This takes place right after the phone call that Rory gets from Jess in the
season three finale. I hope you like it. I came up with this idea in the
middle of the night, and it's really different. I've never read anything
with the same plot, you just have to wait for it to get started. Enjoy!
~Thena
"Jess, is that you? Jess, I'm pretty sure it's you and I'm pretty sure you've been calling and not saying anything but wanna say something. Hello? You're not going to talk? Fine, I'll talk. You didn't handle things right at all. You could've talked to me. You could've told me that you were having trouble in school and weren't going to graduate, and that your dad had been there, but you didn't. And you ended up not taking me to my prom and not coming to my graduation and leaving again without saying goodbye again, and that's fine, I get it, but that's it for me. I'm going to Europe tomorrow and I'm going to Yale and I'm moving on. And I'm not going to pine. I hope you didn't think I was going to pine, okay? I think. . .I think I may have loved you, but I just need to let it go. So, that's it, I guess. Um, I hope you're good. I want you to be good, and, um, okay, so, goodbye. That word sounds really lame and stupid right now, but there it is. Goodbye."
He held onto the phone until he heard the dial tone, and then the familiar yet annoying voice of the woman who was instructing him to hang up or press '0' to talk to an operator. He let the phone slide down until he was only holding it by his fingertips, and then dropped the phone with a clack onto the receiver.
She had loved him. And he had blown it. How could he have been such an idiot? But he had no chance now. He had really ruined that, forever. He should have known. He did know. He had seen it coming for so long. She was so much better than he was. She deserved so much more than he had to offer. She was going to Yale for chrissakes. An Ivy League school, and here he was, couldn't even graduate high school.
That wasn't exactly true. He could have graduated if he'd wanted to. He definitely could have. He just didn't. And now all that he felt was regret. If he had only worked a little bit more. Just worked to his full potential, or not even, just passed a few more tests, been to a few more classes, listened to Luke and quit that stupid job at Wal-Mart…
He wouldn't have been so upset at that party. He would have been able to get prom tickets. He would have been able to take Rory to her prom. And he wouldn't have forced himself on her. That was what he regretted the most. If only he had not forced himself on her, maybe the other stuff wouldn't have mattered. But he had, and now he had proven everyone else who had doubted him right. He was just an awful city boy, with one thing on his mind.
Well, that was how everyone would see it. And he didn't blame them. But that wasn't how he had intended it. All he wanted was to… he wasn't even sure anymore. He had been sitting up there, moping about how he had let her down, about how he would have to tell her that he couldn't take her to the prom, about how he couldn't go to college. And there she had been. Perfect. Beautiful. He had kissed her, and then, instead of reminding himself as he usually had to every 6 seconds not to push her, he had. But he hadn't meant to. It had just been instinctive. And now, he could never make it right. She would never trust him in the same way again.
He didn't deserve her. She was way too good for him. This… this epitome of perfection. Always out of his reach. So here he was, in California, far, far away from her. And that was how it had to be. He had to be as far away from her as possible, so he didn't have to see her with someone else. If he saw her with someone else… god. He would kill himself. And she would be with someone else. She had said it herself. She was over him.
He couldn't be near her at all. She was in Europe, and then she would be at Yale. And he was going to make himself better for her. He knew that he would probably never see her again, and if she did, he wouldn't even be able to hope that she would take him back. But he had to prove to her that he could be better. Even if she never found out.
"Jess, is that you? Jess, I'm pretty sure it's you and I'm pretty sure you've been calling and not saying anything but wanna say something. Hello? You're not going to talk? Fine, I'll talk. You didn't handle things right at all. You could've talked to me. You could've told me that you were having trouble in school and weren't going to graduate, and that your dad had been there, but you didn't. And you ended up not taking me to my prom and not coming to my graduation and leaving again without saying goodbye again, and that's fine, I get it, but that's it for me. I'm going to Europe tomorrow and I'm going to Yale and I'm moving on. And I'm not going to pine. I hope you didn't think I was going to pine, okay? I think. . .I think I may have loved you, but I just need to let it go. So, that's it, I guess. Um, I hope you're good. I want you to be good, and, um, okay, so, goodbye. That word sounds really lame and stupid right now, but there it is. Goodbye."
He held onto the phone until he heard the dial tone, and then the familiar yet annoying voice of the woman who was instructing him to hang up or press '0' to talk to an operator. He let the phone slide down until he was only holding it by his fingertips, and then dropped the phone with a clack onto the receiver.
She had loved him. And he had blown it. How could he have been such an idiot? But he had no chance now. He had really ruined that, forever. He should have known. He did know. He had seen it coming for so long. She was so much better than he was. She deserved so much more than he had to offer. She was going to Yale for chrissakes. An Ivy League school, and here he was, couldn't even graduate high school.
That wasn't exactly true. He could have graduated if he'd wanted to. He definitely could have. He just didn't. And now all that he felt was regret. If he had only worked a little bit more. Just worked to his full potential, or not even, just passed a few more tests, been to a few more classes, listened to Luke and quit that stupid job at Wal-Mart…
He wouldn't have been so upset at that party. He would have been able to get prom tickets. He would have been able to take Rory to her prom. And he wouldn't have forced himself on her. That was what he regretted the most. If only he had not forced himself on her, maybe the other stuff wouldn't have mattered. But he had, and now he had proven everyone else who had doubted him right. He was just an awful city boy, with one thing on his mind.
Well, that was how everyone would see it. And he didn't blame them. But that wasn't how he had intended it. All he wanted was to… he wasn't even sure anymore. He had been sitting up there, moping about how he had let her down, about how he would have to tell her that he couldn't take her to the prom, about how he couldn't go to college. And there she had been. Perfect. Beautiful. He had kissed her, and then, instead of reminding himself as he usually had to every 6 seconds not to push her, he had. But he hadn't meant to. It had just been instinctive. And now, he could never make it right. She would never trust him in the same way again.
He didn't deserve her. She was way too good for him. This… this epitome of perfection. Always out of his reach. So here he was, in California, far, far away from her. And that was how it had to be. He had to be as far away from her as possible, so he didn't have to see her with someone else. If he saw her with someone else… god. He would kill himself. And she would be with someone else. She had said it herself. She was over him.
He couldn't be near her at all. She was in Europe, and then she would be at Yale. And he was going to make himself better for her. He knew that he would probably never see her again, and if she did, he wouldn't even be able to hope that she would take him back. But he had to prove to her that he could be better. Even if she never found out.