! We are a tad drunk and have not beta read the last part off this chapter. Sorry this is late, I blame George because he couldn't fix the computer when I deleted the chapter.

George: Emily has yet to discover the save button.

Disclaimer: I disclaim the Pringles that Lil Smartass is currently eating…oh and all the Lord of the Rings characters.

Chapter Fifteen – How NOT to save a goldfish.

"I want chocolate moose, you said I could have chocolate moose, where's my chocolate moose, I don't see any chocolate moose!" Kalin was on a roll.

"SHUT UP ABOUT YOUR STUPID FRIGGING CHOCOLATE MOOSE!" Screamed George.

"Did you just say 'chocolate moose'?" Grinned Kalin.

"Fine! I give up, we will go and get some chocolate moose and then you will never mention it ever again, and then we can go to the hospital! Agreed?"

"Agreed."

George wandered into the local 'sell everything at criminally high prices' store closely followed by a drooling Kalin, followed by a just as drooling Kai who was investigating what was under Julia top.

"No touching, no taking, if you want something you will ask me and I will say no. Got it?" George laid down the shopping ground rules.

"Got it." The brothers chorused.

……

"Put a grapefruit under his nose." Instructed Emily as her previous suggestion of 'kick him in the head' had failed to wake Legolas up.

"Emily!"

"What the hell are you doing here?! Didn't I send you to an eternity in Maths class?!" Yelled Emily as her old friend Elizabeth ran in the room.

Elizabeth did a funny little dance and keeled over.

"Great." Sighed Emily as the nurse dragged both the bodies out and left them in the corridor to recover.

……

"Can I get this?" Asked Kai.

George struggled to see what Kai was holding behind the mountain of chocolate moose that Kalin had assembled in George's arms. "No!"

"It's a fish." Supplied Kai as he held up a bag with a gormless goldfish in it.

"I said no!"

"But it's a cute fish."

"Noooo!"

"It's a present."

"Who would want a fish?!"

"Emily!" Grinned Kai.

"I can assure you Emily will not want a fish."

"It's for the baby."

"Why would a baby want a fish?"

"To watch it."

"If I say no will you steal it?"

Kai nodded.

"Fine! Put it on top of the moose."

"Nooooooo! Not the mountain!" Kalin launched himself in front of the chocolate moose.

"Is that chocolate round your mouth." Asked George.

"No." Answered Kalin guiltily. "It's um…mud."

"Mud?"

"I was…looking…um…for um…worms."

"Worms? In a grocery store?" George raised an eyebrow as he dumped the chocolate moose on the counter.

"Well Kai found a fish!"

"Fair enough." George shrugged and placed the fish on the counter.

……

Legolas awoke suddenly to the screams of Emily delivering their second child. He was about to get up when he noticed Elizabeth next to him.

"Arggghhhhhhh!!!!!!!!" The elf's scream woke Elizabeth, who in turn started screaming.

"Ahhhhh!!!!!!!"

"What in all of Arda are you doing here?!" Yelled Legolas as he sprung to his feet.

"Emily's having a baby!" Yelped Elizabeth.

"I know that! How did you know?!"

"I was walking past the hospital, I saw Orlando Bloom! I glomped him and giggled and mentioned Emily not meeting him but meeting you, then I did a funny dance and fainted, then he woke me up and I accidentally groped his leg so he pointed me in the direction of Emily where next thing I know you're screaming at me!"

"Go away!"

"What? Why?"

"You died my hair pink!"

"You're still blaming me for that?! That was ages ago, and it wasn't me!"

"If it wasn't you who was it?!"

"Your wife! Who is currently having your children!"

"Emily would never…children! Babies!" Legolas ran into the birthing room leaving Elizabeth to discover what the loud noise was down the hallway.

"Nice of you to join us!" Screamed Emily mid contraction.

"I'm sorry that idiot friend of yours is here."

"Oh I thought I had just dreamt her being here."

"Sadly not."

"I've decided what to do with the names." Began Emily.

"What names?"

"The names of the babies, one of which is coming out now!!!!!!!!!" Yelled Emily causing Legolas to flinch nervously.

"Would you like me to do anything?" Offered Legolas.

