A/N

Thanks for your reviews…I'm sorry if I screw around with the time line too much ok. I'm sorry if I get things wrong…tell me but I might not change them. If you have any suggestions please don't hesitate to tell me...

Chapter Four: The Mirror

Ryan lay alone in his bed, he had woken but it was only 5 O'clock. He had school today something he was not looking forward too. He decided to get up and leave early. He got up and took a quick shower then got dressed and clipped on his wrist band and watch. It was still too early for anyone to be up yet so he quietly made his way down and got some breakfast for himself. He took the last sip of coffee and started to leave. But decided to leave a note, he didn't want to freak anyone out.

Gone to school early…need time to think…don't worry I will be back after school.

Ryan.

He scribbled on a piece of paper and left on the kitchen bench. He walked outside and realized he had left his bike at the airport; he cursed under his breath and decided he would just have to walk. As he made his way down the driveway he heard a voice call out from behind him.

"Where do you think you're going?" Sandy's yelled. Ryan ignored him and kept walking.

"Hey! Come back here." Sandy jogged down to meet Ryan face to face.

"I left a note." Ryan said looking at the ground.

"Ohhh, well if you left a note then fine go ahead and run off." Sandy said sarcastically.

"Not running, going to school." Ryan said still not looking up.

"At this hour?" Sandy asked skeptically, "Didn't know you loved school so much." Ryan just gave an impatient look at Sandy. "Ok, ok, but come inside and we will drive you later." Sandy said.

"I would prefer to walk." Ryan said, his eyes cast down.

"That I can see, but you're coming inside." Sandy said firmly.

"Not, right now, I cant right now…I just want to go to school." Ryan said stepping away from Sandy.

"Come on Ryan let's go back inside…" Sandy said stepping towards Ryan.

"I have to get to school…" Ryan said turning away from Sandy who reacted and grabbed Ryan's arm.

"We're not done yet Ryan." Sandy said sternly.

"Yes we are," Ryan said shrugging off Sandy's hand.

"Ryan talk to me…don't walk away from this." Sandy said his voice full of concern.

"I'll be home after school…" Ryan said walking down the driveway.

Sandy knew he couldn't do anything, but he also knew Ryan wasn't running off again. Sluggishly he made his way back into the house; Kirsten was waiting for him in the kitchen.

"Sandy what the happened out there?" She asked worried.

"Ryan's gone for school…" Sandy said.

"You let him go alone…this early…Sandy…" Kirsten said in disbelief.

"I know, he will be fine, he's not running off again." Sandy said tiredly.

"Who's running off again?" Seth asked as he made his way into the kitchen.

"No one running off Seth…" Sandy said.

"Your father let Ryan walk to school, alone." Kirsten said accusingly.

"Dad, is this true…what if he runs off again?" Seth asked.

"He wont." Sandy said bluntly.

"How do you know?" Seth asked worried.

"I know…" Sandy said looking out the window at the pool.

- - - - - - - -

Ryan walked slowly in the direction of the pier. He reached it, and figured he would have 20 minuets to kill before he would have to walk to school. He walked to a seat on the pier and sat down, his legs and head ached. His whole body was tiered; he wasn't sure how he was going to get through the day. He picked up a stone and through it into the water. Thoughts flow through his mind, and before he knew it he had to get going. He rose slowly and started his long walk to school. He got to the end of the pier and felt something twist in his stomach, his body contracted and he through up his breakfast, then started to dry heave. The pain burnt through his throat, and made his eyes water. He couldn't take it here. Slowly when the pain was left he walked towards Harbor.

Ryan sluggishly made his way to the main building. His feet ached and he decided maybe taking that detour to the pier wasn't the best idea. He arrived with only a few minuets to spare. He quickly went to his locker and changed over his books, then rushed to class. Lunch came around soon enough and he knew he would have to face the gang. He got minimal food and some water and sat down out side. Then he saw them, Seth, Summer, Anna, and Marisa. They saw him and slowly walked over. They all sat down in silence, Anna and Marisa were the only two who were oblivious to Ryan's attempt at running away. Everyone was quiet and Ryan just picked at his food.

"Has anyone told you not to play with your food Ryan?" Anna asked breaking the air. Ryan didn't look up. "Am I missing something?"

"Yeah Chino, she missing something?" Summer said. Ryan slowly ate some of his food, again not meeting their eyes.

"If you don't want to see me Ryan you could just say it!" Marisa said pushing her chair back.

"It's not you…" Ryan said looking up

"Then what?" Marisa asked.

"It doesn't matter…" Ryan said standing. He grabbed his backpack and shoved his water in it. "I have to go…" Ryan said leaving.

