No reviews for the last chapter, but then again it sucked, so whatever. Tell me what I can improve upon. It would be much appreciated.

Velkan is hiding in his room, while Anna brings the newcomers in following the "scenic route"

"So, how did you get here?" asks Anna, though no one has any idea why she would care.

"By sea." Answers Carl, looking thoroughly confused. Why does she care?

"That's fascinating." Says Anna, contemplating how to best get Van Helsing in her bed.

Van Helsing decides that he has been out of the limelight for far too long, the movie is named after him, and makes an extremely manly comment. "How can I kill the lousy fucker?" he asks, mimicking the Bishop/Cardinal guy. Note to Van Helsing. It isn't a good idea to get your pick up lines from the clergy.

"How should I know?" asks Anna

"Well, your family has been doing this for four hundred years..."

"I don't need your help, you imbecile!"

"Hey! Have you forgotten who killed a vamp today, hot stuff?" asks Van Helsing, defending his manhood.

"Do you have any idea how stupid it is to kill a bride?" asks Anna, completely astounded at his lack of foresight.

"No..."

"It's really stupid."

"Oh, well, that doesn't mean we can't hook up...Besides, you need help."

"Who will have beautiful hair, if not me, who will show strength of locks, if not me?" she asks, seemingly to herself.

Van Helsing has come up with a foolproof plan. Those are the only ones that work for him.

"I know, I know! You can be my good little helper, and we'll find the hair secrets for ourselves. We won't even tell Carl!"

Carl, who can hear all of this, sighs.

Anna is completely stunned by this generous offer. 'He's so manly/masculine...my feminine heart trembles for his glance!' she thinks, though perhaps not so eloquently.

"Some say you use extensions, others say you are all natural. Which is it?" she asks, curious.

"Well, it's a little of both, actually." Admits Van Helsing.

Anna is now thoroughly confused. "I promised you a screw."

"Yes, you did!" says Van Helsing, eagerly.

"I'm afraid I don't have time for that at the moment, maybe later. I must go find the hair secrets that my family has been searching for for nine generations." She says, and promptly turns away.

"Actually, you're not." He says, matter of factly.

"Really?"

"No, though this seems like an excellent time to offer my condolences for the loss of your father. Too bad he's dead, he was quite attractive." Says Van Helsing, nearly sobbing at the missed opportunity.

"Don't worry about it, I'll see him again."

"Were? Can I come?" asks VH eagerly.

"No. VIP access only."

Van Helsing is upset by this news, and to spite her, he sprays her with knockout gas. She hits the floor with a loud clunk, and Van Helsing leaves her where she falls.

"See, told you you wouldn't go without me! No woman can resist my charms!" yells Van Helsing triumphantly, but Anna, being unconscious, cannot muster a comeback.

When Anna awakens, she is suffering from a serious hangover. The world is spinning, and Anna decides that she would rather kill Van Helsing than fuck him.

"Van Helsing, that Hair Whore!" she yells, and goes blundering on, trying to find her footing. Interestingly enough, it is difficult enough to walk in her heels when sober, let alone when you are battling heavy drugs. She falls on her face several times, knocking over several suits of armor. No, this is not going according to plan.

Suddenly, our heroine hears a noise...she goes to investigate, because Anna is actually...NANCY DREW, TEEN AMERATEUR SLEUTH! Alas, with her handy lawyer father dead and gone, she must fend for herself, and has taken a second job as a vampire hunter. She thought it would make her look like Buffy. I guess strawberry blondes don't have as much fun as we'd like to think.

Anyway, so Anna/Nancy goes down searching the creepy corridor while dramatic music is played. Usually, this is a sign that something bad is going to happen. Now, however, Anna finds Velkan having a spitting contest with himself. Needless to say, Anna/Nancy feels the urge to join in his game.

This continues for some time, until the siblings are simply out of spit. They resort to actually using words.

"So, this Van Helsing fellow. I don't like him. He's an idiot." Says Velkan, stating the obvious.

"He drugged me! But he has such nice hair...how does he do it?" asks Anna in wonder.

"His hair isn't that pretty. Besides, he killed Marishka. She was my favorite." Says Velkan, mournfully.

Anna decides that it is time to raise her brother's spirits. She kisses him full on the mouth, and Velkan frantically tries to get away.

"Agh!" he screams, finally breaking free. He leaps through a window and miraculously lands on his feet. Fangirls all around the world rejoice. Van Helsing magically appears, and thinking that Velkan is the sicko, fire a gun at him. Thankfully, he has such bad aim, he completely misses the target. The Brides are watching from the castle, and run/fly to save him. They carry him away, and he really doesn't put up much of a fight. Asks males present... "Would you?"

Anna, heartbroken by her brother's rejection of her affections, turns to Van Helsing for comfort. I really don't know why, because Carl has also magically appeared. Carl is much more comforting than Van Helsing. Carl doesn't swagger, he toddles. Wouldn't you prefer toddling to swagger? I mean, really...

"That's my brother!" yells Anna, distraught.

"I know." He responds.

"Before or after you tried to kill him?"

"Before."

"And still you shot at him?" she asks, completely shocked at his lack of understanding.

"Duh, that is so completely sick! He's your BROTHER! Eww..." and Van Helsing goes off to squee like a wuss.

Carl hugs Anna instead. The embrace turns into a passionate kiss, but Anna pulls away.

"But, you are a monk!"

Carl rolls his eyes. This has got to be at least the hundredth time he has had to explain it.

"I'm a Friar. Premarital sex is perfectly okay for us Catholics."

"Oh... It makes so much more sense now." Says Anna understandingly.

They go off to Anna's bedroom, while Van Helsing stays behind, checking out his reflection in various suits of armor (the ones that Anna hasn't knocked down.) He reminisces about his days fighting evil...funny how it's all a blur. He hopes Fat Bastard has not had another relapse. Perhaps it hadn't been the greatest idea to invite him to the "super secret annual pot luck."

Meanwhile, Velkan is being waited on hand and foot by the two remaining brides of Dracula. He does not appear to be overly concerned with the fact that he is in the company of vampires. Dracula is in the other wing of the castle, having a tryst with homeboy Igor (whose name we have learned is not VICTOR. Oops...) "Remember Igor, do unto others..." says the count, breathlessly.

"So that I don't have to do myself..." finishes Igor rather stupidly.

Dracula smiles, glad that his pupil has learned so much under his tutelage.

The Brides start feeding Velkan grapes. This has happened on several occasions past, though no one ever seemed to tire of it. Tonight, though, the brides were on a mission.

"Velkan, will you help us find the secret to the perfect hair?" they simper together.

Velkan can simply not say no to them, and really sees no reason to refuse. He already has perfect hair. And besides, Anna was creeping him right out. An alliance is made. Velkan has joined the dark side of the force. BUM BUM BAH!

Van Helsing has shockingly grown bored of gazing at himself, and decides to meet more of the locals. Since they all love him. Not.

Cher decides he could still get some business out of the idiot. "I do nails." He said helpfully.

Van Helsing is shocked by the condition of his manicure. The pink paint was in need of a new coat. Mortified, Van Helsing frantically follows Cher to his nail salon. Little does he know what Cher has in store for him there...

It sucks, I know. See, if you told me what was wrong, I could fix it. So, tell me!