A/N
Well thanks for the reviews it what keeps me going! Sorry it has been a while, I have been on holidays for a while, and thus have had no time to write and post. So on with the story…
Chapter Nine: The Blackout
Another horrible car ride… Ryan thought. They were almost home and Ryan nerves were starting to get to him. They pulled into the driveway and Ryan jumped out of the car and headed straight up to his room. Then a voice stopped him half way up the stairs.
"Ryan, could you come to the kitchen?" Kirsten's voice echoed from the kitchen. Ryan dropped his bag on the steps and made his way down to the Kitchen.
"How was it?" Kirsten asked.
"Ok…for therapy I guess…" Ryan said vaguely.
"Well, we have Chinese, so if you stay you can eat…" Kirsten said hopefully.
"No it's ok; I have…homework to do…" Ryan said.
"Well if you get hungry…" Kirsten said. Ryan nodded and headed up to his room. He chucked his bag on his bed and made his way to his bathroom, stripping down for a shower. Stepping under the warm water, he closed his eyes. He turned it up letting the water pelt his back. After thirty minuets he got out and wrapped a towel around his waist. Stepping into his room he saw someone waiting for him.
"Why is it that whenever I come out of the shower someone is waiting for me?" Ryan asked, more to himself than the person on the bed.
"Maybe you're just that popular…" the person said.
"Why are you here Marisa?" Ryan asked pulling on a shirt.
"I wanted to see you…" Marisa said softly.
"Here I am…" Ryan said sitting down on a chair.
"I know nothing can go back to normal…nothing here ever dose…" Marisa said. "But I want us to be friends…to trust each other again…"
"I think I may trust you…but I don't trust that you trust me…" Ryan said, Marisa looked hurt.
"I trust you…I do…" Marisa said tears welling in her eyes.
"I wish I could believe you…you should go…" Ryan said.
"But I…." Marisa said tears starting to fall.
"Just go!" Ryan said pointing to the door. Marisa jumped up tears falling and ran from the room. She mumbled an apology as she bumped in the Seth then Kirsten.
Seth pushed opened the door and saw Ryan pulling on his boxer-briefs.
"Oh shit…sorry dude…" Seth said turning around.
"Don't worry about it, bound to happen sooner or later…" Ryan said pulling on his pants, he tightened the belt tighter than usual, but didn't think about it. "Turn around Seth…what are you doing any here?" Ryan asked, Seth turned around.
"Well, I saw Marisa run out here crying…and I thought I would see what was up?" Seth said with concern. Suddenly there was a knock at the door.
"Ryan I saw..." Kirsten started but stopped when she saw Seth. "Never mind…" she said closing the door.
"See we care about you what's going on with Ryan Attwood…and Marisa Cooper…" Seth asked slyly.
"Nothing's going on Seth…" Ryan said slightly annoyed.
"Really, I find that hard to believe…" Seth said.
"We're not seeing each other…We have….trust issues…" Ryan admitted.
"Well, I find that hard to believe." Seth said with obvious sarcasm.
"Seth…" Ryan said warningly.
"Ryan, you're always going to have issues man, trust or not…Just try and get back to the norm…what ever that may be…" Seth said leaving. Ryan sighed and sat down and started his homework.
Ryan woke up just after 2 am. His throat was dry and he was hot, rolling out of bed he made his way down stairs to the kitchen in his boxers and wife beater. He poured himself some juice and looked up and saw Seth looking at him.
"Seth what are you doing up?" Ryan asked.
"Nothing…drink…juice, I came down for juice..."Seth said stumbling through his own words.
"Right…Seth I'm not going to up and leave…" Ryan said.
"Like you did before?" Seth asked slightly angry.
"Seth…" Ryan said warningly.
"You never did say why you left…or why you tried to kill your self…" Seth said, his voice rising.
"It doesn't matter…" Ryan said putting his glass in the sink.
"It dose matter…we're best friends…brothers, our supposed to tell me…" Seth said.
"Leave it alone Seth…" Ryan said turning away; he walked towards the side exit. But Seth blocked his way.
"Don't walk away from this…" Seth said firmly.
"Since when did you care…" Ryan said bitterly as he turned to go outside.
"I've always cared…" Seth said following him out.
"Seth just leave it alone…" Ryan said heading towards the pool house. He tried the door but it was locked. He shook it violently, before moving another direction.
"Come on Ryan, let me in..." Seth pleaded.
"Seth, why are you doing this?" Ryan asked almost yelling. Suddenly a light came on from inside the house. "Great, your parents are up!" Ryan spat.