"Ok…what did I miss?" Anna said extremely confused.

"We broke up…more so, he can't forgive me." Marisa said slumping in her chair.

"Coop…ahhh, that's not why he left." Summer said awkwardly.

"Then why?" Marisa asked surprised.

"He tried to runaway…go to Austin" Seth said angrily.

"What….when?" Marisa and Anna simultaneously.

"Yesterday…well, actually after valentines day." Seth said realizing what he was saying.

"He left…or tried to…because of me." Marisa said holding back tears. She quickly ran for the bathroom. Summer quickly went after her friend.

"Coop, Coop you in here?" Summer asked walking in the girl's bathroom. Listening into each stall she could hear Marisa crying. "Coop, don't be like this, come out of their." Summer said leaning against the sink. Eventually Marisa came out, her eyes red.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Ryan avoided everyone he could, he was quiet, more so than usual. When the day ended he was glad, but then remembered he would have to face Sandy and Kirsten. He unbuttoned the top two buttons of his shirt and made his way to the bathroom. He drenched his face in water and stared at the reflection in the mirror. His head ached and his eyes were dull, he dried off some of the water and walked to his locker. He grabbed what he needed and looked at his watch and realized that Sandy would be there to pick him up. He slammed his locker shut and quickly locked it before briskly walking out of the building. He slowly walked to the car park trying to think of something to say. He scanned the area and saw the car over to his left. When he got there Sandy was the first to talk.

"Get in," He said pushing the door open. "Seth's getting a ride home with Summer."

Wordlessly Ryan got in the car, and shut the door. Sandy pulled out and started the "long" drive home. They were silent, Sandy focused on driving and Ryan staring out the window. Then suddenly they were at the house, and the car came to a stop. Ryan got out, as did Sandy. Ryan tried to make a break for it, but realized there was no hope.

"Ryan, kitchen now…" Sandy said. Sluggishly Ryan made his way into the kitchen, and slumped down into the chairs at the kitchen bench. Kirsten was home too and she came in from outside when she saw Ryan sitting at the bench. Sandy also made his way in.

"Do you want something to eat?" Kirsten asked trying to break the silence.

"No…I'm fine." Ryan said looking at his wrist band, the first thing he had ever jacked. 'I'm sorry…" Ryan said finally.

"That's not really what I want to hear, Ryan." Sandy said desperation in his voice.

"What do you want me to say?" Ryan asked slightly annoyed.

"Why'd you run off Ryan? Why?" Sandy asked. Kirsten just stood silently watching the two.

"I donno, I just thought…." Ryan trailed off.

"Thought what? We didn't want you? That we didn't love you? That you didn't belong? What?" Sandy asked frustrated.

"I donno…" Ryan said looking at the floor.

"You do Ryan…you need to talk to us. Your apart of this family, we love you…you just have to talk to us." Sandy pleaded.

"Why? You don't trust me…or believe anything I say." Ryan spat bitterly.

"That's not true…sure the whole Oliver thing was…traumatic for all of us, but we believed you in the end." Sandy said trying to calm Ryan down.

"Only when he had a gun at his head. Hey, maybe that's what it takes for people to get the message around here, a gun." Ryan shot sarcastically.

"Ryan, you know that's not true." Sandy said.

"Here's what I know;" Ryan said mockingly. "No one believed me about Oliver, but I was right. I know some of my actions weren't the best but still, the only way people saw through his façade was when he decided to "op" himself." Ryan sat back looking around him.

"Be that as it may, it was no merit for running away!" Kirsten interjected.

"Well, you got me, I'm back, not going anywhere except the guest room." Ryan said picking up his bag. He pushed passed Sandy.

"Don't leave it like this Ryan…" Sandy said warningly.

"Why? Because it will get worse. I doubt it could get any worse Mr. Cohen." The words hit Sandy like a ton of bricks and Ryan knew he shouldn't have said it. But there was no taking it back. Ryan made his way up to his room and fell against his door. He went and got the chair and jammed it under the door. He through his bag onto the bed and ran to the bathroom. He dry heaved into the toilet bowl; he didn't feel sick he just didn't feel great. His eyes were red and he splashed some water on his face before drinking some out of his hands. He started at his reflection again before getting to his homework.

- - - -

"Sandy we have to work this out." Kirsten told her husband.

"I know, he's a good kid we can work it out." Sandy said hopefully.

"We keep saying he is a good kid, but I'm starting to think we can't reach him…" Kirsten said tears in her eyes.

- - - - -

Summer, Seth and Anna were in Summer's car driving towards the Cohen house. The stereo played, but no one was paying attention.

"So he just left?" Anna said breaking the silence with disbelief.

"Tried to…" Seth said.