"Eedee kchortoo!" Screamed Emily. (Go to hell)

"What was that?!"

"I believe that was Russian. Emily could you bear down on the next contraction please?" Supplied the midwife.

"Russian?!" Asked a bemused Legolas who was having his hand crushed again.

"Yorkee-palkee!" Yelped Emily. (Bloody hell)

"Okay, I can see the head, you're doing really well. Just two more pushes and you'll be able to welcome your baby to the world…after three I want you to push really hard!" Encouraged the midwife. "One…two…three…"

Emily mid push decided her arms needed to do something and gave Legolas and big shove sending the elf sprawling across the floor.

"Excellent." Grinned the midwife. "One more big push!" Legolas had just managed to compose himself when a large wailing baby was placed in his arms. "Say hello to your first son."

"Hey I gave you an heir." Emily managed a smile before stifling a yawn. "He looks like you."

Legolas grinned and passed the baby to Emily. "What are we going to call them?"

"I was thinking that you could name the first, I the second and the third one could be named by…George." Emily mumbled the last word which of course Legolas heard.

"George! Are you mad?!"

"He can't choose anything that bad."

"No way. He is not naming our baby."

"Oh so I'll just name the third one Kai then."

Legolas glared at his wife. "We shall discuss this later." He said through gritted teeth.

"Agreed. So what are you going to name our little girl?"

"Ellette. It means little elf."

"It's perfect."

"I'm sorry to interrupt but the third baby is ready to greet the world." The midwife gently picked up Legolas and Emily's son and gave him to a nurse.

"Can't we wait till tomorrow?" Yawned Emily.

"I'm afraid the baby won't wait."

"I don't think I can do this again."

Legolas grabbed her hand. "Hey if you do this I promise George can name the baby whatever he wants, with exception to Buffy or Spike."

"Let's do this."

……

"Kai I told you not to touch that!" Yelped George as Kai tried to stab Kalin with some random injection. The younger of the brothers was to busy eating chocolate moose to notice how close he was to being anesthetised.

"What's going on?!" Elizabeth pulled Kalin out of the way only to step in the way of the injection. "Priceless." She mumbled just before she collapsed.

"Hey Liz." Greeted George as he stepped over her and instructed Julia to keep Kai entertained.

"George!" Cried Kalin suddenly.

"What?"

"I've run out of moose!"

"Tough!"

"Noooooo! I need more, must have chocolate moose!" The elf was practically shaking.

"I think you've had enough." Cautioned George as he helped the elf into a nearby seat.

"Must have chocolate moose!"

"There isn't any chocolate moose in a hospital."

"Need moose!"

"I can't get you moose Kalin, I'm sorry!" The elf was now in tears. "What about chocolate, you can get chocolate from a vending machine."

"Vending machine?"

"It's a big box with lots of chocolate behind a glass window." Kalin was already out the door. "You need mon…oh nevermind."

"George, what do these do?" Kai asked. George had just enough time to scream before he was attacked with a fibrillater.

……

"I need you to push Emily." Instructed the midwife.

"Why don't you just flipping pull it out?!" Screamed Emily. "

"Come on meleth nîn." Whispered Legolas.

"I am never sleeping with you again!"

"This is not my fault. I distinctly remember the fact that you are half responsible for this situation!"

"You are arguing with me! I'm giving birth to your elflings and you're having a go at me! Typical!"

"I am not…"

"As I remember it was you who came up with the ingenious rhyme, 'I want triplets, you want twins, let's jump into bed and see who wins!' Well I guess you won!"

"It was a…"

"Svolach." Interrupted Emily. (Bastard)

"Stop cursing in Russian!"

"How did you know I was cursing?!"

"It's your tone."

"Doora." Mumbled Emily. (Idiot)

"Okay guys we're nearly at an end here, bear down for me." The midwife successfully stopped Legolas' snide comment. "And one last push…It's a boy!"

"You did it! I'm so proud of you melanin!" Gushed Legolas as he held their third child.

"Can you wake me up in about ten years?" Sighed Emily.

"Wouldn't you like to see all your babies?" The nurse wandered in and placed the first two babies in their mother's arms.

"You're a mummy now." Smiled Legolas.

"You'd better believe it Daddy Greenleaf!"

