I cannot believe I just did that. I cannot believe he just did that!
Robbie McGrath dumped me, Kim Carlisle.
I can hardly write these words.
Ok, so I stood him up at the coffee shop. Ok, so I was a jerk to him. Ok, so I didn't tell everyone that we were going out. Does that give him a reason to totally backstab me?! Actually...that is a pretty good reason. Oh, my God...I am such an idiot.
First off, he asked me out. I said yes, smiling. But then my fake friends caught me and they asked me about it. I denied it; and said that I was just going to stand him up as the pathetic loser he is. They looked at each other and grinned and then said, "Well, if that's true, come over at Clarissa's house at five." I was shocked. "Since, of course, that's when you're going with the guy you're not going out with, right?"
They were devious. They knew it; I knew it. I wanted to say, no way and then leave him speechless...but the words I uttered were completely different. "Ooh, sure. I was going to hang out at my place, watching TV, thinking about how I probably crushed his heart, but your place sounds more inviting." And then we laughed.
Wicked, malevolence, deceitful, foolish, reckless, evil...I don't know what I am! I don't know what I was thinking! I can't believe I stood him up. And then, in the back of my mind, I could feel his pain, as he looked at his clock, seeing I was late. And then feeling the click inside his mind telling him that I wasn't late...I just wasn't coming.
I felt horrible.
Then, at 6 o'clock, Clarissa heard the doorbell ring and then opened the door. I watched out of the corner of my eye. "Is Kim there?" someone asked.
And then a rush of surprise swept over me.
Robbie.
Robbie was at Clarissa's house, wanting to see me. Oh God. "Sure, she's here." then Clarissa turned her head and shouted, "Hey, the dork's here! Says he wants to see you Kim!" I got up, my legs feeling like jell-o and made it to the door. "Let him off easy." she whispered as she left Robbie and I face to face. I nodded and laughed softly to her, but the big lump in my throat got in the way.
"Come out here Kim." he muttered, after I gave him a meek smile. He grabbed my arm and pulled me outside. Once we were both out there, he slammed the door and threw me against it. "So this is your idea of a joke?! Kim Carlisle, I thought you were smarter than that! You ditch me, and then hang out with these idiotic losers?!"
I could barely take in all these words; tears were stinging in my eye. "N-no," I choked out finally. "I mean...Robbie...I..."
"Kim, I love you. I love you so much. I try. I really try to make you happy. And then..." he paused, looking at me with pity. "You don't give me anything back. But that's what people do! I mean, you're so selfish and so weak! You think I'm always going to be here for you! Some people think they depend on you Kim...but really, you depend on them."
I stood there like a statue.
I...depend on...them?
I wanted to protest, but I couldn't say anything. He was right. Maybe I do depend on them. I depend on them giving me compliments. I depend on them talking to me; to make me feel popular. I depend on my parents to say 'good job' or buy my things. I depend on Robbie to give me love.
Oh God, I was thinking, knowing he was completely right. "Robbie..." I whispered, some tears rolling down my cheeks, going slowly.
"I know you have a tough life Kim; I know it's hard but..." he bit his lip, staring at me. "I can't see you anymore if you're just going to hide in the shadows. I mean, you're determined and stubborn and try to make people think you have it all together but I know you don't. I try to help but you just push me away. You push everyone away. I can't see you anymore...I can't handle it."
What?! I was thinking, hearing him say, "Goodbye..." and then turning around and walking away. No! NO! I wanted to scream, but I just stood there, watching him walk away.
Watching my life walk away.
Then I sat down on the porch, hot tears coming down, with no way to stop them. "R-hic-Robbie..." I sobbed. "No…"
This isn't fair. This isn't the way it's supposed to turn out.
My nightmare is coming true...
I'm becoming someone I hate more and more. And I can't stop it.
Kim Carlisle
Whoa, I must say, that was really fun to write. I mean, not fun, but...interesting.
Anywho, I hope you guys like it!!!
Allie