Been a while, eh? I'll try to update more often. I was working on my other stories a bit. Thanks for the reviews, and the thank you's are after the chapter.

Prelude to Disclaimer: This is the last disclaimer. Why bother after this point?

Disclaimer: I do not own anything in Van Helsing. If I did, my name would be Stephen Sommers, I would have money, and I would also be wondering how I've fucked up so badly. I would desperately seek the advise of CHIEFHOW for the planning of my next feature film. HINT.

Dracula has decided that it is time to enact "THE PLAN" yes, it's even capitalized.

Dracula's workshop is rampant with MunchLoompas. Most people don't know what MunchLoompas are. Lucky for you, the author is providing a handy definition.

MUNCHLOOMPAS-A cross between a Munchkin and an Oompa Loompa. However you spell that. Anyway, the MunchLoompas enjoy singing, dancing, and hugs. Also, child labor laws do not apply to them, thus they are a favorite of sweetshop owners the world over.

"How's it hanging, Igor?" asks the Count, eager to use his knowledge of slang.

Igor simply grunts, and pushes a few MunchLoompas out of his way.

The Count shakes his head. "Igor, what did we learn about the Golden Rule?"

Igor looks confused.

The Count sighs. "Violence hurts." He says, hoping that this will make the point, and he won't actually have to sing the song. Alas, Igor does not have a brain, and simply cannot pick up on subtext.

"Violence Hurts,

You or another,

It hurts our things,

Our Bodies,

And Each other.

Violence Hurts

Our feelings too,

Violence Hurts,

When it happens to you!"

The MunchLoompas like this song soooooo much, they join in. Much to the Counts displeasure. He had hired them to make him feel like a rebel, however they simply served to annoy him. And are being used by the author in a misguided effort at comic relief.

Van Helsing has returned from his visit to the Village Salon. He is keeping his hands in his pockets, unwilling to show the world his new manicure. They simply wouldn't understand.

Anna comes down from Carl's guest bedroom a bit breathless, with a smile firmly in place. It refuses to go away, freaking out Van Helsing. He tries to startle her into a frown, but she decks him. Thinking that this has taken care of the problem, she heads out to do battle with the powers of darkness.

Unfortunately, as this is his movie, Van Helsing follows her to Castle Frankenstein. It simply wouldn't do to have the title character miss out on all the action. If only he knew how much action he had missed already.

As they walk through the woods, they decide that this is a good time to get their quota of deep meaningful conversations filled.

"Why do you do this? Your hair is already stunning." Simpered Anna, falling into her role as the "feisty, yet soft" heroine.

"You can always improve perfection." Responds Van Helsing, modestly.

Anna nods, as if this all makes perfect sense. Suddenly, she sees here brother's shirt. She says as much to Van Helsing.

"Look, it's my brother's shirt!" she exclaims.

"Are you sure?" asks Van Helsing.

"Of course I'm sure. It says "Hot Gypsy Prince" on the label.

Van Helsing is illiterate, and thus cannot read the telltale signs of ownership.

They continue on their journey, and at some point get horses. I have know idea where these horses come from, as they didn't have them before. I guess they just serve as a noisemaker. Since noise is definitely what they want here, on this stealthy mission.

Anna trips again; still not over the drugs that Van Helsing had slipped her. Not that she was usually graceful. The shoes did not exactly accommodate normal motions. Van Helsing glares at her, and she glares back. It's all his fault, after all. That, and the costume designer.

"Well great, they totally won't know we're coming now!" Van Helsing yells.

"Not with you screaming like a Banshee!" she screams back.

"Banshee? Where?" asks Van Helsing, alarmed.

Anna rolls her eyes, and decides that they should at least try to stick to the script. "This castle should be abandoned. The owner wore a wig, among other things..."

There is a brief shot of Dr. Frankenstein, playing the part of Angel in the acclaimed Broadway Production, "RENT." He had lots of trouble with the lipstick, apparently.

Van Helsing and Anna shudder.

"I've never been to the sea. I'll bet it's completely polluted by now." She says, rather abruptly.

Van Helsing says nothing, as he cannot handle such a change of topic, nor can he comprehend the finer details of pollution. All he can handle is the saying 'Don't be a litter bug!'

Velkan has entered the room, wearing only a loincloth. This makes all the fangirls sigh and/or squee.