"Your parents too…" Seth said back.
"Seth just leave me alone…" Ryan said turning away from Seth. But Seth again blocked him; the only place he could go was backwards, towards the pool. He saw Kirsten and Sandy coming from their part of the house, no where to run, no where to hide. So he jumped into the pool. The water was cool and it consumed him, cooling his pain. He gabbed onto the bottom of the pool and held his breath. He had always been good at holding his breath so he could hide.
"Seth what is going on out here?" Kirsten asked, coming forward, and then she saw the water in the pool moving, Sandy saw it as well. All three looked in and saw Ryan holding on his eyes tightly closed. Without a word Sandy jumped into the water sinking down he grabbed Ryan's arm. Ryan's eyes shot open and looked at Sandy and rose with him to the surface. When they reached it he saw Seth and Kirsten looking at him. He immediately took a deep breath, sank to the bottom, and swam to the other side, but Sandy hauled him up.
"Stop that." Sandy commanded as he pushed Ryan to the edge. Ryan jumped out and looked at the three Cohen's before turning to the house and heading in. He got to the stairs before they got to him. Kirsten put a towel around him.
"Ryan, what were you thinking??' Sandy asked. He didn't reply.
"Ryan you have to talk to us…" Kirsten pleaded. Ryan finally gave in, his anger taking over.
"You want me to talk, so I'll fucking talk. I like here, and I don't want to go, but you…you people, you're smothering me, It was nice that you tried to open me up but now you've gone too far, and you're killing me…Sure I've had opportunities I would have never had before, hell I didn't even tell my shrink this…But I get it now, I don't belong here, and now it's killing me inside…" Ryan suddenly felt numb and the lights went all dizzy. "Shit!" Ryan yelled before he fainted. Sandy caught the boy he no longer knew. He looked at Seth and Kirsten. Kirsten's eyes were filled with tears and Seth showed pure shock. Sandy dragged Ryan's body to the couch and set him down.
"He looks so pale…" Sandy observed.
Sandy placed his hand on Ryan's forehead to find it hot, not too hot but unusually so. Trying to put what had happened behind him he decides to take him to the hospital.
"Seth, could you help…" Sandy asked hauling Ryan over one of his shoulders; Seth attempted to do the same.
"Where are we talking him?" Seth asked.
"To the car…" Sandy said softly.
"You're kicking him out…while he's unconscious!" Seth asked shocked.
"No, no we're talking him to the hospital, he just fainted, he's got a fever, and he has lost a bit of weight." Sandy observed.
"Yeah about that…I donno if I should say…" Seth said as they got outside.
"Seth…" Sandy said warningly.
"He's been throwing up…I don't think he's bulimic, just not well…" Seth admitted as they placed him in the car. Kirsten stood at the door, and they all came to the realization that they were in pajamas.
"One minuet, then we come back here. I don't know how long he'll be out…" Sandy said looking at Ryan.
They were all back in record time and Ryan was still passed out in the car. They all piled in, Kirsten still crying a little. They got to the hospital and carried Ryan in. He was placed under careful watch and the three Cohen's stayed with him. Early next morning before Ryan was awake the doctor came in to tell the Cohen's the results of some of the test they had conducted on him last night.
"Well…" The Doctor started, flipping through some pages of paper. "Preliminary test indicate, malnutrition, and sleep deprivation, but we won't know more until he wakes up."
"When will that be?" Kirsten asked concerned.
"Soon…" The doctor said leaving.
Ryan's head hurt, and he opened his eyes to a bright white light. He squinted and sat up taking in his surroundings. Great, a hospital Ryan thought sarcastically. He could see the Cohen's sitting around the room.
"Hey, you're up…" Seth said seeing Ryan.
"Seems like…" Ryan said nonchalantly.
"How are you feeling?" Sandy asked.
"Ok…I guess…" Ryan said. Why the hell are they so nice I was an asshole last night Ryan thought.
A knock at the door indicated that someone was there, this time it was Ryan's Shrink, Dan.
"Oh good you're up…" Dan said coming. "Ahh, do you mind if me and Ryan talk for a bit?" Dan asked the Cohen's.
"Sure…" Sandy said nervously. He had told Dan what Ryan had said and done in the very early morning. The Cohen's left sluggishly; they closed the door behind them as they left.
"So Ryan…Sandy told me what happened…" Dan said breaching the subject, Ryan didn't say anything. "So what's up kid, what happened?"
