Dear Diary,

Another week has flew by, but I have not noticed it. Not one bit. I've been obsessing over Robbie McGrath again. I see him in the halls and whenever I do, I want to just talk to him but my fake friends following me point and him and giggle insanely. I, however, do not find this the least bit amusing. And this week, he kissed me! But, I kissed him back. The horrible thing is I blew up a few minutes later, because people, Year 9's to Year 12's were just staring at me, pointing, and whispering.

I hated the way I looked over his shoulder and saw them pointing at me. But I kept kissing him, because I knew I loved him. I knew I wanted to be with them. I just had convince my rep I loved him. Then one of my "friends", Opal came up to me and questioned about the rumor of me kissing an Year 9 nobody. I blinked a couple of times, pretending to be confused then raised an eyebrow. I saw Robbie walking by. I wanted to yell It's true! when Robbie came me a smile only I could see.

My mouth felt dry, though, as I said, "Ha! What kind of rumor is that? Me, kissing a Year 9?! That is so never going to happen in this lifetime." Opal laughed and then walked away, to tell the other girls. Robbie turned back to look at me and shot me a look. I felt lower than low, when he just walked away.

It's hard to love someone younger than you. You want them to catch up with you always. Well...I mean, if it was a girl in Year 9 and an older guy, that so would totally work. It always does. But a younger guy and an older girl? Probably not because...well...I mean, it just doesn't work. I told him that; I told Robbie that, trying to explain of my behavior the other day. He just looked at me and shook his head. "We'll make it work." he said, and I just looked at him. He was cocky. And I liked him like that.

Enough of Robbie. Just talking about him made me feel more sad, more uncontrolably wanting to kill myself. I crashed into a boy, today, who seemed younger than me. I feel down and all the papers I were carrying flew gently, before going up and down, to the floor. I was angry and I got up and jabbed my finger at him. "What the heck do you think you just did?! You just crashed into me, Kim Carlisle, and you are going to PAY you little midget!"

The boy looked very suprised at my rudeness. Though, I would be too. I felt kind of ashamed at my anger...but, I was having an extra-bad day. To my suprise though, the boy started to help me get the papers together. He got them all in neat order, instead of scampering away, like I thought he would. He put them in my hands and then gave me this look. It wasn't a mean look, it was a kind look. A pity look. Like he knew me. Like he knew my dairy, my intermost thoughts.

It was impossible, of course, to read my mind, but it confused the heck out of me. Then the boy, just walked away. I looked at him as he walked and this wave of mystery pored over me. Who was he? I thought. I never saw him again after that. I don't think he even goes to Roscoe High. But that can't be possible because why would he even be here? There were no meetings for Year 8's to check this high school out, or other people from other high school's coming in. I even asked Waller, and he just raised his eyebrows, and then shook his head. He knew nothing about any of those either.

So then who was he? It seemed like he was an angel, to change my outlook on younger people or something. To make me see how it feels nice to have someone be kind and have manners to me...so then I can test them out on other people. I know it sounds dumb, but he did seem like an angel or something. I wish I knew his name. He seemed like someone that would be my friend, even if I treated him like dirt.

Or was that person me? Was that boy the side of me that could be revealed? The nice side, the caring side. The one that smiles with happiness, genuine happiness. Is that me, underneath all the pretending and make-up and bitter personality?

Maybe that's the reason I want to find him.

Maybe...that's the reason I want to find me.

Love,

Kim Carlisle

Ha! I got another chapter up! I feel so accomplished! I need to get Gold Paper done though! I have no inspiration for that fanfic though! Urggg...gotta find it soon!

Allie