The Count rolls his eyes. Idiot mortal. He pushes back his flawless tresses, and the remaining fangirls give him their best squeee. "That's more like it." Says the Count, satisfied now.

He turns to address Velkan. "I need you for one of my experiments. I'm going to tie you up now."

"Eww...I don't think about you that way, Dracula!" protests Velkan, repulsed.

Dracula is running out of patience. The MunchLoompas have yet to finish singing the "Violence Hurts" song, constantly reminding him to "Keep his Cool" and learn how to spell "Dumb" (D-U-M. Dumb!)

"Just because I let you fuck around with my wives, that doesn't mean that I like you."

"Likewise." Replies Velkan.

"Watch it, bud, or I'll turn you into a sheepdog!" he proclaims.

All "GASP!"

"You wouldn't!" gasps Velkan, terrified now.

"I'm afraid that I would. Your father was of no use. He and Frankenstein were pals."

Image of Dr. Frankenstein as Angel with the cross-dressing Horace fill the screen, and everyone in it with terror. Except Van Helsing, who wishes he knew where Horace got the skirt.

The Count and Velkan notice how much spit has escaped their mouths during this conversation. Lots.

"Fine, I guess I could help you out with this experiment thing...but I get the brides for the night."

"Deal." Says Dracula.

All is going well. Now, all he needs is a bit of music...it magically is cued. It is the Count's favorite song. Yes. "THE HUSTLE"

Most people don't remember "THE HUSTLE" Thankfully, the author has added a handy definition.

"THE HUSTLE"- Popular during the Disco Era (the 70's) "THE HUSTLE" involves, four steps forward, four steps back, four steps forward, four steps back. Four twirling steps to the right, four twirling steps to the left, one jump forward, one jump back, forward and back ward jump in half the previous time, clicking the heels twice. Tapping the toe forward twice, tapping the toe backward twice, tapping toe forward once, tapping toe backward once, and spin. Repeat as necessary. Extremely popular in American gym classes across the land. The author highly recommends that you try this in front of a security camera. At least the bored security guard will have something to watch. Also, "THE HUSTLE" even has it's own song. It is creatively entitled "THE HUSTLE" and features lyrics such as, "Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo dut dut, doo doo doo doo doo doo doo dut dut...do the hustle!" etc. A fine piece of music. Great for parties.

Dracula starts dancing, and is quickly joined by Velkan. The MunchLoompas decide to join the fun, and the only person left without the joy of disco is Igor. Igor simply cannot handle the authors confusing instructions, nor can he have such an emotional capacity.

Anna and Van Helsing hear the distant sound of music, and are curious as to its purpose. They are unable to investigate, as a group of MunchLoompas appear, looking for petunias. They are unsuccessful in their quest, and soon get to chatting about Velkan's beautiful hair.Anna Gasps.

"They have my brother!"

"What are they?" asks Van Helsing. Due to his illiteracy, he has not read the author's handy definition.

"Don't let them see you!" hisses Anna, now terrified, "They'll start singing! I hate singing!"

Not wishing to anger Anna further, Van Helsing nods. Anna turns to follow the MunchLoompas, wanting to get to her brother. Van Helsing stops her, as he wants to foreshadow the ending of the film.

"I must help my brother escape from the brides!" exclaims Anna, pitifully. She tries to leave again, only to be stopped by Van Helsing.

"There is no escape from them. You know this." He replies sagely.

Anna tries to escape once more.

"We must take the Hair Secrets for ourselves." He says, in an ominous tone.

Bum Bum Bah!

Alex Vossen- Thank you. I'm glad you like it.

Whitney- I think I shall.

MariBlu- Thanks for the suggestion. I tried to make that more clear, let me know how it worked.

FlutterbyButterfly- I'm glad you found it amusing. Let me know how this chapter went.

Random-Battlecry- if you are wondering why I blundered like an idiot in my last thank you, I couldn't actually read your review, and only remembered the mention of your story. It is excellent. Carl will have a staring role in the next chapter. In fact, the chapter title may simply be Carl... Hmmm... Anna suffered from the "Feisty Chick Syndrome" the characters start out all hostile, but are completely ruined by the end, as we see that they are complete wusses. (Sigh) so many characters have been ruined by this disease. Thank you for continuing to graciously review my poor attempts at humor.