"I thought Sandy told you." Ryan said harshly.
"Sure he told me, but I want you to tell me, what was going through your mind. I know you don't like talking about this sort of thing, but I won't tell the Cohen's a thing unless you give the OK." Dan said carefully.
"Well….What do you want to know?" Ryan said hesitantly.
"This morning, what happened?" Dan asked sitting down next to Ryan.
"I woke up, around 2 in the morning, and got up to get some juice. I guess Seth heard me and thought I was taking off like I did before…" Ryan started.
"And you weren't…" Dan interrupted; Ryan just gave him a look, "Sorry had to check keep going I won't interrupt again."
"We got into an argument, Seth basically saying I wouldn't let him in, he kept pushing my buttons asking why I left and why I…cut myself. He wouldn't let me leave so I the only place I could go was outside. God I wanted to hit him so much, but I would never… We got outside and I tried the pool house, I was locked, it never used to be locked. So then He cornered me, and then Kirsten and Sandy came out, I had no where to go but the pool, so I jumped in. I wasn't trying to drown myself; I just needed to get away from them. Next thing I know Sandy hauls me out, I try to go back down, get away from them but he hauls me up onto the pool edge. And then I try to go back to my room, but they stop me when I get the stairs. And then I unloaded. They had been pressuring me to talk so I talked…" Ryan confessed, his eyes were cast own.
"Did you mean what you said?" Dan asked.
"Yes, but I didn't want to tell them all at once, but I can't live like they live, I can't play happy families and tell them about my feelings and stuff. I can try and tell them a few things but it doesn't satisfy them, I can't satisfy them. I'm going to ask to move out, maybe live in the numbered streets…" Ryan said.
"Is that what you really want?" Dan asked slightly shocked.
"Yes." Ryan said confidently.
"Will they let you do that?" Dan asked.
"I don't know…I hope so, but…I don't know..." Ryan said vaguely.
"Do you want me to ask them?" Dan asked breaking the silence.
"I couldn't ask you to do that…" Ryan said shocked.
"Ryan, I'm here to help decided what's best for you, and if that means moving out but staying close well maybe I should." Dan said.
"If you think its best…" Ryan said.
"But you would think it would be better?" Dan asked.
"Yeah, I guess…" Ryan said slowly.
"So I'll ask..." Dan said getting up. "I would also like permission to talk about what has been said in some of our sessions relating to The Cohen's." Ryan nodded. "Are you sure?" Dan asked
"Yeah…" Ryan said uneasily.
"Now if I ask about you moving out then we must continue these sessions and keep in close contact. You must also keep close contact wit the Cohen's." Dan said firmly.
"I can try…" Ryan said sitting back. Dan left and Ryan felt an immediate weight off himself, now all he had to do was face the Cohen's. But being tiered he slipped into a nice slumber.
Dan stepped out of Ryan's room, he felt for Ryan, and he knew Ryan wouldn't settle if he stayed with the Cohen's. And maybe, just maybe, Ryan would come back on his own. Kirsten and Seth were sitting in the waiting room, Sandy was missing.
"Where is Mr. Cohen?" Dan asked.
"He went to get Ryan some clothes, he should be back soon." Kirsten said.
Fifteen minuets later Sandy came back with a duffel bag, he set it down and took a seat.
"Ok, Ryan and I have made very good progress, he talks to me." Dan sat down in front of the Three Cohen's. "Basically he feels loved, but he feels it's verging on smothering. He has never had a family that has loved him so much, and that talk about their feelings. He's finding it overwhelming." Dan started. All three of them looked surprised, but not too shocked.
"We can try and change, not talk as much…" Kirsten said uncertain.
"There is more, he doesn't feel he can live up to your standards. And he has a request that I think might be a good idea. He wants to move into the numbered streets, and live alone." Dan said. All three of them gasped. "Now he would keep in close contact and we would keep up our sessions, but the decision is ultimately up to you. My advice is to at least consider it."
"Do you really think that's a good idea?" Sandy asked.
"Truthfully, I'm not saying good, but I'm saying it might be better than the conditions at the moment. He is being cornered by a lot, and even though he attempted suicide I think the environment change would be best for him." Dan said solemnly
"We will have to talk it over with Ryan…" Sandy said still in shock.
"Talk what over!" Seth said outraged. "He's not going anywhere!"
"Seth calm down, we have to talk it over…" Sandy said.
"Fine…" Seth said angrily, sitting back in his seat.
