Chapter Four - Pieces
When Brooke had gotten home Friday night, she had noticed that Nathan was gone. Assuming he had ended things with Haley, she gave her best friend space. She'd had her heart ripped out once in her life and from that experience knew that time was an important factor in healing the wound. When Haley was ready, she would come to her. Brooke and Jake were in the living room watching television late Sunday night and they were both too busy trying to let Haley be to even pay attention to what was on the screen.
"I can't take this anymore." Brooke sat up and faced her boyfriend. "She's been locked in her bedroom for almost two days."
"You're telling me. She's been playing that damn Dawson's Creek show every time I've been here. If I hear Pacey Witter say 'it's over isn't it' one more time, I'm going to hurt myself. There's only so much melodrama a man can take."
Brooke slapped his chest. "I'm serious, Jake."
"So am I." She rolled her eyes.
"I've only seen her leave her room one time and that was yesterday morning to use the bathroom. She hasn't eaten anything, she hasn't showered..."
"There are more important things than showering, Brooke."
"Not when you're Haley James. The woman is the queen of personal hygiene."
"Aren't you the one who told me that her heart was broken in a million little pieces and that it was going to take everything in her to get over him?" Brooke nodded. "Then what's the matter? She just wants to be alone."
"I have no problem with her being alone, Jake. I just want to know that she's okay, that she is getting over him. If she's not eating or doing anything but watching those crazy Dawson's kids and all their whacked out drama, then she's not getting over him. She's avoiding reality and making things worse."
"I know you're worried about her." Jake reached out for Brooke and brought her back into his embrace. "But you've got to let her come to terms with this herself. You telling her what she needs to do, isn't going to help. You know that. She's got work and class tomorrow, right?" Brooke nodded. "So, then she'll be back to a schedule and she won't be able to hide out in her room."
"But what if she does?"
"If Haley blows off work and school, then I'll talk to her."
"I just want her to be okay." "I know you do and she will be. I promise." Jake kissed her temple and then turned his attention back to the screen.
Haley pulled her comforter tighter around her as she watched a frantic Joey Potter run into Dawson's room. She used to live for this stuff. Hoping and praying that one day her life would be just a little bit as exciting and dramatic as the characters she watched on television. Her entire life she had lived in a safe, sheltered bubble. Nothing too bad or too good ever entered into the equation. She had longed for excitement and dramatics.
Unfortunately, no actor was talented enough to actually make her feel their pain when she watch them. She never felt her heart being ripped out whenever she watched Joey break-up with Pacey or tell Dawson he wasn't being fair. No one had ever explained to her that it wasn't always just acting, sometimes people really did hurt like that. No one had told her that it was possible to actually feel as though someone had reached inside your body and ripped out your heart. Nothing on television or in books had prepared her for what she was feeling.
She ached. She ached all over. Her body didn't want to move. Her mind couldn't hold a thought for longer than a few seconds. Nothing wanted to function the way it was supposed to. She couldn't think of Nathan, but she couldn't not think of him. He was just there. Haunting her. All she could see was his face when she'd told him to leave and then his back walking away. It hurt a little more every time.
His leaving was supposed to make everything better. It was supposed to uncomplicated everything that was complicated. It was supposed to make everything that was hurting, stop. It was supposed to be the answer. It wasn't.
The worst part was, she didn't know what to do. She couldn't reason what the next step would be. She wasn't even sure if she cared what the next step was supposed to be. She was stuck in the most awful place she had ever been. And for the first time, she wished that her life would be just a little more simple. That there would be no dramatics and excitement. She wished that it was just a normal routine of monotonous things. She wished she'd never fallen in love.
"What's up with, Nate?" Lucas asked walking into the kitchen. "I just tried to talk to him and it was like he didn't even hear me."
Peyton sighed. "I don't know. He's been like that since he got back Friday night."
"I thought he was going with his dad to visit his grandparents?"
"So did I. But he came back around three o'clock Saturday morning, mumbled something about his grandmother getting sick and hasn't said much of anything else since."
"Do you think it's serious? His grandmother?"
"I don't know. He won't talk to me and when Nathan doesn't want to talk, there's really no making him."
Lucas watched Peyton as she rinsed the dishes in the sink. She looked tired and pale. "Are you okay?"
"He used to talk to me, Luke. I never had to make him." Her voice was fragile and weak as she spoke and it through Lucas off. For as long as he had known Peyton, she had been strong and confident. Hearing her like this wasn't something he was used to and he didn't want to be. "If there was something wrong, before I even had the chance to ask, he was telling me about it. And now I can't get anything out of him. I don't know how sick his grandmother is. I don't even know if she's really sick. Something could have happened with his dad before they even left Tree Hill and I have no idea." Lucas could see the tears threatening to fall and he instinctively reached for her, drawing her to him. "I just want to know that he's okay."
"I know you do, Peyt." He rubbed her back, trying to give her some sort of comfort. "I'm sure he'll come around." Peyton nodded and pulled away from Lucas a few seconds later. She wiped the stray tears from her cheeks.
"Sorry about that little breakdown."
"Don't be." His eyes held hers for a few moments before a shy smile crossed her face. "Well, I better go. Maybe you two can talk or something."
"Yeah." Her smile disappeared as the thought of Nathan and his strange behavior came back to mind.
Nathan sat in front of the television tuned to ESPN the same as it had for the last several hours. He couldn't remember anything that had been displayed. He didn't care. He was too busy trying to figure out just when it was that his life had become so damn complicated.
Once upon a time, his life had been fun and easy and light. He didn't have his heart telling him one thing and his head telling him another. For such a long time they had always pointed him in the same direction. In the past his head ad his heart had always led him to Peyton. That wasn't the case anymore and it was tearing him apart.
He loved Peyton and he knew that he always would, but somewhere along the line, his love for her had changed. The passion and heat that had once driven their relationship had slowly faded away. When he looked at her now, when he touched her now, his body didn't react the way it used to. It saddened him.
Never once had he wished to fall out of love with her. For so long, she had been his life. Whenever he had pictured his future, she was the one person that was always there without fail. He used to think that he couldn't live without her. Now, he knew that wasn't the case. He was thinking more and more that maybe he couldn't live with her.
The one thing he did know was that Haley was stuck in his thoughts. She refused to leave him. Every time he closed his eyes he saw her face. The more he thought about her, the more he realized he needed her in his life. Walking away from her forever wasn't something he was ready to accept.