JENNIE

When I pull open the door to my office, Rosé is standing in the hall like the angel of death. She's dressed in a black-and-red-plaid sweatshirt, dark jeans, and sneakers. The swelling on her face hasn't gone down much, but the bruising around the edges of her eyes and nose have lightened from dark purple to a greenish blue.

"Hey . . . I'm sorry for coming here like this," she says.

"Is something wrong?" I ask and walk back over to my desk.

She stands awkwardly in the doorway for a moment before stepping into the room. "No. Well, yes, I've been trying to talk to you since yesterday, but you haven't been answering my texts."

"I know; it's just that Lisa and I already have enough issues without me creating even more, and she doesn't want me to talk to you anymore."

"You're letting her tell you who you can talk to now?" Rosé sits down in the chair directly in front of my desk, and I take a seat behind it. The way we're seated gives an official, more serious tone to our conversation. It's not uncomfortable, just too formal.

I look out the window before answering.

"No, it's not like that. I know she's a little overbearing and may go about things the wrong way, but I can't say I blame her for not wanting me to be friends with you anymore. I wouldn't want her to spend time with someone she has feelings for either," I say, and Rosé's eyes widen.

"What did you say?"

Dammit. "Nothing, I just meant . . ." The air grows thick, and I could swear that the walls are closing in on me. Why did I just say that? Not that it isn't true, but it won't help the situation here.

"You have feelings for me?" she asks, her eyes lighting up with each syllable.

"No . . . well, I did. I don't know," I ramble, wishing I could slap myself for being so quick to speak without thinking.

"It's okay if you don't, but you shouldn't have to lie about it."

"I'm not lying; I did have feelings for you. I may still have some, honestly, but I don't know. It's all confusing to me. You always say the right things, and you've always been there for me. It would make sense if I did develop those feelings. I've told you before that I care about you, but we both know it's a lost cause."

"Why's that?" she asks. I'm not sure how many more times I can reject her before she understands where I'm coming from.

"Because it's pointless. I'll never be able to be with you. Or anyone, for that matter. No one but her."

"You're only saying that because she has you trapped."

I try to push down the anger that is slowly building as I listen to Rosé's words about Lisa. She's certainly entitled to have ill feelings toward her, but I don't like the way she's insinuating that I have no power or control when it comes to my relationship.

"No; I'm saying that because I love her. And as much as I don't want to say it that boldly to you right now, I know that I have to. I don't want to lead you on more than I already have. I know you don't understand why I stay with her through all of this mess, but I love her so much, more than anything, and she doesn't have me trapped. I want to be with her."

It's true. Everything I just said to Rosé is true. Whether Lisa comes to Seattle with me or not, we can try to make it work. We can use Skype, see each other on the weekends until she goes to Thailand. Hopefully by then she won't want to be away from me after all.

Maybe the distance will make Lisa's heart grow fonder, her tone softer. It may be the key to getting her to agree to move with me. Our history has proven that we aren't very good at staying away from one another; whether deliberately or not, we always end up together in some way. It's hard to remember a time when my days and nights didn't revolve around this woman. I've tried again and again to picture a life without her, but it's nearly impossible.

"I don't think she gives you the chance to really think about what you want or what's good for you," Rosé says with conviction, though her voice does crack. "She only cares about herself."

"And that's where you're wrong. I know you guys have some issues between the two of you, but—"

"No, you don't know about our issues at all," she says quickly. "If you did—"

"She loves me, and I her," I interrupt. "I'm sorry that you were brought into the middle of this. I'm so sorry; I never wanted to hurt you."

She frowns. "You keep saying that to me, and yet it keeps happening."

I hate confrontation more than anything, especially when it involves hurting someone that I care for, but these things have to be said so that Rosé and I can close the book on this . . . I'm not even sure how to categorize it. Situation? Misunderstanding? Bad timing?

I look at Rosé, hoping she can read the sincerity in my eyes. "It wasn't my intention. I'm sorry."

"You don't have to keep apologizing. I already knew this when I made the decision to come here. You made it pretty clear how you felt outside of the administration building."

"Then why did you come?" I ask softly.

"To talk to you." She looks around the room, then back at me. "Never mind. I don't know why I came here, really." She sighs.

"Are you sure? You seemed pretty determined a few minutes ago."

"No. It's pointless, like you said. I'm sorry for coming."

"It's okay, you don't have to apologize," I tell her.

We both keep saying that, I think.

She points down at the boxes on the floor. "You're still going, then?"

"Yeah, I'm almost ready to leave."

The air between us has become incredibly thick, and neither of us seems to know what to say to the other. Rosé stares out the window at the gray sky, and I stare at the carpet beyond her.

At last she stands up and speaks, though I can barely hear her words through the sadness in her voice. "I better go, then. Sorry again for coming here. Good luck in Seattle, Jennie."