Ryan woke around midday to find Kirsten and Sandy sitting by him. He sat up uncomfortably and ran his hands through his hair.
"Good you're up...ahhh, the doctor told us about your…idea…" Kirsten said.
"Ryan, we know this is what you want and we will agree to it under some strict conditions." Sandy said firmly. "Firstly we will cover your apartment food and everything, you will call us every second night, and you must improve your health. This means eating and sleeping more. You will have sessions with Dan at times he sees fit. You will stay in soccer, and any dramatic negative changes in your grades will result in you moving back. These are most of the rules we have for this, take it or leave it."
"Thank you…" Ryan said.
"Oh you will be needing a car so we will have to buy you one, and you must talk with Seth soon, he is distraught and angry. They are releasing you now, but you have to go to school." Sandy said frankly.
"Here is your stuff; I wasn't sure what you wanted…" Kirsten said handing Ryan a duffel bag.
"Its fine thanks…" Ryan said leaving for the private bathroom.
He took off the robe and pulled on his pants, and looked in the mirror. He splashed water on his face, dried it and then put on his shirt. He clipped on his wrist band and watch; he then left with the bag and robe in hand. He laid the robe on the bed and turned to Kirsten and Sandy.
"Let's go…" Sandy said leading the way out.
The car ride home was filled with a deafening silence. They pulled into the drive way and everyone got out.
"Go and get your school stuff then I'll drive you to school, you have soccer so don't forget your stuff." Sandy said as Ryan disappeared inside. Sandy kissed his wife on the head, "I'll make sure he gets to school."
"Good…" Kirsten said also going inside.
Ryan came back out and they headed off to school, he arrived halfway through his lunch period so he went to his locker then to get something to eat. He got a tray of food and went outside and saw Summer, Luke, Marisa, Anna and Seth all sitting by the balcony, there was one empty seat by them, so he walked over and sat down.
"Hey, dude how are you feeling Seth said something about a hospital…" Luke said shoveling food.
"He did, did he?...I'm fine…" Ryan said taking a sip of his water.
Seth stood violently and left, Summer jumped up and followed him.
"What's with Cohen?" Luke asked. No one said anything and Ryan just ate silently. Ryan got to the end of his lunch and decided to tell everyone what they would find out somehow.
"So…" Ryan started, everyone looked at him. "I'm moving out of the Cohen's place…" Ryan said and waited for a reaction that was instantaneous.
"What?!?" Luke said loudly. The girls just looked shocked.
"I'll still go to Harbor but I will live alone in the numbered streets. I thought it would be best you hear it from me and not an angry Seth…" Ryan said trying to lighten the mood.
"You got that right…" Luke said. Suddenly Summer walked up looking pissed off.
"Chino!" She yelled they all turned to look and so did a few other people. "What's this I hear about you leaving?" She asked angrily.
"Summer, just sit down…" Ryan said trying to calm her.
"No, Cohen is all distressed and like angry." Summer declared.
"Yeah I know…I'm just moving out, but I'm ganna get a house in the numbered streets. So I'll be around…" Ryan explained.
"You need to talk to Cohen, don't leave with him pissed off like this." Summer said sternly.
"I won't Summer…" Ryan said giving into her.
"Good…" She said getting up. "Anna walk me to Bio?" Summer asked.
"Sure…" Anna said getting her stuff together. The two left and the other three started to disperse.
"See you at soccer?" Luke asked Ryan.
"Yeah…" Ryan said with little enthusiasm.
They had all separate classes today so Ryan was pleased to be left alone for a good long while to try and concentrate on school. He walked to the lockers and changed a few other people trickled in and out. He jogged out to the field and started to stretch.
Soccer was hard work and Ryan tried to avoid Luke when possible. He changed quickly and tried to leave but Luke was waiting for him.
"So why are you moving?" Luke asked, he was leaning against the wall and he pushed off with his foot.
"Luke…it doesn't concern you…" Ryan said walking away.
"Ryan, just tell me, were friends, this is what were supposed to do." Luke said following Ryan.
"Fine, I left because I was suffocating, everyone wants to talk and I…I never have talked bout my feelings and…it just wasn't working for me…I have to go." Ryan said walking quickly in the direction of the car park.
"Ryan man, wait up…" Luke said grabbing Ryan by the arm, he turned and shock Luke's arm off. "If you want…look…I won't push anything from you…but since we're friends you need to tell me stuff, cool?"
"I can try…" Ryan said walking to the car park, Luke just let him go.
