Title: Bartering passage
Author: MysticHeero
Summary: Just how did Aragorn manage to barter passage of the Fellowship through Lorien? Here's my version.
Warnings: Slash, but humour based.
Disclaimer: I don't own the pretty elves or anyone else from LOTR, so don't bother suing. I'll just be asleep anyway.
- - - - - - - - -
"I can not allow you to bring such evil into My Woods. It would put a black mark on my record." The Marchwarden told the man, chin held high.
"Please, for me?" Aragorn begged, placing his hands together as if preying. The tall elf seemed to consider things for a brief moment before coming to a short decision.
"Um, no."
"Come on!" The Ranger pouted. "I'll do anything, just name your price."
"Hmm." Raising an eyebrow in contemplation, Haldir's lips began to curl up into a small evil smirk. "Anything you say?"
The Ranger gulped, but straightened despite looking apprehensive. "Anything."
"I want the pretty blonde from your group."
"Who? Boromir?!" Aragorn nearly shouted, but he managed to keep his exclamation from rising too much in tone. The March Warden looked ill, his face contorting at the images that popped up into his head.
"Hell no. Eww…" With that he shuddered with repulsion.
"Then who?"
"The elf."
"As in my blonde elf?" Aragorn looked shocked – he hadn't though Haldir would ask for Legolas. The elf looked smug.
"Oh yes. Though I dare say that he will remain as your elf for long; not if you want passage through these woods."
"But…" Aragorn stuttered, before sighing in resignation. All of a sudden he brightened. "Okay."
Haldir extended his hand to shake one of the Human's hands. "It's a deal then."
Aragorn nodded, and then turned to tell the rest of the Fellowship the good news. His eyes lay on his blonde elf, and he approached the other slightly nervous.
"Legolas, Darling. I managed to work out a deal with Haldir, and he's going to let us all enter the Golden Woods." He began to innocently run his finger up and down the front of the Prince's tunic, and kept his eyes down.
"Oh well down. Lets go then." The elven prince said cheerfully and snatched his bow up.
"Um well, actually, there's a catch. Haldir would only agree to let us pass if he got something in return."
"What did he want?" Legolas asked cautiously.
"Um, well he asked for, um…" The rest of the sentence was incoherent as the ranger mumbled it quickly.
"I'm sorry what was that?"
"You to yield to him."
"What!"
"He only wants to shag you senseless for the rest of eternity. Nothing really."
"And you agreed!" Legolas began to stutter in his shock. "But… You… I… Alright then." That caused Aragorn to blink. Legolas sounded almost cheerful.
"What?" The ranger asked dumbly, but Legolas just turned and walked away. "That went better than expected." With a shrug Aragorn gave up on trying to figure things out, but instead turned to the rest of the fellowship and told them the good news.
- - - - - - Later that night - - - - - -
"Our plan worked. Now you're all mine." Haldir stated as he cuddled Legolas closer.
"Yes. Yours to "shag senseless for the rest of eternity" or so Aragorn put it." Legolas gave, causing Haldir to look affronted.
"And you doubt that I could? What are you implying exactly?"
"Lets not get too big headed shall we." Legolas sounded patronising, and he intended it. "I highly doubt that you would be able to shag me senseless. And for all eternity?"
"Oh really? Well I shall just have to prove my self won't I?" The March Warden said rolling on top of the smaller blonde.
"Well you can try." Legolas teased, fully enjoying the attention and what was to follow.