Thankyou for the suggestions Holbeth! I'll try and use them in here! Oh... thankyou for both of the reviews I got. I'm going to use another song in this chapter... called "Breaking the habit" by Linkin Park.

TURN BACK TIME

By Cat

Mary...

"Could we talk?" The words were harsh to say after so long. The last time I had asked him this was a long time ago. I don't even remember what it was for.

"Sure..." He replied, "Need a lift?" he gestured to his car and I nodded. We got in and he reversed out of the space and drove in the direction of my house.

"Danny..." I begun, it was harder than I first thought.

Danny...

"Yeah?" She obviously wanted to say something... I hope she isn't about to say no to my proposal from the other night...

"I'd like to ask you some things..." Mary said softly and slowly.

"Yeah..." Best thing I guess was to play it slow...

"Do you love me? What feelings do you have for me?" Mary blurted out. I was surprised at this; I know that much because I almost hit another car when she asked this.

"Mary... I love you, I really do, and it may not seem as if I did in the past but I really do love you." God my ramblings sound pathetic! "You've been my best friend for forever almost and you've always been there for me and helped me." Great! Now I really feel guilty! Memories from when we were kids are happier than they are now.

- Memories consume
like opening the wound-

"Why did you decide to propose to me now? Why not before? Was it something in the marines that made you decide...?" Mary enquired. At least she seemed to be happy with my rambling answers from the last questions.

I shrugged as I parked in her driveway and turned the engine off. "It seemed like a good time and it was a little stupid me not asking you in the first place." My answer may have been a little attempted but she took it fine. "Being in the marines... I guess it only pushed along the decision."

"Uhh... what do you really want from a marriage with me? Why not some other girl?" Great! How am I supposed to answer this? Just ball park it I guess.

"I love you Mary. I want to be with you." Not really what I'd expect if I thought it through... It makes it worse when I'm being asked this in the blink of an eye. "I want to make you happy in any way I can. You're a great friend and I really care about you..." I do love her. That's the truth. Everyone just assumes that I'm a typical play-boy with nothing but cheating relationships that are full of lies. Of course not! I want to be with Mary, I don't want o hurt her or upset her. I just don't know how to admit to her everything that I need is her.

- I'm picking me apart again

You all assume
I'm safe here in my room
[Unless I try to start again]-

Ever since I came back from the marines the last time, she has been really upset and we've grown apart ever since. I regret it. Especially when I started dating Delinda. I guess Delinda was a sort of pain relief from Mary. Mary was of course dating someone else at the time. She had started dating him before I came back from the marines i think. Delinda was just a harmless fling. She broke up with me though I think she only dated me to get back at her father...

She thought I didn't notice but I knew she was sad when me and Sam became mutual friends. She thought we were more but Mary is the only one for me!

Then we go trapped in that lift, Mary and I. She explained about her dream of us getting married. She told me about what she expected our house to look like, she had expected me to take over me dad's building firm and have Sunday dinners with him. When we were kids she used to tell me that she wanted five kids, ten dogs, I had never expected her to think up a white picket fence too! I was confused as to why she chose me! Sure I was her first kiss, sure I was the one who protected her from her father... But what made me so special? Why did she choose me?

- I don't want to be the one
The battles always choose
'Cause inside I realize
That I'm the one confused-

I would have asked her to marry her after that event if I hadn't found out that she was dating and possibly sleeping with one of my friends- Luis Perez- while I was in the marines the first time. It hurt me a lot to know that she could have lied to me about it. She had said to me that they were just friends when I asked her about it when I returned from the marines. Then I found out the truth from Delinda I think it was. Or maybe it was Sam... Anyway I don't know the reason she lied, or why she refused to tell me. But I'm sure she had a good reason.

- I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
I don't know why I instigate
And say what I don't mean-

I have changed a lot since I was younger. Back in high school. I was the captain of the football team, and I'd have to admit that a few ladies wanted to date me. Every day after school I used to hang out with one girl though. Mary. We used to do every thing together.

Then I started to date. Mary became my Monday through Thursday girl, a friend used to refer to her as this. When it came Friday I had a date and a few for the weekend. She used to stay up every night I had a date. Waiting for me. I was guilty then and I still am. I don't know why I ever started dating girls... I never wanted to marry any of them, just Mary. I bought her a dress for the prom and took her, she had no money after leaving her parents' house and moving in with us. I just felt as if I should do something for her after her being hurt like that from her father.

I shouldn't have left for the marines like that. It was just that I didn't want the same thing that happened to my mother to happen to her. God! I don't know what I'd do if anything happened to Mary! I saw what had happened to my father and I guess I didn't want the same thing to happen to myself.

-I don't know how I got this way
I know it's not alright
So I'm breaking the habit
Tonight-

"Listen. Danny? Could I have a few more days to think about it?" Mary asked. I nodded. I knew what she was talking about and I was happy to tell her yes. As I needed a few days to think about it myself. As I entered my house five minutes later I shut the door quietly and entered the living room. I sit down gently on the leather sofa and stare at the first thing my eyes fall on.

-Clutching my cure
I tightly lock the door
I try to catch my breath again
I hurt much more
Than anytime before
I had no options left again-

My thoughts were harsh at this point. I regret not asking her sooner. She might have said yes at that point. Instead of now. She has been my friend ever since we have been two. Through thick and thin as many people say. Maybe since I didn't ask her sooner she'll say 'no' because she only wants to be friends. She might have gotten over me and gone for someone else. That would be terrible on my part. I'd be happy for her though. At least she'd be happy with someone else. I close my eyes and sigh. I don't think I'd like it much but as long as whoever she chose made her happy. I feel worse than I did before.

- I'll paint it on the walls
'Cause i'm the one at fault
I'll never fight again
And this is how it ends-

I get a startle the next morning. I must have fallen asleep somewhere during my thoughts. I had dreamt about her. Again. I often dreamt about her. She occupied my dreams most nights to tell the truth. She and a guy. I never remember who he is. But I do remember that they're kissing and they get married- she's wearing a beautiful dress. She has always looked beautiful in white. Like an angel who has fallen from heaven. She says "I love you..." She's about to say his name. But at this point I always wake up...

It's a bit depressing... As long as she's happy though. It's my day off today. I was thinking of getting some errands done. Then maybe going to my father's job site. Generally avoiding her. Little did I know it was also her day off. She arrived at my place halfway through breakfast and asked if we could talk... again.

I mentally screamed at this. I got the answer to my proposal. It's not what I expected...

- I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
But now I have some clarity
To show you what I mean
I don't know how I got this way
I'll never be alright
So I'm breaking the habit
Breaking the Habit
Tonight-

To be continued...