After dinner Seth went straight to his room and Ryan slowly walked up wondering what he could say. He knocked on the door and a voice said from inside to come in.
"Hey…I thought maybe, we should have some Seth-Ryan time." Ryan said nervously.
"Can't now, busy." Seth said turning to his books.
"Come one Seth, I'm not moving that far away or anything." Ryan said.
"But, you're still moving." Seth said, he violently flipped open a book.
"Yeah, I have to, but if I get a big enough place you can come and stay over…any time" Ryan said hopping to lighten Seth a bit. It worked…a bit.
"I guess that could be cool…but I still don't like that you're moving." Seth said firmly.
"But we're cool?" Ryan asked hopefully.
"Getting there, it will take a lot of Seth-Ryan time and groveling by your part." Seth said.
"All I can do I try." Ryan said. "I'll let your get back to your work." Ryan said leaving. He went to his room and did his homework.
The week passed and preparations for the party were made, white lights and no cilantro for the man of the year. Ryan was apprehensive, he had another session with Dan and they had found him a place somehow in their time. It was only an 8 min. drive from the Cohen's, it wasn't too small, but very big either. It was close to the beach, but you couldn't see it from inside the small house. It had 2 bedrooms, a study, a bath room, a living room, a nice kitchen, and dinning room. Ryan would move in early next week, once the lease and everything were sorted out.
Saturday morning arrived and party preparations were being made, Anna would be coming over to say goodbye, and Seth was distraught. Anna was leaving and so was Ryan, Seth's world was falling apart.
The party was set up beautifully and everything was going fine. Seth and Ryan had been quiet, Seth wondering how he could convince Anna to stay, and Ryan wondering about Theresa. For some reason he missed her, even though she had lied to him and used him, he missed her, for what ever reason…he missed her.
Ryan stood alone when Anna walked up behind him, she tapped on his shoulder and he greeted her with a warm smile.
"Came to say goodbye to Seth?" Ryan asked.
"Yeahcould you give him this…?"Anna replied handing Ryan a pink envelope. "It's supposed to say everything that I couldn't say but now that I'm here I just...can't say anything at all…"
"Yeah, yeah of course…" Ryan said putting the envelope in his pocket.
"See you Ryan…" Anna said giving Ryan a hug.
"Thanks for teaching me how to waltz…" Ryan said with a smile.
"You have the best life…you deserve it…" Anna said sighing.
"If you're ever back here, you can come and stay with me in my pad…" Ryan said trying to lighten the mood. A small smile crept onto Anna's face.
"Wouldn't miss it...bye Ryan." Anna said turning to leave.
"Bye…" Ryan said watching her go.
He turned back to the party, which meant he stood idly at the side lines, sipping his drink awkwardly. Anna was walking quickly out when she walked into Summer.
"Hey…" Summer said with a smile.
"Hi, just came by to say my goodbyes…my plane leaves soon…" Anna said uneasily.
"You're really leaving…?" Summer said sadness in her voice.
"Yeah……" Anna said looking at the floor.
"Well you might not believe this but...I'm going to miss you." Summer said.
"Ooh what's even more unbelievable is that I'm going to miss you…" Anna said.
"It's pretty unbelievable." Summer said with a laugh.
"Bye Blanch…" Anna said with a smile and a tear.
"See ya Rose…" Summer replied giving Anna a hug. They pull apart and wipe away a tear. "How did Cohen take it?" Summer asked suddenly.
"Ahh, I have to go…" Anna said turning.
"You did say goodbye to him didn't you?" Summer asked taking hold of Anna's arm. Anna turned back around and looked guilty.
"Not really….Ryan has a letter or him…" Anna said looking at the ground.
"Are you leaving because of him…because of us?" Summer asked cautiously.
"What…no…I just miss Pittsburg and everything back home." Anna said turning. "Tell Seth I'm sorry…?" Anna said leaving quickly.
Seth was starting his third champagne, while he idly stood by his grandfather as the photographers snapped away. His thoughts were all muddled, he had thought he had seen Anna but when he looked again she was gone. Maybe the bubbly had more effect on him. Finally his gramps had left him so he slumped in his seat.
Ryan was standing alone by the pool when he felt a hand on his shoulder; he turned around to see someone he had not expected to see Theresa. Suddenly the lights flickered and went out.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
A/N
I'm sooo sorry that took so long, holidays were fun and I had no time to write. Also I'm suffering from writers block. Please note there is some of the conversation n that was not written by me…it's just there too keep this all tied in with the real series. Well hope you like it…please review!