"I'm an Uncle!" Cried George as he staggered into the room.

"Kakova chorta..?" Asked Emily. (What the hell..?)

"Why are speaking in Russian?" George scratched his head where he discovered this hair standing on end.

"Oh sorry…What the hell happened to you?"

"Kai discovered the wonders of hospital equipment. In short he electrocuted me with the fibrillaters."

"Kai is here!" Yelled Legolas.

"And Kalin…Now where is my beautiful nephew?!" Gushed George. "Hey look there are three…why are there three?!"

"It's called over excited sperm." Emily commented dryly.

"Kai and Kalin are both here! Where are they?" Asked Legolas slightly worried about the foundations of the hospital.

"Julia is keeping Kai company in the store cupboard and…"

"Julia..?"

"Best not to ask…and Kalin is currently discovering the cruel reality that is the vending machine."

……

"Give me chocolate!" Yelled Kalin for the eighth time. It was then that he snapped and began to wrestle with the machine. It wasn't until he smashed his head through the glass that he got any chocolate. "Hmmm…chocolate…my precioussssssss."

"Are you feeling okay brother?" Asked Kai as he helped his brother off the floor.

"Perfect." Kalin crooned as he stuffed a KitKat in his mouth. "Where's Julia?"

"I wore her out." Kai grinned cheekily. "I have a problem…I killed my present."

"Huh?"

"The fish is floating on its side…I don't think it is supposed to do that."

"What do you want me to do about it?"

"I can't give a dead fish to a baby."

"Well I don't know…why don't you give it mouth to mouth or something?"

"Will that work?"

"Possibly…only don't blow too hard it's…" Too late Kai blew a elf's lung full of air into a tiny fish lung resulting in an exploding fish.

"Whoops."

"You got fish guts on my chocolate!" Yelled Kalin who began to chase his brother down the corridor.

……

"What are their names?" Asked George as he rocked the third baby to sleep.

"The little girl is Ellette, the first boy is…" Emily looked at Legolas nervously, "…Pierre and the third we want you to name."

Legolas manfully bit his lip and resigned himself to living with a son called Pierre. Pierre would be a lot easier to cope with if he knew the name that had just popped into George's head.

"Really you mean that?" George asked excitedly.

"Of course, don't we Legolas?"

Legolas nodded stiffly.

"Well…" George looked down at the baby. "I think I shall name you…"

George was interrupted by two darkling elves flying into the room.

"Baby…babies?!" Yelped Kai. "Did you steal them?"

"They're triplets Kai." Informed Emily.

"Cool."

"What is that red on your face?" Asked George worriedly.

"Fish guts."

"Get that away from my babies!" Yelled Legolas.

"What are their names?" Asked Kalin pulling Kai out of Legolas' range.

"The girl is Ellette, the boy Legolas' is holding is Pierre and that one is…" Emily paused and looked at George.

George grinned. "Xavier."

……

Emily: Wow three babies!

George: Those boys are going to get such stick for their names when they are growing up!

E: I'm not the one that named a kid after an X-Man!

G: Just because all you could come up with a Pierre!

E: Shut up! Pierre is a mint name! Anyway here are the thank yous:

Angel's Heart, Demon's Mind – Legolas should be punished for the pain he has put me through!

Ayiicaalime – I love the fluffy birthday pressie. I took a pic of it on my phone and it is now my background.

Lil Smartass – You ate all my Pringles – you fiend! You as a Godmother! It's a good job Kai sedated you!

Eltavor – I'm sure having triplets is hysterical! Ack! I'm so never having more than one baby!

Limpett666 – Mofo's! I love that word! Castration for Legolas could well be on the cards! Glad you still found the chapter funny despite George and I having a humour lobotomy. It's hard to find anything funny when your only baby (namely the dog) dies. I know some people think that isn't a great tragedy but losing our dogs was really hard on us. We love that smelly dog. Oh and damn you…right another Kai chapter!

Poolbum – Being left with Kai and Kalin could be a nice thing especially if you are a girl!

Galasriniel – I asked my mum what it was like to give birth to help me with this chapter but she refused to help by saying 'I do not ever want to be reminded of that ever again!' That gave me all the inspiration I needed!