"But he's back to stay right?" Anna asked cautiously.

"I donno…" Seth said looking off in front of him.

From then on the car was silent, no one speaking afraid of what they might say. They got to Seth's place and he jumped out. He gave a kiss good bye to Summer and then she pulled out and drove off down the road. Seth watched them go before he turned into the house. He made his way to the kitchen and found his folks drinking coffee at the kitchen bench.

"How'd it go?" Seth asked nervously. No one said anything his mother just looked like she was about to burst into tears. "That bad huh?"

"Seth, don't…" Sandy said.

"I'm not doing anything…" Seth said holding his hands up in protest. "Where's Ryan?"

"In his room…" Sandy said.

"Which one?" Seth asked.

"The guest room…" Sandy said waving his hands in the direction of the stairs.

Seth nodded and went to his room and dumped his bag. He took a deep breath and made his way to Ryan's new room. He took another breath and knocked on the door.

- - - - - -

Ryan sat alone in the guest room. There was a desk and a stereo, all of the things that had been in the pool house had been moved up here. He had plugged some headphones into the stereo and was listening to it while he did his homework. He was absorbed in his homework, that he didn't hear someone knocking at the door.

"Hey Ryan! Can I come in?" the voice asked, then knocked again. Ryan knew it was Seth; he was surprised that he wanted to talk, even look at him. But he didn't answer what would he say to him. "Come on man…" Seth said his hand whacking the door. "I'm coming in, you better be decent…" Seth said, but when he tried to move the door knob it got caught on the chair and wouldn't move enough to open the door. He jiggled it agitatedly, and then a bit more violently.

- - - -

Seth couldn't work out how Ryan had kept him out; there were no locks on bedroom doors in this house. He banged his palm against the door. "Come on man let me in!" he yelled.

Seth's yelling had attracted his parent's attention; both came up the stairs and down to where Seth was.

"What's the matter?" Sandy asked.

"He's locked or jammed the door somehow…" Seth explained.

"Ryan!" Sandy said banging on the door.

- - - -

Ryan sat there listening to the music listening to the people at the door. Then he remembered something that made him shiver

"Ryan….Ryan Attwood. You open the door this instant ya hear!" The female voice screamed. Ryan was only 10 he was sitting in the farthest corner from the door rocking back and forth. The tiled bathroom floor was cold and the fluorescent light flickered. He wasn't going to cry, he could never cry.

"Ryan no one wants to hurt you, we just want to talk….just open the door." The woman said a bit softer this time. Ryan shuddered as he sat illuminated by the dull light.

"Ryan…" the voice pleaded…She was drunk, or on something…again, the woman he called Ma was calling.

"Ryan listen to you god dam mother and get the fuck out of the bathroom!" The male voice yelled. Mike…the reason he sat there, bruised, and cold.

"Mikey, don't talk to him like that…" His so called mother said to her lover, in a hushed voice.

"Get out of the way Dawn…Get the fuck out of there before I break down the door!" Mike yelled his fist banging on the door.

"Mikey no!" Dawn screamed. But it was too late the door broke at the lock and Mike walked right over to Ryan. He hauled him up y the jumper and dragged him out side. He through him down the steps were he landed with a thud on the pavement.

"Ryan!" A voice yelled, Sandy. It pulled him out of his memory with a jolt. "Ryan, just open the door, come on we just want to talk…" Ryan jumped up from his seat and in doing so ripped the headphones out of the stereo. Suddenly Journey was blasting through his room. He hit the off button quickly and the house fell into utter silence. Ryan walked towards the window and looked outside. Then realized he was up one story so it would be harder if he tried to escape this way. He sat down on the bed…he couldn't escape. He didn't know what to do; he didn't want to be a burden to the Cohen's any more. Suddenly the pounding of a body on door started. He looked to his left and saw it sitting on the bathroom counter. His shaver, his blade, his escape. Slowly he walked to it, his heart pounded. He through his watch and wrist band on the bed and picked up the blade. Looking at his reflection he sliced into his wrists, then into the other. There was no pain, the cool blood ran down his hands, and the pounding on the door pounded in his head. With his last strength he wrote a message on the glass mirror.

Sandy and Seth were throwing themselves on the door. Finally they did a running kick and broke though. All three burst in and saw Ryan, alone on the floor of the bathroom covered in blood. Kirsten screamed pushed her back against the wall. Sandy Ran to Ryan and pulled off his coat, he quickly tied parts of it around the cuts. Seth pulled out his mobile and called the ambulance, then looked in and saw a message on the mirror, two simple words.

I'm sorry

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A/N

I'm sorry if that was too depressing…please review it. I love the feed back, The next few chapters will be happier…I hope