I stand up as well. "I'm sorry for everything. I wish things could've been different."

"So do I. More than you know," she says and stands up from the chair.

My heart aches for her. She's always been so sweet to me, and I've done nothing but lead her on and reject her.

"Have you made up your mind whether you're going to press charges or not?" This isn't the right time to be asking this, but I don't think I'll ever see or hear from her again.

"Yeah, I'm not going to. I'm over this whole thing. There's no point in dragging it out. And I did tell you that if you told me you didn't want to see me again I would drop them, didn't I?"

Suddenly I feel like if Rosé just looks at me in a certain way, I'll probably start crying. "Yeah," I quietly respond. I feel like Estella in Great Expectations, toying with Pip's emotions. My own Pip stands in front of me, caramel eyes fixed on mine. And this is a role I don't really want to play.

"I truly am sorry for everything. I wish we could be friends," I say.

"Me, too, but you're not allowed to have friends." She sighs, running her fingers over her bottom lip, pinching it in the middle.

I decide not to comment on her statement: this isn't about what I'm "allowed" to do. I do, however, make a mental note to discuss this perception that other people have with Lisa and make sure she understands that it bothers me that her attitude makes them think this about me.

As if on cue, my office phone rings, breaking the silence between Rosé and me. I hold my finger so she doesn't leave and pick it up.

"Jennie." Lisa's rough voice carries through. Shit.

"Hey," I say, my voice shaky.

"Are you all right?"

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"You don't sound fine," she says. Why does she have to know me so well?

"I'm fine," I assure her again. "Just distracted."

"Sure. Anyway, I need to know what you want me to do with your dad. I tried to text, but you weren't answering me. I've got shit to do, and I don't know if I should leave him here or what."

I look over at Rosé. She's standing by the window now, not looking at me. "I don't know, can't you take him with you?" My heart is racing.

"No; hell, no."

"So leave him there," I say, just wanting this conversation to end. I'm going to tell Lisa about Rosé's visit, but I can't imagine how pissed she would be if she knew she was here now, and I sure as hell don't want her to find out.

"Fine, you can deal with him when you get here."

"Okay, well, I'll see you when I get home—"

Music begins to play through my office, and it takes me a minute to realize it's coming from Rosé. She reaches into her pocket and silences it, but not before Lisa notices.

"What was that? Whose phone was that?" she demands.

My blood suddenly runs cold, until I take a moment to think about this. I shouldn't be so afraid or nervous for Lisa to know Rosé's here. I didn't do anything wrong; she came, and she's leaving. She already gets irritated when Taehyung comes by my office, and Taehyung's a coworker and entitled to stop in anytime he wants.

"Is fucking Taehyung there?"

"No, it's not Taehyung. Rosé's here," I say and hold my breath.

The line is silent. I look at the screen to make sure the call is still connected. "Lisa?"

"Yeah," she says and lets out a ragged breath.

"Did you hear me?"

"Yes, Jennie, I heard you."

Okay? Why isn't she screaming through the phone or threatening to kill her yet?

"We'll talk about it later. Make her leave. Please," she calmly requests.

"Okay . . ."

"Thank you, I'll see you when you get home," Lisa says and hangs up the phone.

When I put my phone down, slightly bewildered, Rosé turns to me and says, "Sorry, I know she's going to freak out on you."

"No, she won't. She'll be fine," I say back, knowing it's not true, but it sounds good, anyway. Lisa's reaction to Rosé being in my office caught me off guard. I'd never have expected her to be so calm. I expected her to say she was on her way here. I sure hope she's not.

Rosé walks toward the door again. "Okay. Well, I guess I should go."

"Rosé, thank you for coming by. I probably won't see you again before I leave."

She turns, and emotion flashes in her eyes, but it disappears before I can decide which emotion it was. "I won't say meeting you hasn't complicated my life, but I wouldn't take it back. I'd go through all of this shit again—the fights with Lisa, the friendships I've lost, all of it. I would go through it again, for you," she says. "I guess it's just my luck; of course I can't meet a girl who doesn't already love someone else."

Her words always get to me, always. She's so sincere all the time, and I admire that about her.

"Bye, Jennie," she says.

Her words hold much more than a simple friendly goodbye, but I can't project too much into them. If I say the wrong thing, or anything at all, I'll only be leading her on, again.

"Bye, Rosé." I half smile, and she takes a step toward me.

For a moment I panic, thinking she's going to kiss me, but she doesn't. She wraps her arms around me in a strong but brief hug before placing a light kiss on my forehead. She steps away immediately after and grabs hold of the door handle, almost like it's a cane.

"Be careful, okay?" she says, opening the door.

"I will. Seattle isn't too bad." I smile. I feel very resolved now, like I have finally given her the closure she needed.

She frowns and turns to leave the room. As she closes the door behind her, I hear her say gently, "I'm not talking about Seattle."